Patreon, R&P Q&A #246
Added 2023-11-22 18:34:41 +0000 UTC
Comments
so this girl is the best you can do by your own assessment and is willing, but you want to sabotage the relationship and be an orbiter instead. All I see is confidence issues. btw, if you want Rian to answer you'll have to post whenever he posts a new thread.
Op Sec
2023-11-29 22:35:47 +0000 UTCHeres my problem. I have this crippling auto immune disorder that affects my speech at random times. I matched with a tinder girl who didn't seem to pick up on any of my weird quirks after hanging out. She even expressed interest in taking things further. I hardly date on account of my personal afflictions, and I'm not feeling a natural chemistry nor am I majorly attracted to this young woman but I also haven't gotten laid in over 3 years. Do I sacrifice the friendly relationship I have built up with this girl these past few months in exchange for probable fwb situation, or continue what may be a cope, but an otherwise genuinely solid interpersonal relationship with a person I otherwise find easy to talk to(just not in a sexual way). I honestly have a hard enough time forging relationships with the opposite sex, so I feel like it's good for healthy self development.
Lord Gonzo
2023-11-29 21:03:02 +0000 UTCThe course is $39 https://secure.wellbuiltstyle.com/optin1671140502907 I'll checkout ranger. The course is about fundamentals and real nuts and bolts. More like praxeology than rational male. I do like following well built style on twitter also found that helpful. Wife: I've written too much about her as it is. The question to always ask is. "Where am I? What do I want?".
Op Sec
2023-11-23 21:38:15 +0000 UTCI've been using "one sec" extension. Just makes you take a deep breath before you launch something. Can still do the stuff, but you haver to spend 2 seconds thinking about it.
Op Sec
2023-11-23 21:19:42 +0000 UTCShort one today: Going through the YouTube sidebar series for When I say No I've been slipping back into non-assertiveness ways. Examples - work meeting with about 10 people, colleague is explaining a new process, I spoke up asking why we are doing this and that I don't see the benefit. The reason given was vague and my colleague looked on the spot, flustered. I felt bad afterwards and walked away with a feeling of "why did I speak up"...... in reality, this was a positive and good question, but the Guilt lingered. I'm not there yet. Another example: Ex wife equating me filing for divorce to her father not being able to see his sick, dying father since he has to help her with the divorce now. I can spot the manipulation here but part of it gets through to me when I know it shouldn't. Another manipulation tactic - ex saying she missed university deadlines due to having to meet with lawyers, again spotted the manipulation and simply STFU. Ideal response: Is it my problem? no, STFU and carry on with whatever I was doing. With this as the norm in my world right now I am working on fully grasping WISNIFG and deflecting manipulation. Any other RP resources on spotting and dealing with manipulation?
4thMostImportant
2023-11-23 19:00:37 +0000 UTCI put that there because I'm failing at living this RP life longterm. I keep slipping back to the incel lifestyle of nerd work, video games and porn. Something I'll have to research and think about why I keep slipping
Ban Mido
2023-11-23 18:50:27 +0000 UTCI have not read that. Will read
Cousin Eddie
2023-11-23 18:40:23 +0000 UTCLast paragraph sounds like a confession. Forgive me father… You slowed down on exercise. But you still look good enough to get laid. You are finding your balance.
Cousin Eddie
2023-11-23 18:37:34 +0000 UTCResponse: “Looking up some porn. “ Turns it back to sex. Can’t remember when you got laid: wow. I would start getting more overt, more confrontational. “My dick is not going to suck itself!”
Cousin Eddie
2023-11-23 18:33:16 +0000 UTCGood stuff. Yeah, I hear you. If I keep pushing for a year, I'll be vested and then at least I can have that out there working for me.
So Woke da Wookie
2023-11-23 18:29:26 +0000 UTCDo you what, that's sobering. I could be onto a good thing. Explore my options, test the fences and OODA loop it. Break it down into smaller interactions and negotiations rather than one big one. That's what I'm thinking now.
