Dealing With It
Added 2024-01-26 19:34:38 +0000 UTCDon't take the final panels as some sweeping statement about how I think of or address my past self. I'll still think of young me as a guy sometimes, especially when it's funny. But when I think about how I dealt with my feelings, how long I kept everything I felt about my body and identity pushed down out of fear or denial, I try to be kind and think of the one doing that as a scared and confused girl who had so many things working against her, from inside and outside of herself.
I've tried to tackle this particular comic idea a few times now, from different angles and such. Even drew a couple that ended up being cut and rearranged/redrawn into this one, but I kept feeling like I didn't have it right. I think this is pretty close.
I'm also excited to say I submitted a short script to an upcoming trans comics anthology last fall and over the holidays received words that it was accepted! I'm working on the pages now, but can't really show or talk about it beyond this until later this year. I'm really excited to see my work in print for the first time.
Comments
I get it. We did the best we knew, and could. We were kids, so what we knew and could do wasn't a lot. So we did what we had to do to cope. To survive. And we did, so yay younger us!
Carla Fonseca
2024-01-29 18:53:22 +0000 UTCThanks for sharing that - I need to learn to be more patient and gentle with younger me. I was doing my best, it just wasn't very much
Cleo Schmitz
2024-01-29 06:24:20 +0000 UTCI'm reminded in many ways to something I'm working on. Being kind to my younger self. It's hard for me to accept that the things I did to bottle it all up and disassociate all those years ago, weren't things that were a waste of my time, but instead were things little Loxia HAD to do in order to survive in that hostile time and place. She was doing her best.
Loxia
2024-01-29 06:04:17 +0000 UTCGod I felt this one so hard 😩💜 There are definitely some moments when I look back and I think “Oh that was definitely boy me” but definitely when dealing with my depressive episodes from then I just see a poor girl who is so lost. Beautifully told 💜 Also I can’t wait to buy that anthology!!! 💜💜💜
Ramona Mantegani
2024-01-29 00:12:41 +0000 UTCI have a lot of similar thoughts about my younger self and the way I grew up. You said it just right.
Relia
2024-01-27 05:22:59 +0000 UTCThat was beautiful. Thank you for sharing, and I'm glad she made it to a better, healthier place
OftenSane
2024-01-27 02:43:55 +0000 UTC"I think knowing what was wrong, and being unable to do anything about it, might have been worse." OOF I think about my brother when I read this, for whom being gay and not being a christian were both FORBIDDEN, so he buried/denied the one and hid the other.
Marie Buhtz
2024-01-26 23:29:46 +0000 UTC"She was doing her best" feels very familiar, in retrospect. I'm glad she persevered. 💜 As an aside, congratulations on your submission being accepted! 🎉
Daphne☆
2024-01-26 22:27:52 +0000 UTCDamn I really needed this today. Had therapy a few days ago which always dredges up old memories.
Itophu
2024-01-26 22:14:42 +0000 UTCI hold so much... anger? frustration? at younger me. Almost a feeling of betrayal. I really appreciate your final panel. She was doing her best to stay afloat in a world that had barely had a conception of trans people.
Daphne
2024-01-26 21:14:35 +0000 UTCYes, we *do* know. The usual. She was doing her best in a world that not only didn't give her the tools to figure it out but actively steered her towards bottling everything up (and we know where that led). In my case, trying to make sense of it meant mental gymnastics that ended up in realising, some 30 years past my teens, that people can in fact be cis and not just better role-players.
Unni Leino
2024-01-26 20:47:15 +0000 UTCSame. Broke my heart for her in all the right ways.
Amber Spark
2024-01-26 20:24:48 +0000 UTCSomeone once told me that “we do the best we can with what we have at the time.” I often wish I could go back to my 20-something self and tell them who she really is, but I always wonder if she could have accepted it. How much of what I had to endure doing that time made me strong enough to handle the fight of coming out, especially to myself?
