Patreon, R&P Q&A #272
Added 2024-06-05 21:36:22 +0000 UTCback to normial timings
Comments
Yeah could've been any number of reasons for the coldness. However appreciate stripper for the insight. Had never thought about avoidance of feeling like a slut angle by changing the sheets after the request could cue sex as dirty. It's an example of how a woman's ego projects what they may feel outward. Feel it, say it, if acted on the feeling felt got confirmed. May have been a who cares, got laid moment as well. Either way great job on the plate spinning plus the smashing...
bruce dunn
2024-06-12 19:47:05 +0000 UTCAgree with stripper. Not everything has to be a powerplay. This includes with yourself. What's in it for me if I were to have a drink. Do I have the right to change my mind after I made a decision. Did my wife earn a drink with me. Why wouldn't a drink with me be desired. The tendency to step on our own dick only to analyze the foot print gets that male hamster going. We love to solve problems. It's a feature that comes standard. How does that knowledge benefit you. Great job on standing on your decision to not drink and your decision to S.T.F.U and enjoy the patio. The silent treatment isn't always a bad thing.
bruce dunn
2024-06-12 19:18:33 +0000 UTCIt’s wild to think you can get banned from a sight that is based on getting people together for explicit acts.
Validation Junkie
2024-06-08 17:04:28 +0000 UTCAnswering this after rians input. Personally I find short short fn to be more helpful. The longer the report, the more validation seeking I find myself doing. Rian does touch on this in the opening of the video. He said it as a general comment not aimed at you. As far as work and self: For myself (and I have seen others write on this: How much money do I need. Am I pushing myself for my wife’s dreams(more more more?). Are finances being handled correctly. Or the way I want. For me it is no debt, we don’t live beyond our means, I will not live beyond my fu money comfort. Some have 6 months.. I have 4 decades (retired basically no unless wife wants a yatch). Work is personal self achievement at this point. Ooda loop example: observation: company needed people do overtime. Orient: I have 2 years of fu money. I am going to simplify my life to fit within not doing overtime (sell jet ski). Told my wife she needs to work for her dream home. Or. I want to work. I enjoy the challenge… Decide. Act. I worked. It put this stress on my life that I need to take ownership of. My wife spent more because she was stressed….
Cousin Eddie
2024-06-06 20:42:32 +0000 UTCExactly! I will even through in the car payment for free.
Validation Junkie
2024-06-06 19:33:04 +0000 UTCIt was a compliment to you for recognizing that early on. It took me way longer to figure that lesson out.
Validation Junkie
2024-06-06 19:32:01 +0000 UTCI trained on a harely, its was super easy to handle, even the first time I -almost- dropped it, I grabbed it and it didn't even touch the ground, the instructor was impressed.\
Chad Of Arabia
2024-06-06 18:40:05 +0000 UTCThere's a mids watch that goes over the better beta divorce guide. It tells you to end all written emails and shit with oh but I still love you and want to work things out (except it's much better worded and more gay). Is there a settlement they are willing to agree on? Dragging this out doesn't seem like it's in anyone's best interest.
Op Sec
2024-06-06 18:21:44 +0000 UTCGotcha. Wasn't sure if it was a compliment or criticism. In this case, I've cut out their bullshit for that very reason. They're both a disaster. This is why I set hard boundaries on my kid about him coming home and now cut him off.
Dave
2024-06-06 18:20:24 +0000 UTCIf only that Corey could take your wife off your hands all your problems would be over. She could sleep in bed until 11:00 so it would work out for her too.
Op Sec
2024-06-06 18:17:32 +0000 UTCBoth of you guys are spot on.
Validation Junkie
2024-06-06 18:12:53 +0000 UTCYour ex wife is high conflict, possibly from some form of mental health and you said your som has mental health issues and accused you of abuse.
Validation Junkie
2024-06-06 18:11:38 +0000 UTC88.9kg (-.06) BF 27.9%(-0.1) Waist 37.5"(-0.5) 5'8" Early fifties. Wife a couple of years younger. A few kids, nearly all gone. Read: nmmng, wisnifg(audio), RM1, wotsm, Praxeology Vol1 and 2. Responses to Rian's questions and comments: "You're not stupid...you've written governance docs." Yes, High IQ and long career in hard STEM. Why vague?I guess because the more specific I am the more obvious the things I need to concentrate on. "half-assing" I meant that I have consumed a lot of content but not changed everything in my life. "covert contracts? Still acting as a nice guy?" I'm still spotting CCs and still a nice guy sometimes, but I see this as recovering NG I should always think of myself this way and beware of the sneaky CCs. "Did you work on attraction?" Yes: Good beard trim, clean teeth, floss, chose my cologne, shaved balding head. polo shirts never tshirts. More importantly I have avoided being unattractive. I am an argumentative contrarian and this is annoying so I am aware of this now and have mostly stopped. I don't discuss politics anymore, it's pointless except to make me look a twat. "What have I changed?" My understanding of women. I exercise body weight mostly as injuries prevent lifting. "So what do I want?" I don't know. I'm no longer sex starved, but I'm not dinning at the George V either. Now a starving man can only think about food, but now I'm not starving I'm not as happy as I thought it would make me. Why? Rian, you asked once "Do you even like your wife?" Absolutely, she's a good person, and great mother. So there was just this one thing that she didn't fuck me, but now she's fucking me so why am I not satisfied? "What is the MRP ubermench?" My idealised end point: Bugatti in several colours, without the going to jail! Realistically again I'm not sure. I have the usual teenager fantasy of a harem of beautiful women but again realistically I suspect I would not be satisfied.
P-O-E
2024-06-06 17:26:59 +0000 UTCRegarding motorbikes, I've been riding for 33 years now. I have three bikes and just bought a Harley this past Fall. In my view, you need a lot more experience before you start riding a heavy bike like a Harley. It's not that they're powerful or fast bikes, it's being able to handle and control their weight. I think you're better to learn how to ride well on a modern bike before going over to a Harley. I'd give it a number of years before buying a heavy bike.
