journal entry

I've been so frustrated lately. frustrated at myself. frustrated there's not enough time in the day. frustrated I've taken too much on. frustrated at my body and mind for not keeping up and being invincible. frustrated that I can't do everything at once. frustrated I haven't had time to do anything I actually enjoy. frustrated that I don't even remember the last time I did. frustrated I do this to myself. frustrated at this cycle. frustrated that I do this to myself probably once a year. frustrated knowing I'm close to burning out. frustrated that I'm probably already there. frustrated that I feel I need a purpose. frustrated that society told me that's so. frustrated that I feel so old at 26. frustrated I'm having aches and pains. frustrated I get almost daily migraines from the stress. frustrated that i feel like i can't stop. frustrated at the time i feel like i'll loose if i do. frustrated at the rest i'll gain if i do. frustrated at my body. frustrated at myself.

I do do this to myself probably once a year, put too much on my plate and slowly choke. it's a cycle I'm learning to change. I think I did pretty good last year, I don't remember any notable burnout. But then, I do kinda feel like my life is consistently working towards some sort of burnout, whether it be a slow burn or a gasoline and match sorta fire. 

it's hard for me to say no to an opportunity. this time it's going to school full-time, freelancing and running my own business full-time, juggling the creative pursuits almost full-time, I just picked up a consistent part-time gig working the markets for this lovely French bakery, and I'm moving this week. I've done the math and to do everything well I need more hours than there are in a week. the next fun part is going to be to decide what I need to drop, or how to create more hours in the day. I do this to myself. I frustrate myself.