Honkai, why do you only throw me into high-level battles? (Chapter 462-463)

Chapter 462: Seele's Self-Blaming

Seele's wish was powerful. So powerful, in fact, that her body was unable to withstand its full awakening.

Ordinarily, as Seele grew older, the threshold of her Stigmata would have slowly and naturally unlocked.
It was a process that should have happened in its own time. But the X-10 experiment three years ago had drastically accelerated it.

The fully activated Stigmata power was like a raging flood that had burst its dam, instantly destroying the girl's fragile body and casting her into the quantum abyss...

During the experiment, Veliona, as the personification of the Stigmata's consciousness, had tried to stop Seele from making contact with her own Stigmata.

But at that moment, the usually timid girl had shown a courage and stubbornness that surpassed her wildest imagination. In the end, Veliona had no choice but to fall into that boundless abyss with her...

A Stigmata exists in attachment to its host. Its very purpose is to protect and strengthen its host.

The will of the Stigmata is an extension of its power. Veliona understood that the frail girl was the entire reason for her existence. She was born to protect her, and she existed for her sake. In the future, as Seele grew up and became independent, she would fade away.

To exist as that girl's shadow until the day her own consciousness inevitably dissolved—she fully understood and accepted this fact.

But fate had a cruel sense of humor. The Stigmata that was meant to protect Seele became the very thing that pushed her into the abyss.

If her Stigmata hadn't begun to awaken, she would never have been qualified to step into that laboratory. If her Stigmata hadn't fully awakened, she would never have fallen into the Sea of Quanta...

In that long darkness, though Veliona never showed it, she was consumed by self-blame. It was also why she resented Cocolia, the one who had caused it all. And so, when that woman stood before her once again, the rage she had suppressed for so long was already on the verge of erupting.

If it weren't for the other, gentle Seele still holding a sliver of familial affection and awe for Cocolia, not wanting to cause her pain or sadness, Veliona would have jumped out and cut down this nuisance who was obstructing her mission the moment they first met in town.

And now, that woman dared to point a gun at Seele?

That was the last straw. Veliona, who had already reached her breaking point, couldn't hold back any longer. She forcefully seized control of the body from Seele, intending to teach this arrogant woman a harsh lesson.

I want her dead, but Seele doesn't want to hurt her. Ugh, what a pain. Let's compromise—I'll spare her life, but I'll cut off those disgusting arms of hers.

And so, she brandished her menacing scythe and swung it viciously at the woman's body!

This was calculated revenge.

But that wasn't all. She wanted to humiliate her, to brand a deep fear into the woman's very soul.

And so, she made full use of the new body the Sea of Quanta had given her, becoming like a phantom—pervasive, omnipresent...

Then, just as Cocolia retreated into the final dead corner, just as she prepared to swing Death's scythe for the final harvest, just as she was ready to savor the look of fear and despair on that imperious face—she messed up.

How could this happen?

The surging current in every elemental gap of the overlapping electric field struck every one of her quantum clones at the same instant. And so, in that one moment, the superimposed Seele was hit with the full force of the attack, multiplied several dozen times over.

"Damn it..."

Veliona collapsed, unwilling to accept defeat, robbed of the strength to stand back up.

Her power was indeed immense, but living side-by-side with Seele, she lacked the combat experience to match that power. And so, when faced with a shrewd battlefield veteran, it was inevitable that her weakness would be exploited and she would be taken down in a single blow...

Cocolia leaned down, frowning at the short-haired girl who was struggling to get back up. During the fight, she had caught a glimpse of a faint light shining through the fabric of her clothes, near her chest.

Could it be...

A thought struck her. She forcefully tore open the collar of Seele's clothes, revealing the red pattern that had now faded.

"Just as I thought. It's the Stigmata..."

Her eyes lit up with understanding, as if this beautiful mark was the answer to all the strange occurrences.

"Seele, was this the reason you were in a coma for the past few days?"

