Becoming Fifi: Chronicle of Change - 02

February 21st

Dear Journal,

In the dimly lit silence of my room, it's just you and me again, Journal. You, my silent listener, and I, the relentless chatterer. These past two weeks, Ani's advice has been echoing in my mind, incessantly, like a metronome ticking away the seconds. Travelling. The word looms over me, as exciting and intimidating as the evening sky that spreads out in an endless expanse, so full of promise and yet so unknown.

Work has been suffocating, Journal. The once rhythmic flip of the burgers, the sizzle of oil, the smell of deep-fried oblivion, all seem oppressive now. The four walls of the greasy kitchen seem to be closing in, pushing me to take that leap of faith into the unknown. Each passing day makes my decision clearer.

Today’s illustration, Journal, mimics my first. Once again I am engrossed in thought, sitting in the park, embraced by solitude and deep contemplation. In the sketch, I'm dressed in a fresh pair of dark blue jeans. They're new, the denim still sturdy and untamed, moulding to my frame in a way that is both unfamiliar and intriguing.

Accompanying the jeans is a simple white T-shirt, its fabric tender against my skin, a quiet assertion of familiar comfort amidst the new. On my feet are the same dull brown shoes I wore earlier to work, remnants of a mundane shift at the restaurant still clinging to their worn-out surface.

Over my shoulders, ‘m wearing my new brownish-red leather jacket that I found at a charity shop. Its worn texture and faded colour speak volumes about its past, yet on me, it exudes an air of quiet rebellion. It's a departure from my typical attire, and in that, it feels like a small adventure.

Now, here's the part where I surprised myself today. I wore a pendant, a necklace-like accessory that I found alongside the jacket at the charity shop. I don't usually wear jewellery, Journal. But lately, I’ve been wondering if I am too mundane, too 'vanilla', as some might say. Everyone seems to have their own style, a flair, a distinct character that makes them who they are, and here I am in my comfortable simplicity. Maybe, it's time to experiment, time to embrace a new part of me.

(See Illustration 02)

In the whirlwind that has been the last couple of weeks, Journal, my thoughts have felt like leaves caught in an autumn gale, scattered and aimless. Searching for a new path, something different from the monotonous drone of flipping burgers, has led me down the rabbit hole of internet research, plunging me into an ocean of possibilities, each more overwhelming than the last.

I've explored numerous avenues, looking into everything from working holiday visas to volunteering, au pairing to internships. I delved into blogs of expats, watched vlogs of digital nomads, read up on working in hostels, resorts, cruises and even farming in foreign lands. The plethora of options left me dazed, undecided.

Yet amidst this sea of opportunities, one particular possibility caught my attention and resonated within me - teaching English abroad. It was a seemingly mundane option, nowhere near the artistic career I had initially dreamed of. Yet, there was something about the idea of teaching, of sharing knowledge and language, that felt strangely appealing.

An online recruiter I found offers English teaching positions globally. They reassured me that my degree would be an asset, and with an online TESOL certificate under my belt, I could easily secure a position. The idea of teaching children, teenagers, or even adults English, in a setting that's unfamiliar and exciting, began to grow on me.

Furthermore, the prospect of living in a foreign country, immersing myself in its culture, its language, its people, began to seem like an art project in itself. I would be living in a kaleidoscope of new experiences, painting my life's canvas with colours I haven't even seen yet.

After days of contemplation and wavering, I've decided, Journal. I'm going to do it. I'm going to take the plunge, face the unknown. I'll quit my job in the morning, sign up for the TESOL certificate, and embrace the uncertainties and possibilities this new path offers.

My heart pounds in my chest, Journal, as I pen these words. A mixture of fear and exhilaration courses through my veins. A new journey awaits me, an adventure that is as scary as it is exciting.

I share this with you, Journal, my confidante, my silent companion. You bear witness to this decision, this turning point in my life. You are the canvas to my thoughts, my feelings, my hopes, and my fears.

Until next time, Journal.

Yours,

David.