PsychologyInSeattle

PsychologyInSeattle

Avoidant Personality Disorder (Deep Dive) Part 2

Added 2020-06-13 14:00:04 +0000 UTC

This is part two in the Avoidant Personality Disorder Deep Dive.

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The Psychology In Seattle Podcast.

This content is for educational and informational purposes only. Although Kirk Honda is a licensed marriage and family therapist, this content is not a replacement for proper mental health treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental health provider regarding any questions or concerns you have about your mental health needs.

Avoidant Personality Disorder (Deep Dive) Part 2

Comments

Is part one the one that is 9 minutes long?

2022-08-27 12:52:28 +0000 UTC

I'm 38 years old and I've suffered with AVPD since I was probably 3 years old. I only learned about AVPD (and was diagnosed with it) a year and a half ago. Before then, I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder (and adhd). When I was a teen, and was finally diagnosed with SAD I found an online support message board, but I always felt "worse off" than that group of people. They never seemed quite as isolated or shut away from the world. A lot of them had significant others, had children, went to college, had careers, lived alone, went to parties, etc. etc. etc. So I ended up feeling like I was the most defective person in a message board community that contained hundreds of people. I could go on and on about AVPD and my experiences with living with it, but I've found a way to basically describe what it feels like to be me. Imagine that every moment of your life that you are in front of anyone (including your closest family members) that there's a bright spotlight shining on you AT ALL TIMES. You feel like any time you are within sight of another person you are center stage, and they are judging every aspect of you (how you walk, how you talk, how you move, your mannerisms, your intelligence, your clothing, your grooming, how you eat, what you're doing, how you're doing it, etc.) EVERYTHING feels like it's happening under a microscope, and everyone is a harsh critic waiting for you to screw up. You feel like a defective, stupid, odd, eccentric, awkward, high maintenance, narcissistic, incompetent, inept misfit of a human being. So in order to protect yourself from pressure that all-incompassing, you hide yourself away. You focus on activities that allow you to forget you're so different and that you can't have the things in life that you really want for yourself. I know not everyone with AVPD feels this way, but this is the way I've felt for a very long time. I'm just now (the past year and a half) using therapy to help pull myself out from under AVPD. I'm optimistic, now that I understand that I'm not alone with these struggles and that there is help to get better. :)

2020-11-09 20:20:25 +0000 UTC

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