My First Year in College - Chapter 18

[Warning: this chapter is plot driven and deals with intense and difficult subject matters. The story does not express the views of the author on the subject but only depicts Tyler's feelings. This is entirely fictional]

MY FIRST YEAR IN COLLEGE

Chapter 18: Crash into me

That night, I could not sleep.

How could I have?

The man who took my virginity had been arrested by the police.

Nobody knew that I had sex with him. Nobody even knew that I was gay. He was accused of assaulting a male student, potentially several male students... Austin seemed excited by the story.

Who were the students? What did he do exactly? Who was the first victim to talk?

While everyone discussed the matter, I pretended to feel ill, it was a half-lie as I was feeling sick to my stomach, and I went directly to bed.

Should I say something? To whom? Would anyone find out about me? If so, would my life be over? And was it true? Did Professor Fletcher really molest someone? Several guys?

I wanted to puke.

"Consent is very important to me.” Fletcher had said the night that he had fucked me.

Was it really? Would he have let me go if I had refused to continue to play his game? Did I really consent?

The next day, I was the shadow of myself.

I needed to talk but I could not talk, to anyone, it was too serious. I pretended as best as I could to act normal, saying I had a cold. I was so afraid that people, Austin in particular, would link my current shaky state to the fact that Professor Fletcher had been arrested.

Everyone on campus was talking about it, television journalists were standing nearby, and already, numerous headlines had come out.

"Renown College Professor accused of abusing his power in exchange of sexual favours."

"Constitutional Laws Professor fucks male students on the side: his house searched!"

"Professor attacks young college guys! The Police is investigating."

In reality, no one knew much more than the fact that a sophomore college student had been found wondering outside of Fletcher's house, crying, before confessing he had just been assaulted by his teacher.

I could not eat anything and at the end of the day, I felt drained.

Austin proposed to jerk off to some porn, I refused.

Who would have thought I would ever refuse such a proposal?

"I'm still feeling sick." I replied.

He masturbated anyway, not trying to cover himself, just fully naked on his bed, his earphones plugged in, enjoying content from an amateur girl.

I wondered if she was the same girl that he had mentioned on the forum's post I had read the day before but I could not care anymore.

I watched him cum all over his muscular and hairy chest and I could not even get hard. This is quite telling regarding my anxiety.

He slept naked.

Should I go see the dean of the University? The police? To say what? That Professor Fletcher was a pervert who abused me or to say that on the contrary, he was very considerate of my consent?

Maybe I should speak on his behalf.

I thought it through.

I kept on replaying the last day of the first semester in my head: the way he had proposed we have sex, the slap he had given me inside of his classroom to assert his dominance, the way he had taken my virginity, roughly.

Did he abuse me?

No, he did not abuse me.

I had consented to everything.

He was harsh. Rough. He dominated me.

But I wanted this. I loved this, even.

If he would have let me, I would have come back there for more. It was too much at time but once it was done, I only wanted to go back there for round two. To feel his dick inside of me, again.

Again, I almost had zero sleep the following night but the next day would be worse, much worse.

The worst day of my entire life.

I was in my criminal law class when things took a darker turn.

At first, I did not pay attention to the persistent looks on me or people giggling and whispering. I was semi falling asleep in class when my phone started to vibrate a lot.

Who could text me that much? One of the texts was from Janice, she was sitting a couple rows behind me.

"The pictures are out... You should leave now; they are all looking at it!" The text read.

What the hell was she talking about?

I turned towards her, she seemed very concerned, almost on the verge of crying.

Was she one of the victims? Around her, people were definitely watching me, smiling or making weird or disgusting faces.

What the fuck?

My phone vibrated some more. A lot more. I got worried. I was so tired at the same time; I could not think straight.

The guy sitting next to me gave me a tap on the shoulder.

"Man… That’s rough.”

I looked at him. We had never talked before.

"What?"

He pointed out to a computer screen in the front rows.

I could have died right there, sitting in my criminal law class.

My own face was looking right back at me on that girl’s computer's screen. My face, full of sperm, captured on a Polaroid picture.

A picture signed with my name "Tyler Braxton".

My whole body started to shake nervously and heavily.

The guy next to me did not know how to react and the Professor caught up that something unusual was happening.

