Naruto: Freeloading is Great! 2 [7]

In the end, Gorilla Sakura, seeing how insistent Hoshino was, accepted his apology.

Hoshino also finished listening to the story of how Sakura first met Guy.

A “blind man” who swore that Sakura had dyed her original silver hair pink, used his bizarre training methods to forcefully bend a perfectly normal little girl.

Infected by his burning youth, the little girl became a muscle gorilla, chanting “manly man” nonstop.

…Well, maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing?

After all, Sakura was originally headed down a taijutsu path anyway.

Sure, she’d gone from medical ninjutsu + monstrous strength to pure taijutsu, but sticking with Guy shouldn’t be too terrible.

Tsunade’s combat power… in front of the true monsters of the world, it’s really nothing compared to Guy, who almost kicked the series to its ending with one leg.

Inside the classroom, Iruka had already begun the lesson.

It was just pointless history of the ninja world—utterly useless. Exactly the kind of trash subject that deserved a good nap. Hoshino’s judgment wasn’t wrong at all.

Bored out of his mind, he didn’t feel like standing out in the hall any longer. He turned, ready to leave.

“Oh~! Brother, you’re heading to the toilet too? Perfect timing, so am I. Truly, fate draws us closer! Come, let’s go together.”

Gorilla Sakura slapped Hoshino’s back with bone-cracking force.

If not for being the cause of her ending up like this, Hoshino swore he’d have slapped her right back.

But…

Her brain had been completely wrecked by Guy. It was hard not to feel at least a little sympathy.

“…Fine, let’s go.”

Thanks to their small stature, slipping past other classrooms without being spotted from the windows was easy. The two of them soon reached the toilets.

On the door: a blue icon for men, a red icon for women. Seemed normal enough.

“Oi! Sakura, where the hell are you going?”

“The toilet. Where else?”

“Ah?”

“No more talk, I can’t hold it!”

Hoshino froze as Sakura boldly charged straight into the men’s room. He looked up again to confirm—blue on the left, red on the right. No mistake.

If he wasn’t wrong, then the one in the wrong could only be Sakura. No matter how much her brain had been warped by Guy, going into the men’s toilet was still wrong. He had to go in and drag her… wait.

If he knew full well there was a little girl inside, and then went into the men’s toilet after her, wouldn’t that count as deliberately using an excuse to peep on a kid?

Even if he was a 26-year-old virgin, with a soft spot for lolis and little girls, the mental burden of that was still heavy.

Wait—no, there was a loophole!

A flash of inspiration struck through his perverted thoughts. Sure, peeking on a little girl in the bathroom was a heinous crime. But if he changed the logic, then seeing her pee could be… justified.

The one in the wrong isn’t me. The one in the wrong is Sakura, going into the wrong toilet. She’s in male clothes, always yelling “manly man”—thinking she was a boy is perfectly reasonable. Yes, exactly. That’s it.

Like self-hypnosis, Hoshino muttered the words to himself. Then, staring at the blue icon on the men’s door, he steeled his heart and decided to go in—to “accidentally” see a little girl relieve herself.

“Ahhh~ that’s better, I feel so light. Huh? Brother, why do you look so pale? Whoa… are you crying? Why are you crying, missing your mom?”

Just as Hoshino lifted his foot to step inside, Sakura came strolling right back out.

“Don’t mind me. I’m just crying over my own hesitation just now. Even heaven itself couldn’t stand such vile thoughts and stopped me.”

“…You seem a bit shady, but still, I want to tell you this. If you’re a real man, don’t give up so easily. Once you decide, go all in! Do it with everything you’ve got. Tears are fine—just make sure you can smile at the end! Keep at it! Right!?”

How to put it—being encouraged after failing to peep, being cheered up by the very victim—it left him with a complicated mood.

But since the one telling him to persevere was Sakura…

“You said it yourself. The one telling me to keep smiling and persist is you. Don’t come blaming me when you grow up!”