So Woke da Wookie
2023-11-23 18:27:28 +0000 UTCFR: * Matched with a 33y/HB6 woman and ran standard text game. We had a quick video call last Saturday and we talked about having a BDSM-type relationship to explore kinks (short-term and open; so basically plate-level). After the call, we scheduled a date for Tuesday night. She was very sexual and submissive over texting; I hinted at things I'd do to her. Told her to dress well for our date. Standardized logistics; bar -> ice cream -> home. At the bar, as we were getting ready to leave, told her to take off her panties in the restroom and hand it over to me, which she complied. Took her home and smashed. Let her stay over the night; we smashed again in the morning. Plan to take her out again coming Saturday * I've been highlighting my issue with "emotional availability" thing for last few calls. This time, I tried to do some research and connect "emotionally" to the chick. I still probably repeated the mistake from the 6-ft chick episode. Will evaluate if this chick distances herself and report back * Not to bury any leads, so I've been extremely lazy to hit the gym ever since I fell sick 4 weeks ago. I've been enjoying a mini-vacation where I just focus on work and play video games in the evening and sleep late. Been feeling unmotivated to restart the gym habit. It was easier to be motivated to hit the gym when I was a fat fuck; it's harder when I'm around 18% bf and look muscular enough to appear lean and strong in my clothes * Added this here because I keep slipping up at living this RP life longterm and falling back to incel lifestyle
Ban Mido
2023-11-23 18:11:56 +0000 UTCI have worked for 3 start-ups over the years. The first one, I left most of the IPO money on the table (like a dumb-ass) and it still paid for a 6 month overseas vacation and a grad degree. The second one gave me a stock option payout equivalent to a year's salary followed by 8 months of unemployment (maintain those social networks, kids!) The 3rd one was a fun job for a couple years and then fizzled out. Years from now, when I am sitting in a wheel-chair, waiting for someone to come change my Depends, I will be thinking about the start-ups, and the military. Large organizations have places for dead weight to hide, and I don't like being around those people. At the start-ups, everyone working on the same thing with minimal office politics. Last comment, if you score big, you will have far more freedom than a reliable government job will give you. At that 3rd start-up, there was a contractor software engineer who had founded a start-up and sold it for enough to retire, and worked with us for something to do.
Gearo's Journey
2023-11-23 17:45:27 +0000 UTCThis past week I have been trying to do more physical contact without sex with the wife. Looking back over the week, I have not done enough teasing and flirting and verbal engagement. I have not gotten laid this week. I probably have not pushed hard enough, although I am going to count this morning as a hard no. There was one incident where we were standing in the kitchen and she started telling me about her gay friend's life struggles. I was thinking, "I should not be listening to this shit when I can't remember the last time I got laid." My phone dinged, and I took it out and checked who was messaging me. I was wondering if I should just tell her I didn't care about that shit. I acted distracted for a half a minute, then asked her a question about our dog. Subject changed. She just now knocked on the door of my office while I was writing this field report to tell me she was going for a walk. This was an hour after the hard no. She followed up with "What are you doing?" I had closed the text editor before I opened the door, but she could see I was sitting at the computer. I stood up and said, "Aren't you inquisitive?" and gave her a peck on the lips. She said something non-committal like, "Just wondering." I slapped her lightly on the can and sat back down. She pissed off to do her walk. Come to think of it, it is unusual for her to bother telling me she is leaving. Hard to know when I am paying attention to queues and sub-texts, and when I tying myself in neurotic knots or taking the watch apart. Iron Maiden is playing Toronto on October 26, 2024. Thoughts on Toronto as a solo long-weekend destination that time of year?
Gearo's Journey
2023-11-23 17:30:28 +0000 UTCI looked up well built style. Is the foundation course the 400$ How is it different that following ranger on YouTube and shopping more…. ? Wife: you seem to be having a lot of sex. Why would she change all of the sudden? Does she work? Are there other dramatic shifts in behavior?
Cousin Eddie
2023-11-23 16:51:18 +0000 UTCbtw if you haven't read "The Manipulated Man" might be a good one for you. For some reason amazon doesn't have it, but google play books and apple books have it.