"Guys, could you concentrate a bit please? What's going on with you today?"

Tears rolled out from my eyes. I could not control them in any way. I could not control myself. I was having a panic attack. A very strong one.

Suddenly, I felt the hand of Janice on my arm.

"Professor, Tyler is not feeling well.”

Some of the guys in the last row burst out laughing.

Without waiting for our professor to answer, she took me by the arm and sort of evacuated me from the classroom. It was all a blur for me until we reached a silent hallway.

She was holding me while talking but I could only hear half of the stuff she was saying:

"Oh god.... Ty! ... What did he do to you ... Oh god... Hundreds of files have leaked this morning ... Just insane! ... It's not just you ... You need to see a doctor ... Ty?"

I could not speak. What would I have said anyway?

The entire college was watching a photograph of my own face drenched in my Laws Professor's cum. A picture that I had proudly signed. With my full name.

HOW COULD I HAVE EVER BEEN SO STUPID?

My phone kept vibrating. My body kept on shaking. I was pretty sure that my head was about to explode. I felt like I was coming out of my own body.

I tried to come back to myself. To calm down.

Janice was doing everything that she could but I was not there with her.

"Look, let's go see a doctor (...) You cannot (...) Or the police? Should we go to the police?"

The police...

"No." I finally said. Snapping back to reality.

"Are you sure?"

"I am sure." I paused a few seconds and focused back on Janice. "Thank you for being here."

I was genuinely glad she was the one on my side in that moment.

"Okay. What do you want to do Ty? Should we call your parents, I don't know..."

"NO!" This time, I shouted.

My parents. Was she insane?

"Okay, Ty. This is going to be fine. No need to call anyone. There are tons of other guys in those files. This is way beyond you... And you're just a victim here... It's just a picture."

At that point, three people walked towards us.

The dean of the university, a woman I had only seen in photographs before, accompanied by a man who looked like a cop and another man that I did not know.

The three of them looked grave.

"Tyler Braxton?" The dean asked.

"Yes."

"Would you come with us?"

I looked at Janice and then looked at them. Janice was tearing up as well.

"Yes, sure." I replied.

What else could I do?

Janice gave me back my bag and I followed the group to the dean's office. I checked my phone during the walk, the messages kept on coming.

"Fag" I read from an unknown number.

This could not be real. This could not be happening.

I saw a text from my brother but I could not read it in the flow of messages coming in.

Did he know? Already? I saw multiple texts from Austin as well.

"Tyler, please call me!!!"

Austin had seen the picture. I was mortified.

A few minutes later, I was in an office facing the dean. The man I did not know introduced himself as a therapist, Dr. Harrison, and he sat beside me. The cop was just standing there.

"Tyler. Are you aware that Professor Fletcher has been arrested a couple days ago?" The tone of the dean was firm.

She was a direct woman. She had no time to lose.

"Yes, I am."

"A student has claimed that he was assaulted by Professor Fletcher." She continued.

"I heard."

"Okay, then. Today, we do not know how, but some of the files found at Professor Fletcher's place and held by the police" (She looked at the cop as if she was about to murder him) "were published online. One of these files is signed with your name. Tyler, it is a photograph of you."

"I know."

My voice broke and a tear slid down my cheek.

"Tyler.” The therapist intervened. "We know this is overwhelming and please do understand that we are here to help you. Only to help you."

He marked a pause, scanning me with his green eyes behind his glasses.

In other circumstances I would have found him hot.

"In this room, no one is judging you. You don't need to talk. We just want to offer you our full support. To help you, if, and only if, you want to talk or file a complaint.”

"We are doing everything that we can to remove those files from the internet." The dean explained.

"What do I have to do?" I asked.

"Nothing." Said Dr. Harrison. "You are not required to do anything."

"We do need to know what happen." The dean spoke over the therapist.

She did not have time to deal with mental health apparently, it was a situation of crisis. The cop was still silent. Was I being interrogated?

"Do I need a lawyer?" I asked foolishly.

The dean seemed surprised.

"We believe that you are a victim here. Not an offender."

"I'm not a victim." I needed to state that truth.

"You can ask a lawyer to help you out regarding the invasion of your privacy and the photograph leaking." Said Dr Harrison. "You can also ask a lawyer to help you press charges against Professor Fletcher."