Dave
2024-06-06 17:21:23 +0000 UTCI get the short temper. I'm a very patient person and I can work through a lot of bullshit. But, if you've had to deal with dysfunction for a long time, you reach a point of zero patience. I cut off my ex-wife and my kid for the exact same reasons. I get nothing from them, but drama. It might be seen as selfish from the outside, but it's very refreshing.
Dave
2024-06-06 17:14:29 +0000 UTC@stripper... I don't care what she or her lawyer thinks. The first Judge is not likely to be the second Judge because the Democrats aren't coming after me. The worst outcome is they remove my ability to make medical decisions for my kid. I can accept that outcome. If I win, in contrast, it's something to be negotiated as part of the final agreement. Recall that my ex-wife has no boundaries with my kid and she can't control him. If he wants me out of his decision making, he's going to pressure her day in and day out to make a deal. But point taken, maybe I word the affidavit in a way that doesn't really attack her character so much as her behaviour. If I externalize it, it will read as less petty and personal.
Dave
2024-06-06 17:09:13 +0000 UTCWhat do you mean? Who is sick and unlucky in this equation?
Dave
2024-06-06 17:01:54 +0000 UTCWas in Montana for a family vacation. Went well. Smashed fantastically 1st day. 2nd day we had planned on going to bed early to get started early next day. After kids down she says let’s hang out on patio and have one more drink before we go to bed. I said sounds good I will hang for a bit l, but going to drink a water. She was disappointed and said she would just go to bed if I was not going to have a drink. I was about to deer and explain why I didn’t want to have another just to go straight to bed but stopped myself and just said that’s fine your loss and proceeded to hang on patio alone for 10 mins or so while she brushed teeth. I almost conceded because it was not that big of a deal and her behavior was good all day but I really didn’t want the drink and had already said no. We went to bed and didn’t say another word rest of night. Next morning I had memory of goldfish and was pleasant as was she. Question, do you think this was a shit test/power play?
Volare Alto
2024-06-06 16:39:44 +0000 UTCFR21 1. Got banned from Tinder for “violating terms of service.” I don’t even know which specific message did it, but I’ve been on Tinder for years and haven’t done anything different. I’m guessing it was something sexually explicit. Since Tinder and Hinge belong to the same parent company, I’m banned from there, too. Can’t make new accounts because they have an AI tool doing face recognition now. I somewhat saw this coming because Tinder has been turning more and more Karen lately. Case in point: I matched with a chick and opened with some comment about her shoes. She replied with “I don’t know how on earth we matched, I must have been very drunk.” Next thing I get an auto-generated text from Tinder: “Vanessa is using emotionally abusive language. Would you like to report her?” No, Tinder, I wouldn’t. I don’t think Vanessa is being particularly nice, but this isn’t kindergarten. Other example: Another girl texted me: “I want you to fuck me hard from behind.” Tinder: “Amy is using sexually explicit language. Would you like to report her for harassment?” At this point, I would question Tinder’s sanity, but I already know the answer. In the end, I got banned, probably for some shit like that. In short: be careful what you post out there, get the girls off the dating platforms as quickly as possible. Luckily, Bumble still works for me. 2. Old plate came back - the one that asked me to be exclusive a few months ago. She wanted to meet again. I did memory of a goldfish and did not mention the relationship issue at all. Just sex and some food after. Consistently no boyfriend behaviors. Seems to be working so far. 3. Hooked up with hot Ukrainian chick. She was very sexual from the beginning, even when texting (on Telegram, just to be save). When we met, she ordered a steak. Usually I never do that (dinner as a reward, don’t fuck on a full stomach), but I knew a) Ukranian chicks are basically all materialistas and will test your financial fitness hard and early on and b) she had already complied with my lingerie request, so it was probably on. It worked and we hooked up. After I had given her a couple of orgasms, she said “You are professional in bed”, but became a bit tired after round 1. We took a shower and then she wanted me to change the sheets before round 2 (there was a lot of lube on them). I said after round 2, because otherwise I’ll have to change them twice. Didn’t want to turn into AlphaAssWolf with the cold hands, but also kept Briffault’s law in mind. So I put her on the blanket, fucked her first, and then changed the sheets before we went to sleep. The next morning, we fucked again. Then, she went to take a shower. After she returned, it was like she was a different person. Total ice queen, rude, stand-offish. Offered her breakfast, she said no. Brought her to her train through the pouring rain. At the station, she just turned around and left without saying goodbye. I don’t know if I made a mistake somewhere or if this was just prostitution guilt kicking in. Maybe I should have taken the morning shower with her? Other than that, I don’t know. Sucks cause I really hate having girls sleep over (I’m completely groggy the next day), and I only did it to get repeat action. But I guess it’s just one of these investments you have to make to see whether they pay off. The Filipino chick is still texting all the time. Offer still stands: if she can pay for her flight, she can crash at my place. Sourcing for more plates.
Hypergamous Best Option
2024-06-06 16:37:57 +0000 UTCOne of the laws of power is avoid the sick and unlucky. They will only sink your ship.
Validation Junkie
2024-06-06 16:37:27 +0000 UTCAppreciate the feedback cousin Eddie. Great questions to ask in order to hone in on a specific thing and the reason for prioritizing my job over myself. Gives me something to focus in on. Is there any examples of the way to answer to those questions within a field report that may point me in a direction to accomplish that?
bruce dunn
2024-06-06 16:36:42 +0000 UTCyour feeling of jealousy and mate guarding are apparent in your writing. — “of course he is…” —- That is your true frame. You have to let go. She is going to do her. If that means Corey…. Then there is the door. Then your fn followed it up with future tense goals. Start working on you exclusively for you. Stripper is spot on. Abundance, friend, game…. If she wants in on the fun bus …
Cousin Eddie
2024-06-06 16:31:07 +0000 UTCIf you act like a puppy begging for a ball to be thrown she will treat you like that. Point: make sure you are approaching sex from a place of abundance. Mm” hay wife, I am giving you first crack. If no then gym bag.” Gym bag means leaving the house.
Cousin Eddie
2024-06-06 16:23:19 +0000 UTC1st: note.. exercise goal= future tense goal. That is seeking validation. 2. Note that you have given some power to your trainer. Not saying this is bad. Somtimes we need consult. But take notice of it. Wife is starting to be retrained. Important for you to continue the new habits. She is starting to see you as somebody she needs to respect. You caught her manipulation and you shut it down. Nice. If you revert things will go back to the way they were.
