)O( An exclusive peek into my upcoming book )O(

Happy western New Year.  It is the first of four New Year celebrations in my world.  Next comes Chinese New Year, then Arab New Year, then Khmer New Year!  I don't really feel compelled to participate in this one, because I am saving my energy for Chinese New Year and Khmer New Year!  I did make this amazing khmer basil olive oil infusion for protection and clarity.  It's DELICIOUS.  
Instead of becoming retrospective or looking ahead to what the next 365 days might bring, I've decided to excerpt a few paragraphs from the autobiographical occult book I'm writing for your enjoyment.  Each chapter comes with a graphic telling my personal story matched with a couple of relevant witchcraft exercises.  This book begins when I was born and will chronicle my adventures up until Deven's funeral.  
The process of writing this has been brutal.  Sometimes I get dizzy from the focus required.  Sometimes my entire body shuts down after I finish a segment, forcing me to go to bed at 8pm.  All that being true, I can honestly say it is worth every shred of energy I'm spending.  Please do ask questions if they come to you!  I am....... an open book!

Current draft, excerpt of Chapter 6: Path of the Vampire

---So there I was, using the brand new internet on my custom built PC.  I found several vampire organizations that claimed to provide real information, guidance, observations, and even scientific data collected by survey and analysis.  I found friends, I found subculture, I found wise elders, and I found a sense of belonging and awareness.  Over time I became a well-educated part of the Real Vampire Community.  Inevitably, I also became an active member of the Online Vampire Community.  The houses, courts, clans, covens, and cliques of the vampire world became a fascination of mine.  With newfound senses of purpose and understanding, I embraced my identity as a Real Vampire.

I've always referred to myself as a Solitaire in the vampire community, whether in real life or online, starting way back then as a teenager on AOL.  Partially as a nod to the playing cards I always have nearby, and also because I choose to be unique, not alone.  I am always ready to lend a hand, to offer advice on something I understand, to be emotionally supportive, or to mediate a conversation between parties.  From a very early point in my participation in the vampire community, I made myself available as an activist and an objective listener.  It was (and is) important to me to be a part of the safe, sane, and consensual guard of the VC and beyond.

As I made friends at school who shared my interests in Punk, Goth, and Witchcraft, my Thirsting symptoms continued to plague me.  One day a circle of three girls I was starting to spend a lot of time with gathered around me at lunch.  They asked if I would be interested in dating all three of them at the same time, as a coven.  I was the youngest of the four of us, but I was definitely the dominant force.  Instead of mishandling the situation, I said yes and then immediately went online for advice on ethical polyamory.  Equipped with phrases like 'informed consent', 'respect for boundaries', and 'radical honesty', I dove headfirst into my first dating relationship.

It wasn't odd to me that I had three girlfriends that were also best friends with each other.  We didn't feel a need to announce our dynamic to everyone at school, but we also weren't very secretive about our feelings for each other.  There was no shame or discomfort, there were no jealous explosions, and there was no sneaking around.  We spent a lot of time as a quartet, and they spent a lot of time as a trio.  Looking back, I find it adorable that I've been genuinely poly my entire life.  I can honestly say that I've always been in ethical poly relationships, and that they've all been truly amazing in their own unique ways.

There came a day when the Thirst was causing visible symptoms at school.  I felt terrible.  The sun, always my enemy, was causing more pain than usual.  Noises were too loud, colors were too bright, anything with a scent was offensive.  My girlfriends gathered around me for an intervention-style conversation that day.  They said they could tell something was wrong, and that it wasn't my mood.  All three of them told me their observations in solemn tones of concern.  My eyes welled up with tears.  From my perspective, they left me no way to escape.  No matter what happened, I had to come out to them as a vampire right then.

To my eternal shock and delight, my trio of girlfriends took the news very well.  They were supportive, interested, and open-minded.  Two of them went home that day and found their immunization cards and check up sheets to show me.  I will never forget the feelings I had in response.  Apparently, being shown personal medical documents is one of my love languages.  From that moment on, our relationship took a vampiric turn.

The experience of my first feed is something that no words can describe.  It was like sex, it was like drugs, it was like the heavens opened up and poured the golden light of divinity upon me.  My symptoms evaporated.  All the sensitivities I have became indulgences rather than burdens.  There was no question that drinking blood was everything my daydreams had envisioned it to be, and more.  When I got home that day, still high on the bliss of tasting blood for the first time, I went straight to my computer to convey my experience to a trusted elder in the VC.