Op Sec
2023-11-23 15:52:05 +0000 UTCLook if she is working more and getting more done for you, you don't have to feel guilty about it. It's great, "honey I love how much you've been doing". Maybe you'd rather she be doing something else then that's the focus. Does a captain feel guilty when his first officer is really doing all his work. No, he sits back and smokes a cigar, happy with a job well done if a ship is going in the right direction.
Op Sec
2023-11-23 15:49:18 +0000 UTCThe relationship with my wife had gotten weird. We weren't talking much still having sex but it was just barely to the point where I wouldn’t reject it. I got the sense that she was bracing for a divorce. Had muttered under her breath that she might have to change her name back. While going off and doing something else when the other person is not offering much is fine. I thought that I should be leading emotionally. I had just started doing that. So we’re getting along and talking again, will have to see how this translates into the bedroom. At the gym, I talked to a girl from a previous report. Among other things, she complimented me on my physique, said I looked more toned and asked if I was doing anything different. Talked about diet and stuff. I asked if she drank coffee, she said tea, me: “let’s grab a tea”. her: “ok” and she eagerly pulled out her phone to exchange contact info. Then her: “You’re married aren’t you”. me: “yup”, her: “well then as friends I don’t want to cross any of your boundaries”. It sounded more like ASD rather than LJBF. I didn’t bother saving the number and turned off notifications from it. Some notes for myself. her: “You look more toned” me: “flattery will get you everywhere” her: “aren’t you married?”, me: “depends on who’s asking” It’s banter and general playfulness that I will continue to work on. Going for the number was an interesting experience. I think I’d rather make some male friends(no homo). Went through WellBuiltStyle’s wardrobe foundation course. It’s good and rather inexpensive. Lots of small tweaks that are making a big difference. My favorite, and it sounds stupid, white t-shirts.
Op Sec
2023-11-23 15:40:04 +0000 UTCCovert hits on good points: the people, the passion you have for the project, relation to your boss… financing, work load. Very good chance your future job with the gov will not live up to expectations in these categories.
Cousin Eddie
2023-11-23 15:36:15 +0000 UTCI wrote 18 months ago about changing firms. My last place I was happy, paid well with great bonuses, on my way to partner, good colleagues, but because of my practice group I likely never would lead the firm and my comp would be capped at a certain point. I applied elsewhere, got the job. In the new job comp won’t be as capped, more prestige, I’ve taken on more responsibility and grown as an attorney, paid more salary but less bonuses. I have come to find out that my partner path is going to be longer and there is more bullshit. I knew that going in. Had I had it to do it over gain, I think I would have foregone she job opportunity. In both jobs I’m paid upper 5% so monetary really isn’t that big a difference. In the whole, the colleagues I worked with were better and closer. I’m fine either way. But, I have wistful regrets. The people you work with make a difference.
CovertContractAttorney
2023-11-23 15:25:26 +0000 UTCLot of jargon. I’m sure you can explain in simpler terms. Otherwise, are you feeling guilty about unequal division of labor at work? I get that sense when you refer to the work ledger. First, that’s potentially playing into the equalist mindset when men and women are complementary. Second and relatedly, women and men assign different values to different tasks. She gets anxiety from important tasks with real consequences. For example, if. You take care of finances even at work, she likely assigns a lot of value to you handling it even if it’s a simpler task. Don’t value things just at your perspective.
CovertContractAttorney
2023-11-23 15:17:54 +0000 UTCAh, I didn't see your full reply. Yes, thanks for @barbarian. Yeah, 100k mark. I am the lead guy bit my equity is small so power is all indirect and oinfluence based - i.e Slightly Evil by V. Rao and 48LOP. I see the Tsunamis coming and I think the state will actually take more of a role in my sector. It's hard to be the lead guy when you need the wage and everyone else has shed loads of FU money. Also, the credit thing will be crucial for me in the next 10 years. You've really helped me get to some od the specifics on how to start weighing this up.