Her voice was tinged with a slight eagerness and excitement, as if the fierce conflict just now, as if Seele's open hostility toward her, had never happened.

A Stigmata awakening was perfectly normal!

Look at Raiden Ryoma. To seal his daughter's Stigmata, the man had recklessly implanted the Gem of Conquest into her body.

"Tch, what a waste of a heavenly treasure!" Cocolia thought with extreme displeasure whenever she recalled the incident. It was unclear whether the "heavenly treasure" she referred to was the Stigmata or the Gem...

"No, it's not..."

Seele's eyes had once again turned a deep ocean blue. She weakly raised a small hand to pull her disheveled collar together, lifted her pale little face, and looked resolutely at the woman standing tall and firm before her.

"I'm sorry, Mother Cocolia..."

Veliona wanted to struggle more, but White Seele stopped her futile attempt.

"Heh, how rare. You're still willing to call me 'Mother'."

Cocolia stared deeply into Seele's eyes for several seconds before silently looking away. She walked past the girl still slumped on the floor and said indifferently, "If you've rested enough, let's go."

Before entering this room, there had been many things she wanted to interrogate this Seele about. But the moment she revealed the Stigmata, there was no longer any need.

"Go... where?"

Seele's gaze followed her retreating back, a look of confusion on her face that quickly turned to terror.

Could it be...

In that moment, she remembered the nightmarish X-10 experiment, the terrifying experience that had thrown her from the original world into the Sea of Quanta.

Back then, she had bravely and voluntarily accepted the experiment, fully prepared to die. The reason she had been so brave was because she wanted to die in Big Sister Bronya's place.

But she never expected that what awaited her wasn't the nothingness of death, but an endless darkness and abyss, like a never-ending exile.

Courage, passion, and impulse are the brilliant flashes of fireworks. No matter how bright, how beautiful, how unforgettable they once were, they cannot withstand the long, grinding erosion of darkness and solitude.

She remembered, in the previous loop where she hadn't "run away from home," Mother Cocolia had also returned to the orphanage to take someone for that terrifying experiment. That time, she had taken Big Sister Bronya.

Is it... happening again...?

The thought of having to go through that again, the thought of that endless, redemptionless darkness, made the present Seele tremble with fear...

"Hmm?"

Cocolia stopped and frowned. She was about to say something when the partially closed door was slammed open with a BANG! Sin burst in, her face contorted with rage. The wind she kicked up even stirred the hem of Cocolia's thick coat.

THWACK!

Sin viciously kicked Seele's slender, delicate face. The already weakened Seele was caught off guard and slammed to the ground, nearly passing out.

"Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!"

Sin roared, her face a mask of fury. She mercilessly pounced on Seele, kicking and punching. Every blow left a visible mark. She was like a wild beast that had been provoked. Seele was in agony but too weak to fight back, only able to curl into a ball.

Through the pain of the beating, Seele remembered her experience in the original world. Sin had pushed Bronya down a long flight of stairs and beaten her just as mercilessly as this.

At that time, she had seen it all, but had cowardly cowered in a dark corner, too afraid to make a sound...

Is... this my punishment? Seele thought in agony, unsure if the pain in her body or her heart was greater.

"Stop."

Seele didn't suffer the prolonged abuse she had expected. Cocolia, who was standing nearby, quickly pulled the attacker off.

Sin grunted, still not satisfied. As she was pulled away, she managed to land one more heavy kick on Seele's other cheek. Seele's vision went black, and she finally lost consciousness.

Cocolia was alarmed and quickly went to check on her. She breathed a sigh of relief only after confirming that Seele's life wasn't in danger. Then she reprimanded coldly, "Sin, do you have any idea what you're doing?"

"Of course I do, Mother!" Sin's mismatched eyes glared fiercely at Seele, who lay on the ground like a broken doll. She retorted defiantly, "This idiot dared to defy your orders and even tried to hurt you! We should just beat her to death!"

Cocolia continued to stare coldly at the indignant girl, unmoved. Her tone remained indifferent.