“Yeah, I won’t blame you. Go for it with everything you’ve got!”

And at that moment, the man outwardly disguised as a child, inwardly a grown man and lolicon, took one small step down the road of perversion.

Don’t underestimate that one small step. A small step for a pervert, yes—but a giant leap for human civilization!

After first period, the three troublemakers in the hall were allowed back to their seats.

The break ended, and second period began.

Through it all, Hoshino kept his eyes locked on Gorilla Sakura, waiting for another chance to “coincidentally” go to the bathroom together.

But instead of Sakura, it was Naruto who gave him that chance.

Midway through the second lesson, Naruto tugged at Hoshino’s sleeve, hands pressed between her knees, body squirming.

“Ho-Hoshino… do you know where the school bathrooms are?”

“Out the door, left all the way down.”

“Left? Which hand is left?”

“The hand on your left side.”

“…That’s no different from saying nothing! You’re totally brushing me off. I don’t get it. Just take me there after class!”

“Clicking tongue—why are you so damn troublesome?”

“Because I can’t hold it anymore!”

“Who told you to drink so much water?”

“That’s your fault! I said I didn’t want to drink your milky-white sticky stuff, but you forced me to swallow it all before we could leave. I had to drink so many cups of water just to wash away that sour taste in my mouth!”

“…Uh… fine, I admit that’s on me. After class I’ll take you. Happy?”

Milky-white sticky stuff with a sour taste!?!

Naruto and Hoshino’s whispered exchange instantly made Hinata, Sasuke, and Sakura’s eyes fly wide.

Hinata could hardly believe it. The person she liked… was gay!?

I—I lost to the Nine-Tails? Impossible. Absolutely impossible! Hoshino must’ve been “burning too hot,” his head wasn’t clear, and that’s why he chose Naruto to douse the flames…!

I won’t let him make the same mistake again. Victory will be mine!

Meanwhile, Sasuke, who hadn’t realized Naruto was crossdressing, felt even more complicated.

Does this count as my best friend stealing my crush?

N-no, not exactly… it was kind of my fault to begin with.

I knew Hoshino was insanely obsessed with me, even tried to force himself on me, and yet I still went and pushed him together with Naruto.

His raging flames of lust were all because I kept showing up in front of him. Naruto—my best friend—only offered herself, offered her mouth, to protect me…

No. No, I can’t let them keep heading down this wrong path!

As for Gorilla Sakura, his feelings were just as tangled as Sasuke’s.

S-so that’s why Brother seemed so weird in front of the bathroom earlier… turns out he’s gay!

Looking back, Brother’s been way too good to me—giving me a good seat, keeping me company on punishment duty.

He must be after my perfect muscles, wanting to hook up with me!

It’s understandable, really. Aside from Master, Brother’s the only one with a true eye for manliness. If he fell in love with my muscles, there’s nothing to be done. Besides, women really are annoying and in the way. Brother and I see eye to eye—why not just…

And so, all three of them turned their eyes to Hoshino at once.

“If you can’t hold back anymore, come to me!” ×3

“—Eh? H-huh?”

Hoshino gawked at the three of them, who looked like they’d just made some massive, life-altering decision.

…Was this friendship?

All he’d done was use Naruto the human cockroach to test if that carton of milk in his fridge had spoiled. And these three… were all volunteering to help him, save him money, risk themselves as food testers for a poor man like him?

Other than being a bit overwhelmed, he also felt a twinge of guilt.

Better to just throw out anything suspicious in the future. Always hesitating, worrying over whether food had spoiled, and being so stingy about a few wasted coins—it really wasn’t good.

“N-no need. It’s just a small thing, you guys don’t have to go this far. From now on… I’ll just endure it myself.”

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T/N: LMAOOOOOOO EVERYONES A FUCKING DUMBASS

This is a fan translation of 火影之软饭真好吃 by 肾亏能力者 All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!