So Woke da Wookie
2023-11-23 14:34:18 +0000 UTCWith the divorce ccontract. I can see how a specific plan. Do this, photo that… Would be very powerful. (Power= the ability to do what you want.)
Cousin Eddie
2023-11-23 14:30:37 +0000 UTCThis is it. I have a good set up and good life now. Working like a young man rather than a middle aged man may also have health, familial implications. If the startup/corporate got me into a strategic position with the state - i think i would thrive in the politicking. I had a state job when I was younger and I was good at that. Also, Startup will want to go global soon. And I realised, recently, that I have always been far more interested in my own Nation than anywhere else.
So Woke da Wookie
2023-11-23 14:20:48 +0000 UTCGetting the specifics is where a good measure of your power is locked up.
So Woke da Wookie
2023-11-23 14:16:32 +0000 UTCDebate: security and dependability. Vs free market with the potential of big rewards I have seen success and failure on both sides. In tech and other sectors. I think your instincts are correct: financial tsunamis are coming (some have already hit: interest rates- vc capital drying up…) The gov job: how much does it pay: 100 or 250k. Those guys usually put in 40hrs (at most). And when you go to get a loan you are golden. Like a teacher. Bank nightmare is the applicant losing their job. That being said, the programmers I know that work for the gov (military related) are always trying to move on to private contractors. The pay is better and the work is more meaningful. Gov work can takes its toll as they often don’t finish the project. All your work is trashed. Free market, venture capitalism, Will always be laced with anxiety. Fear and greed rule the roost. 80 hr work weeks… Often if you are asking the question, putting out resumes… the writing is on the wall. If you are the lead guy you need to be all in. No looking back. Similar to: I am opening a bakery shop. A year in I am putting out resumes. Writing is on the wall.
Cousin Eddie
2023-11-23 14:10:39 +0000 UTC$$ boundaries. Yes. I have had to enforce them all the time. Without me we would have no savings. I def am manipulated by her emotions. Sometimes more than other…. The “I don’t care…”: that was the subtext in my actions. But it obviously effects me. When I lift allot I authentically don’t give a shit. Must be the testosterone. Wooki: i need to do more work on that divorce covert contract. I am not trying to nuke but the ccontract should be dealt with. place,yes. If police were involved. But I would need to stay in our house for possession reasons. I have only danced around the d lawyer. Seen other lawyers such as to make a will and talked to lawyer friends. Money is there. More work needed.
Cousin Eddie
2023-11-23 13:52:56 +0000 UTCHowya's, It was quite intense there for a while. Here are the key things I've learned. Firstly, I have a question: To be clear, I'm not asking for you what to do with my life. I'm just checking for any flawed logic. So, the company is actively acquiring assets circa 600K per week, which was my goal. I have also started establishing stronger boundaries with the founder, who is ultra-high-net-worth. I'm taking holidays now; last year, I took only basically zero to get us to this point. Now, I'm planning to take a substantial break at Christmas. So, no more walking on eggshells. I'm preparing to renegotiate my contract and am actively applying for other jobs. My CV, which previously seemed too varied up until now appears to be a master plan. In this market, I believe my options look good. So, what's the question? Well, this company could become really big. My equity, if I vest in one year, could be worth a lot in the long term. Then again, it might not. The jobs I'm interested in are state jobs because I want the pension, a job for life, and reduced working hours. Essentially, security and freedom. That security and the freedom to have my own time and pursue my own side hustles are very appealing to me. However, I could be walking away from a significant win. Do you see any particular flaws in this logic? My two-year strategy has come to fruition. I've recalibrated the decision-making centre in the Business by bringing in new shareholders and partners, giving me more influence within the company. And obviously making myself the linchpin. But I think what I want is power, more than money. It's about power and self-determination. Regarding my son, as I predicted, he did not enjoy being away at boarding school, a decision made by his mother. I made my position very clear that this was a bad idea and he would hate it. He ended up leaving within weeks. He is out of school a few weeks and they both tried hard to attend a school closer to my house (which would be happy to have him) and aiming to live here full time. Initially, I thought this was great since my plan was working on child custody is working on