"In any case, those expenses would be entirely covered by the university." The dean added. "I, and the entire board, are taking what happened very seriously and, in this matter, I intend to be fully and without any condition on the side of the students."

I remained silent.

I had a feeling the "side" taken for the students had not been an easy decision to make. Then, the dean spoke again.

"Tyler, was it consensual? Your relationship with Professor Fletcher?"

She looked at me intensely. I tried to drink some water but I was shaking so much I could not hold the glass in my hand.

I thought about my answer but my brain was a blur.

"Take your time." I heard someone say.

For a split second, I thought that I could say that I had been forced. This way, I could go back to my family, to Austin, and say that I would have never consented to a man cumming on my face.

I could keep on with my charade on being straight.

"Everything was consensual. I wanted this." I replied, speaking clearly and firmly for the first time.

I had to state the truth. My truth, anyway.

The cop talked for the first time.

"Are you sure, kid?"

I could not say why but it was this question which pushed me over the edge. I started yelling.

"AM I SURE?! Of course, I am sure! I think I would know if someone had assaulted me! I had sex with him but I had agreed to it! To all of it."

"Okay, Tyler, but did your professor use his authority, his power to make you do things that..."

"HE DID NOT MAKE ME DO ANYTHING THAT I DID NOT WANT TO." I had stood up.

Everyone looked scared now.

I regretted my outburst and I tried to calm down.

“Drink some water.” The shrink encouraged me.

He was right.

I drank and I took a couple of deep breathes.

"It happened after the class was over.” I explained. “I did not do it to get anything in return, to get good grades or anything like that. Professor Fletcher talked to me once the exam was over. He asked me several times if I wanted this and every time I said yes. I'm an adult. I agreed to everything that we did"

"Who made the first move?" The dean asked.

"Why does that matter? I'm telling you I was okay with it! Do I really need to answer those questions?"

"No, you don't." Settled the therapist with a calm and deep voice.

I was starting to feel like puking but the discussion continued and I sat back down.

They no longer asked me such direct questions but they still wanted to know more.

Sometimes, other people came in the room, or the dean had to come out to answer phone calls.

There were talks about the press, communication plan, the legal procedure, my own mental stability and health... I was dizzy.

The conversation came back to the sexual relationship itself.

The truth is, I was not comfortable during the whole experience with Fletcher, but I had been seeking for it… And ultimately, I had wanted it.

I did masturbate thinking of the moment he had popped my cherry countless of times afterwards.

He was an authority figure, yes. All of this may have been wrong, yes. But I had to say my own truth, even if it was all fucked up, I stayed anyway because I wanted him.

Although, that did not mean other guys were not victims. I could only speak for myself.

"Can I go now?" I finally asked.

"Tyler, there will be consequences. You are going to need help." Dr. Harrison gives me his card. "The media are going to ask you questions... Your friends are going to ask you questions... We should call your parents and..."

I cut him off.

"I'm a grown man. If this is what concerns you, I won't press charge against the school or answer any journalist questions. Am I expelled from the university?"

"Tyler, as I’ve told you, we are with the students..." Repeated the dean.

"Ok, then, I just want to go. Can I please go?"

"Tyler..."

"Look, I won't commit suicide"

I had noticed this was one of their worries as well.

I repeated that I was fine and they finally let me go.

I stumbled in endless hallways before finding my way in some toilets to puke.

The university seemed empty.

It was not 7pm yet, such quiet was not normal. Maybe school had been cancelled for the day due to the scandal. National medias were apparently standing outside the campus.

Now that hundreds of files including many Polaroid pictures had leaked online, the scandal had taken crazy proportions.

I realized that I was sweating a lot.

I broke down on the bathroom floor. Crying out all the tears in my body.

I could not read my texts, "fag", they would say.

What would I say to my family? To Austin? To all of my friends? In the entire country, I will be known as the guy who got fucked and jizzed on by his Laws Professor.

Why did I let him take this picture of me? Why did I sign it?

After a while, I opened my computer.

I knew it would hurt but I had to know.

I found the files quickly, links to get them were all over the students' Facebook, WhatsApp, and Telegram groups.

From a quick and first look, I realized that the story was indeed way bigger than me.

