[Patron-Only Feed] What is a brellom? A miserable little pile of muffins.

One of the pieces in this preview was rendered a bit more than the watercolour-esque stuff, so that's pretty cool. I'm not 100% convinced that the piece itself is that amazing though, so there's definitely some kinks that would need to be worked out in the rendering style.

That being said, CLIP STUDIO PAINT just added some new authentic watercolour brushes to their tool set, so I'm interested in seeing how I could integrate them into my process. There's a definite appeal to my watercolour style, and they're easy to approach -- so adding some additional value to that style could make them more enjoyable to look at.

On February...

February was a bit of a rough month, I think. I lost a lot of work potential during the first two weeks of the month. In part due to Monster Hunter World and in part due to feeling like poo. Still, I managed the wrap the month up nicely.

I also found myself not having much to say in the last month, so there were less posts for the Patron-Only Feed. Perhaps I should considered broadening the scope of what I do for the feed, and the kinds of things I do and say. I still don't have much to say though.

What is worthwhile to me?

I'm still struggling to feel like I'm creating work that is truly worthwhile, and it feels so tough to allow myself much more time to spend on art. Even though I resolved to do just that at the start of 2019. I also don't think my work has much of a lasting impact or emotional drive to it -- and how could it when it's just assorted sketches? 

I feel, very much so, like I am simply moving from paycheck to paycheck. I haven't looked forward to anything I've made, and I'm not sure that I'm doing what I want to do.

How do I just... Do what satisfies me?

I think I've created such a powerful mental block to taking longer on work, and doing what I do, that doing those things just feels like so much more of an ordeal than it actually should be. But perhaps that sounds silly... 

Comics are easy enough to point towards since I'm friends with amazing comic artists like Psudonym & Satellite 9. As a medium, comics are pretty engaging and have the potential to bring readers back over time. But they're very intimidating endeavors...

Can I justify making people wait the length of time it requires to produce that content? Web comics typically required some sort of web hosting, and that can be pretty technical too. Do I even have enough material to make a compelling story that people would actively WANT to read? Is this something I'm even reasonably capable of doing? I just don't know.

Am I really doing the best that I can with my current work? I'm not doing anything new or ambitious, or even particularly beautiful to experience. The income I've generated has been pretty static for the last 6 months or so, so I'm not making myself particularly endearing to support compared to what I could be doing. I just don't feel secure with myself. 

Perhaps I should also consider advertising myself more. I've never been one to plug my art outlets, but I wonder if I'm missing out on many more supporters because I haven't been. Maybe I should be taking on more commissions too. I dunno.

I spent a good chunk of time last month trying to figure out what it is that I want, though I haven't arrived at an answer. I'll probably spend more time thinking about it this month. 

Anyway, I hope I'm able to make some cool things this month.

Don't forget to eat & sleep.