Patreon, R&P Q&A #205: Week 6

Breaking Free Activity #17 – 06/01/2023 - /09/01/2023 ( Not shared ) Look over the following list of ways Nice Guys try to create a smooth, problem-free life. Write down an example of how you used each coping mechanism in childhood. Then, next to each, give an example of how you use this strategy to try to control your world in adulthood. Note how each of these behaviours keeps you feeling like a powerless victim. Share this information with a safe person. 1. Doing it right – This one is a bit of an open-ended statement. I guess we all want to do it right. But doing it right to me means having a smooth life. What am I doing now / What do I want to do about it? I have come to some self-acceptance that sometimes things do go wrong, and you cannot have it right all the time. Things can go wrong in life and that Is okay. I should always control the things that I can control and leave out the things that I cannot. Playing it safe - When I was kid/teenager I always use to play it safe when it came to basketball. I was often the fastest, strongest and the ones with the better basketball handles. How do I know this. I used to beat most of the players on a one-on-one match. I’m still playing it safe but not kick starting my tech company. What am I doing now / What do I want to do about it? But when it came to team games, I didn’t shoot the basketball often, simply because I didn’t want the team to lose the game. I played “not to lose”. I do plan on going playing basketball from around March 2023. This time around. I will take full advantage of my speed and power, and I will take more in game shots regardless of if we are winning or losing. The objective now is to use “all” of my skillset to help the team win. From End of February I will be more disciplined with the company I want to work on. 2. Anticipating and fixing. This is something I use to do all the time. I tend to anticipate and build up stories in my own head. Sometimes these stories can be quite extreme and dark. What am I doing now / What do I want to do about it? Now I am trying to not to anticipate things and try for things not to happen. But at the same time I am not going to be getting myself worked up all the time. 3. Trying not to rock the boat. This is me, me, me. I used to be conflict avoidant. Not wanting to argue is something I used to do. I guess this is why I use to say to people in the past that I don’t like arguing. What am I doing now / What do I want to do about it? Now I not scared of being in an argument. I don’t go out looking for them, but I do now slightly embrace them when they come. 4. Being charming and helpful. Being charming is a trick/skillset that I use to use in the past to get things out of others. This was the covert contracts that I use to have when I was manipulating people in the past. I sometimes use to help people before they even ask for help. What am I doing now / What do I want to do about it? But now I will use the skillset to overtly ask/ get the things that I need/want. 5. Never being a moment's problem This was me as child. I always played out to be the perfect little child, I was wanted to cause any problem for myself or my parents. As a kid I took pride in being the good child and never being the child that caused problems. What am I doing now / What do I want to do about it? But now when a problem does occur, I will face the problem head on, and I don’t hide away from it. 6. Using covert contracts I used covert contracts all the time back then. Probably 80% of the things that I did have some kind of covert contract attached to it. Especially giving to receive. E.g. when I buy you something I expect something in return back, this can a present, drink, etc. When I visit you or go to your birthday, I expect you to come to mine. What am I doing now / What do I want to do about it? 18/01/2023 But now I’m learning to give without having any form of expectation. I am finding this quite hard. 7. Controlling and manipulating - 18/01/2023 Currently as I write this, I do not know what to say about the controlling part. I do know I use to be very controlling and manipulative with my girlfriend. Pretending to be more ill than I was, pretending as if things were hurting more than they were. Why do I always want to catch Girlfriend out. Why do I try to get one up on her. Why, why, What am I doing now / What do I want to do about it? I need to get rid of the fucking score board. 8. Caretaking and pleasing – 20/01/2023 Caretaking, this is something that I use to do all the time. I used to take care of people when they asked to be taken care of. This is me being a fucking captain save a hoe. No hoe wants to be saved. They all know how to take care and save themselves. What am I doing now / What do I want to do about it? I have become less of a people pleaser. I am learning how to please and take care of myself. I have learnt that if I don’t do it no one will take of me like the way I know I should be taken care of. 9. Withholding information– 20/01/2023 I use to be shy or shameful of sharing certain types of information, stories and experience, simply because I didn’t want to be embarrassed or be shamed for my very “Human” stories. What am I doing now / What do I want to do about it? I have come to terms with that it is okay to share my self-preserved, shameful, and embarrassing human stories with other humans. I have come to accept and understand that humans connect with other humans through shared experiences. I have also learnt that it can be okay to some information / goals to myself. I know when I share information to other people it fuels my narcissism. 10. Repressing feelings – 21/01/2023 This is something that use to do back in the day, I use to repress my feeling quite a bit. I didn’t really use to express much of myself, and I guess till now I am learning how to express myself a bit better. What am I doing now / What do I want to do about it? This part is still an on-going process. I will need to revisit this part TO BE REVISISTED 11. Making sure other people don't have feelings Oh yea, yes, this was me massively. I used to make sure that people don’t have feelings and I guess I still do some of it till today. What am I doing now / What do I want to do about it? I need some guidance on this one. 12. Avoiding problems and difficult situations – This is something that I use to do. I learnt last year family and Girlfriend’s that no one died at the end of the conversation, but everyone came out as better people with more understanding of each other. What am I doing now / What do I want to do about it? Do not avoid conflicts. This only makes things/situation worse for yourself.

