)O( Vampiress )O(

Lately, I've been contemplating my identity as a vampire. It's been a very long time since I fed on human blood. These days, I use a blend of energetic and physical substitutes to create a relatively stable baseline. I haven't had a Thirsting seizure in many years, but the possibility of one looms in the back of my mind all the time. My acute hearing of high pitched noises hasn't dulled over the years, and here in Cambodia I use it to listen to the singing of my bat friends in the sunset hours. I'm still allergic to UV, prone to speaking hypnotically, and often startle people by appearing in places they didn't expect me.

What are my current substitutes? Foremost is locally sourced raw seafood. I eat a pretty clean vegan diet most days of the week, but around once a week or so you'll catch me eating fresh sashimi or marinated raw khmer prawns. I have always experienced seafood differently than many people because I genuinely enjoy just about everything edible from the water. Intentionally using raw fish for my Thirst symptoms has proven not only effective, but a unique sort of pleasurable. My other physical substitute has evolved over the years to become something that has obvious health benefits whether you're craving an open vein or not. I use beetroot juice, carrot juice, pomegranate juice, red wine, cinnamon, and clove mixed into a tonic. Vampire Sangria! It's quite red, has an interesting viscosity, and causes a feeling of satiation instantly... even if it doesn't last very long sometimes.

My energetic substitutes are an interesting topic. Since I am an energy vampire as well as a sanguinarian vampire, I have the ability to use certain energy dynamics to calm aspects of my physical Thirst. It isn't a "solution", and I believe if I fasted from all physical substitutes I would eventually have Thirsting seizures and other adverse consequences. That said, using energy techniques is still helpful to take the edge off if something triggers a strong Thirst reaction. Residual energies are my favorite. I like walking in spaces that just cleared, especially in the wake of performance art.

There's something unexpected about the nature of my Thirst being unchanged for all these years. I think, even though I know plenty of Elder Vampires, part of me assumed I would "grow out" of these symptoms and traits. Quite the opposite has happened. I am casually a Vampire every day. I don't worry about the validity of my experiences. There is nothing self-deprecating about my inner monologue when thinking about this aspect of myself. I enjoy my unique impulses, sensory issues, and sensitivities. I would even go so far as to say I enjoy the experience of the Thirst itself. Since I am no longer controlled by it, afraid of it, confused or surprised by it.... in a way, the emotional aspects of the Thirst have simply become another form of passion.

Being out of the coffin is still weird. I hide in plain sight most of the time, cracking goth jokes about being a vampire. Writing a little snapshot of my inner vampire workings feels nice. Perhaps you'll have to stay tuned to see if I have vampire updates in the future. If all goes well, my next post will be in two short weeks. As always, thank you for coming along on this beautiful, freaky ride.