S:EXpedition: Lost Yvenna 1-12

when she gets back she prolly be tougher and not cry as much

Survivor

I know I'm very late on this one, but the comma you are asking about is called the "oxford comma". If you make a list of phrases (meaning three or more), you generally put a comma in between every item in that list, the very last comma is then redundant as the last two phrases are additionally held together by the "and" and *may* be removed, but doesn't have to be removed. Importantly, Riven has overlooked that they inspected pairings of adjectives, not lists. An example like "She's cold, starving, and scared of the dark" exposes the actual topic of the discussion, namely the fully optional comma between "starving" and "scared of the dark". Hope this helps somewhat, sorry for being so very late on the discussion, and thank you for all the amazing work you do <3

Seeing the 12-24 as well, I’m not sure what value this adds to the story aside from basically making Yvenna suffer. I was hoping for something a bit less grimdark.

Ed

Looking forward to reading on what happens next

Darryl J. Sinclair

you were not kidding when you said you could have this up pretty fast

Archa

You use commas for and when you're joining two phrases together as a conjunction. She's cold + She has to keep going = She's cold, and she has to keep going. You wouldn't put a comma before and if you're making a list or joining an incomplete phrase together. She's cold and starving. OR She's cold and scared of the dark. This is the same for other conjunctions like: yet, but, nor, or Hope this helps - English can be super confusing :(

Riven

Hehe, I was a little afraid you might get overwhelmed or think badly of me for making that long of a fix report :P Glad you took it nicely ^^ As for the "and" question, the use of "and" in sentences and when to - or not to - use a comma is a bit complicated, and I don't fully have a grasp of it myself. I would normally use some kind of free grammar checkers online to find out which commas are correct, which are wrong, or which are missing, simply because it's too difficult for me to remember properly. If you are interested, I recently stumbled upon QuillBot Grammar Checker, other than that one, I used to use Grammarly for the longest of time, but then I stopped writing enough to make the Premium subscription worth the money. Grammarly would help with figuring out how to write, and you can customize how professional or casual you want the writing to be, and Grammarly would give corrections according to your settings. Edit: In fact, checking the "She's tired, thirsty, hungry and cold." with Quillbot Grammar Checker, both with and without the comma before "and" comes out correct, but I know there is something that makes one more correct than the other, I just don't know what.

Frankieo

Thank you for the long ass fixes. I really appreciate it. I've fixed the pages so far but won't be changing the text, the cursive text thing is just a typo choice. I don't need it to be perfect, if I can get the message across then I'm satisfied with it. And I've got one question on page 7, should we add commas in front of and everytime we use and? or is it only usable in these kinda situation? I'm confused

ebluberry

I like the format of the story, there's only one image per page, but the text per page isn't too much, and it lets the story progress faster than were it to be in a typical comic page setup ^^ A lot of corrections, I think most of them were a mix between present tense and past tense words. It seems that the story is mostly written in a past-tense format. Page two: "She left out a sigh of relief." should probably be: "She let out a sigh of relief." And "Sounds like they found my scent." could probably be in normal lettering format instead of cursive like the rest of the text, differentiate her thought from the rest of the text. Fourth page: "I'm not tasty!" could be normal text format instead of cursive, and: "as she screams and runs for her life." should probably be: "She screams while running for her life." or "She screams as she runs for her life." "She pushes them away and hits them with it as hard as she could" "pushes" and "hits" are present-tense, "could." is past-tense, if I understand it correctly. So "could" should probably be "can." "The creatures don't seem to feel it and kept on chasing her." sounds better with "don't" being replaced by "didn't" "It broke in half on the creature's teeth." I think "on the" should be "between the" Page 05: "She knew if she slows down or tripped, they will catch up with her." should be "She knew if she slowed down or tripped, they would catch up with her." or "She knows if she slows down or trips, they will catch up with her." The former of the two being in past-tense, the latter being present-tense, if I'm not mistaken. "yellow vines every plant" should have a comma, "yellow vines, every plant" "I'm gonna let it recharge for a while." should have normal format instead of cursive "As she took the battery off." should be "she says/said as she switched/turned off the battery." Page 6: Yvenna's text should be in normal format instead of cursive. Page 7: "She's tired, thirsty, hungry and cold." should be "hungry, and cold." "as she talks" should be "as she talked" Page 8: "couple of scars and bite marks" should probably be "couple of scratches and bite marks" as scars are healed wounds. Second paragraph, "she managed to" should probably be "she manages to" Page 10: "attacked at during" should be "attacked during" or "attacked at all during" "she find something" should be "she finds something" "be near the village." should be "be near a village." Page 11: "multiple fires going on" should be "multiple fires going" without the "on" "they are some kind" should be "they were some kind" "that just wobbles around." should be "that just wobbled around." "to drink from" should be "drinking from" "spit it out" should be "spat it out" Page 12: "The 3 other creature" should be "the other three creatures" "manage to snapped it" should be "manage to snap it" "bite her she manages" should be "bite her, she managed" "get it first. They start growling at her." should be "get it first, growling at her."

Frankieo