Shame | The Horny Post | 3/10/24

Sometimes I feel shame about my sexuality. I want to bottle it up and pretend it doesn't exist. Despite growing up in a sexually liberated home this feeling still creeps up on me. I think everyone feels shame about their sexuality at some point assuming they have one to start. It is perhaps because I have been a real slut for the last 4 years.

But why do we feel shame? Religion has played a large rule in creating self-doubt about ourselves. Many world religions for thousands of year have told us are sexualities are perverse. A temptation to be avoided unless necessary for procreation. Queer people have thusly been labeled as sexual deviants by religious figure due to our sexuality mostly not allowing for procreation. Despite not following a religion, I still feel afflicted by its hand due to its social prevalence.  

Another reason we feel shame is the fear of spreading STIs. They exist and when you engage in sex with a stranger without protection you are running the risk of catching one every time. Receptive partners may feel they cannot ask their tops to use protection due to a submissive nature even more so adding to the shame factor.

Media portrayals of sex may be a factor as well. Television shows, books, movies, and video games have showed sex as something disgusting. Either to discourage sex or to express one's own sexuality. Swingers clubs, BDSM dungeons, leather, and more have showed sex to be capable of deviation and thusly instills a feeling of aversion. A recent example is in "Hazbin Hotel" where the character Angel Dust is drugged/forced to work in a porn studio flaunted by chain imagery, lust, and abuse. While it is clear this was not injected into the show to make us feel shame, it inadvertently does at least for me. I relate to the Angel Dust character as he is a literal femboy working in the sex world just like me. It should be said this character's story is there to spread awareness of how porn actors are treated and is ultimately a message that needs to be spread. Still, the portrayal still make me feel shame.

I believe that sex is about love. That intimacy between 2 or more people can and should be something cherished. I have seen healthy sexual relationships between people, but my experience has led me to be hesitant of engaging in sex. As of writing this, I am on a willing sexual hiatus. I have even stopped masturbating until I can work out what's happening in my head.

Shame is a mixture of the feelings of joy and disgust. I want to learn how to not be disgusted by my own sexuality and I feel I am on that path. In part, it is thanks to fans like you. You have helped me to feel proud of my sexuality.