Her nightside name was Sangi, and she was one of the kindest, wisest people I've ever met.  She asked how much I had consumed (about a tablespoon), and cautioned against over-indulgence.  Next, she checked to make sure we understood wound care and the importance of using sterile tools.  At no point did she interrogate me, assume I was making mistakes, or demean me for being so young.  Sangi just wanted all of her vampire children to be safe, responsible, and reasonable.  After our conversation, I made sure to keep a small bottle of 90% rubbing alcohol in my backpack at all times.  You never know when you might need to sterilize something, or set something on fire.

Through the combination of ritual, dance, bloodletting, song, poetry, softcore BDSM, and wildly creative fashion, our little coven propelled each member into a stronger sense of personal identity.  Every day was a new opportunity to be creative and to explore ourselves and each other.  One of my favorite rituals we created was about self love and self acceptance, which I have adapted for single person use below.  We were truly advanced for high school kids, that much is sure.  I still measure my relationships by the standards I set with those three clever, gorgeous, wonderful girls.

Self Acceptance Meditation and Ritual for the Children of the Underworld

Part One:  Meditation   (mirror, candles, soft music, delicious treats)

This meditation is best performed with a gazing mirror.  A gazing mirror is usually a handheld mirror or small wall hanging mirror that is used specifically to look upon yourself in a positive light.  If you typically only use the bathroom mirror or some other fixed mirror for this, it would be a nice investment to obtain something that can be imbued and moved from room to room.  A gazing mirror can be a cheap compact mirror you got at the junk store for very cheap, or it could be an extravagant antique hand mirror once used by a queen.  What matters is the intention, always.

You will also need some candles, soft, music, and delicious treats.  It is entirely up to you if you would like to ritualistically light the candles. Another option is to light them in the name of a protective spirit/deity.  If neither of those ideas call to you, there's nothing wrong with just lighting candles to set the mood.  Save the treats for the end of the meditation, just before preparing to enact the ritual!

To begin, get your meditation area ready.  Turn on some music you relate to as a creature of the night, at low volumes.  Light your candles.  I would recommend having at least five candles, but there is no upper limit.  Place your treats in a prominent position that is visible or even reachable from where you will meditate.  Make sure the place you choose to sit or lay is very comfortable.  Your mirror should be in your hand.  Settle yourself into a position that will be sustainable for at least twenty minutes.

Clear your mind of all irrelevant thoughts.  You can do this by focusing on your breath, focusing on the light of the candles, getting lost in the music, or any other method that works for you.  Give yourself time to fully relax into the moment.  Allow your consciousness to drift into the aspects of darkness that bring you joy.  Envision yourself as the ruler of an underworld realm, able to shift the very landscape to reflect your desires.  Survey your kingdom for as long as you wish.

Give yourself a form that represents the manifestation of your power.  Are you a dragon?  Are you a werewolf?  Are you a purple unicorn Pegasus?  Are you the self that currently walks the Earth, with just a little more of something?  Whatever makes you feel indomitable is the form you should take for this meditation.  There are no rules to what makes an awesome ruler of the underworld.  Be as terrifying or beautiful as you can be!

Now, wander through the realm you have created, in the form that you have chosen.  Observe the flora and fauna.  Walk the streets of your city.  Wander the corridors of your catacombs.  Fly over your swamp.  Swim through your ocean.  Give yourself permission to fully exist as this version of yourself.  There is no such thing as a 'wrong' castle.  Allow the adventure to find its natural conclusion, without imposing any expectations on yourself.

This place and form are now yours to revisit as you wish.  Bring yourself to this place any time you need a quick boost of self-empowerment.  Retreat here if you've pushed yourself too hard.  Use this imagery to inspire your creative side.  Do with it as you will, remembering that you are powerful and awe-inspiring.  Hail thyself.

Now, open your eyes and gaze into your mirror.  Honor yourself as that empowered ruler of their own hidden realm.  Admire the human form you are currently using.  There are so many aspects of excellence that have nothing to do with beauty.  Each scar, each freckle, each tattoo, they all represent the singularity of your consciousness.  You are a unique individual.  Your gaze has power and meaning.  Your experiences are profoundly sculpting a facet of the universe.

When you are ready to break eye contact with yourself, go for the treats!  Intentionally focus on the pleasure of indulging in something delicious.  You deserve this feeling.  Existence is meant to be rewarding.  If you struggle with rewarding yourself, please be gentle and intentional with your thoughts.  There is nothing wrong with giving yourself gifts of self-appreciation.  You are the most important person in your life.    When you've finished enjoying your treats, you can either blow out the candles and go back to reality, or you can move into preparations for the ritual of self-acceptance.----