Cousin Eddie
2024-06-06 16:15:04 +0000 UTCThank you, sir.
Chad Of Arabia
2024-06-06 16:12:15 +0000 UTCThat's true, I've always tried to escape from leadership roles, even as a kid, my friends always turned to me for advice, what to do, even to the point on what to eat, and I dreaded it because it felt too much pressure growing up, only to realize its a quality that pays a lot of money, opens doors and legs to you. I'm embracing it now, even wrote a substack post about leadership and frame here : https://chadofarabia.substack.com/p/leadership-begins-with-frame-a-red
Chad Of Arabia
2024-06-06 16:06:44 +0000 UTCWriting needs to be distilled. Ask yourself: What is the specific thing you want to work on in this report? Hone in on that ooda (written in past tense). Topic that stood out: - why am I prioritizing my company over myself?
Cousin Eddie
2024-06-06 16:04:12 +0000 UTCI'm well past being pleasant. I want to enter her terrible parenting into evidence. It's not that I really expect the Court to do much with it considering we live under no fault divorce and in a world of no accountability for females. As above, at this point, the only benefit to me is setting the tone for contentious negotiation. This isn't the time for me to play nice. We have a Judicial Case Conference in early July to go over assets and a judge or some type of adjudicator will say this is how the courts will likely divide assets. Their hope is that it sets the stage for a negotiation. If I set the precedent that I'm going to be disagreeable and that I'm unpredictable, they're more likely to believe I'm going to drag this whole thing out for years. So, if they want to get a deal done, they're going to have settle with a 'madman'. That's my only card in the gynocentric order.
Dave
2024-06-06 15:22:29 +0000 UTCI got the same thing you got, Stripper. Honestly my advice right now is work on getting yourself some plates that you can fuck, if sex is something you want, and she's not giving it to you, you go get it from somewhere else. She has first crack on your libido, not sole custody, you'll be a happier man when you're laid, especially when it's a younger, fitter and more pleasant chick that won't make you jump through hoops to have sex. I've never faced this issue, in fact mine is the total opposite, my girl never refuses sex unless she's on her period, nor with other plates that I had, which also they refused sex during their period. In all cases, they all gave me a BJ. Be prepared mentally that she is cheating on you, and operate that she is dead and sex is off the table, and go get yours elsewhere.
Chad Of Arabia
2024-06-06 14:51:08 +0000 UTCHaven't written a field report for a long time, but thought I'd share with you all some updates, and maybe something for you to benefit and learn from. Career: Landed a job last December, no clue how they got my CV, but they did. Killed the interview to the point they were recording it and rewatching it to teach other HR employees how an HR professional conducts himself. I mainly hit everything any manager wants to hear: loyalty, hard work, achievements, all in a story format. My interview lasted for 2.5 hours, and they flew me over just to meet me face-to-face. Storytelling is part of being charismatic and attractive, and I'm awesome in my domain (HR). They threw me an offer for three times my salary, 40% of my annual income as a bonus, and the ability to take off for a break whenever I felt like it. All of this didn't come out of the blue. In my first two weeks working there, my manager called me before I boarded my flight to thank me and tell me I did in two weeks what others couldn't do in six months with a full team of 12 people. Now it's been close to seven months here. My manager has a meeting with me every two weeks just to chit-chat, check on me, make sure no one is bothering me, see if I need anything, and most importantly, beg me not to quit. In his words, "If you quit, I'm done. Leaving this place. I cannot do anything without you." My team is working 24/7 for me, even on their off days, without me asking them, finishing things without being asked. I'm in a good place right now, but I'm not done yet. I realized I'm at my best when I'm under pressure and on a mission to build something. I enjoy creating things and watching them play out in real-time. How long I'll stay here? No clue. I've been getting offers from a few competitors and other companies for 30-60% more on my package, but I enjoy the ability to take time off whenever I need to, so I can travel and do other things. Normal jobs now sound too boring and suffocating. But I know my manager is taking me with him once he finishes negotiating a position he was offered at a competitor. His condition was that we're both a package or it's not happening, so they need to find me a place with a good financial package. It's what I tell guys: be hard to replace by having a value that's difficult to find. Family: I cut ties with my family finally. After my mother passed away, there was nothing between my siblings and me other than drama, problems, and the occasional money they asked me to send. I told them to sell off the inheritance (lands and houses) and split the money between us, and they don't need to bother with me anymore. My sister disowned me, and my brothers are devastated. Doesn't matter. I'm happier and feeling better. I realized that I have a short temper when it comes to that kind of drama, and it affects my mental health. My mental health is the most important thing to me. I'm protecting it with everything I have, not allowing anyone to mess with it. Relationships: My relationship with my woman has never been better. Due to me being happy and finding joy in this new job, the time away has been doing wonders. The dread game is still active. She's constantly worried that I will marry a second wife where I work or always thinking I have a girlfriend here or there. It's cute seeing her lose her mind a little bit, get jealous, and then start acting right later. I've been making the joke that when you're focused on your grind, building yourself, the devil keeps sending you beautiful women to knock you off. Which is what has been happening. Tinder's up to 100+ matches, with chicks left on read/ignored that keep texting me, mainly because I don't have the time or energy at the moment. Even a yoga instructor I found on IG a while back followed me back after I attended her class and started DMing me. She was impressed that I knew yoga poses and types of yoga and that I had been to Bali last year. She saw the Balinese armband I wear on my hand. Chicks at the workplace have been trying to do their best to seduce me. Some of them started going to the gym because I was showing them videos of my trips with the yoga chick, and they saw that she was fit. But of course, the "Don't shit where you eat" rule applies. I'm at the point where I'm focused on other things. Pussy is easy to get, and there is no end to beautiful women. Gym: I started hitting the gym last November but took it seriously in December. I'm still at 255 lbs (110 kgs), but I've recomposed my body. There's still some fat I need to shed, but mostly excess skin, which I'll get removed eventually when I can afford taking a month off and not do anything, currently, I have a lot going on, and things I need to finish during my off time. I can do bodyweight pull-ups easily now, dips too, a thing that I haven't been able to do since 2019 when I was around 90 kgs. I'm still far from my goal but getting there slowly, not rushing anything to avoid injuries. Other stuff: Learned how to ride a bike, working on getting my license. I've always had a fear of riding a bike due to worrying about how will I change gears, but I faced my fears head-on, and shit turned out to be easy and came naturally to me, the guy who was teaching me was impressed, and not because I was paying him, just because I saw how other guys who had more lessons than me still fuck up in real-time in front of me, dropping the bike, stalling, afraid to drive in the street. Still trying to find a used bike for my first bike, because I'm not dropping 30k on a brand new Harley and I'm still not that experienced, hopefully, something good will turn out soon, super excited and can't wait to go on drives in the winter here.
