Tag Questions

Tag Questions by sleepingirl

There are many different distinct language patterns that we come across when we’re looking into hypnosis and NLP. The Milton Model of NLP especially tries to distill patterns from how Erickson talked and tranced. One of the most commonly adapted techniques is the idea of “tag questions” -- turning a suggestive statement into a question. We as hypnotists often do this intuitively, whether we are parroting it from others or it is a natural affect of the way that we talk. But why do we do this, or rather, why do we say this is an effective hypnotic technique?

What is a Tag Question?

In every language, there are certain protocols for speaking more politely or formally. In Japanese, for example, it is morphological -- there are levels of formality that are built into the language. In English, this framework doesn’t concretely exist, so we have to learn what is appropriate in different situations through nuance of tone and verbiage. We often do this by softening our speech, and phrasing things as questions is a common way of achieving this.

We generally can conceptualize a tag question in regular speech as a way to verify information that we think we know, or to change the tone of a statement so it is less authoritative. “Right?” “Isn’t it?” and “Aren’t you?” are all common tags at the end of statements. For example, someone might say, “It’s going to be warm out today, right?” to communicate that they have an idea of the weather but also make sure that it’s clear that their knowledge isn’t necessarily 100% accurate. It also has the effect of signalling acceptance of correction, in some cases, or simply inviting conversation.

In hypnosis, a common form of using this in suggestive language might be something like, “You’re really feeling it intensely, aren’t you?” We will get into the specifics of some of the elements at play here, but generally this kind of use serves a little bit of a different purpose than using tag questions in vanilla conversation. Additionally, there are different ways to use tag questions that we can think about in different ways.

Sounding Conversational

In a very broad sense, using tag questions can make your suggestions sound more natural -- if they are used naturally. We use them all the time in regular speech, similarly to how we use linguistic hedges: to some degree, it is more socially accepted as polite to speak a little more indirectly, or to soften statements which might sound self-assured. This is of course most effective if this kind of tag or hedge is already a part of your usual speech -- many kinds of tag questions cited in NLP and hypnosis are not actually commonly used in conversation, and will leave you sounding like a stereotypical sneaky hypnotist. This can be fine, of course; it signals what you are doing, especially to a subject who is familiar with the sort of tropes of it. However, to sound more conversational, it is best to rely more heavily on speech patterns that are already a part of the way that you talk. This is a good opportunity to pay attention to your speech and see what you are already doing that you can use in your hypnosis.

When we’re thinking about how to sound more natural, it’s also important to consider how we’re having the conversation. Verbally we may have different linguistic habits than chatting through text or otherwise writing. Different sources state different things about how common tag questions are in different forms of communication, but the most relevant information is how you personally most naturally use them.

Using a tag question in this more conversational way in hypnosis has a little bit to do with vocal tone, which we will talk about, but it also can serve to change the dynamic tone of the trance. Just like how using them in speech with others can make people feel more at ease or more comfortable discussing the statement, hypnotic tag questions are similarly inviting. They can invite a verbal or nonverbal response, or they can simply invite participation by nature of being inquisitive and permissive.

Authoritativeness and Processing

Tag questions have been the subject of study by numerous linguistic and psychology-based sources. Largely, within the context of conveying information, use of these tags has been associated with a lower perception of credibility -- which makes sense, considering their function is generally to display permissiveness and reduce authority. However, in a paper comparing tag questions used by sources with varying levels of reliability, researchers found that when participants read information from “authority” sources, tag questions did not lessen the subjects’ sense that the information was inaccurate -- only that it caused them to process the information conveyed by the tag question more thoroughly.

This makes sense and we can draw parallels to hypnosis. Generally in a hypnotic interaction, the hypnotist ideally has some level of perceived authority. This is not reliant on a traditional kinky power dynamic, but more simply a result that the hypnotist has some level of assumed knowledge and is using it in a skillful way. This idea that it causes processing is logical and certainly is where some of the meat of its use is in suggestion; questions, even rhetorical, have the characteristic of causing some sort of reflection. We can see how this would be helpful in hypnosis -- “It’s getting easier to focus, isn’t it?” doesn’t explicitly invite criticism of the suggestion but instead actually places a higher emphasis on it and invites an internal response.

Yes Set / Pacing and Leading

The traditional idea of a “yes set” is, as we’ve discussed, a verbal set of questions that is meant to elicit affirmative (often verbal) responses. We know that we can expand this idea to consider all of what we do as a sort of unspoken yes set, adjacent to the idea of pacing and leading -- the hypnotist is putting forth comments, suggestions, and “questions” that hopefully are congruent with the subject’s experience. Each part of the hypnotic interaction is parsed in some way, and the ideal is that those parts are met with some kind of agreement, acceptance, or constructive processing.

Tag questions are a way to facilitate this kind of response. When a subject hears the question form, they parse the original information and check to see how it fits their model. This “looking inwardly” can happen consciously or unconsciously and as we’ve noted is often a hypnotic process. There are a few things to consider here in terms of how that processing happens.

In a hypnotic suggestion such as, “Feel the way my voice sneaks inside your head,” there is a characteristic of being explicitly leading. You are not making an observation about what the subject is currently experiencing; you are giving direction of what they should be feeling next. However, if you phrase this differently: “You’re feeling the way my voice sneaks inside your head,” you are, on the surface, simply stating what they are (or might be) feeling in the moment. The first suggestion has the verb (“feel”) in the imperative form; it is a “command.” The second suggestion is in the present continuous form; it is describing something that is currently happening.

