Beltane 2025

I am just hurting in so many ways for so many reasons that I have no idea how to navigate the writing process. Every time I get my breath back, something else comes and takes it away. In the last 3 months, I have lost a lot of people and witnessed a lot of atrocities. Most of it was remotely, but a couple of them were local to me here in Cambodia. Suicides are getting out of hand. The demoralization of the global population is happening.

As far as direct action is concerned, I have decided to focus on my immediate community as well as help people relocate who want to leave their country. Since 2025 began, I have helped four families leave america and one family escape Gaza. I send daily messages of support to my remaining friends in Gaza and am doing my best to cope with the grief of witnessing such horror after fighting unsuccessfully my whole life to prevent it.

My next immediate goal is to create an event here in my city that will encourage cross-communication between Khmer people and foreigners. There is a cultural gap that needs to be bridged here, and it might turn out VERY fun to help facilitate that unity. Khmer is a very difficult language for the western tongue, and that fact alone creates unnecessary distance between us. I'm working on designing a storytelling event where half the stories are in khmer and half the stories are in english (or whatever other foreign language) with translators who will retell the stories in the other language(s) so everyone gets to experience everything.

Spiritually, I've been leaning hard into what I'm going to call Neokemetic Satanism. The Ancient Egyptian pantheon encompasses the past, present, and future in such a way that I can practice Abrahamic contrarianism in theistic meditation by just enjoying the iconographies of my favorite deities. Nuit, Auset and Nephthys, Sekhmet, Tefnut, Wadjet, Bast, Anubis, Osiris, Set-h, Djehuti......

As for Beltane itself, I chose to light no flames. Too much of what I once loved has been burned or bombed this year, literally and figuratively speaking. I am truly grateful for my peaceful little hideout here in Southeast Asia, but I am also deeply grieving the loss of a future we could have had if more people simply gave a fuck. It's going to be quite an adjustment for me, but I will document my process, and I will continue representing an undying and unapologetic, intelligent, compassionate wildness.

Sorry for the lack of pics, I gotta spend my spoons carefully. <3 Thank you for continuing to track my journey. It's getting turbulent out there, but I have confidence in my wings. Stay tuned for further discussions on my solidifying spiritual path, it's quite fascinating. Caw. <3