"Do you have any idea what you were just doing?"

"Of course I was..." Sin puffed out her flat chest, ready to continue her loud protest, but the moment her eyes met Cocolia's, her bravado deflated. She lowered her head obediently and muttered, "I'm sorry, Mother."

Sin, who usually looked down on everyone, was actually admitting her mistake.

"I don't need you to tell me. You were just trying to get her removed from the list of candidates for the experiment. Heh, you all are so close." Cocolia sneered. Then her expression hardened, and for the first time, a clear note of anger entered her voice.

"Do you know what you are doing?"

This was the third time she had asked the same question.

"This girl wasn't on the list to begin with!" Sin lifted her head and yelled defiantly. "The only spot is for either Bronya or me! What does this crybaby think she is?!"

"Oh, is that so?" Cocolia laughed, angered.

She couldn't be bothered to explain what had just happened. "Do you know what her Stigmata means? It means her chances of success in the experiment are higher than any of you! With just one successful case, both Bronya and you can complete the experiment more safely and gain the power to change everything!"

Cocolia felt the frustration she had long suppressed about to boil over. "You're in such a hurry to kick her out. Are you that eager to die? Just like that other child before?"

"...How could I be like those previous failures?" The word 'die' made Sin flinch, but then she flashed an arrogant, proud smile. "Look at Seele, so scared she tried to run away by herself. Even if she did go, she'd probably be the first one to die!"

She had seen Seele being isolated, and it made her jealous, but more than that, it made her angry. If you were going to run, why didn't you run faster, run farther? Why did you have to get caught and brought back like this, lying on the floor like a dead dog?

What a useless idiot!

"..."

Cocolia's anger faded as quickly as it had come. Now she just stared at her coldly.

"Have you made up your mind?"

"Yes, I have!" Sin suppressed the unease in her heart and lifted her small face. "I will be the strongest, past, present, and future!"

She wasn't just worried about Bronya and Seele's safety; seeing the immense power Seele had displayed filled her with a sincere jealousy and longing.

I, Sin, will be the strongest! Everyone else can just hide behind me!

"...Is that so? Then let's go."

Cocolia gave her a deep look, then nodded solemnly and continued to walk out.

Sin let out a long breath. Just as she was about to follow, she heard Seele's weak voice from behind.

"Wait, Sin..."

Seele struggled to wake up, her eyes fluttering open. She pleaded, "Don't go. You'll die!"

"Tch!"

Sin's face instantly turned ugly. She ground her shark-like teeth, turned, and kicked her to the ground again.

"Useless thing, shut up!"

Seele lost consciousness once more. When she came to, she found herself locked in the confinement room.

"Why... did it turn out like this?" Seele curled up, muttering to herself. "Sin did that to protect me, right?"

"...Probably," Veliona said after a long silence, her voice defeated.

"I'm sorry, Seele... It's all because of me that things ended up this way..."

This loop, it was she who had dragged Seele out of the orphanage in the first place, setting off the chain of events that followed.

If Sin hadn't stepped in at the crucial moment... if Seele had been sent to that experiment platform again... would there even be a next loop for her?

A wave of fear washed over Veliona, followed by a wave of shame.

"...I'm the one who hurt her."

Seele curled into a ball, and two tears rolled silently down her cheeks.

"She's right. It's all because I'm so useless..."

Chapter 463: Lin Wei's Arrogance

When Bronya found Seele, she was still lost in this pit of despair and self-blame.

Veliona wanted to comfort her, but she opened her mouth and found she had no idea what to say.

After all, from her perspective, she had made a complete fool of herself this time. Not only had she caused a huge ruckus, but she'd gained nothing in the end, only to leave a complete mess in her wake.

But to just play dead and stay silent was even more unbearable. Finally, she gritted her teeth and, throwing caution to the wind, said, "I'm sorry, Seele. I was too impulsive. Pull yourself together. In the next loop, we'll..."

"The next loop?"

