BTS - Third Impact

Sooo There's a story behind this one. I usually make a lot of my best work when there's something going on in my life and this is definitely one of my most recent favorites.

This is also the first time I'm addressing any of this publicly because I like to keep my personal life private (learning from my past mistakes where I vlogged everyday lol). And I figured if you're here, you're paying for exclusive content, SO HERE'S THE TEA:

Not too long ago, I was in a touch and go relationship with someone I loved, but we were not compatible almost at all. Towards the end, I realized I had resentment for things he did earlier in the relationship (not disclosing) and he felt anything he did wasn't good enough.

It was around that time I reconnected with an old friend. We talked a lot, then everyday. We hung out a lot, then hung out all the time. Then down the line he admitted his feelings for me. I couldn't say they weren't mutual.

I asked for a break from my relationship and curiously invested into this new one. I learned what was missing so much from my last relationship. Everything was just natural, calm, and he as so patient and understanding as I figured everything out.

With a torn heart, I knew I had to end things with my actual boyfriend. This just really solidified we really didn't work. And I couldn't keep hurting him seeing him try to hard for me to be satisfied when I knew I just wasn't happy. It was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do knowing how much it destroyed him.

But for the first time in a long time I felt legitimate happiness with another person. Everything was great. Then one day it wasn't.

My friend one day, after a date he was very persistent on going on and one he loved doing, out of no where told me he didn't want a relationship. After being the one who strived for us to be together while mine was ending, he changed his mind. He asked for friendship and I declined. I don't think I can ever see him again.

I hurt someone I loved to be hurt by someone who I was starting to love.
This lead my depression to take a tailspin in a way that was worse than it has been in years. I wasn't ok and truthfully I still am not.

At that point, I felt like an unwanted 14 year-old...you know but without the giant fighting robot-mom-angel-thingy. So after basically becoming Shinji for a week straight, I was able to make this using my favorite imagery from End of Evangelion.

All my artwork comes from a very vulnerable point in my life. But this one is where I felt I really should share exactly where it came from.