Chad Of Arabia
2024-06-06 14:43:30 +0000 UTCFitness: I had a good crash on my mountain bike about seven weeks ago. My neck has been swollen the whole time. I got some X-rays last week to make sure I didn’t fracture or break anything and it’s good. I’m slowly getting better, but it’s prevented me from doing my usual workouts. I’ve been travelling a bit, which also throws me off my fitness routine. I’m going to stop making weekend plans and try to chill out the rest of the Summer. I’m doing easy workouts to keep my body going and slowly moving towards my usual workouts which is still probably a few weeks away. Diet: I usually put on a bit of weight in December and January and cut through the Spring to my natural weight of 212-215. This year, I held that weight and started to grow in the mid-section. I lost about 4-5 pounds in May, which was on target with my plan. I’ve added a day of 24 hour fasting and I have been eating a bit cleaner. This morning I was 214. I’m going to cut my morning weight to 210 continuing what I did in May. That might get harder because I’m going to start putting muscle back on as I return to my normal workout regime. Blood Work: When I get nagging injuries, I start to think about going on TRT or HGH to help my body heal faster. I had my hormone levels checked and I don’t qualify to TRT and my levels are pretty good for my age (49). I’ll revisit that question every couple years going forward. I have high LDL cholesterol though, which is probably genetic since I eat clean and workout a lot. I’m not too worried about it. Divorce: This is a shitshow. I’ve cut off communication with my ex-wife and my kid. I’ve been fighting over some medical stuff with him and I learned that he told his physiatrist that I was physically abusive. He made those claims before in the last few years during moments of mental health episodes. For example, he would assault me as a way to get admitted to the hospital because my wife would have to call the police to take him away. I would have to retrain him and he would later claim to them I had beat him up. I forgave him for making those claims because I thought it was his mental illness. But he since told a psychiatrist that I was abusive and he obviously in a mental health episode at the time. I consider that to be sociopathic. I’ve lost my trust in him and I will only communicate with him in writing and I won’t see him in person. My ex and him are about to make a court motion to remove me as his legal guardian as it comes to medical matters. I’m planning to write up an affidavit that documents all the craziness from the last five years. I’m now the only one with records because my ex-wife lost all her emails from the last 20 years. A month ago, I told her that I was going to cancel her internet account because I had been paying it for about 9 months. I told her she had to transfer the account to her name otherwise she would lose all her emails and put the onus on her to sort that out. A week later she texted to say she set up a new account instead and that I’d have to return the modem at her house if I wanted to get that deposit back (just to be a bitch). So I canceled the account. A week later, she texted to say her email account was no longer working and that she needed me to reopen the account to have the emails transferred to her new account. I ignored her pleas. Seemingly, she went for the free TV or whatever the fuck they gave her with a new account and tried to rub it in my face afterwards. Why would I hand over her emails that she can only use against me in court! In a month, we're headed into a Judicial Case Conference, where a judge will review our situation and tell us what the likely outcome of a court case would be. The idea is they're trying to dissuade people from taking these things to Court. That forum is only going to work against me because the judge is going to clinically go through assets and say 50:50. Her lawyer will then say, we're entitled to 50:50 and we'll eventually get there via Court if you don't settle at 50:50. This is where being a 'madman' comes into play. If I'm contentious and disagreeable, then I can credibly signal that I'd rather fight it in Court of our principal because I believe I'll do better. That's my only card for arguing back that they should get less. They can get say 40% now, or fight it out for years to get a little bit more. It also will make her lawyer want to settle with a lump sum payment because they'll be worried about my future income and the steps I'll take to push back on alimony. We’re well past the point of an amicable divorce. I never would have imagined a world where I would more or less disown my child, and it’s not my preference, but it’s definitely a relief. It simplifies my life going forward because I’ve completely removed the drama. I guess that’s boundary enforcement 101. Everything is on my terms going forward. Girlfriend: Going well here. She’s compliant, follows my lead. Lot’s of good sex. I get a comfort test every couple weeks. Pretty much no shit tests. Last week she said that she was so lucky to have me in her life. I said thank you and didn’t respond. She obviously wanted me to return the compliment and say I felt lucky too. Since I was silent on it, she tried to tease it out of me and asked if I also felt that way. “No”, I said without any explanation. Predictably she asked why. I said the outcomes in my life aren’t luck. You’re here because I want you to be here.
Dave
2024-06-06 12:48:33 +0000 UTCAppreciate the feed back and the suggestions. Didn't think of comparing the 100% and 50% dad and applying it to other situations. May try the "need the (allotted time) and then you will have my full attention." on the next ambush. The ambushes have become rarer over the last couple months, however, don't want to slip into a pattern of which a boundary has to get re-established. I keep Rian's dog,counter,loaf of bread story in the back of my head for that reason alone. This red-pilled journey ,so far, has opened my eyes and has me on a different wave length then I was before its discovery. I know my feelings are stupid and I should feel stupid for having them of which I agree and have found it to be true, with that to realize and understand that happiness as a goal state of being perhaps possible but allows for a delusional bad narcissistic fantasy which needs narcissistic fuel and may birth Covert Contracts to het rid of, where as treating this as a skill-set to improve on allowed me to fall in love with the process, set goals, accomplish those goals, enjoy the happiness from the goal-accomplishment and then use that momentum to gain strength, confidence and wisdom. Appreciate the suggestions once again plus the feedback on the field report...
bruce dunn
2024-06-06 12:29:59 +0000 UTCThanks. Re-reading that part you’re 100% correct that it comes off needy.