Seele mumbled the words, instinctively curling into an even tighter ball. The ten fingers gripping her shoulders turned white from the pressure, her expression growing more bewildered and fearful.

"It's already so late... D-do we... really have another chance? Bronya Oneechan... Sin..."

"..."

Veliona froze, then found herself at a loss for words.

That's right. In the previous loop, it had all ended by dusk. But now, the night was deep, the sun had long set, yet she was still here.

In other words, this disastrous mess she was in was likely to continue.

"Damn it..." Veliona thought furiously. She hated fate's cruel jokes.

"I'm the one who hurt her..."

Seele's self-blame and sadness intensified. She had no idea how she was going to explain what happened to Sin when Bronya Oneechan returned from her search.

Would Bronya blame her? Even hate her?

Although the Bronya here wasn't her real sister, she still found that consequence unbearable.

Just as she was trapped in this spiral of fear and self-recrimination, she suddenly heard the sound of hurried footsteps and equally rushed breathing approaching rapidly. Her heart skipped a beat—how could Seele not recognize whose running footsteps those were?

"Seele!"

The door was pushed open with a Bang!, and there, as expected, was Bronya. Her eyes were filled with shock and incomprehension as she looked at Seele cowering in the corner.

"Why... why did Sin do that?"

Cocolia had already left the orphanage with Sin. Bronya had only heard from a few of the other children on duty that Sin had beaten Seele senseless, and then Mother Cocolia had told them to throw her in the confinement room.

"Seele was beaten up really badly!" the child had said. Seele was already frail, and when they were treating her wounds, the large bruises and dense web of marks were a shocking sight.

They didn't understand why something like this had happened, and neither did Bronya. Seele returning safely should have been a good thing. Why would Sin do something like this, and be so heavy-handed?

"Bronya...Oneechan"

The shocked look in Bronya's eyes made Seele's heart race with panic. It wasn't until she was gently pulled into a hug that she finally broke down and sobbed.

"I'm sorry, Bronya Oneechan... I'm so sorry..."

Oneechan is still so gentle, but I've become so awful, so selfish...

At the end of the day, this was all because of her other self. But wasn't her other self still a part of her?

"It's okay, it's okay, Seele..."

Bronya didn't know the details of what had happened, but she wasn't in a hurry to ask. She just gently held the girl's small, warm head, softly comforting her as if she were a frightened rabbit, and let out a long sigh.

"You came back safely. That's all that matters..."

She had just parted ways with Lin Wei. Only three minutes ago, she had been worried sick about her missing little sister, even preparing for the worst. But now, she was back, safe. That simple fact alone was enough to make her feel as if her soul had been saved.

Nothing else mattered. In this moment, her eyes and heart were filled with only this lost-and-found sister who had been on her mind all day. Everything else had been pushed to the back of her mind.

Including Lin Wei, whom she had left outside the orphanage gates, probably still waiting for her. He had been completely forgotten...

It was only natural. The reason she had sought his cooperation was to find the missing Seele as quickly as possible. But now, Seele was lying quietly in her arms. Her goal had been achieved, so he had naturally become irrelevant.

"I'm sorry, Bronya Oneechan... Sin, she..."

The gentler Bronya was, the more guilt and sorrow Seele felt.

"It's all Seele's fault. If it wasn't for me, Sin wouldn't have..."

"...I know."

The arms holding the girl stiffened slightly. Bronya's mind cleared a little, and her spirits dampened.

"I know. Mother Cocolia took her away..."

A feeling of things changing beyond recognition, as if in another lifetime, welled up in the hearts of these three young girls. It made Bronya feel even more pity for the frail girl in her arms.

She had just been beaten black and blue by Sin, yet she was still worried about her safety. It was truly...

---||---

Bronya shook her head. She knew this wasn't the time to talk about this.

She gently pushed Seele up, wiped the tears from her cheeks, and said softly, "You haven't eaten, have you? I'll go to the kitchen and get you something. Then you can tell me what happened today, okay?"

"..."

Seele looked like she wanted to say something, but in the end, she just nodded hesitantly. "Okay."

