The city streets of central Tokyo were unusually hushed for a brisk Saturday evening. Allen Dolberg, a computer programmer by trade, strolled with Sofia, his companion for the night, finding it challenging to maintain the threads of their conversation.
Originally from Sydney, Australia, Allen enjoyed the freedom his profession offered - he could work from anywhere, as long as he had his laptop and a stable internet connection. His travels had taken him across the globe, but for the past two years, he'd made Tokyo his home, attracted by its superior quality of life and a seemingly infinite array of captivating women eager to share his company.
His heritage was an eclectic mix, with a Swedish father and a Korean mother who had relocated to Australia for work when he was just a toddler. Allen never truly felt at home in Sydney, prompting him to pack a small backpack and venture out into the world as soon as he graduated university.
Sofia, a strikingly pretty half-Italian, half-Japanese woman of 22, had crossed paths with Allen in a pulsing Tokyo nightclub a few weeks prior. Armed with his most charming lines, he had successfully enticed Sofia to accompany him home that night.
Raised in the beautiful city of Florence, Italy, Sofia had moved to Japan with her mother after her parent's divorce six years earlier. She found work as a receptionist for a fashion magazine, but her true passion lay in curating her online blog. Daily, she engaged her readers with the latest beauty trends. However, Allen remained oblivious to this aspect of Sofia's life, considering their first meeting hadn’t involved much talking.
After their first encounter, Allen had no intentions of reaching out to Sofia again, that is, until an unexpected email announcing that he had won a romantic dinner for two at one of Tokyo's top-tier restaurants made its way to his inbox. Though he had no recollection of entering such a competition, he was not one to refuse a complimentary indulgence, so after checking with the restaurant to confirm its authenticity, he called the first person that came to mind to join him for the dinner date.
Sofia was less than thrilled to receive the call from Allen out of the blue, especially after weeks of silence. However, upon hearing the renowned restaurant's name, she relented, agreeing to one final meeting to ascertain if any spark existed between the pair - and if not, she'd at least get to enjoy a free meal at one of Tokyo's top restaurants.
Thus, our pair found themselves dressed up and navigating the heart of Tokyo on their second date, with Allen already certain that it would be their last. Sofia was unquestionably attractive, and Allen admired her meticulous self-care, her lustrous hair, elegant nails, and the alluring outfits she wore. However, her reserved nature and their lack of common ground made her incompatible. All of their conversations, infrequent as they were, invariably revolved around fashion and celebrities, subjects that held little interest for Allen.
As they neared the restaurant, an uncomfortable silence blanketed the air. Sofia racked her brain for conversational fodder while Allen, long since having abandoned the prospect of romance, casually eyed the girls they strolled past. Abruptly, a middle-aged man, trailed by a cameraman, appeared seemingly out of nowhere.
Introducing himself as Jin, the man revealed that he worked for a TV gameshow – a program that neither Allen nor Sofia had heard of. However, their unfamiliarity was hardly surprising, given that neither of them were avid watchers of Japanese television.
Jin swiftly engaged Sofia in conversation. Allen tried to keep pace with the rapid-fire Japanese, but soon fell behind. Noticing his bewildered expression, Sofia paused to relay Jin's proposition. The gameshow was due to begin filming within hours, but some contestants had unexpectedly dropped out. Jin wanted Allen and Sofia to take their place.
"I reckon this sounds a bit fishy, Sofia," Allen said, his Australian accent thick and pronounced, "Why's he picked us? and, what's this show even about anyway?"
"I'm not entirely sure," Sofia admitted, her Italian lilt softening her words, "Something about a show for couples to test their relationship by completing challenges."
Allen looked sceptical. "He should probably be on the hunt for others then. We're not even a couple. And what about our dinner?"
"I know, I know," Sofia attempted to assuage his concerns, "but listen to this: the prize for winning the show is one hundred million yen, and they're offering us two hundred thousand yen each just to participate today!" Her eyes lit up with the prospect.
Quickly running the conversions in his head, Allen realised that the grand prize was close to a million US dollars, and they'd make nearly two thousand just for showing up that day. His decision was immediate. "Alright then, dinner's on the back burner. Tell this Jin fella, we're in."
