Nuki News #30: Intimidating Prospects

I noticed when planning October, I was hesitating. I felt like there should be something I try to accomplish this month, outside of streaming every week, and meeting a financial goal I set to earn. I still might- maybe a PWYW sketch commission stream on my birthday? Still, I just realize there’s a lot I’d need to start pushing for myself to make sure some day I can do this full time. I settled on working to advertise this Patreon to my Twitter and FA audience more- make a post once a week. It’s always so odd to feel an internal struggle about that. It’s important people know they can support me outside of waiting for whenever I open up a commission slot. It’s just going to be a part of my business as an independent artist right?

I’m sure you’ve felt similar too- be it trying to apply for a job or university. I’ve had feelings of doubt like ‘they might not understand what I’m doing here on Patreon’ or ‘I probably have everyone here who wanted to support or can support.’ to try and excuse myself from not trying to get the word out there. This patreon has kinda become a personal space for me since I get out my thoughts here every week and try to give a hypothetical 18 year old me advice. So it makes it trickier to want to let people know about. It’s easier to say “hey if you give me money, I’ll draw something for you” as opposed to “Do you want to know about the path I’m taking to do this furry artist thing full time?” I could very well screw this up and never reach my goal, and look like a complete fool here, ahaha.

Another part of why I feel this hesitation/intimidation is that I wanted to try and get to a point this year where I could move on from my day job, because in my mind, I had a goal to get a major change in my life every 4 years. Starting at 4 years of high school, then 4 years of college, to my soon-to-be 4 years of working an industry job, ideally 4 years of working freelance, then perhaps 4 years of working on a personal project, and who knows, 4 years of having my own creative studio, followed by 4 years of being a teacher for others. It’s a neat way to chart my life until I get to be middle aged, heh. I never took it seriously or set an expectation of “I *must* accomplish this by this time” but was still a goal I had aimed for. It’s probably not realistic in any sense to set your life goals in 4 year chunks. 

But even still, I remember telling a friend I was confident that by the start of 2021 I would be able to do this freelance art thing for sure! But now that the year is closing I have to admit I am intimidated by all I would have to accomplish to make it happen. Knowing what I know now though, it’s those intimidating things I have to face head on. Which is why I need to let more people who enjoy my work know that I have a patreon in the first place. I think what I’m afraid of is putting in work to let people know about it, and it not “paying off” in terms of having more people joining(which is my ego talking, no doubt). As much as it would be very comforting to assume you would continue to support me month-in, month-out, I know it’s not realistic or fair to myself(or you) to expect perpetual support from the same people forever, right? At the very least letting more people know will allow for continued diversity in the money I bring in so I am not relying on any one specific person. 

Still, it does mean a lot you are supporting me this month, probably in a way, more than the previous months. It let’s me bow my head and see to it that I make the life I dream of a reality; it holds me accountable. I want to be able to bring people together with my art and have a place people are more comfortable with themselves. Right now I do have to be self-focused so I can get to that point of giving back as much as I can. Of course, along the way when I come up with ideas to give back, I always do!