Cocky_funny

Field report 5: Fitness: 94kg/ 14.8024662 stone ( Gained 6kg/1Stone in 3 months) at 6ft/182cm My shoulder is currently injured from MMA training ( I will be seeing a doctor about this) I’m now doing Brazilian jujitsu (White belt) LTR: 6 years MAP: NMMNG: Still on the NMMNG exercises. ( I have read the book 3x and listened you’re your youtube side bar series on). I will most my exercises as a comment. ***Warning* - They are long *** But i appreciate if you skim through them. WISNIFG This came in very handy last night. When I was cooking last night, my gf saw me cooking with bottled water rather than tap water ( I did this for the first time). She proceeded to ask me why I am doing that and wasting expensive bottled water. I didn’t know why I did it. So my answer was “I don’t know why I did”. She wanted to get mad at the because I said I don’t know. But I simply said I don’t know(Broken record). That solved a problem. Usually, I would have argued back or come up with some lie just to please her. Question - How do i practice to be assertive in situations that i'm not comfortable with with others. Frame: I stopped at the perfume section. I now use lynx body spray after night showers and now my girlfriend hugs me and sniffs me each single night we sleep. Sex: (This is where I need some advice) Sex has been good most of the 6 years LTF. But she now wants to remove her implement it is causing her to have longer and heavier periods (2 weeks) and she is starting to get lumps on her breast. (She said I’m not been supportive of her wanting to remove it_ If she comes of contraception: I don’t like the idea of wearing a condom but that is one option. Or I’ll just finish on her boobs/stomach/back each time. It seems like a test at first, but we have been having this conversation for the past 3-4 weeks. I am not ready to be a father yet. Q2: I read and write slow, but I keep on switching between three books NMMNG (Just to do the exercises), WISNIFG (I’m on social assertiveness) and Frame (on perfume/dressing section). It seems messy that am reading all 3 for different things.

Cocky_funny

Read the Iron Rules, sir. You NEED to be in control of the birth control. Never trust that a woman is being truthful.

Field Report: Been some weeks… Hitting the gym frequently, haven’t a structured workout schedule yet, but have to make one. Met a new chick… we have been seeing each other’s a couple of months… got her pregnant by accident. Slipped up really bad. As it turns out she’s in a queue to get pregnant on her own, and have som physical difficulties to get pregnant. She tells me all about this on New Year’s Eve, little did we know that she at the time was pregnant already. I cut keep the story short. I was really clear that I didn’t want the baby, she on the other hand wanted to keep it. As it turns out I have no juridical rights. I told her that we should get to know each other better before we made that decision… that we could have a baby in the future (she is turning 40 this year). This time it worked, she made an abortion. I was really nervous until she actually followed through. My take away is that I had clear boundaries regardless a baby. That was a no go. I was not emotional when I spoke to her about this. And I sold her a dream, I guess. But honestly speaking, I was lucky to dodge this one. She has raised the what are we question… is it casual or… but I haven’t given her an answer. She asked me to think about it. And she has shown som investment. But I really don’t want to get into a relationship for the sake of it or be forced in to one.