An hour later, deep within the labyrinthine structure of a television studio, tucked around the corner from where their unexpected encounter with Jin had occurred, Allen found himself in a room buzzing with palpable excitement. It was a motley gathering of fourteen men - all fellow contestants on this year's show. They appeared to be of a similar age bracket as him, their faces reflecting the vigour of their mid to late 20s. While the majority boasted distinctively Japanese features, Allen could identify a smattering of foreign faces amidst the group, their foreign origin subtly betraying itself in their attire or the way they held their postures.
Upon their arrival at the studio, Allen and Sofia were treated to a smorgasbord of light refreshments – a plethora of traditional Japanese snacks, fruits, and assorted beverages. Before they had a chance to fully take in their surreal surroundings, they were separated. Allen was escorted to the room he now occupied, a space buzzing with an odd mixture of anticipation and uncertainty.
Allen was handed a form, the crispness of the paper contrasting the mundanity of the room. The questions on the form started off innocently enough – name, address, date of birth – standard information he’d provided numerous times in his life. But as he continued filling in his responses, the questions veered towards the peculiar. What was his favourite K-pop group? If he had the choice to spend a day as any animal, which one would he choose and why? An oddly specific set of questions followed, enquiring about the details of his first date with Sofia. What had he worn? What had they eaten?
The questions, obscure and intrusive, were strange, but Allen persisted. He scribbled down his answers, the scratch of the pen echoing his thoughts in the bustling room. Finishing the last question, he signed and dated the bottom of the page. He couldn't help but feel a sense of relief as he handed the completed form back to a woman whose beauty was strikingly contrasted by the clinical efficiency with which she moved. She was the epitome of elegance, her dark eyes glistening with a professional detachment that made Allen even more curious about the evening's unfolding events.
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"3, 2, 1... Welcome back, dear viewers! Now, let's meet our last set of contestants - Allen and Sofia. They've been dating for only three weeks!" Enzo, the vivacious TV host, announced, prompting an array of 'oohs' from the audience. "Let's get to know them a bit. Allen, why don't you tell us a little about yourself and share one interesting fact," Enzo said, his gaze pinned on the camera.
"Hi, I’m Allen Dolberg, twenty-six and from Sydney, Australia. As for an interesting fact..." he scratched his chin, "Oh, I've journeyed to twenty different countries in the past five yea—" He was abruptly cut off.
"Fantastic, thanks Allen," Enzo interrupted, shifting his attention to Sofia. "Your turn, Sofia."
"Hello everyone, I’m Sofia Cannavaro. I was raised in Italy, though I'm half Japanese," Sofia started, prompting cheers from the audience. "As for my interesting fact, I'd say it's my hair. I haven't cut it in over six years." She gathered her long hair and brought it over her shoulders, displaying it for the audience.
The audience erupted in applause. "Oh, what beautiful hair, isn't it, ladies and gentlemen?" Enzo complimented, cueing another round of cheers. "Well, let's kick off round one!"
The cryptic questions from the form now fell into place. Cameras trained on him, blinding lights illuminating his face, and the cacophony of a hundred-strong audience, Allen found himself answering questions about Sofia.
Enzo, speaking slower for Allen's benefit, repeated the question, "Who was Sofia's best friend during childhood?" Allen understood the question perfectly, but the answer was utterly beyond him. He barely knew Sofia; he hadn't even known her surname until she'd announced it moments earlier.
"Julia," Allen hazarded a guess at a random Italian name, only to be met with the harsh buzz of the wrong-answer buzzer.
By the round's conclusion, Allen and Sofia had scored a paltry single point, courtesy of Sofia miraculously guessing his favourite sport: cricket. Their hope of winning the grand prize dwindled, the leading team boasting an intimidating score of thirteen.
However, Enzo soon announced a second and final round, promising a game-changing opportunity. The top-scoring team would gain fifteen points, the second-place team, fourteen, and so forth. They could still clinch victory and the million dollars, Allen realised, they just had to ace this round. But when Enzo explained the nature of the challenge, Allen couldn't believe his ears.
He turned to Sofia, whose wide-eyed shock mirrored his own. She confirmed his fears, repeating what Enzo had declared. His mind whirling with disbelief, Allen appraised Sofia's outfit. He started with her long, suede boots sporting a four-inch block heel that encased her shapely legs up to the mid-thigh. Her legs, visible above the boots, were sheathed in off-black tights. A vibrant, predominantly yellow patterned mini skirt hugged her waist, a choice Allen had admired when they'd first met earlier that evening. Further up, a snug black leather jacket accentuated her figure. Allen shook his head, dumbfounded. Were they seriously expecting him to wear them?