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-06-06 12:07:59 +0000 UTCI hate giving messages, it’s my BJ to her when it happens. She’s got to be pretty fucking awesome to get one. Did you get the handy first?
Validation Junkie
2024-06-06 05:42:00 +0000 UTCConsider cutting out asking or teasing about the “special” sex you were “supposed” to get. All I heard was “man I am bummed you didn’t follow through like I wanted you to, and hope this guilts you into it. Any sex that is promised doesn’t ever have a chance of happening until she’s riding your dick. Not sure when you gave the positive encouragement but I usually do that the day after. Not to come off as a needy chick. Other than that you are really starting to get it.
Validation Junkie
2024-06-06 05:37:17 +0000 UTCI rewatched Rian’s review of my field report from last week and read the comments several times. I summarized what I need to work on as the following: > Stop making sex the ultimate goal and sole focus of my life. > cut back on initiating sex to max 1x per day, unless I had sex earlier and want to initiate again. > be calibrated and don’t angrily rage out the room or awkwardly go radio silent the instant I get a hard no. > don’t go Rambo treating every interaction with my wife as a combative frame test. Her asking me to help around the house or doing something for her can still be in my frame so long as I do it to my standard and on my timeline. > stop acting incompetent. Don’t put off doing something I said I would do for over a month. Be on time like any grown man would be. If I commit to something, write it down so I don’t forget. > I need to stop arguing with my wife and pointing out when I’m right or she’s wrong. This comes off as dismissive and me ignoring her. She doesn’t care about fixing my problems I have or hearing about my feelings, she really only cares about her feelings as they are “truth” to her. Also stop deering. > I really need to practice fogging… “Fair enough.” “Okay.” “I get you.” “I see how you’d feel that way” “Is that how I come off!? Wow, I can see how you’d feel that way.” I read a ton of field reports to get different ideas of how to be intimate with my wife. Several things I was already doing, but my issue was I would push for sex instead of just leaving it at teasing and messing around with my wife. I spent a ton of time with my wife and kid this past weekend at family events. I practiced being intimate with my wife and was careful not to be too needy or be too sexually direct when flirting. Got hard no’s initiating later at night when we got home each night. Did deadlifts for the first time in over a year Sunday. Felt fucking amazing afterwards despite only deadlifting 205 for working sets. It’s a win for me as that’s the most I’ve ever done. Have a goal to try adding 5lbs for the next 4 weeks to hit 225 by July, then 250/270/300/315. I’ll be Taking it slow and focusing on form even more after getting to 225 so I don’t get injured. Also been reading that deadlifts might not transfer as much to functional strength in everyday life, so I might look for alternative exercises to focus on that are lower impact on my low back, tbd. Practiced being social by forcing myself to make small talk a few times while waiting for the elevator and in line getting food. I was Very uncomfortable but I hope to be more social in time and not feel as anxious. I also talked to the Chad at my gym who was working out near me between sets. He was doing lat pull downs with the full weight stack and I asked about the straps he was using for his last two working sets. I was kind of awkward but thanked him for the insight on straps and mentioned my name, he told me his, and we shook hands. I worked from home Tuesday and my wife was also off. Noticed wife was reading her romance books anytime I went upstairs to get a snack, coffee, or bathroom so wasn’t expecting sex but knew it was a possibility. I teased her and gave her a kiss and squeezed her ass several times then went back to work. After lunch I was working downstairs and wife texted me “you have 2 minutes” so I went up stairs, fucked her, and came in her. After I finished and gave her positive encouragement, she said something about having to wait to see what we’ll do later tonight for round 2. I teased her then asked what special thing I have to look forward to, then she said I’ll have to wait and see. I played along but assumed in my head nothing would happen. Fast forward to getting the kid in bed and I come in after my wife showered, got a hard no. Lightly teased her about making me wait and where my surprise was. I gave her a kiss, squeezed her ass under the covers and told her good night. I went to feed my reptiles then got my stuff prepared for work the following morning. Seems like I only have sex with my wife in the early afternoon when I work from home at this point. Could be that my wife is still seeing sex as a discreet activity and when I’m working remote, I’m doing work in another room (giving her space) and not being too sexually forward and on top of her trying to push for sex. On the weekends when I’m off work, I’ve noticed I seek validation from her and catch myself constantly thinking about having sex with her. I Think this will change as I limit initiating and start focusing on everything else on my MAP more. Something I also noticed is after having sex I get even more pushy and act more codependent towards my wife. I caught myself doing this multiple times and realized this is likely unattractive and keeping me from possibly fucking later in the day. Question for Rian: in your review of my field report last week you mentioned I need to validate my wife’s feelings (comfort tests) by using tools like negative inquiry, fogging, and amused mastery. In the post zero episode on Jack’s channel, you mentioned that guys shouldn’t validate their wife or gf’s feelings but really struggle with fogging (which I’ve been a prime example of). Am I missing context here? I thought guys were supposed to validate a woman’s feelings but not take accountability for them?
