Codependency
Added 2021-11-03 14:01:02 +0000 UTCDeep dive on codependency. What is it? How does it form? How is it treated?
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Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.
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Comments
I did the spann-fisher and I got a score of 37. I am confused on what it means specially that the scale says a score of 16 is low co-dependency, but there are 16 items with a score of 1-6 so anyone who takes it has codependency? If I look at it from how many items I agreed on the score is 6 out of 16 so again what does this mean?
G
2024-07-13 05:15:47 +0000 UTC“There are some vampires there for some reason” 🤣🤣🤣
Marzia
2024-03-05 00:57:12 +0000 UTCI feel personally attacked by this deep dive, haha. I'm just kidding, but it describes so much of my personality it's very interesting.
Candace Rae
2022-08-02 16:55:27 +0000 UTCAre you mad that he was acknowledging a hierarchy in the field that unfortunately exists for some? I don't think he was condoning it. I mean he actually said LMFTs, are not well respected because it's more family and marriage focused which is seen as woman stuff and therefore not well regarded in a patriarchal system. I think a lot of those sentiments are more prevalent in the college arena where research is done and scholarly journal writing is required. It's arrogant. I don't think he was in anyway saying it was OK but rather just acknowledging unhealthy views in the field.
LEAVEITBEHIND
2021-11-17 01:39:44 +0000 UTCI would be upset too if I thought Dr Honda was saying certain degrees are ‘less than’ others. I heard Dr Honda’s comments regarding hierarchy within the helping degrees very differently; I heard him saying that unfortunately there are those who judge clinicians based on degree and the top of the esteem pyramid is MD, then ‘below that’ PsyD, then masters level therapists etc. I heard he does not agree with this prejudice but that it exists and due to its existence the concept of codependency, having come out of CD and family systems worlds, hasn’t received the type of attention DSM diagnoses have, hence the lack of definition. Spend time in any research setting and I think there is absolutely a hierarchy based on degree adhered to by the leadership. Or outside of research, take the fact that Insurance carriers reimburse less for a masters level clinician than a PhD level. Of course a PhD has invested more time and money into their degree while getting their degree, but it doesn’t necessarily follow that their psychotherapy hour is worth more to a client or is ‘better’ than a masters level clinician but the reality is there is a compensation difference that’s significant.
She-ra
2021-11-15 23:23:02 +0000 UTCI enjoy intelligent podcasts, and therefore I am attracted to yours. As a licensed therapist with an MSW from Pitt, I often find some of your comments and "insights" to be odd. Meaning, at times I honestly wonder why you are impressed with yourself for some of the conclusions and information that you find so clever. When it seems to be basic knowledge to trained therapists. That's why today's show really surprised me when you started putting down your colleagues after trying to brag about "trauma reactivity". Now-a-days, a therapist must live under a rock to not have a trauma informed practice, but good therapists are constantly looking for more. More empirically backed data regarding treatment methods, insightful studies, and lessons from therapists who have had experiences we can learn from. However, never have I felt the need to compete with fellow therapists, or to categorize them into some arbitrary hierarchy system the way you did on today's show. That was rude of you to do to your paying listeners and extremely unprofessional. Before you even listed my own category (social work) as the bottom of the barrel, my 17 yr old daughter whom I had just picked up from school said "this dude has got to be white", and then laughed her head off after she said, "he totally made every client completely doubt the care they are getting!". After being totally degraded as a therapist, worst part for me even after listening to the deep dive regarding codependency, was that I truly didn't learn anything new. And no, it's not because I treat drug and alcohol. I work as a therapist for children and their families. Can you imagine the pariah of a therapist I would have seen as had I been struck by the unfortunate luck of having been a social worker who worked in addiction therapy!!!! The horror!!!!
Kelly Landefeld
2021-11-15 22:16:15 +0000 UTCWhat a thoughtful comment. I agree. The podcast made me think a lot and brought up many questions, but in a really good way.
LEAVEITBEHIND
2021-11-09 10:45:20 +0000 UTCGood points and I appreciate your take. I also appreciate what you've been through in real life, and thanks for bringing your perspective. I hear your love for your son and your strength and perseverance in your response. I just threw a hot take reaction out to Dr. Honda's perspective on Helen Hunt. There's definitely some serious issues addressed in As Good As It Gets, and despite that, I throw it on as a "light" romcom and feel good movie. I love the scene where Greg Kinnear learns that he's got a place to stay at Jack Nicholson's apartment. I like when Jack Nicholson says, "See? Everything's going to be OK." I never thought about the movie and its characters in a deeper way. All I'll say is Dr. Honda's reference to the movie made me think of it in ways I had not before. Your comment as well. And, the deep dive is helping me consider how codependency affected me and my family. That'll help in my journey!
