Brellom

Depressed, for lack of a better word...

Added 2024-11-29 01:47:38 +0000 UTC

Ordinarily, I'd leave these complaints on Twitter and let it stew in silence, but this has the potential to drastically impact my career - so I should share it here.

To keep things short:

I'm tired. I'm not good enough. Not enough people care about my work and I do not create anything of genuine, long-term value. I don't see a "point" in creating - it feels like such a waste of time lately.

I'm behind on some work, which should serve as evidence of my exhaustion. Not to mention the gradual simplification of my Patreon experience over time.

I feel like I should give up because I'm not good enough, but I can't because my livelihood depends on this. I'm sick of courting social media, but can't survive operating within an isolated bubble. I don't want to be forced to create shallow artwork for other people, but it's clear that I can't simply create for myself. Also, Patreon has insisted on making my life harder too (with censorship & banning me from advertising on social media) -- and who knows what laws will change moving forward that will affect my career. I feel like I've lost and I'm just slowly watching myself spiral into acceptance until it's too late.

I'm sure many of these feelings aren't a big surprise to those of you who've been here a while, as I echoed similar, albeit less extreme, thoughts in the past.

I still plan to catch up on the work that I've fallen behind on, but I felt that it was important I express these feelings to you, given that it directly impacts my work - and what you're here to support. I don't know if I'll manage to pull myself out of this within a reasonable time frame.

Apologies for souring your holiday mood.

Don't forget to eat & sleep.