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Emerging from a short intermission, Allen's attention was drawn to a series of makeshift changing rooms arranged at the studio's heart. The flimsy booths, with their scuffed white doors and thin wooden frames, looked comically inadequate. A small gap under the door allowed the eager audience a tantalizing glimpse of the ensuing mayhem within.
The challenge at hand was absurdly straightforward: swap clothes with your partner as swiftly as possible, traverse the studio floor, and finally slam the oversized red button. The catch? Points would be deducted for each missing item of clothing.
Positioned before their respective changing rooms, Allen harboured second thoughts. Was it truly worth subjecting himself to national embarrassment for a slim chance at the prize money?
Sofia, however, appeared adrenalized, her eyes alight with competitive spirit. "We are going to win this. Don't let me down, OK?" she told Allen, her voice resonating with an intensity he'd never witnessed before.
The countdown began, a dramatic prelude to the start of the filming, "3, 2, 1... Welcome back! So, are our couples ready? Who will be the quickest? Who will look the most fabulous?" Enzo hyped up the audience. "It's time for the 'outfit SU-IT-CHI' challenge!" The audience chanted along, accentuating each syllable of 'SU-IT-CHI'. "Ready everyone? Go!" A loud horn blared through the studio, signalling the challenge's commencement.
Sofia bolted into their booth, pulling Allen in her wake. She shut the flimsy door with a bang and promptly began undressing. Allen, somewhat bemused, reluctantly followed her in stripping down, first, peeling off his coat, then stooping to unlace his Converse shoes. As he removed his second shoe, he glanced up, to be met with Sofia's semi-naked figure and her indignant expression.
"Hurry up!" she commanded, shoving him down onto the back bench. She snatched his socks and promptly pulled them onto her own feet. Sofia then instructed Allen to unbutton his skinny jeans. No sooner had he obeyed than she yanked the jeans off him. Another brusque command later, Allen had removed his sweater and t-shirt, leaving him clad in only his underwear as his bare feet wiggled about on the chilly studio floor.
A buzzer sounded, indicating that a couple had already completed the challenge. Sofia, now sporting Allen’s jeans and socks, peered down at him, her dark eyes glinting with an intense focus.
She handed Allen her rolled-up tights and signalled for him to slide his foot into the hole. With his toes pointed and his foot inserted, the stretchy material was promptly pulled up his hairy leg. Sofia repeated the process for his other leg. She then instructed him to stand, the audience outside roaring with laughter and cheering wildly. Although their vision was partially obstructed by the changing room's door, the glimpses they did catch of the frantic scrambling inside fuelled their amusement.
Allen fumbled with the unfamiliar tights, attempting to haul them up and properly position them around his waist. Meanwhile, Sofia had managed to slip into his t-shirt and jumper, quickly tying up the laces of his Converse. Once again, she turned to Allen, pulling her top over his head and tightening her large belt buckle around his midsection. She held out her skirt, indicating for him to step in. Focused on the hefty prize, Allen complied, lifting one glossy black leg and then the other through the skirt's opening, relying on Sofia’s shoulder for balance. He couldn't help but shudder as the unfamiliar material encased his thighs. Without missing a beat, Sofia spun him around and secured him into the skirt with a zip, the snug fit around his waist making it clear that it was a size too small for him.
They had finally found a rhythm when another buzzer echoed through the studio, indicating that a second couple had finished. Sofia grasped one of her thigh-high boots, extending it towards Allen. He glanced at the intimidating footwear and gulped. Before he could protest, Sofia directed him to lift his foot. His hand once again found her shoulder for support as he tentatively introduced his foot to the boot's opening. He had hoped that the boot would be too small, but thanks to the slick tights and Sofia’s surprising strength, the boot glided up his leg, coming to rest mid-thigh.
A third buzzer rang out in the studio, signalling another couple's completion. Quickly guiding Allen's arms through the holes of her short leather jacket, Sofia spun the crossdressed man around to assess his appearance. Allen had a look of shock and terror in their eyes, feeling strangely confined within Sofia’s outfit. The restrictive clothing had him perched precariously on his toes, an experience that was foreign and uncomfortable.
