Arden Ellen Nixon

My Hands

Added 2025-07-30 13:23:02 +0000 UTC

My hands won't work.

For weeks now, it's felt like I've had glass shards in my joints. Making a full fist has been right out. Pain patches, compression gloves, over the counter medications and balms, all my regular tricks, are barely touching the pain. House projects have been knocked out--I can at least hold a paint roller or an electric drill--but that's not what I'm meant to do, need to do, am here to do.

I've been trying to paint, but the pain. I've been trying to distract myself with being productive in other ways, but this morning I finally let myself cry in frustration and, yes, fear. My hands are so much of me.

I'm doing my best to give my hands this full week truly off--no frustration side projects, nada. I've been making time for friends and have a museum day later this week, feeding my soul so that it's ready to share through my fingers once they're able.

I know this doesn't make for scintillating viewing. This isn't what you signed up for, especially when the world is so weird and finances are so tight for so many. Know that I will always understand if you cancel your membership here for any reason, including (perhaps especially) my own failure to be an artist this summer.