Nuki News #24: No Regrets!

I'm trying out some new brushes for the art for this post- I kinda like the look, haha.

Previous Artie Asks Artists Post: https://www.patreon.com/posts/40137678

So my week off of work comes to a close- I don’t estimate getting another break for some months from now- maybe December or November if I stay with my dayjob after October. But, the break was pretty sufficient. I think I can tackle the challenges with getting back into work. As I looked at this 4th point, I kinda already mentioned it in my Artie Asks Artists #2 post incidentally - 

When you make this leap, make sure you won’t have any regrets and that it is a conscious choice. If you’re forced into it, if you aren’t ready for it, you may crumble. A lot of the success comes from the long term of building up the demand for your work. 

Despite the daunting leap of doing this full time would be, one self-assuring thing within myself was “it can only go up from here” - if I get that time back, 40 hours a week in-and-out, and dedicate it to my art craft and career, it can only go up, I can only grow and improve, no matter my baseline. I will learn and figure things out. Obviously, building up my online presence while I have a stable income through my dayjob is in a way, nicer, because I can tackle this thing on the side and not worry about bills and even save up. 

I may never be ‘truly ready’ for this leap, there’ll probably never be a perfect moment. It’s tough for me to give myself a benchmark - the most conservative requirement I could give is to save up enough to do this from the comfort of owning my own home - that way I don’t have to fret or worry about moving costs every 2 years, and not deal with high rent costs. But that could take a decade, though it feels the most ‘responsible’ to me to do. Another part of me says screw it, quit on your 4 year anniversary of this job in October, you make enough to pay bills by doing this part time, you may have a rough start for 3-6 months, maybe even a year, but you’ll eventually get the ball rolling to a more comfortable salary for yourself!” But I know that’s a bit too irresponsible. Especially with this quarantine and gosh knows what the future will hold globally. Another part of me doesn’t know if I’ll be able to hold this job for too long either - with everything that happened my work metrics aren’t the greatest. 

I don’t say all this to complain or be ungrateful though- I more mean to say, when I do make the jump, I think ultimately it’ll need to be without any regrets or ‘what if’ in my heart. There are definitely furry artists who didn’t have any other way to make money - disabilities that prevent them from having conventional office jobs etc. It can work out, for sure! But from the responses I got from my questionnaire, I get the strong impression that if you feel desperate, or back-to-the-wall, you’re going to make desperate choices and not strong decisions for an art business, and you're likely to end up making yourself just as miserable as working a 9-to-5 you hate. 

If I know I won’t panic the second I put in my 2-weeks notice at my day job, if I can confidently visualize myself staying collected and calm doing this, and not have the safety net of this job, that will be when I know I can do it. I don’t feel as confident in myself right now, but every month I feel it growing. That drive within me to make something of myself. And you know, I hate admitting that. I hate that maybe I don't actually feel 'ready' to you reading this, or myself typing it. 

But, I'm not gunna leave this on a sour note - there's one thing I was proud of myself for figuring out this week! I had a depressive moment one evening, when I was just sitting down at my desk, and knew I had to come up with an idea for my FurAffinity ID(the last one was about 2 years old at this point) and I wasn't feeling very happy or motivated, and worst of all I had a blank canvas in front of me. Part of me was saying "Why should I bother with this?" I had some kind of dissatisfaction within myself - I wanted to do something before going to bed, I kept thinking about all I want to accomplish with my life and how it felt like I wasn't getting there-

But then, I decided to just turn on some calming music, and I took a big blobby brush, and just made strokes on the canvas- no longer thinking about all of that. Just doing. I didn't expect anything. I had no real ideas or preconceptions. This sorta turned off my critical angry brain and my creativity began to flow. I got to this point you see here and thought "huh! Maybe a beach scene, Artie hugging Monty, and some passerby?

And just like that, in about 2 hours I had this drawing to work with! I felt very happy I managed it and turned such sour feelings around. That is truly a powerful realization and feeling to know I could flip things like that situation. I'm gunna work on finishing this today- I have my dayjob to get back to tomorrow, but I wanna thank you for reading and joining me on my art journey! I might not feel ready right now, but I do feel I may be closer than I think.