Honkai: Star Rail – Banner Character, Delivering Knives to the Player [9]

“There aren’t that many four-stars at launch — it’s not hard to max their Eidolons.”

“The Light Cone might take a bit more effort, but eventually it’ll end up in the standard pool with five-stars.”

“Wait — that’s not quite right. With stats like that, it’s hard to say who’s really the one ‘accompanying’ whom…”

[Enough talking. Start pulling!]
[Sorry, Seele. I only maxed you to get Lingzhou’s Eidolons and Light Cone.]
[Crying in poverty. Gotta wait for husband Lingzhou to show up in the next banner.]
[I’m telling you — who’s accompanying whom isn’t always so clear.]
[He’s got strength, looks, AND charm — let me simp!!]
[So here’s the question: if you missed Lingzhou in the Doomsday Beast fight, when do you get him?]
[I’ve got the answer — if you choose to bring him along in the Jarilo story route, you get him there. No worries, fam!]
[Nice, but how are y’all progressing so fast?]
[Watching the stream and playing at the same time, duh...]

With the analysis wrapped up, Katia ended her call with Ah Xian and dove headfirst into story progression.

Ah Xian, on the other hand, wasn’t in any rush.

After all, she’d already obtained her favorite solo-pull husbando.

Everyone watching the stream could see the absolute glow in her eyes — like molten cheese stretching off a pizza.

Too bad that gaze wasn’t for the audience.
It was fixed on the screen.
On Lingzhou.

She zoomed in on his model, admiring him in meticulous detail. The thirst was nonstop. The simping — unrelenting.

“Why do other streamers have a defined persona and I don’t?”

“Lingzhou, baby… won’t you give me one? Just a little backstory, please...?”

“I’m heartbroken, fam. Anyone else crying into tissues with me right now?”

“My tears alone could fill half a bowl…”

“Wuwuwu… I feel so guilty just thinking about how I’ll misbehave in front of him tonight…”

“I really want to show hubby my Roscommon's Edge~”

[???]
[Mother, why does my screen have tire tracks on it?!]
[Ah Xian’s truly unhinged. You need a certain level of brain damage to decode her metaphors.]
[Fact: female streamers simping on stream hits way harder than male streamers thirsting over waifus.]
[It’s true. Male streamers couldn’t compete with this level of feral.]
[Roscommon’s Edge — can can need?]
[…Cursed. This is so illegal.]

“What? This is my future max-Eidolon husband. I’m allowed to express my love with a little musical phrasing, no?”

[MODS! Where are the mods?! Save us!]

Little did they know, the mods were long defeated.

There was no defense. No weak point to exploit.

She was too powerful.

“I know y’all are desperate, but hold up — I just realized I haven’t checked out Lingzhou’s voice lines yet!”

Unable to wait another second, Ah Xian opened the profile menu.

When she saw that his voice actor was also listed as Lingzhou, she froze.

Wait a minute…

People had long joked that HoYo cast characters by voice actor.

But this time... they actually did it?

[First Meeting]
Welcome aboard. I’m the Express’s… doctor.
Kind, laid-back, dependable, easy to get along with.
Just call me Lingzhou.

[Greeting]
Hope your day’s going well.
If you’re not feeling great, you know where to find me.

[Farewell]
Insomnia?
I’m a professional — one tap and you’ll sleep like a rock.

[About Self – Humor]
Without a little mischief, life loses its flavor.
But don’t get the wrong idea — I’m no jester in a mask.

[About Self – Why I Became a Trailblazer]
The universe is just… so vast.
I want to see it all.

[Chat – Life]
There are three great miseries in life:
One, going to work.
Two, waking up early to go to work.
Three, going to bed early because you have to wake up early to go to work.

Every working adult in chat immediately shed hot, bitter tears of resonance.

Preach, brother!

If there were a choice, who would willingly work?

Why were other people allowed to eat, drink, and count money while you sat at a desk?

The more you thought about it, the more it hurt.

“I still remember after graduation — 8 a.m. to 7 p.m., overtime till 10 or even midnight. No overtime pay.”

“I mean, I’m financially stable now and work for myself, but god, that line hits.”

She clicked again.

[Hobbies]
My hobby?
Watching people realize they can’t beat me — and the pain on their face when they try.

“Oh no… he is just like his Light Cone…”

[Worries]
Sometimes, I wonder…
If I cure a certain kind of patient…
Am I robbing them of their right to be brain-dead?

“Pfft—hahahaha!”

It wasn’t just Ah Xian. Viewers were cracking up across the board.

That was savage.
That was... bamboo shoots from the mountain.

And yet…
They couldn’t deny the logic.

Isn’t being an idiot a kind of human right?

[Sharing]
In meetings, I sit in the back and play dumb when asked about the project.
After the boss talks, I clap first.
When a coworker finishes a task, I praise them first.
As long as you provide emotional value,
no one’s gonna care about your actual skills.

[I’m taking notes!]
[The sacred art of workplace bootlicking.]
[Don’t actually do this. Playing dumb in meetings gets people fired.]
[Then clearly, your flattery game wasn’t strong enough.]
[LMAO.]

[Insight]
The people who help you aren’t always your friends.
And your friends won’t always help you.
But don’t worry — that doesn’t apply to anyone on this train.
Especially not me.
If you ever need help — just ask.

“Total troll energy. Makes me doubt if he’s actually that ‘reliable’ after all…”

“I mean, strength and looks? Definitely reliable. Personality? TBD.”

“I have sinned. I dared question my husband’s character.”

“As punishment, he can tutor me in algebra tonight. I’m a good student, I swear~”

[Ah Xian, please… slow down.]
[Just draw a doujin instead, please.]

“Tsk.”

[See? Two words and she already told us off.]

“Excuse me? Close friends or not, slander is still defamation!”

Ah Xian glared at the chat.

[About March 7th]
She’s young — a little noisy’s no big deal.
Just don’t let her know I said that.

[About Himeko]
Humanity never hides its desire for good food.
Except, maybe, for that time she made her “special coffee” on a whim.

[About Dan Heng]
Dan Heng’s never needed medical help.
If only March 7th were that low-maintenance.

[About Welt]
Welt’s past is wild.
Curious? Ask him yourself.

[About Pom-Pom]
Pom-Pom’s the conductor for a reason.
Make them mad enough, and you might just get kicked off the train.

“Seems like everyone’s said Pom-Pom’s scary. Could they be Akivili’s reincarnation or something?”

Ah Xian muttered, switching from ambient lines to combat voice clips.

[Battle Start – Weakness Break]
Oh? That made you blush?

[Battle Start – Danger Detected]
I may be a doctor,
but I know how to throw a punch or two.

[Turn Start – Line 1]
I didn’t overheat your thermometer, did I?

[Turn Start – Line 2]
Oho, trying to hit me?

Just a few simple combat lines, and the entire stream was filled with joy and laughter.

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T/N: ewajoejawojeoarfaofsja

This is a fan translation of 崩铁：卡池角色，给玩家发刀 by 三十度幻. All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!