Esmond Kim
2021-11-09 07:56:35 +0000 UTCI don't know? I named my son Spencer after Helen Hunt's son in the movie. I was a single mom working as a waitress same as her. Coincidentally my son grew to have serious health issues, very serious. And my healthcare was the same as her's...basically cookie cutter send one on their way with a band aid. I saw her character from a very different view as Dr. Honda, but I whole heartedly admit I am biased and absolutely not a clinician. I think she was fiercely independent and strong because she HAD to be and was capable of that overfunctioning when not all are. Her circumstances required it. Overfunctioning meant surviving. I thought maybe it was overwhelmingly wonderful having a psychologically struggling and, yes very grumpy man who had lots of influence and money step into her life and give her a GIFT her strength was not able to bring to her son no matter how hard she tried. Her son was better. No small thing. How can you not feel amazingly grateful? I guess that was my take on her behavior and character development. Maybe I saw it as the misery of his grumpiness and mental health struggles were nothing compared to being a struggling single mom living with your mother and sleeping on the couch and not being able to get your sick child decent healthcare. Women in USA, where the movie takes place all want to be the non damsel in distress or the damsel who rescues the man now because the modern world tells us any less is well...maybe Co dependent or at the least not living up to your potential. But some of us women, especially single moms, are really really struggling! And if you get help in the form of a grumpy Jack Nicholson you don't say no if it means your life improves. As long as you genuinely find things you like about him. And for her she had a big thing that made him easy to like. Like the mother said in the movie...this is not a gift you turn down. But as I said, I am so seriously biased on this one. Perhaps I just can't see it for that reason?
LEAVEITBEHIND
2021-11-08 22:55:45 +0000 UTCOh man! As I listen to this, As Good As It Gets is ruined for me! Helen Hunt just replaces having to overfunction for her son with crippling health problems with Jack Nicholson, the man with crippling emotional and psychological problems (and also the guy who paid for the doctor to attend to her son's problems, so she's available to shift her codependency onto Jack Nicholson). Thank psychology. Another romcom ruined.
Esmond Kim
2021-11-08 21:29:18 +0000 UTCThank you for this comprehensive, detailed and insightful deep dive on codependency. This was extremely helpful because the term is not well defined and so non specific. I was curious if I was codependent but after listening to this deep dive, I realized that in my case it was overfunctioning because there was the lack of need to engage in a subsequent similiar type of relationship. The tests at the end helped in providing a definitive answer as well. Again, thank you so much for this informative and exhaustive analysis that provided clarity and a broader understanding of codependency.
Linda Rhodes
2021-11-05 06:11:49 +0000 UTCMy mother is on the narcisstic spectrum. I have so so so much anger against her an adult. I would regularly go grocery shopping at 10/11 years old for my family because my father was too incompetent to do it. I also took care of my younger brother, was expected to be incredibly responsible and take care of my mother. I grew up being hyperfocused on her emotions and emotional volatility. I grew up struggling to make friends and always feeling weird about myself like something is flawed and broken in me with future abusive relationships to reinforce this. I think I'm starting to understand it now and I'm so angry with all this poison I believed for years about myself and how I would relate to people.
ConfusedButHonest
2021-11-04 18:33:15 +0000 UTCAs a woman it is confusing and informative listening to some of this. Part of me finds it well researched and articulated in a relatable way with the intent to help those of us with these issues and I see myself in the descriptions and want to deal with these issues. And thanks for all of that. But another part wonders if I was a man if I would have any of these issues since much for me I believe was circumstantial. Taking care of a younger sibling, my mom and dad when they got sick and elderly, a sick child of my own, a paralyzed aunt, and coming from a family with generations of serious mental health issues like fugue states, schizophrenia, psychosis, suicide attempts, and personality disorders. If listening to this makes me conflicted like that I wonder what that means for me? Maybe I just can't figure out which category I fit in. I appreciate for that reason that you did include distinctions between codependency and circumstantial behavior. It's confusing though for sure. It must be just as much so for therapists working with those of us with these issues if we ourselves are confused. Thanks for doing this. The definition was very clear and I see why more discussion in the field is needed since there are so many conflicting definitions. As always very well presented podcast and useful for listeners! I know I found it useful for me. But now I have more questions than I did before. I think that's a good thing though.
LEAVEITBEHIND
2021-11-04 13:18:56 +0000 UTCVery helpful episode. I often hear the term "love addict" in the recovery community but I think the term is pretty blurry. People will say it refers to those in recovery who use the rush from flirting, sex, or relationships as a substitute for the drug. However, it's distinguished from sex addiction. It seems to me that there just happen to be a certain portion of people who are codependent and struggle with addiction at the same time and that's where "love addict" comes from. Curious what your thoughts are?
ginkoroll
2021-11-04 05:59:44 +0000 UTC"Invade, enmesh, control" to try to avoid terrible consequences sounds very familiar :-( I'm glad you've done this deep dive. Edit: I want to add, if you ever want to collaborate with another therapist-creator, I think Patrick Teahan on YouTube is awesome with his guidance on codependency. He often relates his recovery guidance to his personal experience with trauma and a dysfunctional family. In this recent video,, his thoughts seem to mesh with yours here: https://youtu.be/y02Br6-M6mQ
Lilbrownied
2021-11-03 22:37:12 +0000 UTCThis was a great deep dive. I've wondered about my own overfunctioning/underfunctioning relationships and wondered if they rose to the level of codependent or if they were situational. I still wonder but feel I have more tools to assess the situation than I had before listening.
Jasmine Kelley
2021-11-03 18:43:29 +0000 UTCYes! My work in therapy and healing has delved into codependency, and I've been wondering what Dr. Honda's thoughts on this concept are. So timely for me!!
Esmond Kim
2021-11-03 17:15:59 +0000 UTCYes!! Just what I needed. FYI, the premium feed shows a 23 min. episode, I guess that's the non-patreon version by accident?
Crafts with Ellen
2021-11-03 14:25:04 +0000 UTCSo excited to hear this
Glitter Space Kitten
2021-11-03 14:05:46 +0000 UTC