"Alright, I'll be right back."

Bronya helped her lie back down on the bed, then left the room, gently closing the door behind her. Standing outside, she couldn't help but fall silent again, overcome by a strange exhaustion.

"Hah..."

Her despondency lasted less than a second before Bronya shook herself awake and pulled herself together.

A complex mix of feelings swirled within her—relief that Seele was back safely, worry for Sin's uncertain future, and confusion as to why they had clashed at a time like this... She walked silently toward the kitchen.

"Who's there?"

Just as she reached the kitchen door, she heard a rustling sound from inside. Having been on a rollercoaster of emotions all day, Bronya was instantly on alert. She pushed the door open, flipped on the light, and before she could make another move, she saw the source of the noise and froze.

"It's you..."

"Yeah, it's me."

Lin Wei, who had tossed his bulky bearskin in a corner and was now leaning against a warm stove wolfing down food from a huge bowl, showed no guilt for being a thief.

He simply raised a hand in a wave, a half-eaten steamed potato still in his palm, and said without looking up, "I waited outside for ages, but you didn't come back. So I decided to come in and find something to eat first. I'm starving."

As he spoke, he marveled to himself—compared to that bland, greasy roasted bear meat, even plain steamed potatoes tasted like a gourmet delicacy!

"You..."

Bronya hadn't expected him to be such a scoundrel.

"Don't worry, I snuck in. Didn't alert anyone, didn't trigger any alarms."

Cocolia's orphanage didn't provide children, so Lin Wei had to settle for pointing a finger at the newly lit lamp on the ceiling. "See? I didn't even turn on the light."

"...As long as it doesn't cause any misunderstandings." Bronya sighed in relief, walked in, and grumbled, "You... can you really be a thief with such a straight face?"

All you know is eat, eat, eat! Why don't you just eat until you burst!

Grumbling, she walked toward the cupboard. She still had to prepare dinner for Seele.

"I wanted to, but I don't know when the next loop will start, so I wanted to grab some energy and warmth while I could." Lin Wei stood up and walked over.

He helped the struggling Bronya, who was on her tiptoes but still couldn't reach, get a red sausage from a high shelf and handed it to her with a helpless smile. "Maybe the next time I come here, even you will need my help. After all..."

When the world "reloaded its save," a friend he had just made would become a stranger again. It wasn't a pleasant thought.

"...Loop?"

Bronya was about to thank him when the word made her stiffen. The memories she had pushed aside in her joy of reuniting with Seele resurfaced, morphing into an indescribable panic and rage. Her gray eyes glared at him hatefully as she ground out, "But Seele is already back!"

You said the so-called "loop" was tied to Seele's safety, but she's safe and sound in her bed at the orphanage right now! Your words are bankrupt! What else do you have to say?!

"Ah, I heard. Congratulations, Bronya."

Lin Wei looked at Bronya apologetically. After a moment's thought, he didn't try to argue. He just smiled and said, "Just pretend everything I said before was nonsense. Don't worry, I'll leave after a short rest. I won't stay here and disturb your privacy and your lives."

With that, he waved his hand as if to say goodbye, then walked back to his spot and continued to devour the rest of his food.

Wasting food was a shame, especially in this difficult season. He had to refuel while he could.

"..."

Bronya had expected Lin Wei to keep arguing, had even prepared her counterarguments for his nonsensical claims, but he didn't.

For some reason, after Lin Wei so readily admitted he was talking nonsense, she felt an empty void in her heart. She couldn't help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, everything he said was true. Maybe she would wake up tomorrow and have forgotten everything, and be back to yesterday...

She absentmindedly prepared a simple meal, not exchanging another word with Lin Wei. Then she picked up the tray and walked out. At the door, she hesitated for a moment before turning off the light for him, to prevent others from disturbing him.

Click. The world was plunged back into darkness.

"Sigh..." Lin Wei paused for a moment, then paid it no mind.