There were hundreds of files, relating to at least thirty to forty students, oldest files dated from 10 years before. Some of them had it even worse than me, not only there were pictures but also videos.

I saw some familiar faces, some gay guys I've seen on campus.

All of the files contained at least one Polaroid picture with the student's face full of cum and his signature.

Fletcher had been fucking students since he had taken his position.

It was surreal going through the footage. I recognized the sophomore who had filed a complaint. I hoped that he was ok.

I saw the picture of me. And then... Some pictures of a ginger guy...

Fuck.

This guy was Gary!

A whole file was named after him, it contained dozens of pictures and videos. It was one of the biggest files of the bunch.

The first picture was the Polaroid one: his cute face was covered with sperm, his tongue out, Gary was proudly showing off.

But then, three other pictures, visibly taken at three different times, were shot the same way with slight variations.

On one of the pictures, Gary was licking cum out of Fletcher's feet. In another one, it was not his face, but his asshole slightly covered with pale ginger hair which was leaking with white semen.

In the last one, the word "Slut" was written on his forehead with a black marker. It was of course coated with jizz.

Visibly, Gary was the exception. The one guy Professor Fletcher had accepted to see several times.

Several clips showed Gary getting fucked, slapped, spat on and more. In most of the videos, Gary was pleading for more abuse, sometimes wearing thongs or other feminine clothes.

I could not believe it.

I had known the guy for six months. To the best of my knowledge, he had a girlfriend. And there he was, being Fletcher's bitch. Taking his loads in his ass, moaning of pleasure, begging for more.

In the last video I watched, Gary was shouting:

"Feed me with your cum, daddy, and then, make me swallow your dick all over again, I'm your piggy boy!"

I closed my computer.

Hours had passed and my phone had kept on vibrating this whole time.

In a way, seeing Gary like this helped me getting out of my torpor.

Suddenly, I was worried about him and no longer about myself. If one picture had totally broken me, what must he be going through?

This gave me a reason to stand up and go back to the dorms. I needed to talk to my friend, to make sure that he was okay.

I had to face the others anyway. I could not hide in this bathroom forever.

Still disoriented, exhausted and drained, I painfully walked through the campus.

I had not eaten and had puked several times.

I was, in every way, empty.

The winter would nearly come to an end, but for now, it was freezing outside. I liked that sensation; it calmed me down a bit.

I arrived at Building C. I do not even know how I managed to get there.

When I came in, I immediately saw a group of people beyond the lobby, in the lounge area.

It was way past midnight but everyone was there.

The guys from football team, Martin, Henry, Steve, Luis, and even Tobias, who did not live in the dorms, were present. All the other residents seemed to be there as well, Ashley and Janice were visibly concerned. Gary was not among them though.

Where was he?

Of course, Austin was there too, discussing with... my brother. Ryan had come to the campus, probably looking for me.

I entered the room and it was like the world had just stopped moving.

A heavy silence fell upon me and everyone turned towards me, shocked to see me there, as if I were a ghost.

Austin and my brother took a second to react but were the first to walk, or rather run, towards me.

"Ty, are you okay?" Austin asked, he seemed overwhelmed.

"Ty, I'm here!" Said my brother at the same time.

I put my bag on the floor and hugged them both at the same time. The hug lasted several seconds, maybe several minutes.

I loved them so much.

"What did this fucking asshole do to you?" Austin whispered in my ear.

I took a step back.

"Nothing. He did nothing." I blurted out.

"Ty.... We know... We have seen the picture."

"I mean..." I spoke louder.

I wanted for everyone to hear it; I did not want to have to repeat myself.

"Fletcher did not do anything that I did not want him to do!"

Someone gasped in the group behind Austin and my brother.

Austin stood there, in shock. My brother tried to gain back control of the situation.

"Let's go talk, little bro. Somewhere private."

But Martin loudly asked.

"What do you mean, man? You wanted this?" He then continued: "I told you guys! Gary wanted it. Tyler wanted it as well! There was consent! Justice for Fletcher!"

"SHUT UP!" Shouted Austin.

He started to run towards Martin but I stopped him.

"Not cool, guys, calm down.” Steve mumbled, visibly anxious.

"He's right! Martin is right!" I cried. "I wanted to fuck with him! I actually enjoyed it! That's just... Guys, it was just sex, it was nothing! I just did not want people to know that... I... I am gay."