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-06-06 05:17:53 +0000 UTCField Report #5 This last month I added walking and intermittent fasting to my program, and I am down eight pounds in total. I also stopped eating 3 hours before bed. Sleep great and feel good when I wake up and haven’t lost steam in the gym. I did notice after 4 donuts and 3 cookies that my wife has fired up the amateur bakery again. Took me a second to notice what was happening. Mate Guarding My wife and I go to the same box gym. Somehow the day I don’t go to the gym this Corey fuck is there. It has happened 3x now. First it was like “oh guy at the gym Corey has a wife that’s (insert disease). Me: cool Worked on being as dismissive as I could be. I am sure she noticed it got under my skin. Next month Her: Oh yeah you know how I told you about Corey. Me: who? Her: (explains some stupid shit about Corey’s wife and their life’s story like I met this fucking dipshit orbiter) Me: again, I don’t have the slightest who you are talking about. Her: tells me some saint like fact about him caring for his (munchhausen syndrome wife who can’t get out of bed until 11:00am) Me: man this chick is lucky as fuck. Her: yeah you would boot me. Me: not right away We both laughed a bit. This Month Of course the one fucking day I don’t go to the gym. Her: Corey was there and he has a company that modifies homes for handicapped people. (Of fucking course he does!) They are always looking for volunteers to help. I thought about your Dad. (He’s my step Dad a real awesome dude, he’s retired). Me: yeah my old man needs something to do for sure. End of conversation. Thank God because any more of it and I probably would have fucking lost it. Spartan kicking her through the drywall would be a fuck of a lot easier than figuring out an abundance way of dealing with this. I know mate guarding is pointless, but my instincts want to go there though. I have considered poking fun at the situation. Her: hey Corey(insert stupid saint like thing he told her he does like saves dolphins) Me: you know I’ve never met this Corey dude. I’m starting to think your gym crush Corey isn’t real. Her: (insert whatever retort) Me: Its cute you try to make me jealous I have also thought about just broke recording with “who” if and when it gets brought up. Haven’t field tested these last two. This maybe a bit navel gaze but my ultimate goal is a rock solid inner game and abundance out the ass. To completely side step feeling the need to mate guard. Open to suggestions that others have field tested to deal with this. Not interested in theory.
Validation Junkie
2024-06-06 05:17:12 +0000 UTCField Report #19 While I have made strides in separating validation from sex a situation popped up this week that showed me I still have more work to do in this space. Shark week started this week so over the weekend I initiated, she told me she wishes she wasn’t on her period, told her that never stopped us before and kept pushing through. Got a hard no so I said you down to trade massages. Got a handjob after I rubbed her feet. Her periods used to be BJs instead of sex but that shifted about 6-months ago to handjobs. I realize I have been treating this like a covert contract that if I get attractive enough or red pill harder I will get BJs from her again. She still goes down on me during foreplay in the right setting but they are few a far between. Really thought about am I truly missing the sexual act or the validation/submission that comes with spontaneous BJs. Its a mix of both because what guy doesnt love a BJ but at the same time I have been using it as a marker of success of my "progress" and what I want out of my sex life. At the same time I know this is a reflection on me and I if I want something to change I can only change myself.
Amos_Durden
2024-06-06 05:17:04 +0000 UTCField Report #14 2024-06-06 (2 weeks since last Field Report) This has been a very busy two weeks. Goals & Status – 2 Goals: (1) Health and Fitness (2) Assertiveness practice, Eliminate DEERING, COVERT CONTRACTS, & Validation Seeking (1) Health and Fitness: - Note: I am age 56, 5’8” tall. Currently 200 lbs, down from 227. Currently 27% body fat (according to handheld device). Goal/Target Weight is 170 lbs. - My trainer told me that he thought I had made great progress, and is happy with my work rate, but that he also thought I was pushing it too hard and needed to back off to avoid injury. He said I needed to view this as a long-term project to get myself into excellent health and build a set of lifelong habits to keep myself there – so I needed to take a gradual, long-term approach, that I could sustain day in and day out for the rest of my life. I agreed and we made a number of adjustments. - Based on his advice, we revamped the training program to focus on 2 things (1) Fat loss to get to a healthy weight (2) Low Impact to avoid injury and improve my overall flexibility and mobility. We are deprioritizing lifting heavy and will revisit at a later point in time. Given my shoulder problems this is a prudent choice – I have torn labrums on both shoulders sustained from injuries in college sports. - Workouts: Changes from higher impact to low impact - so No bench, No squats, No OH press, No deadlift. I am now doing bodyweight, mobility, balancing, weighted ball, and various whole-body exercises. I am also doing a lot of micro-shoulder exercises to strengthen the rotator cuff / labrum region. After 2 weeks I am liking the workouts and my shoulders are less sore. - I took a 1-week diet break - By diet break I don’t mean pigging out. I mean increasing calorie intake from 2000 cal to 2300 – which is closer to maintenance calories. - My weight has stayed steady over the two-week period (went up the first week, and back down to my current normal during the second) - Continued monitoring Cal / Prot / Carb / Fat macros. Continue monitoring calorie burn vs. calorie intake and trying to increase the calorie deficit via supplemental walking (currently 15,000 steps per day). - We will reevaluate progress and the training program after a couple of months. (2) Assertiveness practice, Eliminate DEERING, COVERT CONTRACTS, & Validation Seeking Jack10 Rolodex Article Comments: That Jack10 rolodex article that you shared with me a couple of weeks ago was spot on. The following describes me exactly: “you can't flip that rolodex of social responses fast enough... you can only flip to "Card 1 or 2”. I think I’ve had this slow rolodex problem my entire life. As I consider and reflect upon why I am this way, I think it’s because I cared too much about what other people would say or how they would react – basically, me not being my own mental point of origin…so it’s a pause to think and avoid saying the wrong thing. It’s a bad habit at this point. The last two weeks I made a conscious effort to say the things that you, Stripper, OpSec and others gave as examples. I have started using these phrases alot more instead of STFU: - I’m not talking about that now - I’m not having this conversation now. - I’m working and don’t have time to talk. - I’m busy and am not responding to texts. - I don’t feel like it. - I don’t want to. - Just get up and leave (not engage in verbal intercourse / refusing to have a conversation I don’t want to have). Here’s how the 2 weeks went: - I have used some of the phrases above a number of times and am getting more comfortable saying those kinds of things. - I was solid on not validation seeking or DEERING, except for one DEERING mistake which you will see below. - I met with the divorce lawyer and the separation papers are being drawn up. They should be completed in a few weeks, and then I will put them in a drawer and wait till I'm ready. This was a big relief to see progress being made here. I felt