Patreon, R&P Q&A #194: Week 94

What's the ethical dilemma? I have something similar, family member of my ex has been texting me quite a bit lately. She's attractive and her tubes are tied...

JPa (Asking for A Friend)

Rico's Report - 1 Finally after 9 ish years, I've been able to get rid of my achilles tendonitis after a shitty injury and am now back to sprinting. I use to sprint in college and this has been a really good milestone for me to hit. Relationship about 3 years. I’ve been on my MAP for about 2.5 years so far, raised my SMV and am shedding passive aggressive expectations / covert contracts, don’t engage in arguing. Pull my attention with bad behavior. Sex is no issue, 3-4 times a week. She’ll cook and help me clean when I ask and I’ll help her out by cooking on her busy days so we aren’t eating super late. If I ask her to put on a sexy outfit she is all about it.   I am not great at complimenting or validating her. This is something I need to work on.  I’ve been in this cycle of where she views me as the leader, asks for advice, interested in what I am doing, complimenting me with praise....180 to emotional outbursts followed by anxiousness and comfort tests. These phases last anywhere from months to as little as days and to me, is unpredictable. I get what I think is a comfort test very frequently  “ You hate me (insert any reason why)”   I generally get these following her outbursts or if im busy out doing something. I take this as give me love and attention.  My typical response is smiling and laughing “oh yeahhh, I hate you so much” or I will fog and segue the talk into something else and then come over to her on the couch or wherever and engage with her physically.  Frequent Emotional Outbursts under stress, extreme OCD, wants to control everything, fears of abandonment.  I have told her multiple times in the past that she needs to fix it but there has been little / no permanent progress. After these talks, things are good for a while but come right back up.  I told her that if she’s stressed that she shouldn’t be taking this out on me. She needs an outlet. I’ve been encouraging her to do other things, make plans with friends etc. It will calm down for some time and then the cycle of emotional outbursts followed by extreme clinginess.   Recently these outbursts were happening nearly everyday, sometimes multiple times a day for about 2-3 months. I fogged / stfu as was necessary and when she came to me to say sorry I told her that I have had enough and it had to stop. She gave me this look of shock and said she would try to improve (insert reasons why she is stressed). I kept pulling my attention until she started to act better. A few days later, we were hanging out in the hot tub while she again apologized for acting shitty. She victim puked fears of abandonment from her father etc, crying, and begging me that I would help her through this. I told her that she needs help that goes far beyond me. She expressed that she may be undiagnosed BPD. I saw some signs but never expected to hear her admit it. I’ve never dated a chick quite like this before so I am naïve when it comes to BPD.     Am I just dealing with a BPD chick and this is how it’s going to be ? I get that aside from completely walking away, me telling her to stop is a soft boundary at best and I have not been able to enforce this. It's also likely that I am failing to provide enough comfort.

Update: Uber has been great for just getting out of the house when all the friends are busy. They have a strict no-flirting policy, which is really hard when I get 20 year old drunk chicks flirting with me. However, it helps boost the plausible deniability game. Walking that thin line. Still have plates. Still sourcing from online dating and other run ins. Nothing of substance yet. Have a prospect that I really want to pursue, but crosses an ethical line for me. I know I am trying to bullshit myself to have my cake and eat it too. So I just need to figure out if it is really an ethical line for me or if it is just bullshit or worse a buffer. Work is picking up and getting hectic again, but I can handle it. With the job, investments, the cleaning business and Uber I should get close to if not clear 6 figures. Also hit top 20% in credit score and reaping the rewards of that as all my cards have been upgraded to get better benefits. Gym and diet steady. Hit 3 reps of 225 on bench since fucking up my shoulder. And yes, still fucking the ex. Probably fucking retarded, but I'm just going to own it and let that be tomorrow Homer's problem.