A few seconds of silence ensued and someone clapped.

Ashley said: "Well! That's better news than an assault. I, for one, am glad it was consensual!"

I heard a few laughs and someone added: "So what? He's gay... Who fucking cares?"

I was staring at the floor at this point. I could not look to any of them. Especially to one of them.

Austin.

"Tyler..." Austin spoke softly. "You are... gay? Really?”

I felt incredulity in his voice... Or was it disappointment? Or worse, disgust?

That was too much.

After all I had been through during the day, Austin's tone and those few words were the last straw.

I did not say another word and got out of the building. I had no idea where I was going but I had to leave.

I started to run and heard Austin running behind me. My brother telling him to give me some air.

It was snowing outside. I almost fell down, running on a patch of ice.

"TYLER! Where the fuck you think you are going?"

Austin was faster than I was and managed to catch up to me easily, he gripped me by the shoulders.

I turned around and faced him.

"Tyler, you…”

He was speechless.

"Austin, I am very sorry, okay... I did not know how to..."

"Tyler... I let you..."

He was looking for his words. Our faces had never been this close to each other. I was trying to avoid his eyes but he was holding me tight?

"You lied to me, Ty. I confided myself in you... I told you everything about me!"

"Austin..."

"Fuck, Tyler! This whole time, you were gay, this whole time, you were fucking with your teacher! Since the first day we met, you’ve been lying to me, pretending that you were someone you’re not!”

I was heartbroken.

I tried to justify myself.

"It happened only once with Fletcher..."

"I DON'T CARE!” He snapped. “It happened! And it's not just that... You are gay! You cried over the phone after breaking up with Sofia! I was there for you! It was all bullshit?! Was Sofia even real?"

"No, she was not... but..."

Austin did not let me finish, I had nothing to say anyway.

"Tyler, I let you touch me! I let you... do things! I mean..." He seemed as lost as I was, the snow falling on his beautiful brown hair. "Ty, you did more than just touch me..."

His voice was breaking.

So, that was it.

The part he was most mad about. I had sucked his cock. It was fine, a fun time between bros when I was straight, but now that I was gay, this was a betrayal.

I knew I was in the wrong but I was a stupid college boy, completely in distress after having gone through the worst day of my life, and as if the situation were not bad enough, I thought it was clever to respond.

"As if you did not like it when I sucked your dick, Austin!"

He raised his fist and almost punched me, stopping himself only a few inches from my eyes.

He was shaking but he was still holding me with his left arm.

"I... I trusted you." He spoke, his lips only an inch away from mines.

Deep down, I knew that I had no right to play with him. And he did not even know the full truth. The fact that I had tried to destroy his relationship with Ashley... The catfishing... The touching in his sleep...

"Punch me, Austin. I deserve it.” I told him.

I was sincere.

We stayed like this. His fist, raised in the air. Under the snow. The both of us, in a moment frozen in time.

"PUNCH ME!" I shouted.

Austin was crying too now.

I yelled even louder in the middle of the park.

"FUCKING, PUNCH ME! I'M A FAGGOT AND I DID NOT TELL YOU ABOUT IT! I KEPT IT HIDDEN SO THAT, I COULD KEEP ON CHECKING YOU OUT! SO THAT, I COULD KEEP ON TOUCHING YOU! SO THAT, YOU WOULD LET ME SUCK YOUR DICK."

There, he knew. I was a freak.

Austin let go of me.

He looked devastated.

"I trusted you." He said again. "I thought of you like a brother."

This was the worst of it all. His disappointment.

I started to run again.

Towards where? I had no idea. I just needed to escape this, all of this. I had to run away as fast and as far as I could.

I crossed the street.

I heard the brakes before I saw the car. It was already too late.

The blue Mercedes hit me. The shock was violent. I was thrown against the hard sidewalk.

A reflex must have told me to put my arms first but I still felt my whole body crushing against the concrete.

I heard someone screaming. An awful scream, the type of sounds you only hear once in your lifetime. In the worst possible moment of your life.

I remember turning my head, the snow on my left was turning red. I was surprised at first but then, I realized it was my own blood. I passed out. I felt like I was dying.

"I thought of you like a brother."

Austin’s last words before I was hit would be stuck in my head forever.