Patreon Prompt 555

Prompt: A space pirate's remote recon logs of Samus stranded on an uninhabited planet in only her zero suit. He gleefully observes as any local edibles worsen Samus's belly bloating and excessive gassiness with each passing day, making her efforts to explore the area look almost comical.

REPORT RECOVERED FROM A DERELICT SPACE PIRATE FACILITY ORBITING PLANET EDIBLOS

            Our cameras have managed to track down the crash site of the thorn in our side that is Samus Aran. The impact made her ship unusable in addition to severely damaging her armor. Left with only her zero suit, she showed off that stubborn perseverance of hers by going out into the wilderness to forage for food. Originally the plan was to wait until the right moment to land and take her down for good. Thankfully, that is no longer necessary.

            Without the luxury of getting to choose what she ate, Samus began to experience first hand the side effects of ingesting the vegetation. Her skintight suit had to be stretched over her belly as it bulged out into a massive sphere. Even after she became aware of her bloating issue, the lack of an alternative diet and an increased appetite made sure she had to constantly lug around the massive globe of flesh.

            Over time, Samus’s torture became even more unbearable as her alien diet affected her digestive tract. Even through the distorted sounds of our long range cameras, we could pick up the various gas bubbles forcing their way out from both ends. The bounty hunter constantly belches between each bite of food she takes. Any slight jostle of her belly against something is enough to rip a fart loud enough to scare away any creatures that would make for a suitable replacement for her gas inducing diet.

            Rather than waste the man power landing on the planet to take her out ourselves, we’re going to leave her as entertainment. No doubt the footage of her bloated, gassy form waddling through the untamed wilderness should be an excellent reward for our scientists hard at work on the latest Metroid experiment. Everything should be fine as long as the creatures don’t escape.

END OF REPORT