Sup' Zards?
Added 2024-07-13 10:08:41 +0000 UTC🚨 A CALL OUT FOR ZARDS HIGH AND LOW 🚨
We need your Wizarding offers. You are magic after all.
Put them in the comments below!
Or of you want to read the offer out yourself (and be included in the show) send your ZardNotes to: <producer@aproblemsquared.com>
Comments
I loved my episode!!! Thank you so much - no apologies needed
Fred Rosenberger
2025-01-22 02:49:28 +0000 UTCYour shoes, socks, and feet will never feel wet, BUT every 30 seconds, time freezes for a couple of seconds, like it does when you are watching a video with bad internet.
Bynzyldyhydeditoximonothaixyprophine
2025-01-20 18:36:06 +0000 UTCAmended: You're immune to acute viral illnesses (eg. colds/flu/norovirus). However your skin now turns smurf blue (and your bodily fluids glow) whenever you would have become ill by coming into contact with one of these viruses. Your skin (and bodily fluids) gradually fade for the duration that it would have taken you to recover from that illness. (I'm thinking of "how germs are spread" blacklight type videos, except it wouldn't just be under blacklight)
Fi
2025-01-18 21:36:17 +0000 UTCYou're immune to acute viral illnesses (eg. colds/flu/norovirus), but now your skin turns smurf blue (and your bodily fluids glow) whenever you come into contact with someone who has an acute viral illness and your skin (and bodily fluids) gradually fade for the duration that it would have taken you to recover from that illness. (I'm thinking of "how germs are spread" blacklight type videos, except it wouldn't just be under blacklight)
Fi
2025-01-14 16:59:22 +0000 UTCHi Mat and Bec, I can gift you the ability to swap personality with anyone on the globe for 2 hours straight. You can do this as many times you want. One slight problem, every time you do this, a random bit of the others personality will permanently remain part of you each time you swap.
Diederik van der Plas
2024-12-24 10:02:20 +0000 UTCyou get to know five fundamental truths about the universe BUT every 30 seconds time freezes for a couple of seconds like it dose when you are watching a video with bad internet
Bynzyldyhydeditoximonothaixyprophine
2024-11-28 05:31:42 +0000 UTCRae! You've been selected for December's IAW!
A Problem Squared
2024-11-27 11:27:17 +0000 UTCEvery ~30 days, you have the ability to ask the universe for one "small" "truth", and you'll immediately receive the answer. But until the next time you get to ask and receive a truth, your mouth more often than not feels like you just ate lindberger cheese.
Bret Scofield
2024-11-24 14:18:16 +0000 UTCevery phone call you take will be crystal clear, and you'll have no trouble understanding the person on the other end/them hearing you. HOWEVER... you'll always *just* miss every incoming call you receive, even if you hear the ring — to the other end, it will always be as if you let it passively go to voicemail, and then called them back like thirty seconds later.
rae
2024-11-05 03:14:54 +0000 UTCThey call me Wizard George. And I would like to offer Matt and Bec the ability to fly! Just like Superman, you only will need to stretch out your arms, say aloud “Up, up, and away”, and you can fly to anyplace you want. To make this happen, you both get a magic cape, pants, over-shorts, boots, and shirt. Matt’s outfit has the letters SM emblazoned on it; Bec’s has the letters SB. As a bonus, the outfit will keep you cool in the summer and warm in the winter. (It is, after all, magic!) No more withing for busses or trains! Just fly wherever you want to! Oh, there is one very minor thing. This is not a secret identity. You must wear the magic outfit as your only clothing any time that you leave your house for the rest of your lives.
George Koris
2024-10-15 14:50:17 +0000 UTCI grant you the ability to immediately summon an empty elevator anytime you press an elevator call button, provided the elevator is in service, regardless of how busy the area may be (such as conventions, holiday shopping, etc.). However… Your bags are always exactly one item too small when you need to put more than four items in a bag. Need to put in six items? Not so fast! That sixth item just won’t quite fit. Guess you’ll have to carry it separately or start filling another bag.
Michael Crocker
2024-10-15 10:54:59 +0000 UTCAfter hearing Bec's reaction to October's episode, I feel like we need a "reverse Ira" ;) You will never have cold feet ever again. However, each time you meet somebody new, you will sneeze right after saying your name. The extra sneezing does not trigger while performing on set, on stage or in front of a camera.