quite happy about the progress. My wife doesn’t know about this. - On Monday, wife initiated sex. I was in the kitchen eating breakfast, and she came into the kitchen and said: Wife: Do you want to come to bed. Me: I’ve had enough sleep. Wife: No silly, I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about...you know. Me: Sure, let’s go. (I was shocked, but I’ve read enough of your work to know NOT to say “NO” to sex - so I followed her back into the bedroom and gave her an angry grudge fuck. I did the caveman routine. I did not care one bit for her pleasure. I was emotionally distant. Despite this she was very much into it, and she was fucking back, and enjoyed it. I’ll take it. 1st time I’ve had sex since February.) - Since sex was back on the table, I felt like initiating again...and did so successfully 4 more times. Each time was good. Not starfish. I haven’t had sex in 4 months, and now suddenly 5 times in a single week – this hasn’t happened in over a decade. Whether it’s manipulation or hysteric bonding or something else I’ll enjoy it for what it is because I have been sex starved. I feel much more relaxed and calmer with empty balls, but there is still a lot of anger below the surface, and I don’t trust her, and am not taking this as some kind of magic turnaround. - During the past week the wife’s demeanor changed abruptly to the positive. She started communicating mostly from the lower status / collaborative quadrant. She was incredibly pleasant and friendly. But it was certainly a better environment for a change. Twice she started verbally confronting me from the higher status adversarial perspective, and then she checked herself mid-sentence, and apologized, and reverted to lower status / collaborative. It has been 15+ years of weaponized sex and other bullshit...so one week of having a pleasant relationship and “acting right” and having sex doesn’t fix all of that. I’m still moving forward with my plans and am working on the legal paperwork with the lawyer and getting it ready to go. - Also - I invited wife to take showers 2 times and she accepted....intimacy with no sex. Nice for a change. - After all the sex from this week she tried to get me to move back to the bedroom again. Below is how the conversation went. I started off the conversation by DEERING but I course corrected myself and I think I got it right in the end: Wife: (interrupting me when I am working on my laptop in the family room) Why haven’t you come back to our bedroom? Me: I am enjoying being in the other room (I catch myself DEERING. I was about to start listing the reasons and caught myself and stopped. I then remembered the comments from the Patreon and corrected myself and changed direction) Me: I don’t want to talk about it. Wife: I thought things were getting better between us? Me: I don’t want to talk about it (broken record). Wife: See - I hate it when I ask you things and then you just shut down like that. What were you going to say? (In other words, I hate it when you shut down my attempts at manipulation by guilting you into talking and sharing your feelings so that I can use that information against you later.) Me: I said I don’t want to talk about it (broken record) Wife: Fine. Hmmmpf. Sighs. (Silence. She sits there staring at me. Attempted manipulation through passive aggressiveness) Me: STFU (I am good with the silence) Wife: I guess I can understand that I interrupted you while you were working. (halfhearted attempt at reconciliation) Me: That’s correct. See you later. (I get up, walk out of the room and go to my office to work) - I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was all manipulation on her part. Or was it me that was manipulating her? I think this whole conversation may be my doing. Remember- in my last field report I asked her “What benefit is it for me to sleep in our bed?” Is all this sex a response to my passive aggressive question? (as Opsec mentioned). - As I am writing this, the words from your substack article this week are playing in my head warning me NOT to turn all of my efforts into a big giant covert contract, and just stay focused on my goals. - Substack: “Stop looking at your wife like the measuring stick. How she reacts is not an indicator of your success. You are learning skills to navigate the sexual environment of a single or taken man. You set your success metrics and at best she will be the lagging indicator. The moment you make any of this about her is the moment you change your goal from being more fuckable, to fucking your wife. Instead of making yourself learn the skills to get what you want out of life, you make yourself into a validation seeking junkie, except for this time with a great workout program.”
Ground Hog Day
2024-06-05 23:35:47 +0000 UTCField report. 44(forgot had a birthday this year) 6’ Weight 210lbs (goal 185-195lbs by January 2025) Bench 185 Squat 185 Press. 85 Row 105 D. L. 185 Getting used to operating with me as the decision maker of my life’s direction. For as long as I can recall, my life had been do whatever to be apart of the group. To me this meant rely heavily on what I found out was the nice guy Covert Contracts to dictate my life's direction which did work. After the red-pill got found it was like someone described my life to me by pointing out all of my blind spots. This field report will go over what got done to get me where I am currently. After the ego bruising in the chat that got mentioned in last week’s report, re listened to some of the mid watches(mainly the last batch of current ones) where I kept hearing “if you can’t take internet strangers commenting on your life who don’t know you, how can you expect to handle someone you have emotional investment in?”(or something along those lines) Don’t know and don’t care why it connected that time but it did. May have launched into a residual anger phase but it did possess a focused effort towards itemizing me and my time. This task became simpler after my job informed us employees the company was going into “Critical Status" Work for a factory that supplies automotive parts to other automotive companies, my department supplies General Motors. Critical Status meant a mandatory 7 day work week with an option to get every 14th day off in which the days off would be staggered between employees in the department. Also it is “framed” as a way to show our customers how committed we are (read as the company is) to getting their products to them in a timely fashion. In reality the demand doesn’t get met due to old machines in some cases literally duct taped together. With the bulk of trades working first shift and skeleton crews for the other 2 shifts to cover an entire factory, which meant not if but when those duct taped machines went down they were down for most, if not all of the shift or days. Nevertheless signed up for this, what am I willing to do to get what I want… First thing decided to do was use one the breaking free exercises from NMMNG which was: Looked at as a gift, how would you describe it… So I did and this is what I did… 7 days with every other Monday off for 3 months(90 days) 6am wake up Try for morning sex before making coffee for me and the wife with gym bag ready to go along with pre-made pre-workout in the fridge made the night before. More consistent morning sex on the weekend than during the week with the wife able to sleep in afterwards and not have to be up for work. However did make myself a few times because wife woke me up with either a blowjob or her butt pushed up against me which got found out as one of the ways she presented herself. To Gym between 7-730am(half hour depended morning sex plus allowed for bathroom time) 730-930 am At gym. 10-15 minutes for stretching. 