Post 216: Waiting for a Ride

7:30pm, Friday Night.

It's a little cold out here, huh? I thought to myself, standing outside the building’s entrance in the dark, rubbing my hands together for warmth and waiting for my ride to appear. I didn’t feel so great. Jittery, weak, and a little nauseous. And colder than I should on this fine October evening.

I know you haven't heard from me in a while; it’d been a rough week. Remember the episode with the three girls that last Saturday night, where in my own office they’d gotten me drunk and (I still shiver in ignominy at the memory) had taken advantage of me? Well, after that I’d tried to set my mind right; I’d been doing my best. This week I put all my efforts into acting professional, like a physician, like a boss, like a husband. Maybe I was just kidding myself but I’d even reached out to Sheryl, trying to mend things (I, uh, hadn’t heard back). I saw my patients, kept my head down. Tried to ignore the “Outfit of the Day” Instagram posts from Melissa or the (more than a little troubling) hyper-aggressive texts, pics and videos from this Angie person. I was surrounded by temptation, threatening to drown in it, and I was determined to try to keep my head above water.

But these new girls were too much. They were invariably gorgeous and now the office was full of them, bursting at its overmatched seams. It was so hard to stay strong, and I was just barely hanging on. I also knew I’d been obsessing far, far too much over Melissa in these past two months since she’d started.  So, best I could I’d not only avoided being alone with her in the office but jerking off to her - or anything else, despite this monster of a sex drive I’d been battling. I’d had to try to prove to myself that I still had some modicum of self control. But, my dudes, it has been hard. It made me feel sick, in fact.

Is that their car? No. I shivered again, as a set of lights passed. It was really dark, and I was anxious.

Also, I’d decided not to have my booster injection on Tuesday and I actually think my body missed it, craved it. It was three days later and I was jittery, now, on edge. I felt a bunch of symptoms that seemed too much to me like signs of withdrawal, and didn’t know for sure whether I was doing the right thing by not taking it.  But was it actually helping me from losing bone mass - or had it been accelerating things? I measured myself at five-three...five foot fucking three!...this morning, which if I remember was even shorter than I was last week. Whatever the case, though some of the more intense cravings had passed, I still felt a jonesing for the warm fuzzies, the tumescent somnolence the injection brought. Jesus, what was really in that thing?? Like I’d said before, I didn’t have the will to ask too many questions, look too deeply down what has turned out to be not just a rabbit hole, but a tunnel to a much, much darker place. 

“Where are they?” I muttered to myself, pulling my new sports coat (delivered in less than a day…these drones are amazing) tighter around my shoulders. Stephanie had sent that text - with the jaw dropping picture of Lakshmi’s legs - more than a half hour ago. If I could have afforded an Uber I would have ordered one, but instead I’d begrudgingly accepted the offer for a ride to this event tonight. Having your wife take your car away from you sucks balls.

At first I’d said I wouldn’t go. Evolution Pharm was throwing us a party, had rented out a restaurant/bar thing in the city for us, a chance to ‘celebrate the partnership’. Vida told me about it, it had been arranged last minute by our drug rep Abby, and when I initially suggested that maybe I should stay home and let the girls have their fun, I had gotten an immediate text from Melissa:

I was nervous, really nervous to see Melissa. It would be awkward, explaining my behavior for the past week. And would I be able to keep up my resolve, if she decided to get flirty? But, it was true…I had to go. These were the money people, helping keep the practice afloat.

Oh crap, there’s their car. A black Lexus SUV, screeching in too fast into the parking lot from the road. Someone had their window down, was yelling out to me:

“Here we come Doctor Jjjjjjjjjjjj..!!!”

Oh Christ, I thought, immediately regretting everything, One drink and I’ll fake a headache, say I have to leave…

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