Vincent Zalzal
2024-10-14 16:53:22 +0000 UTCnaxxfish, this is a good'un! Made into the November I'm A Wizard
A Problem Squared
2024-10-14 11:54:14 +0000 UTC*behind you ;)
naxxfish
2024-09-20 17:25:47 +0000 UTCI can smuggle so much with that, that I'll be rich enough to only have sliding doors in front of me
Patafikss
2024-09-20 16:28:38 +0000 UTCI can grant you the ability to pack any bag, suitcase or other kind of luggage with an unlimited volume of items without increasing it's overall mass or dimensions. But. Every time you use a door which must be pushed or pulled, you will *always* do the wrong action first, even if it's obvious! Automatic doors will not open for you unless you are facing backwards. Revolving doors will stop unexpectedly and abruptly as you travel through them.
naxxfish
2024-09-19 17:42:14 +0000 UTCHi Ira, you're featured in the October's episode of I'm A Wizard!
A Problem Squared
2024-09-17 12:46:03 +0000 UTCWhenever you operate a vehicle of any kind, you experience no delays. No red lights, no traffic jams, no flat tires... However, whenever you are a passenger in any vehicle, all the time you have saved gets redistributed to these trips.
Fred Rosenberger
2024-08-30 15:27:34 +0000 UTCThanks Chris, this has been presented to Matt and Bec in the next programme!
A Problem Squared
2024-08-30 11:10:04 +0000 UTCYou have the power to disapparate like in the Harry Potter stories, but every time you do, you lose 1% of your height.
Stephen Hart
2024-08-12 13:31:12 +0000 UTC"You can be the fastest runner ever and win all the Olympics, but if you stop your bum drops off." - Ember, aged 5
Mojos Big Stick
2024-08-06 17:02:48 +0000 UTCYou don't need to eat food ever again, but if you ever do eat something, then you start to need eating twice as much as before. The fact that you don't need to eat doesn't mean you don't get cravings.
Jan Ježdík
2024-07-26 06:20:37 +0000 UTCThanks Brett, this is in the next addition!
A Problem Squared
2024-07-18 11:36:49 +0000 UTCOne for Matt: Overnight, you become one of the top three cyclists in the world. You've every chance of winning the Tour De France! But if you do, from now on, you will only ever speak French.
Mojos Big Stick
2024-07-14 15:08:53 +0000 UTCYou can fly anywhere by flapping your arms. You fly at the speed of a modern jetliner, but due to the effects of relativity, you experience the travel as if you were traveling at walking speed. In other words, if you fly from London to perth, you arrive 17 hours after you leave, but you experience the journey as if it took 8 times as long. (Ie in this case about 140 hours). You can sleep, think, practice speeches in this time, but you cannot use your hands, because they are busy flapping.
Colin Mckellar
2024-07-14 14:39:37 +0000 UTCYou will never sneeze again. Nice right? However! Once per day at a completely random time, you will have the sensation like you've stepped on a half-thawed ice cube with socks on. You will feel a slowly receding damp sock sensation for a few hours following the event, though your foot will never actually be wet. (not trying to damage any shoes here) Again, this is 100% random, and could happen while awake or asleep, while walking, giving a presentation, hugging your grandmother. Any time, once per solar day. But, no more sneezing, ever again.
Ira Sanborn
2024-07-13 21:56:14 +0000 UTCI can make it so that whenever you try to open a door which has the ability to be locked, it unlocks itself for you! Except... These same doors refuse to open for you whenever someone is currently swinging/sliding a door within the same structure.... the door will pretend to be locked even if it isn't. Although you don't have to worry about this lockout being caused by automatic doors, or by revolving doors (as their opening/closing motions cancel out to zero), you will be likely to encounter sporadic impediments within large and crowded buildings.
Solely Joel
2024-07-13 18:52:55 +0000 UTCI can make it so you can wish for food and it will appear. “So you could say I want a pizza.” And when you do a pizza will be there. Now you should know that when you request this food, you will need to consume the entire thing, you can not waste any of the magical wizard food. You should also know that the food will taste like the best version of that food you could imagine… the first time. Every time after that 1% more of the food will taste awful, and which percent it is will be random, and not necessarily congruent (meaning if this is your 51st magic pizza, it doesn’t mean the first half is good and the second half is bad… each bite will be a flip of the coin.. well not a flip of the coin because amount of good and bad remaining after each bite will change… but you know what I mean.) Also you should know that this good to bad ratio will impact every other time you encounter this food in the wild for the rest of your life.
Chris Schwarz
2024-07-13 13:10:02 +0000 UTCWhenever you interact with kids, they quickly understand deeply what you are communicating, even complex conversations or topics, however whenever you interact with adults, there is a high chance you'll slip into baby talk to them.
Bret Scofield
2024-07-13 11:09:19 +0000 UTCYour public transport trips will always depart and arrive on-time, however you will never be able to travel using a private vehicle (including your own bicycle Matt - short-term bike hire e.g. Santander Cycles count as public transport).
Neil Tarrant
2024-07-13 10:19:36 +0000 UTC