"Let's go!" Sofia yelled, her competitive spirit undeterred. She swung open the door and, noticing Allen’s hesitation, gave him a firm push from behind. Off-balance and teetering in the unfamiliar footwear, he stumbled awkwardly out of the changing room. After a few shaky steps, he managed to regain his equilibrium, only to be met with a room full of uproarious laughter and shrill cheers. The absurdity of the situation was not lost on the audience who revelled in Allen’s awkwardness.
With three teams having already claimed victory and four more in their stride, Sofia yelled at Allen, telling him to run. "Run?" he thought incredulously, struggling to maintain his balance in Sofia's unforgiving boots.
A deafening uproar from the audience filled the studio as four teams, including Sofia and Allen, made a beeline for the finish line. Fumbling along as best he could, Allen's precarious steps were a spectacle of wobbling and stumbling. Then, without warning, disaster struck. His foot skidded on the slick studio floor, sending him crashing down hard, his short skirt flipping up to reveal his underwear beneath the tights. The crowd's roar crescendoed into a wave of laughter as Allen lay there, his face burning with embarrassment. All he wished for in that moment was for the floor to open up and swallow him whole as he frantically tried to reposition the intrusive skirt.
Through his mortification, Allen noticed Sofia standing over him. There was no sympathetic inquiry, no concerned glance, instead, she crouched down, hooking one arm around his back and the other under his nylon-clad thighs. In an astonishing display of strength, she lifted him off the ground as though he were the classic damsel in distress, an image that was not lost on the rambunctious crowd. Ignoring the laughter and the cheers, Sofia sprinted across the stage, effortlessly manoeuvring in Allen's Converse and even managing to overtake another team along the way.
At the far end of the studio, an utterly embarrassed but determined Allen reached out, slapping the large red buzzer. A round of cheers rang out from the audience, applauding their valiant efforts. Although they finished in sixth place, Allen found a glimmer of hope in the fact that some of the other teams, not entirely dressed, would surely be penalized, and lose points.
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The thirty awkwardly attired couples stood in a line, their nerves tingling and a self-consciousness that was palpable in the studio air. Enzo, after a brief recap and a few strategically placed pauses to heighten the suspense, finally unveiled the points tally on the big screen. Allen and Sofia, despite their earlier misadventure, were shown to have secured a commendable tenth-place finish. "Crikey, what a day," Allen thought, looking down at his tight, constricting outfit and then at the exuberant crowd, a sinking feeling in his gut. "I hope to god no one I know ever watches this."
"Congratulations to our top ten and all of this year's contestants!" Enzo's voice rang out, echoing through the studio as the audience broke into applause. Allen and Sofia glanced at each other in confusion. As Enzo continued his announcement, the two shared a dawning realization - this wasn't a one-off event!
"Give it up for our top ten, ladies and gentlemen!" Enzo exclaimed as applause thundered around them. "From now on, each week, our contestants will face a new challenge. They will have a week to practice and prepare before returning to the studio to perform. And remember, it's the audience that scores their performance, so contestants, work hard as the lowest score will result in elimination. And, of course, at some point in the week, there will be a surprise... SU-IT-CHI!" The crowd chorused in response to the show's signature catchphrase.
The reveal of the first challenge was next. Each contestant would have to impersonate their favourite singer and perform a song live in the studio. The screen displayed a list of contestants, Allen and Sofia's names among them, with a picture of a singer beside each. To Allen's surprise, a picture of Freddie Mercury, the legendary frontman of Queen, was paired with his name. It was a random choice earlier, the first name that had come to mind as he had listened to a Queen song just before leaving his apartment earlier that evening.
Enzo continued to speak, "Our contestants have a week of intense practice ahead of them. We have arranged for a mentor to teach them the choreography and everything else they need to prepare for their performance. There will be costume fittings and a makeover to truly become their idol. It should make for an entertaining show! But before we part ways for today, there is, of course, one final thing we must do... it's time to... SU-IT-CHI!"
With all eyes fixated on the screen, an image of Freddie Mercury slid across the screen and nestled beside Sofia's name. In the same motion, an image of an extravagant, blonde megastar, the singer Sofia had chosen, moved over to align with Allen's name. Allen stared, his mouth agape and his eyes wide in shock, at the newly assigned persona that he was supposedly going to impersonate on the following week’s show.