Dead Tired - Volume Four - Chapter One

Chapter One

“That... is a fantastic idea!” I said with good cheer.

Alex bowed my way, the maid having just delivered a report straight from the Limpet herself. Alex had discovered me in one of the former-sect’s libraries. The largest of them, which had been reserved for all levels of sect membership. I had relocated a comfortable chair into a corner of the room next to a window overlooking the inner-courtyard. 

I had a small table next to me, onto which were piled several books that I’d yet to consume, and next to that was a piping hot cup of tea. I didn’t have the organs to smell it, but I was assured that it smelled divine. 

Mostly it was there because there was a certain aesthetic to be respected in moments and places like these, and warm tea was part of that.

In any case... a tournament! 

I’d never abased myself to the point where I’d participate in a tournament, but I had been in the audience for a number of such events in the--rather distant--past.

They were a fantastic way to see what techniques and innovations were at the forefront of society.

The nature of competitions like that demanded that people bring their best in order to win, and that often meant seeing skills and abilities on display that would otherwise be reserved for the battlefield or for rare and inaccessible training grounds.

If a tournament went on for long enough, then every year there would be a new crop of hopefuls, innovating off of the successes of their predecessors.

In the realm of magical combat, there was little that could lead to faster innovation than competition or war.

Seeing as how we had the war part down already, it seemed only reasonable to corner the ‘competition’ market.

It would mean a good place for prospective recruits as well, and a sufficiently well-organized tournament would pull in visitors and tourists from a decent ways.

“I like the idea,” I said to Alex, who nodded. “What has the Limpet come up with, so far?”

“Not very much, I’m afraid. The tournament idea is still in the ‘idea phase’ as she puts it. I’m afraid that she doesn’t have a wealth of experience to draw from. She has attended some small intersect tournaments before. Those open to the public, but that is where the limit of her experience ends.”

“I see,” I said. “Then organizing something like what I envision would be beyond her.”

Alex’s ears drooped. “Is that a no, then?”

“Ah, it’s not a no, it’s more of a... ‘let me take care of this,’” I said.

Alex’s eyes widened. “You’re going to take care of it, Bone Male Parental Figure?”

Had I eyes, I might have blinked them, then. “That’s a new name.”

“You expressed some disapproval when I called you Bone Daddy. This is more formal,” Alex said.

“Disapproval?” I asked.

“Your facial expression,” Alex replied.

I stared, facelessly, at Alex, who merely stared back. “If you say so. I don’t mind either way. In any case, I am interested in this tournament that the Limpet is proposing. It could be a nice divertisement while the Limpet learns and grows into a proper warlock.” 

There were limited libraries in Yu Xiang, and I’d read half of them already. At the rate I was going, I’d soon have nothing left to read. Besides, the day and age’s idea of good storytelling left a lto to be desired. 

Not to ‘back in my day’ things... but back in my day, books were just better. 

“Yes, this could be fun,” I muttered, mostly to myself as I reached a hand up and scratched at my jawbone. “So, a grand tournament, likely with multiple brackets for different levels, for the sake of fairness. There’s certainly enough empty land here to build an arena to seat a few tens of thousands.”

“So many?” Alex asked. “And a whole new arena? We could hold the fights in any open space. I believe there’s a small sports arena in Yu Xiang.”

“No no, that won’t do. Besides, I imagine it’s old and poorly maintained. No, we’ll want something in... oh-hoh, tourna-mint condition! Ohoho!” 

Alex’s eyes closed. The maid shifted back, falling on heels for a moment as the force of the wordplay blew over them like a stiff breeze.

“Of course!” I continued. “If we’re going to run this event, then we need to do so in such a spectacular fashion that it properly impresses everyone. I have ideas now, Alex. I’m feeling particularly inspired!”

Alex shivered.

“Ah, but what did the Limpet plan on offering as a reward for this? A portion of her fledgeling empire? A wealth of gold?”

Alex shrugged in a rather unmaidly fashion. “She was talking about that, or muttering about it, in any case. She wants people to show up to the event, which means enticing them. The Limpet thinks that she can maybe convince some members of weaker sects to join her empire by having them be outside of the bounds of the, ah, other empire.”

“That might well work,” I said. “Some people chaff under things like rules, and laws, and taxation. I’ve certainly put down a few kingdoms and nations when they sent someone to collect taxes.”

“Exactly,” Alex said. “But we still need a good central prize.”

I shrugged. “Offer immortality to the winners. That always has people acting unwisely.”

“Is offering immortality a good idea?” Alex asked.

I was happy that the maid was even willing to question me, and it was a fair question to ask. “It depends on the kind of immortality. I’d mostly offer proof against aging, not true immortality. They’d be guaranteed to outlive everyone they know and they’ll remain in good form and health, as is often the case with the young and healthy forever. But it wouldn’t be proof against having their head removed from their shoulders, or proof against any other violent death.”

“Ah,” Alex said with a nod. “So they’ll likely die anyway.”

“Flesh is only so resilient,” I replied. “Now, the other issue is going to be logistical. Actually, most of the issues are going to be logistical.”

Alex hummed. “Providing lodging and food for the participants and attendees. Even before any considerations about the construction of the arena itself. Then there’s rulings and VIPs to consider, as well as advertising and transportation to and from the event.”

“There’s a lot to think about,” I replied. “But this kind of event might be a good way to stress-test the Limpet.”

“Is she not stressed enough?” Alex asked.

“Bah, there’s no such thing as too much stress. I suffered through immense stress for decades, and I turned out just fine.”

Alex bowed slightly. “As you say, Osteo Papa.”

That was also a new one. 

“It’ll toughen her up a little.” I clapped my hands together with a clatter. “We have everything we need but a date, dear Alex!”

“A date? I’d imagine there’s more that we need than just that,” Alex said.

I shook my head. “No, no, the date will inform us of how much pressure we’re operating under.”

“Ah, I see. Like preparing a feast. The longer you have the more time there is to order the ingredients and prepare the staff.”

“Exactly,” I replied. “Now, I was thinking about next weekend.”

Alex’s head tilted. “That feels like it may be too soon.”

I supposed that Aliex may well be correct. The people of this modern world weren’t as capable of travel and as far as I was aware there wasn’t a regular tournament circuit that we’d be crashing into. Besides, the Limpet may well want a bit more time. 

“Very well. How long do you think would be reasonable?” 

Alex shifted from side to side. “Seeing as how this is mostly a promotional event and a way to recruit new members to our cause, we’ll want to put our best foot forwards. That’ll mean having things ready across a broad range of issues. I think a more reasonable timeframe would be better calculated in months, rather than days.”

“A month then,” I said.

“Maybe two?”

I sniffed, which did nothing on account of the lack of nose, but it was the thought that counted. “Very well. Two months ought to be more than enough. I’ll inform the union, and perhaps the Limpet can use the time to whip the city into shape.”

“Oh yes, we’ll be receiving a number of guests, won’t we?” Alex asked.

“I expect a few, yes. It will all depend on how successful we are in convincing others to come. I’m rather loath to admit it, but my social skills are occasionally lacking.”

“No, never,” Alex said.

“It is true,” I demurred. “Ah, but that doesn’t mean we can’t find someone who cannot help. Alex, dear, we’re going to need to employ a bard.”

The maid gasped. “Say it isn’t so.”

I nodded somberly. Unfortunately, if we wanted this to work, that would be the easiest way. 

Now, to find someone suitable, someone with class and some level of refinement...

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