Dead Tired - Volume Four - Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Generally, when preparing a large project, there were several steps and stages that one went through. The first of these was commonly referred to as the ‘ideation’ stage. 

That was where everyone involved pitched their own version of how they imagined the project would look at the end, and after disagreeing about it for a while--and often blowing the time constraints and budget out of any sense of proportion--someone would step in and take charge.

I had, of course, been in my share of such meetings. 

During my time as a living man there had been a number of academic projects that required my attention. Later on, as a new undead, I had the somewhat-enviable task of building an army from scratch (or as ‘scratch’ as one might consider the heaps of corpses left by one’s foes). 

Even later on, I had to tackle the gods themselves, which was initially a difficult thing to accomplish. I had to build massive magical devices, collect rare and ancient artefacts of great power, and generally deal with the careful balancing act between political ambition and magical ambition.

It was deeply amusing for me to see the Limpet trying not to tug her hair out.

She was sitting at the same table as me, plopped down in the seat at one end of the table while I sat at the other end. 

Around the table was a council of helpful voices, all of whom had their own ideas for how the project should be carried out, many of which conflicted.

Captain Seventeen was to one side, with two of his newly appointed Lieutenants next to him. Another pair were standing to one side of the war-room, waiting for orders. Alex and Rem were standing nearby, Alex holding a large jug with ice-cool water and Rem... poking at a dropped jug of the same, the water of which was now soaking into the carpet.

On the other side of the table was Sir Coughagus. The leader of the Death Knights had been given the provisional rank of Brigadier General, mostly because he had to have some sort of rank to keep things orderly.

It was a respectable rank to begin at, I supposed. He was sitting tall and proud in his butler-y outfit, now festooned with well-made lapels and a string of small medals across his breast as well as rather snazzy epaulettes. 

I was initially worried that now-Captain Seventeen might suffer from a bout of envy, but the good undead hadn’t indicated anything of the sort, and seemed quite pleased with his own advancement.

A few members of the Death Knight corp were now Captains as well, but they were nominally under a different chain of command.

It was amusing to see things grow to the point where we had conflicting and complex chains of command. The poor Limpet thought that logistics were difficult now, but she really had no idea how wildly complex it would become with a few more layers. 

“No,” The Limpet said, putting her foot down. It was about time. She tossed a book onto the table where it landed with a loud smack. “Did you know that there’s an entire manual on handling city and regional politics? It’s written entirely from the perspective of a sect master, and it’s all... idiotic manly drivel.”

“I suppose you’d rather have a manual for being an empress?” I asked.

She frowned, then pouted. “Yeah, that would be nice, actually.”

“Unfortunately, there’s no such thing as a womanual! Oh-hoh!” 

The withering look that the Limpet shot me warmed my poor old soul. Then she remembered that I was her master and she stiffeled the look. “That was terrible, Master,” she said. “But... yes, I hear you all talking, and the more I hear the less possible I think this is. How can we have a tournament with ten million attendees? There aren’t that many people living in my ‘empire.’ to begin with. We’d need every last man, woman, child, and favourite pet in attendance to reach half that many, I think.”

“Tourists could be brought in,” Captain Seventeen suggested.

“Not that many,” the Limpet said. “Let’s aim for a more reasonable number. Maybe a tenth as many? Keep in mind that we’ll have to protect the audience... depending on what, exactly, we’re going to have at this tournament. Actually, let’s start there.”

“Are we doing a maidly arts contest?” Alex asked.

The Limpet frowned. “Not... as a main event, Alex. If you want to organize a little something on the side, in your free time, then please feel free to do so.”

Alex curtsied. “I’ll endeavor to do so.”

“Right, so, combat is the big thing. Master suggested splitting it into four separate brackets?”

I nodded. “Levels one to five, six to ten, eleven to fifteen, and then anything above that,” I replied. “It’s the most reasonable way to keep things more or less fair.”

“Right,” the Limpet said. “Four brackets. We don’t know how many combattants in each, but I think we can draw up a fair, even distribution. Also, if we want to make money from this, it’ll be from selling food and housing and transportation, so I think we can spread things out.”

“I can arrange some of these things,” Sir Coughagus said.

“I’d appreciate it,” the Limpet replied evenly. “Here’s what we need... First, infrastructure. We need the arena for the combat and the area fo the housing of both participants and visitors. That means homes, washrooms, waterworks, trash disposal, roads, public transportation, medical facilities... a lot more than I’m forgetting about.”

Captain Seventeen raised a hand. “I’m well-versed in the laws and regulations for setting up large field camps.”

The Limpet hesitated. “That’s nice, and it would work, but... I, Ah... I don’t like this city. Yu Xiang. The layout is very organic, it makes sense, but it’s all twisty and messy. I was thinking that if we’re building a small city all at once, maybe to house a hundred thousand or so, then why not build it for a more permanent use as well?”

Oh! How very civic minded. 

“The budget for that kind of thing would be significantly higher,” Seventeen said.

“I’ve seen Master turn water into gold,” the Limpet replied.

She wasn’t wrong. The current world economy wasn’t built around people capable of transmutation was was still reliant on gold-backed currencies instead of something a little more fiat.

“What else do you think we’ll need?” I asked.

“Security should be relatively simple. We have ghosts and such for surveillance.” She gestured to Seventeen’s lieutenants, one of which was a ghost. “And an army for more physical security. Then there’s the administrative side. I’m... going to need a much larger staff. Just handling the ticketing and permits will be wild. And then there’s food. We don’t have that much to spare, which means purchasing it from outside of the, ah, empire.”

Valid concerns, all. “Let’s tackle things one issue at a time, then,” I said. 

“I’d love to do that, Master, but a lot of problems rely on other problems being solved first. I can’t just assign each person here twenty tasks that have to be completed concurrently. Are you certain we can’t scale this event down to... say, a small sparring match?”

“That would defeat the point, and besides, none of your problems are things which can’t be solved with a little magic.”

She blinked. “That seems like very... how would you put it, high level magic? Prestidigitation can clean clothes. It can’t summon up an arena or food for several thousand hungry spectators.”

“You’re only partially right. It’s the first magical step on a ladder that eventually could do just that.”

“Oh,” she said.

“But I don’t think this lesson is entirely magical. The goal is more to see you grow as a logistician, including the part where you delegate,” I said.

Alex raised a maidly hand to one side, and I gestured for them to speak up. “May I assist the Limpet? Maidly duties are not so dissimilar to secretarial ones.”

“If she doesn’t mind,” I replied.

“Yes. Please,” the Limpet said quickly. “Ah, but.. Where do we even start?”

“With the things that need to be done first,” Alex said. “In this case, advertising the great event, and finding a location for the arena and surrounding city.”

The Limpet considered that for a moment, then nodded slowly. “Yes. Okay, I think I can do that. There are printers in Yu Xiang I can visit in the morning. I’ll need help designing the, ah, advertisement itself.”

“I can help,” the little ghost with Seventeen replied. “I’m an artist.”

“Perfect! Thank you, ah... Fret-Ful, was it?” 

The ghost nodded.

“Good. Then land. Seventeen, you’d know terrain and the like better than I would. I think the only requirement is that it should be close enough to Yu Xiang that we can bring things back and worth relatively rapidly. People as well.”

I perked up at that. Well well, wasn’t this just the perfect time to introduce this ‘modern’ world to the glory of trains?