Patreon, R&P Q&A #230

Career: My career timeline goes something like this, I had a great career working in marketing and branding and made a lot of money but was too young to know what to do with it. Spent all the money on traveling, food, and fun. Traded currency for a little while after and made okay money. Lived off the money I made for two years and wrote two rough draft fiction books. Recently, started a painting business and am working part-time when I don’t have a house to paint. Longer term career, testing to become a firefighter or potentially a lawyer. I took some time to think about what I want in my life and realize that I miss writing fiction, so my goal now is to get the first book edited and published and then the second and continue and make a name for myself as a writer. If I can make a sustainable living from this, then that is what I want. Health: I am physically fit. I lift heavy 4-5 times a week and am testing out a Jiu-Jitsu gym next week. If I like it, I will sign up and start training there 3 nights a week and cut my lifting days back to 4 days a week. Relationship: After a lot of recalibrating and testing in an 8-month and counting dry spell, my girlfriend is responding to me differently, in a good way I think. I am not sure if I am giving her the tingles or if I am giving her the tingles if she is holding back. Because if she isn’t a sexual partner then I might have chosen the wrong partner. But if I am being unattractive in some way that is prohibiting her and other women's dopamine, then I can change that for myself. The other night, we had dinner and then started watching a movie when out of nowhere she jumped my bones and started making out with me passionately. After about 30 seconds to a minute, she slowed down and stopped, and laid her head on my chest. This was the second time this happened since I have adopted the mental model of "this relationship is burned, I want a sexual partner, time to make an exit plan." After a while, she stopped the movie and said something to the effect of, “I want it, but when we are in the moment, I am turned on then I think about sex and I get anxious and then I lose the mood.” I asked her more questions along the lines of “what do you mean”, “tell me more”, etc”. I figured since she was being vulnerable, I might as well try to understand what her emotional state was or where her head was at in terms of sex and her feelings. Turns out, from what she says, sex has never been something she’s wanted except for when we first started dating. She then said she wants to fully take sex off the table so that she doesn’t feel the pressure for sex. She then proceeded to say, “for the longest time I thought it was you that needed to change, but you have changed and are making progress. I guess it’s me.” This interested me. I am not sure if I am still being unattractive in ways or if she is genuinely holding back her sexual desire because 8 months ago, she had a coming to Jesus about sex (feels guilty because it goes against the bible). My assumption is that she is starting to feel the dopamine from me “leaving” the relationship and she doesn’t know what to do. I think she wants to have sex with me but is fighting an internal fight. Either that or I still am behaving unattractively in some way which at this point I am not sure how. Anyway, I am going to stay the course and do what I have been doing the past few weeks because I think it’s starting to affect her. I feel more of her feminine and she is more touchy-feely. RP Education: I started reading Athol Kays MMSLP again. Also, peering through the MRP Reddit for anything that I missed. This week I will sit down and revisit and update my MAP. I want to learn what I need to, internalize it, and leave. I don’t want to find myself in this dry spell again from my past unattractive behaviors.

Domain: /// Business / Entrepreneurship / Frame / "Sense of Direction" / Confidence /// Baseline personal characteristics: I am for better or worse, substantially neurotic, I would say frequently position myself in the 'submissive - cooperative position' in relation to ... the world / others. I took a job as a contractor as a mental health professional embedded in a group business run by ladies. I am very "independent" in my job there, my relationship with clients is exclusive to me, and I can take them with me if I leave. But am not setting the tone as my frame isn't strong enough and I am half-assing my business development there. I have a full time job elsewhere 9-5 with good benefits so am less motivated to build my business there and am giving it very few hours per month. I directly work with clients, I am basically giving the business I contract with a cut of my fee in exchange for marketing me, giving me office space, front office support. I am simply letting clients roll in as they provide them for me. There is a part of me that just 'does not want to bother with the hassle' and quit, but a part of me does not want to do that. I ran a short OODA on paper about how to proceed. On the one hand I kind of wanted to 'quit'. On the other hand, it's a really 'great opportunity', the fee I'm able to charge is substantial, and I'm in 'business', a gig outside of my 9-5 with potential for 'independence' and growth. I'm not planning to quit my 9-5 anytime soon.... Observe: (see above). Orient: my weak frame is evident, I'm being wishy-washy and neurotic. Decide: I decided to "stay on and be excellent and excel". A: I ended up continuing to half-ass and be 'unsure of whether I should continue with them or no'. Question 1: should I quit this job? It offers me a independent professional outlet. At the same time, the few hours I give it each month takes my time and attention away from other hobbies / brainspace for other pursuits. Question 2: when the f am I going to be a man with stronger frame (admittedly, there is growth happening). Side note: I'm married, in my 30s, no kids yet. I work out bodyweight due to some injuries in past with heavy lifting / diet not bad / working through red pill content mental models. Batman origin? from enmeshed neurotic family with 'absent dad' and overbearing narcissistic / borderline / needy / demanding mom (who dad placated, ran from, and dad demanded my and my brother placate...and then run from... ourselves). !

WG

gym and diet are good. measurements improving in the right places. 79kg right now. looking back on the measurements makes me glad i have taken them. my motivation had been lacking in the past month, i let a pretty bad phone addiction creep in. i would justify it to myself. " i have no debt, i earn good money, i work hard, and i go to the gym, i can relax and watch youtube. hiding from the fact my car was like a junkyard, my taxes need doing, i havent been rock climbing in 3 weeks (hobby) i havent been takling to girls during the day, the list goes on , but i had shit to do, and i was wasting hours and hours each day and night on my phone. I new i had to change that, but the girl let me know by her shitty behavior creeping back in. It isnt the reason i decided to kick the phone addiction but it made me reflect on how much the wifes behavior has improved in the last year. there used to be nagging, and bullshit daily. dont get me wrong, it isnt coming home to a happy wife that is happy to see me but it is a massive change that happened slowly over time. i know how to deal with her shit, i know what to say, and when to say it, and im still imoproving every week. so her behavior is muuuuuch better, but there is still the lack of attraction. I take responsibility for parts of it, i stilll act unatractive in a few ways, that i always justify away in the moment. i barely see a shit test, or a complience test at all. is that wierd, or is that what unnatracted looks like?? I NEGOTIATE DESIRE. -Sure i try to seperate sex from intimacy... she doesn't like intimacy... from me. i do it anyway, more suttle ways and lots of smacks on the ass. Ill negoitate desire by after the kids are asleep (dont tell me to do it before, i couldnt even get a boob grab she is so hyperfocused and stressed by organising and planning and mothering (anxiety)) Ill negoitate desire by, after the kids are asleep, sit next to her for a few mins, hand on her thigh, and ask if shes coming to bed... weak i know. sometimes i get rejected and i just flat out ask for a handjob, and boy when it works is that shity handjob. sometimes i even say comeone we havent fucked in a week. then its usually obligated complience the next night. i havent been honest about this the whole time. we fuck once a week, so three times a month. two of those times are usually a resuly of me asking for it. (are you coming to bed) i know this is shit, but me trying to initiate by being handsy and kissing and shit like that becaue she is not into intimacy with me ( not attracted) Im not going to go monk mode, but im going to stop initiating verbally like that, and see what that does. the problem i have is when im horny i justify using words to get sex, it is obligated complience, even though she enjoys the fuck when it eventualy gets started. Ill try do it without the negotiating, and know as a result ill be getting much less sex. i should be upping the dread, heading out more at night, with my kids, and im a morning gym guy, it dosnt leave a lot of time but i have activities to do. am i missing something big here?

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