Sometimes, tags are put at the end of imperative statements, such as, “Take a seat, won’t you?” Note that this changes the tone of the imperative, but is not used in all colloquial speech -- when it is, it is often for the sole purpose of softening a command into a request. More often, we see tags put onto statements (and suggestions) in other forms: “You’re starting to notice yourself letting go, right?” “You noticed yourself letting you, didn’t you?” “You’re going to notice yourself let go, aren’t you?” Some of these may feel stronger or weaker than others especially depending on context and circumstance. However, note that in these examples, they appear to be observing something rather than directing it -- despite the fact that these suggestions may very well facilitate the effects that are described. This is one way to transition from purely pacing a subject into leading them. The tags in these kinds of suggestions are not strictly necessary, but cause a very explicit processing to happen which can be very intense when parsed as “yes” (“Oh my god, they’re right; that is a part of what I’m feeling just like all the other things they said before…”).

Tone Signalling

When we make suggestions verbally, we have a lot of options to make in terms of not only what we say but how we say it. The same is true for tag questions. Generally when we phrase something as a question, we think about it as having a rising tone; this is one of the ways that we mark that something is a query and invites an answer. However, sometimes it is appropriate to use a falling tone with a tag question, in the way that we might normally end a statement. For the purpose of this article, we’ll use a “.” to denote this falling tone and a “?” to denote the rising tone.

Changing the inflection you use can drastically change the feel of a suggestion. “That’s a really intense response, isn’t it?” might feel more light and curious, open to discussion. “That’s a really intense response, isn’t it.” might have a very different implication -- straight, authoritative knowledge, often with the connotation of a more “dominant” tone. You can use this to create different implications and control the flow of a scene. Shifting from one tone to the other can create contrast and transition between moods.

Pause/Response

Thus far we’ve talked about tag questions as a single cohesive statement on its own. However, we also have other ways to use them. Instead of putting the tag directly after the statement, you can use it on its own after a pause. For example, if you said to a partner, “It looks like you really want this…” and wait, you may see some sort of response, like them stiffening in their seat or gasping. At that point, you can tag on the question, “...Right?”

This is a slight change that can add a punch to your tag questions. It serves as a way to acknowledge a response in the moment, which is a very important tool in hypnosis. Generally, we want to give some breathing room in our hypnosis -- it is not so much about continuous stream of suggestions as much as it is about a kind of pacing where we allow space for responsiveness. Giving that open space allows your partner to have a full measure of reaction and allows you to see it and respond to it. This creates a sort of dialogue between partners instead of a one-sided conversation, even if the parts of that dialogue are based in body language or are otherwise nonverbal.

In this way, tag questions can act like a sort of “mind read” especially when coupled with good use of ambiguity or intuition about what someone is experiencing. The sense that someone can see into your head and know what you’re feeling is very powerful as an emotional thing as well as a hypnotic tool. Especially in intimate and erotic hypnosis, this connects with the idea of pacing and leading in a way that feels very connective between partners -- it can create almost a magical sense. To some degree there is the trope of “If I can read your mind, I can write it,” but it is also more than that; being seen and understood on such a personal and private level facilitates really intense experiences.

Another thing to consider with this use is the idea that you are sometimes going to cause your partner to re-parse the original suggestion. They experience it once when you communicate the statement, have a response to it, and then when you signal with the tag they on some level (consciously or not) have to go back over it. This can add impact and emphasis, or cause them to have a different response from a new perspective, or make someone go on a meta level and consider how they are reacting. All of these are useful avenues to play with in trance.

Framing Verbal/Nonverbal

Clearly, response is an important aspect of tag questions, as the nature of the question itself has an implication of being inviting. One of the things that you can consider is framing this to your subject in ways that make it easier for them to be open and genuine with you.

When asked a question of any sort, the natural inclination is generally to respond verbally, but this can be complex in hypnosis for various reasons. We know as hypnotists that nonverbal responses are really valuable, and that some subjects have difficulty in responding verbally in different levels of trance. We want to ensure that our subjects know that they are free to do whatever feels natural, whether that is engaging and verbalizing, having nonverbal responses, or something in the middle.

It is helpful to frame this kind of desire for any response positively before and during trance. Acknowledging nonverbal signals as responses will go a long way in doing this; sometimes subjects will react nonverbally first and then try to talk if they feel they “have to,” and a simple, “That’s right” or other confirmation will let them know it “counts.” You can also explicitly say things before or during your trance like, “You don’t have to answer,” or any other permissive language that tells them that what they are doing is appropriate. Feeling comfortable that one’s natural responses are communicative, desired, and done “correctly,” is generally important, and is not a one-and-done sentence; it is a tone that is cultivated continuously. This will help your tag questions flow more naturally in scenes where the subject feels that they are responding in a way that makes sense to you and in a way that they don’t have to put extra work into.

In Conclusion

Tag questions are a fascinating part of speech and have quite a bit of use in effective hypnosis. It is valuable to dig into language patterns and think critically about why we assert that they are magical, sometimes. Largely, a lot of effective language comes down to using speech patterns that you are already familiar with, but identifying what parts of speech do what in the context of hypnosis can help you with how your scenes flow and add tools to your toolbox. 

Bibliography

Blankenship, K. L., & Craig, T. Y. (2007). Language and persuasion: Tag questions as powerless speech or as interpreted in context. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 43(1), 112-118. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2005.12.012

Tag Questions. (n.d.). Retrieved October 02, 2020, from https://www.englishclub.com/grammar/tag-questions.htm