How I've Been Doing and Other Updates

Hey all...you've probably noticed for a while now that I've been struggling with putting out videos and streams and really producing much at all. Hell, I've kinda had struggles with this in the past and I've always struggled with keeping up with patron rewards. And...its true. My depression has gotten worse in the past few months, and it hasn't really ever been at normal levels for pretty much any of this patreon's existence. And I'm ashamed of that. I deeply am. Because I feel like I'm conning you all out of your money in a way. That I'm not producing up to expectation. Hell, I kinda still struggle with even seeing my productions as worthwhile.

The truth is that this is still a job even if I don't really make the money to really call it that. And while this is the job in life that has come most naturally to me (that and filmmaking), it is still a job, and jobs can be tough when you're demotivated. Especially in the last few months I've struggled really keeping myself diligent, not because I don't care about this. Hell there's nothing I think about more than creating videos and films. Its because I doubt myself. Doubt my ability. And every time I try to work it can be hard to not be overwhelmed.

But I'm not quitting. I care about this and clearly you all do too. So in that I want to keep trying but I ask for some patience and care. If this struggling means lost patronage...I understand and appreciate your support up until now. But I promise I'm gonna keep working on videos, keep pushing myself. And hopefully soon I'll be producing faster than I ever have in my entire career again. But until then I want to work on being honest with all of you. To be real, we've always been deeply behind on the patron hangouts, and there's a part of me tempted to suspend them for a bit while still keeping the $10 spot for major shout outs for the time being as I get better and catch-up...but I want that to be up to all of you as its your money and your tiers. Feel free to reply.

In the meantime, despite my struggles, I'm still hopeful for my future. After hitting 10K subscribers I'm genuinely feeling like I have a chance to maybe be successful at this. But in the meantime...I'm just happy you all like my silly little videos and films. Thank you.

PS I will be making this note public for non-patrons just to update everyone and potential patrons in this time, but commenting should be limited to just patrons.