Amy's Journal

Week #1

I went to the therapist for the first time today. I’ve been feeling anxious, and it’s been affecting work. I feel like I can’t make anyone happy, that maybe I can’t relate to people at all. Why do all my relationships fall apart? The therapist spent most of the session asking questions and then told me to keep a journal, which is what this is. The idea is that if I can look back I can see the progress I made when the therapy starts working.

Week #2

Today the therapist suggested we try hypnosis. I was a bit nervous, hypnosis is. Well it’s kind of a fetish of mine. Ever since I saw the Jungle Book and saw Kaa the idea of being put into a trance has been a turn on. I even went to that stage show in college because I was interested in… well in I don’t know what. A hypnotic hook-up or something.

The hypnotist asked my experience with hypnosis and I told her that I’d not been hypnotized before. Which was true, though I did downplay my interest in it. She explained to me what hypnosis was, how the mind relaxes to a point where it allows the subconscious part of our thoughts to surface. She described how it would feel, how I’d start to relax and focus on just her voice and how I might not notice at first how sleepy I was but that I’d eventually feel heavy and relaxed. She added that while she would use a hypnotic focal point she did not really need to, that just her voice would be enough as long as I listened closely that I’d go into hypnosis for her.

The session seemed to end fairly quickly. I’d have complained but next week we try hypnosis.

Week #3

I’d been dreaming about hypnosis and the therapist hypnotizing me all week. I even had a dream that she already had. I must admit I’m totally not into women, but the idea of her using hypnosis to control me makes me wet if I let myself think about it too much.

The session started with her asking a few questions and then setting a candle on the desk between us. She lit it and asked me to look into the flame and to see only the flame. She spoke for a bit, about how the flame danced mindlessly without thoughts but yet still beautiful. She told me to relax and focus on the flame, to take deep breaths and just watch the flame.

I must admit after that it gets hazy. I remember clearly talking to her as I watched the flame, but not what we were saying. Then I felt my eyes growing heavy and the next thing I know I was laying on her couch just waking up.

Week #4

I realize that I’ve most of this time talking about hypnosis and not a lot about my improvement. I’m finding the anxiety lessening. Catherine, I mean my therapist, thinks my anxiety was because I kept failing in relationships and that I kept failing in them because I was not looking for what I really wanted. She explained how hypnosis will help me get in touch with what it is that I truly desire so I stop blaming the men I’m dating for not living up to standards that even I don’t know I have.

Week #5

I’m getting better at going into hypnosis. This time when Catherine lit the candle my eyes just locked onto it right away. She barely had to say anything and I was floating with her voice. Soon we were talking, and I couldn’t tell you what about. Then again I woke up on her couch and the session was over.

Week #8

 I told Catherine about what I told you last week, that I thought I might be a lesbian. Men just don’t interest me anymore. She found it interesting, explaining that many young women get brainwashed into being straight by the expectations society puts on them, and that the hypnosis was helping me to find out who I really was.

This time she wanted to try something different, and showed me an old pocket watch. She explained that as someone who was aroused by hypnosis that I’d find being hypnotize by something as iconic as a watch would be even stronger and more effective than the candle. I don’t remember telling her about my fetish, but to be honest it’s probably best she knows. 

Anyway I couldn’t take my eyes off the watch, right away they were glued there as it swung back and forth and as Catherine spoke. I remember answering some questions and then I was on the couch. What’s odd is that this time it was both my panties and my bra that were stuffed into my purse.

Week #12

I’m excited to go to the gathering that Catherine is having for some of her patients. It’s at her home next week. I wanted to talk about it with her, ask what to wear and if I should bring anything but as soon as I entered her office something odd happened. I simply walked over to her couch and lay down and then that was it, I was out. It must have been a post-hypnotic trigger to speed up the hypnosis, and get more therapy into the session.

Still it was a bit scary to feel my body moving without thinking about what I was doing, or being able to stop myself. 

And hot.

Week #13

The party was interesting. Catherine has a lot of really hot young women as patients. And her secretary Donna was there too. We all were talking, not about our therapy of course but just stuff we had in common. Everyone I talked to loved being Catherine’s patient. I realized that I do too. 

Catherine then gave a speech. I must admit it was kind of boring, I noticed a few of the others falling asleep, and I think I may have too. Afterwards I bumped into Mary who goes to see Catherine on Tuesdays. We hit it off and we ended up… well eating each other out in a guest room. I feel so scandalous. I told Catherine about it at our session and she seemed pleased.

Week #20

Mary’s sleeping beside me. We haven’t talked about her moving in yet, but she’s been here every night for the past two weeks so maybe we should. I feel really content and so far neither of us have done anything to fuck it up. I haven’t been getting possessive or needy which is new for me. Catherine says it’s because I’m finally finding what I want in a relationship and I’m comfortable.

Week #22

I thought that Mary’s was seeing someone else, she wouldn’t answer her phone and the last two nights she’s smelled of someone else’s perfume. I felt betrayed and angry but I decide to talk to Catherine first. It’s an emergency so I called her on her cell, before I do anything rash like break up with Mary.

Catherine told me to come over and chat.

When I arrived Mary was there, naked. I felt hurt and yelled at Catherine. The therapist just smiled until I was done yelling then said the phrase ‘Amy’s enslavement’ and nothing. I went blank.

I remember bits and pieces now. I removed my dress and was kneeling on Catherine’s bed repeating the phrase, ‘Amy obeys, Amy is a slave’ over and over again. Mary and Catherine then joined me on the bed and we… I’d never had a threesome, certainly not one hypnotized and unable to resist.

It was amazing.

Week #52

I can’t believe it’s been a year. This was my last session with Mistress Catherine. Since she’s become my dominant lover it’s not ethical that we keep seeing each other professionally though I still have to make my weekly donations to her savings fund. Mary and I are getting married in June. 

I am happy. I can’t believe the change. Neither can anyone I know. I’ve sung Mistress Catherine’s praises to all my female friends. My sister Jennifer and Amanda from work both had their first sessions last week. I wonder what their journals will look like in a year.