Amber Spark
2024-01-26 20:22:59 +0000 UTCDamn. Way to stick me right in the trauma. 😭💜
Faith Ekstrand
2024-01-26 20:17:05 +0000 UTCSo many of the "old-fashioned" ways of society are awful. I'm really pleased a lot more cartoons and comics are trying to push the "there's no wrong way to be 'x'" messages than there were when I was growing up (for example, the UK version of Dennis the Menace would previously have routinely come into conflict and bully effeminate boy characters, the Softies... amazing way to make boys who were into the same things feel respected...). Men / boys don't cry is another one that still lingers to this day because of "stiff upper lip" and whatever, which is awful. The sad thing is, as much as things are on the mend, we have no idea exactly when things will get to the 'ideal' point, or even what that really is. I hope that we shall see it come to fruition within our lifetimes, and I honestly do believe we are on track as a society for the "old-fashioned" messages to die out within the next century. We all just have to do our part to help this outcome get here as soon as possible. We can do it. <3 I'm happy your work was accepted for the anthology comic! Going to print is exciting news, wow! Good for you, Robin. ^^
Jen Campbell
2024-01-26 20:13:10 +0000 UTCUgh. Love this. That correction in pronoun in the end though brought the 😭.
Zeniya Starr
2024-01-26 20:11:53 +0000 UTCFirst panel kicked off a memory of mine. I was 8 or so playing T-ball and something happened that made me cry. I don’t remember what it was, but I do remember my dad taking me aside and telling me that I had to “toughen up.” And it wasn’t like in a movie where he was being overbearing or angry. He was quiet and matter-of-fact about it. Which made it so much worse. It made it clear this was just something I had to do no matter how I felt. If there was anything he could say to shove a larval trans girl *deep* into the closet, it was that.
Taigan
2024-01-26 19:48:15 +0000 UTC💜
Sarah Peper 🏳️⚧️
2024-01-26 19:47:47 +0000 UTCHang in there. It does get better, I promise
Jess Colville
2024-01-26 19:45:14 +0000 UTCCrying now ❤️❤️🏳️⚧️🔴
Charlotte With a D
2024-01-26 19:43:50 +0000 UTCDammit Robin.. making me cry on a friday before my HRT shot... Not cool girl... not cool. But i completely understand and identify with that experience.. and I am glad you are here... he did a good job protecting you and getting you here.
Kari Jane
2024-01-26 19:42:38 +0000 UTCAlmost all of this reflects my thoughts tbh. Although I'd definitely want to slap my past selves if I could, for a variety of reasons.
Klairi Tasopoulou
2024-01-26 19:42:24 +0000 UTCThanks, we owe compassion to our past selves.
Nivali Mariam
2024-01-26 19:41:20 +0000 UTCI love this. I think it also reflects how a lot of us dealt with our emerging gender dysphoria & incongruence. I know I didn’t have any of the knowledge I needed to understand what was going on with me, nor did I feel safe searching for that information for a long time. I know I’m still unlearning some male behaviors and defense mechanisms, but I think recognizing that younger Jess did the best she could with what she had is a big step in letting go of the difficulties of my teenage years. And I applaud you for doing the same
Jess Colville
2024-01-26 19:40:58 +0000 UTCComing to understand my gender but still being forcibly kept in the closet by circumstance is what I'm going through now and... don't know if it's actually worse than not knowing but damn does it hurt in a much more pressing way than it ever did before.
Shagorche
2024-01-26 19:40:47 +0000 UTCI love how much I can relate to your comics. It gives me little boosts of confidence in myself and helps me combat those obnoxious little voices that tell me I would have known when I was younger, so I'm just faking it. Thank you for everything you've done. It's helped me immensely.
Katie
2024-01-26 19:40:27 +0000 UTCThis hits so very close to home. I had a lot more pressure about being emotional coming from outside - friends, school, etc. rather than household specifically - but otherwise, it's basically describing my life.
Katieclysm
2024-01-26 19:39:24 +0000 UTCFuck. Making me cry goddamnit. That hurt. In the most intimate way.
Dream0fSkye
2024-01-26 19:37:02 +0000 UTC
