[Weekly Update] A Movie so Dumb it Hurts

Once again, I want to notify everyone that Patreon is changing their billing methods soon. Members who pledge through the Patreon iOS app will be charged extra due to Apple's policy. It is recommended that you renew your pledge using the Patreon website instead.

We'll also changed to a subscription billing. Future members will be billed on the day they pledge each month, rather than the first day of the month.

CHANNEL UPDATE

Hope you enjoy our last video on movies that are set around the same time. It's surprising a lot of work trying to find and connect these movies. Although the main difficulty comes from the fact that I suck at history. That's part of the reason as to why the video isn't as inclusive as I had hoped. I'm limited by my knowledge, the films I can find, and my schedule. I guess I just take more way more than I can chew. Still, I hope the video is interesting to you.

I'm currently retooling my old Yakuza review into something much bigger. Instead of talking about only the Yakuza: Like a Dragon movie, I'll be talking about the entire history of Yakuza film genre. It'll be about how the convoluted history of the genre affected the game's story and message, explaining why the games sometimes seemed xenophobic, yet also seemed pro-immigrant.

Because of the increased work for the project, I'll fill in the time slot with a simpler video, recommending some LGBT films from around the world: Monster (from Japan), A Fantastic Woman (from Chile), and Rafiki (from Kenya). The list is temporary and I might change things around. LGBT discourse is often framed as a "western liberal" thing. Hopefully, through this video, I can show that cultures beyond the English speaking world is also ever-changing, with diverse perspectives and desires.

Finally, next Saturday, 9PM EDT, we'll be watching another movie together. We'll be using a sync website, and the link will be posted on our Discord server. Everyone is welcome to join us. If you don't have Discord, you can also message me ahead of time, and I can send you an invite link.

MEDIA TALK

I'm about to transform into an old man who yells at clouds. Buckle up.

So, I watched Abigail, because I was in a horror mood, and it had good reviews. The movie starts off strong. A group of professional criminals are summoned together to kidnap a little girl. Once they arrive in their safe house with the girl, they find themselves locked inside the mansion, and are being hunted by... someone.

It's a genuinely suspenseful set up, with a group of characters that has potential. The characters, while not really three dimensional, aren't full of interesting personalities and make likeable decisions. The mystery of wether they are hunted because the girl's father is literally John Wick, or if one of group is secretly the killer, is also fantastic.

And then, nearly 1 hour into this 100 minute movie, the mid-twist comes in. A twist that is spoiled by all of the promotional materials: Yep, the little girl is a vampire. From the moment of the reveal, the movie goes on a downward spiral of stupidity. Instead of the manipulative mastermind that she appears to be in the first half, the little girl becomes one of the most cliche "I want to play with my food" bad guy, who chases her victim while prancing around in ballet movement. I think it's supposed to resemble the iconic dance done by Megan from the movie Megan. But the thing is, Megan starts off as a cheesy and self-aware, absurd horror film. Abigail does not.

This tonal whiplash would continue to torment my soul, as the movie continuously pulls new rules out of its ass. The movie shows that when bitten, a person will turn into a puppet that can be remotely controlled by the original vampire. But then later, a newly transformed vampire arrives and try to do the same, and failed. Abigail yells "It takes a long time to learn all the cool sh*t" as if it is some badass line, and I'm just sitting in front of the screen, feeling completely betrayed by the rule of the movie. You cannot predict any of the twists in the film. It just does whatever it is most convenient to the plot.

The moment that really gets me is when the characters were chased by a puppet vampire, and the main character fights back by picking up a silver tray, and reflect a beam of sunlight onto the vampire. The vampire instantly explodes into a fountain of blood. Again, I think it is supposed to be funny but... Establish yourself as a comedy first!!

Not to mention, these characters are supposed to be trapped inside the mansion.

There's a window right there!! The sun is shinning through! Just climb out your f*cking morons!

The cynical inside me want to believe that this film originally was written as a generic haunted house horror. It was probably a series horror film, in the same vein as Don't Breathe. The reason it was funded and made, however, was because Megan was successful. Hey, they both feature a killer little girl, let's retool the script into a comedy, and the Gen Z audience is gonna love how silly this movie is. And so we got a movie that started off as suspenseful, and ended up with a 90s villain monologuing about... Honestly the dialogue is so forgettable I don't remember what he said.

You know how most movies are better experienced without watching the trailer? This is the opposite of that. If I had went in knowing the twist and knowing the tone through its promotional materials, I'd have a much better time. Instead, I'm constantly being surprised by all the dumb decisions on the part of the filmmakers. Just... ugh, I had such an awful time.

Anyway, that's the rant from me this week. Not particularly insightful, but I please let me cope.

By the way, if you have any LGBT films from your country you'd like to recommend, comment below! I'll include them as honourable mentions in our next video.