"I thought you would try to defend yourself," Schrödinger said. "Even if Seele has returned, that only proves your previous theory was wrong. It doesn't fundamentally negate anything."

"Of course I know that, but there's no need." Lin Wei said calmly. "Her goal was just to find Seele, not to learn the truth of this world. Now that her goal is achieved, that's enough for her."

"Is that so? So that's how you see it. From a humanitarian perspective, that is indeed true," Schrödinger said, understanding. Then she reminded him, "But you've already shown her the view from outside the cave."

When they met on the snowy plains, Lin Wei had already shown Bronya things from another world, told her the truth about this world's loop. To so casually dismiss it now—how could that be possible?

It was better not to deceive oneself...

"A person who has seen the light will indeed be unwilling to return to the darkness. But... for Bronya, Seele is that light. As for me? Heh..."

Lin Wei laughed self-deprecatingly but said no more.

Perhaps everything right now was just a fleeting dream. But so what?

The saying "a single word can awaken a dreamer" works because the dreamer, upon waking, can return to their own world.

But what if this "dream" was his world? If he "woke up," where could he go?

To prattle on about some untimely "truth" in the ears of such a person was both cruel and foolish.

Whether it was self-deception or burying one's head in the sand, her Seele was here, her home was here, and that was enough.

"Sufficiently objective, and quite empathetic. Those are indeed excellent qualities. It's just..." Schrödinger commented at a leisurely pace. "To so casually and single-handedly decide another's fate, while it's undeniable that you mean well... has anyone ever told you... that this kind of behavior and mindset, to a certain extent, can be considered almost identical to Otto's—arrogant?"

Her tone was as placid as ever, but her words were like a venomous snake.

"..."

Lin Wei froze. He wanted to retort but was momentarily silent.

Bronya, of course, was not eavesdropping at the door.

Her mind a whirlwind of thoughts, she carried the tray toward Seele's confinement room. This time, without Sin's troublemaking and sarcastic remarks, she even felt a little lonely.

Sin had been taken away by Mother Cocolia. Of the eight seniors who had undergone this experiment in the past, not a single one had survived.

Though Sin was eccentric and always caused trouble, Bronya didn't hate her. Because on other matters, the two of them always reached a silent understanding...

The thought of losing her made Bronya's heart ache.

Maybe, if a loop really does exist, it's a good thing? Bronya thought wistfully. At least I could ask her to her face why she did that to Seele...

Then she found the thought ridiculous.

Heh, if that were the case, I would have completely forgotten everything about today. So how could I even ask? Forget it, I'll just ask Seele... But what's the point of that?

Bronya was lost. She couldn't stop thinking about that "loop"...

She pushed open the door to the confinement room, gently pulled a chair over to the bedside, helped Seele sit up again, and carefully fed her small bites of this late dinner, still somewhat absentminded.

"Bronya Oneechan, Seele can do it herself..."

Bronya's tired and somewhat vacant gaze made Seele's heart ache. She took the small spoon from her hand and sipped the borscht from the bowl, bite by tiny bite.

Both lost in their own thoughts, an awkward silence filled the room, broken only by the soft scrape of the metal spoon against the ceramic bowl.

"Sorry, Seele, I spaced out for a bit," Bronya was the first to snap out of it.

"It's okay, Bronya Oneechan..." Seele said in a small voice, her head bowed. "I know this is all my fault..."

"..."

Bronya shook her head. Wanting to both vent her own frustrations and distract the despondent Seele, she asked out of the blue, "Seele, if you woke up tomorrow and found you were back to yesterday, and had forgotten everything about today, what would you do?"

It was meant to be a half-joking, half-serious question. The "real" part was for her, the "fake" part was for Seele, the listener. She thought the oblivious Seele would only find her "imaginative" hypothesis strange.

She never expected...

Clatter.

Seele's whole body went rigid. The spoon in her hand fell to the floor as Bronya finished speaking. She looked at Bronya as if she had seen a ghost.

"Bronya Oneechan, you... could it be..."