every front. Then I realised would open up a huge attack vector on me and I would be finding myself engaged with his mother way more than I want. Every issue with him would be my responsiblity and all the bullshit that would entail. I have secured a 60/40 custody arrangement with all the kids and realise that is waaaaaay more than enough. It was interesting to see how his mother and he conspired to have him almost full time at my place. Initially I though, how good it would be for him to have me 100% of the time. Only after a while did I think about the implications for me. During the height of the separation, I feared having limited access. Now that I've achieved what I wanted, I can truly appreciate my value as a father and realize that the kids need only a fraction of the time I already invest. Yet, they want more. But now, I understand my contribution and know what the right measures are. So, I stood my ground and have been manoeuvring to enroll him in a school closer to his mother's house. This would be better for me. I have an interview with him at that school early next week. But the pressure to get him into the school near me was immense for the last few weeks. It took me about a week to realize that I was addressing problems created by him and his mother rather than pursuing my own interests, which ultimately serve the whole family's interests. Regarding chicks, I can easily forget about dating for extended periods. I'm so engrossed in enjoying my life and setting it up the way I want, that dating seems like a distraction. When I was younger, girls in the neighborhood would look for me while I was off doing my own thing. I've been so noncommittal with online dates that some women have texted me, "Wookie, I'm giving up." However, I realized I needed to stay engaged, so I recently started practicing night game again, which went well. I've been approaching, getting contact details, and maintaining a few dates. I'm still fairly uninterested, but I'm trying to keep dating, escalating, and refining. What keeps me interested is the post-date and post-approach analysis, where I recognize cues I missed, misinterpreted, or mishandled and obviously my successes too. This analysis alone is incentive enough. I also find that this skill translates very well to work situations and power dynamics. I am still going for the close. That's the only KPI that counts.
So Woke da Wookie
2023-11-23 12:43:30 +0000 UTCHave you consulted a lawyer to determine what type of safety net you have in place? And if so, do you have a bug out bag, bug out cash and bug out place lined up?
So Woke da Wookie
2023-11-23 11:04:20 +0000 UTCIf your wife spends 4x what she makes, have you considered enforcing a boundary on finances? For someone who says “I don’t care that you’re upset “, you surely spend a lot of your FR writing about her emotions.
Owning My Shit
2023-11-23 09:38:38 +0000 UTC36 Dealing with bad behavior and toxic shame Wife is under a lot of stress and has not been on good behavior. She came home and had expectations (chorplay…) and they were not fulfilled by me in spectacular and unapologetic fashion. I was doing my shit, on my terms and playing house on her terms was not in the cards. She slammed things and stomped around. I went to the kitchen to do something, and she said she wanted to be alone. I told her “I was doing (whatever) so she would have to wait until I was done.” She got upset and left. Subtext: Wife is upset therefore husband will walk on eggshells. My response: Your expectations are shit and I don’t care that you are upset. The next day she was in a better mood, and I had fish memory. We fucked. Rp: woman want a man that makes his own rules. They may throw a tantrum, but they are attracted to that man. Because of a recent commercial boom, she has had to work 2x normal and I have not changed my work. Our business is not my goal, and I don’t want to take on more of that work. Money is less of a priority to me than other goals. Conflict in frames: I am willing to work less and spend less to do what I want. My wife’s frame is making money and spend 4x what we make. rp rule: women get to choose whatever guy they want. Guy gets to choose the frame. (MM: prefix restaurant) I told her to “close one day a week or shorten the hours we are open. We will make a little less money, but she will be a happier person.” She agreed but is holding out till after Christmas. I sometimes analyze our work ledger and feel guilty about the asymmetry. Then I remember that this is all out of my frame. I fall back on mm: scorched earth, what do I want to do… The feeling of guilt is all stemming from my wife weaponizing males need to rescue women. And her using me as a punching bag for her bad feelings. Even if the ledger was completely lopsided it should not matter. Wife can go work herself into the grave if she wants. I am doing my thing.
Cousin Eddie
2023-11-23 02:39:47 +0000 UTC
