L.O.J.S.H 232

"So do we begin with the randomizer like last time?" I asked, leaning back on the couch as I crossed my arms, to which Zetia sighed in frustration and rolled her eyes. "Something wrong?" I asked, watching Zetia reach into her desk's drawer, retrieving a small wooden chest. 

"You're real lucky, you know?" Zetia remarked as he put the chest on the desk and turned it in my direction. "There won't be any randomizing this time around, and you're the top prize..." she added, removing the chest's lid to show me the red devil fruit inside. 

The devil fruit looked like a bright red pomegranate with swirling, protruding purple patterns all over it with a thin, long green stem splitting into the end and forming the shape of two horns.

"Oh? Why so?" I asked, raising an eyebrow as I turned to Zetia after inspecting the fruit from my seat. "You're not gonna pin this on me, are you?" I asked with a chuckle. 

"Only partly. It's not completely your fault this time around," Zetia replied with a sigh, rubbing the bridge of her nose in frustration. "It was the god of procrastination's turn to provide the prizes for this update..." she added, shrugging her shoulders. 

"Let's just say he takes his position as the god of procrastination very seriously. You, showing up earlier than expected, didn't help either..." she concluded, a bitter smile tugging on her lips. 

"You sure have it hard, don't you?" I remarked, sending Zetia a sympathetic look that only seemed to make her more annoyed. 

"Whose fault do you think that is?!" she snapped, glaring at me as she palmed the table with a loud thud, her eyes twitching in frustration.

"Not mine alone, apparently," I replied with a smile, unphased by Zetia's sudden outburst. "Why not use the devil fruits from the first draw, by the way?" I asked, quickly changing the subject as I didn't want to annoy Zetia too much.

"The god of gluttony ate them," Zetia replied, trying and failing to keep a neutral expression, but her exasperation leaked through her tone. Though, I think "overflew" would be the more proper word.

I could do nothing but chuckle as I heard Zetia's reply. I shook my head and wisely chose not to comment on the subject and made my way to Zetia's desk to take my prize.

"So, what kind of devil fruit is this?" I asked as I took out the devil fruit and playfully tossed it a couple of times in my hand. "I can only think it's something impressive after hearing what you said," I added as I leaned into the couch and continued inspecting the devil fruit. 

[You have received the diamond ranked Oni-Oni mythical zone devil fruit, model: Kijin]

"Oh, It's been a while since I heard the system's voice. How nostalgic," I remarked with a smile after the system's cold mechanical echoed in my head.

"Diamond rank? Wasn't the highest rank last time gold? and what the hell is a Kijin?" I asked, raising an eyebrow as I turned to Zetia with a questioning look. 

"Like I said, you got lucky, but don't get used to it," Zetia replied through gritted teeth, taking a deep breath to calm herself. "Kijins are the Onis' meaner, more buffed cousins, and I'm not talking about the lame ones you have in your world..." she explained, exhaling the sigh she was holding, having composed herself. 

"Look up the fruit in your devil fruit encyclopedia if you want to know more," she concluded with a huff, dismissively gesturing towards my backpack.

I nodded as I retrieved my encyclopedia from the backpack and began flipping through the pages, only stopping once I found a match with the devil fruit in my lap.

"The fruit's user can turn into an Oni with a supernatural physique capable of any physical feat imaginable... they would have an almost infinite source of life force and stamina, an almost nigh-invulnerable skin, and an extended lifespan."

"The fruit would enhance the user's natural physical attributes such as strength, speed, stamina, and resistance to damage to unimaginable levels, providing a supernatural healing factor, and boos their talent in armament haki."

"It also provides a minor shape-shifting ability, granting the ability to disguise the user's appearance and complete control over their unbreakable claws." 

I whistled, my eyes widening in amazement as I read through the list of abilities the devil fruits had, my mind recalling the one question I asked Zetia the first time I came here.  

I had asked her how Blackbeard could have two devil fruits, and she told me that the devil resides in one's heart, but having two such organs wasn't enough to eat devil fruits. I asked her to elaborate on that, but she refused, saying she had already given me more than I asked. 

"Zetia," I said, smiling as I turned to her with a fawning look. "Do I get a question this time too, and can I ask it now?" I asked with a smile so sweet that it could give a malnourished baby diabetes. 

"Sure, why not?" She replied, with a sigh, shrugging her shoulders as she waited for me to ask. 

"What do I need to have in order to eat this devil fruit without exploding?" I asked, immediately going quiet and looking at Zeita with an expected look, giving her my full attention.

"Devil fruits don't get along with each other, and that's why they cause whoever eats of them two to explode," Zetia explained as she leaned into her leather chair. "Having two hearts means you can house two devil fruits in your body, but you'd be a fool to think that's enough to keep you safe," she added, waving a hand in a dismissive gesture.

"The two devil fruit's essence needs to circulate your body through your veins to give you its abilities, meaning the two devil fruit abilities will bump into each other and make you explode," she added, shrugging her shoulder. 

"So you're saying I need to have a second circulatory system?" I interjected, frowning as realization dawned on me as Zetia nodded in response. 

I didn't say anything else as I quickly opened the system and started browsing for a second circulatory system, which I found, but I didn't buy it immediately. 

I quickly found the upgrade I came here for in the first place and bought it without a second of hesitation. 

[-400 CP. 100 CP reamaining]

[You have received a pocket dimension inventory]

Looking at the second circulatory system's cost, 200 CP, I quickly turned to my cyberware tab and started selling anything related to strength and stamina until I had 250CP.

I wouldn't need any strength and stamina upgrades since the new devil fruit would make them redundant at best and deadweight at worst.

I wasted no time buying the second circulatory system, an itchy feeling coming over my insides as I completed the purchase.

"Whelp, here we go again..." I muttered as I raised the devil fruit to my mouth with my left hand, pinching my nose with the other. 

I slowly opened my mouth and took the tiniest bite possible as if pinching the fruit's skin with my teeth and immediately swallowed the almost microscopic piece I managed to carve in haste.

...

You guys know how Johnny's jolly roger is a is half oni demon, half cyborg mask? Well now he can actually turn into an oni-cyborg and represent his flag! XD