Nuki News #67 - How to Befriend a Furry!

I wager anyone reading this already knows how to go about befriending folks in the fur community, haha. But I don’t intend for this to be ‘preaching to the choir’ either! What I aim to do with this post is get a chance at writing out my thoughts I had on etiquette for adding people on DMs and such in furry spaces, because I aim to make a post about it on Twitter/FA to help folks who aren’t sure how to go about it! (And of course, get any comments/feedback on it with your thoughts or experiences!)

We’re all furries here, we know the experience and dilemma; someone you don’t know adds you on telegram, sending you a sticker or just a ‘hi’. Or they send you a note on FurAffinity with (No Subject) ‘Hi’! Or someone DMing you on Twitter with a ‘hello?’ and nothing else. Usual case scenario I’ve found, they are bored, want to talk to you or anyone, and have absolutely nothing else as a follow up.

This sucks obviously because it induces anxiety to ‘perform’ for someone you don’t know wanting to have a conversation with no established direction. I’m at a point where I completely ignore any simple ‘hi/hello/how are you?’ messages. You might feel the same! Often I wondered, what is this person on the other end trying to do or get out of this? What is going through their mind? Maybe I talk a bit harshly on it- saying hi to someone isn’t a crime or anything, but in this digital and secluded atmosphere we’re in, simple platitude ridden greetings are interruptions for us.

I’d like to make a post on my Twitter/FA talking about this to help the fur community and folks who struggle to connect or make friends to avoid these bad habits of adding folks on Telegram without permission, sending pointless ‘Hi’ notes and DMs.

And that begins with something that seems to go exceedingly overlooked- starting small! The problem, the big problem, is 98% of the time when this stuff happens, I have no idea who this person is. They’ve never ever commented on my posts/work, and now all of a sudden they want to DM me with small talk? It’s confusing and feels out of place! Sometimes it gives a sense that this person just wants something out of you.

So my big advice to such a person is make yourself known more publicly before trying to go privately with someone. I am way more willing to talk to someone in DMs who has made 5 comments on my posts and interacted with me in text on Twitter/FA. I find folks who do this sudden DMing usually just don’t know what to talk about, even if they watch/fave posts from the furry they wanna befriend. So to that end, I’d say simply let them know what you like or why you like their posts. Did their tweet resonate, or do you have a similar experience to what they’re talking about? Maybe you like the kinks on display in a picture or you like how they do lineart/shading or depict certain body parts? It does take energy to leave comments, but it takes way more energy for the fur you wanna befriend to be stuck in a 1 on 1 conversation in private.

Another overlooked thing is, show up to a fur’s streams! Game streams or art streams, if you’re bored and wanna talk to someone, streams are great for that! It gives you more ideas of what to talk about more easily because things are happening live on the stream! It’s also a more acceptable place for ‘hi/how are you’ because it’s in a more public setting where the streamer can feel more comfortable saying what’s on their mind to multiple people in a general way. In a sense it removes pressure to talk to each and every individual who pops in!

If you do all this, you’re a lot more likely to get to know them better, and they’ll know you better! You can then make a more informed decision if you like them to ask if you can DM or add them, and they may be more likely to accept! This is because they are more familiar with you and have seen you around, and know what you’re about!

Of course, everyone’s different, and there are exceptions. Some people are much more open and ask people to note/DM them freely even if you’ve never interacted with them before. And, some furs may not be very responsive even if you do the things I suggested. Don’t hate or fault them for it- they’re just not looking for connections at that time.

Hopefully this seems helpful- I’ll be condensing this much more too so its not so wordy, and I’ll have imagery to lend a hand, hahaha! But let me know what you think! Anything you want to add or if you experienced this or happened to do what was suggested in the past?