5x5 Monday, Wednesday, Friday with core workouts on those days and a 10 to 20 minute walk afterwards where I listened to a mix of Couch’s sub-stack or various audio books one of which I thought was one of Nietzsche’s actual books ,however, turned out to be lectures on all of his books and writings from two philosophy professors. Once again viewed it as a gift, listened as I walked outside after my workouts and recalled to take what they said with a grain of salt and didn’t think of it as a substitute for actual reading. Got some pretty cool questions to ask myself ,when journaling, out of it. Plus, connected some talking points about Nietzsche that was unfamiliar when heard in previous conversations. Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday at gym same time did a targeted area of body high reps low weight while working on form and finished with 20 minutes on the elliptical. Listened to more substack and books on audible or some focused jazz if I wanted to change it up and not think for a couple of minutes. Sunday yoga or stretching. 930-11am Time to self. Grocery shopping, with a goal made to have conversations with at least 1 person. Ended up getting to know a couple of the Cashiers, deli and bakery workers plus the employees that work in the butcher department. If no groceries needed, went and visited someone. Either my Mom, a friend or different family member. If neither groceries or visit went home read, picked a small project to complete around the house or journaled. 11am-1230pm Made lunch for wife and I as she came home for her lunch break. Some days a nooner although not to often. Mainly on the days where morning sex got postponed.(me being to tired but keeping the saying yes to sex as a standard) During the lunch prepared my work lunch: 3 protein shakes(160cals 30 grams protien). 1 protein bar(240 cals 20 grams of protein). 4 waters. Sugar free gum and sugar free Werthers originals (5 cals a piece) to help curve cravings Thermos of coffee with truvia sweetener and sugar free French vanilla creamer 3tbsps (60 cals)) Let the wife vent a little about the first half of her day. Started to make lunch as a way to build some intimacy and also noticing a bit of spiraling from the wife who didn’t eat breakfast so came home hopped up on caffeine from the morning coffee plus whatever fires happened at work. After the lunches started, spiraling went down and had conversations where I took the opportunity to use amused mastery ,do some flirting, start a tickle fight, play wrestle, pats on but, long kisses, fog or whatever else thought to try. On rare occasions wrestling turned into a quickie or another postponing.(did my best to recall to be first to disengage. Only got beat to it a handful of times before I stopped keeping track then it became; if I wanted to stop I did or if she stopped no big deal in any case, ended with a slap on the but) About halfway through lunch or round the end of it, finished getting ready for work. Shower, Lotion, cologne, face cream, deodorant and clean up the beard if needed. 1230pm-230pm Done with final preparations for work between 1250pm-120pm. Headed to work. In parking lot between 145-215pm. Depending on time allowed sat in car got a bit of Journaling or reading in(perhaps a mids watch) until it was time to clock in before 230pm. 230pm-1030 pm While at work. Took advantage of the time between the parts that got made with in each hour available to get more reading done. Journaled. Took time to look at bills. Look over school work. All types of productive things. Some days sat and watch youtubes, or listened to a podcast. Can no longer sit through a full clip of the white claw power hour(thanks for that)or that tall drink of water pearly things. Although sometimes did indulge stop to watch white claw powerhour lite(whatever podcast) if someone such as rollo, Mike Sartain made an appearance. Even caught the one with Justin Waller.(he did indeed look over it…) It is eye opening still, too see the way holding women accountable doesn’t work but it’s recognized ,where before what the girls did say got took at face value. 1030pm-12-1230am Intimacy time. On most nights, walked in either greeted wife (if up) if not, got out of the work clothes. Pre-set coffee to brew for the next morning. Grabbed a bag of chips(130 cals for 13 chips. Pre-counted and prepared or take bowl and count 13 chips out) If wife was up she prepared what I wanted to eat if a text hadn’t been sent in advance for what I may have wanted prepared. Lately been Salads or a sandwich. Sometimes breakfast(toast aunt millies potato bread 21 carbs for 2 slices, butter 2 tbsp 80 cals 2 eggs scrambled with butter, 2 slices of bacon broke in half, sometimes sugar free strawberry Smuckers jelly.) Before the meal shower together(build intimacy). Playful touching while washing each other. I wash her hair. She washes my dick and back. I also was her back. After the shower Lotion and a spray of cologne, put on some deodorant as well. Both put on robes nothing under them. During the meal more time took to talk bout the day, get caught up on what the kids did and any events upcoming. Some lite banter, playful most nights if not tired. Sporadic sex or 4 play during the week nights or I’m reading while she is on her phone laying on my lap or with her feet on my lap. Made a pact of whoever fell asleep first got to wake the other up however they chose to or just leave the other on the couch that was Monday-Thursday. Fridays and Saturdays stayed up later. Sent wife messages for food desired.(charcuterie boards, nacho bar or permitted burger king (used low carb bread or bun from home) or buffalo wild wings(unbreaded deep fried wings all sauces on the side.) Rotated turns picking a movie or old T.V. show to watch. Also on those nights, for at least 2 weeks out of the month, chose to seduce and take time to enjoy sex. Of the Friday nights and Saturday nights sex didn’t happen ,unless a morning event was to get attended, either woke up to a blowjob or some dick stroking or that butt pushed up on me. That schedule lasted up until last weekend which was the conclusion of the company’s Critical Status. Made some good strides relationship wise. Blurred line of sex and intimacy(still mindful of it can change however wife gets first Crack at libido not sole custody. Plus ask for bigger shoulders.) Got caught up on some bills. Eliminated or lowered others. Food budget ,along with lifestyle change, allowed me to see how much money got wasted on fast food.(WOW) The mandatory 7 day work schedule allowed for me to see the way my life went when boundaries got set.(time mainly) Got a chance to have practiced consistency and discipline.(food lifestyle, hygiene upkeep, consistent, bill payments, initiations for sex eventually made the rejections to sex minimal by way of the found difference between Hard No’s, not right now, or a mindfulness to energy levels.(sometimes just too tired is a real thing plus there did come a time in which my hopes were for the too tired rejection. Sex became almost too much after a while. Almost.) With the Critical Status and shifts worked opposite each other, did use texts for more than logistics. Kept it to a minimum funny meme here or there to answer a question or give encouragement or my approval of a decision that got made because I was unreachable. The downtime at work did act as a time buffer for the nights the wife did do the ambush.(shout out to practical female psychology)Did set a time limit for the ambush which was between the time after the work boots came off and chips got eaten(didn’t hear all of the story over the crunching. Did pay attention enough to nod and make eye contact. Attention is attention)until once in the shower. Round 10-15 minutes.
bruce dunn
2024-06-05 23:03:05 +0000 UTC
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