My First Year in College - Chapter 24 and Epilogue

MY FIRST YEAR IN COLLEGE

Chapter 24: With a Bang

There I was, rimming Martin's hairy and sweaty asshole in the locker-room, Austin holding my head against his mate's crack, while ten other guys were jerking off around us, ready to fill up my ass.

I guess my life had taken a turn since I had started college ten months prior!

As I was eating Martin's salty hole, pushing my tongue deep inside, my mind went away for a split second.

I was back inside my big brother's car, he was driving me to the campus for the very first time, I was nervous, still closeted, I was afraid to meet my new roommate and the other students.

So many things had changed since then.

Someone, or rather some people, were feeling up my ass. Two guys were playing with my ass cheeks, spreading them as I was servicing Martin.

Henry put his big black cock right next to Martin's hole so I could go from one to the other.

I spat some of Henry's precum inside of Martin's opened and musky asshole.

I felt powerful.

Austin joined the fun and slid his own dick next to Henry's. I attempted to put two of the biggest cocks of campus inside my mouth at once.

I could not make it but I still rubbed them against each other. Both guys moaned loudly.

Martin switched position to add his own cock in the mix, the golden trio was now rubbing their shafts all over my face, washing it with their precum.

Behind me, things got more intense and I felt someone fingering me roughly. I had shivers over my body. At this point, we had already been playing for 45 minutes and my dick was ready to explode.

"Lick his ass!" Austin ordered to the guys who were groping me.

"Gross." someone responded.

"Do your job, Rohan! Eat that fag ass!" It was Tobias speaking; he pushed the poor Rohan's face inside my hole.

The guy did not seem too grossed out after all, he started to eat me out avidly. Tobias spat on my asshole, hitting the other guy's face in the process.

I felt myself leaking cum in my jockstrap but the twelve guys who were surrounding me did not seem to notice or to care.

I remained hard afterwards.

"When do we get to fuck this tight ass?!" Tobias grunted.

"What do you think, Ty?" Austin asked me, playing with his precum between his fingers, rubbing some on my lips.

Tobias roared behind us:

"Really, Austin?! I thought he was your bitch? Since when do we ask stupid cunts their authorization to pound their ass?!"

"You're right Tobias, he is mine. So, I get to decide how we should proceed."

Austin pulled on my necklace where the letters "Property of Austin" were still shining to make his point. 

"What do you think Tyler? Ready to get fucked?"

"Not Tobias first." I said, panting.

I was very horny but I had not forgotten about the frat leader's elephant size cock. It scared me a little.

"Who shall go first then?" Austin asked.

"I volunteer as a tribute!" Martin joked.

I smiled and winked at him.

I thought it was a good option, Martin's cock was drenched with saliva, spit and precum… Exactly what I needed deep inside my hole.

"If Martin got to fuck you, I can keep up with the mouth."

The Asian guy whom I still had not caught the name pushed Martin aside and started face-fucking me.

Martin walked behind me as the other guys were cheering him up. 

Tobias looked a bit mad but he kept on jerking his immense cock with his two hands. Soon, another cock was slapping my cheeks and two dicks were put inside my hands, some cocks were also slapping my feet.

I was dickmatized in every direction.

"Now, open the backdoor!" One of the guys shouted.

I had maybe seven or eight guys feeling me up all at once, slapping me with their dicks, or touching me in one way or another while the rest of the group was jerking off behind them.

I was still sucking two dicks at the same time when I felt Martin's dick breaking inside of me.

"Hum, Yes!" I moaned loudly as I felt him entering me for the first time.

"Fuck guys! My dick is buried inside another dude!" Martin could not believe it himself. I was his first. "Jesus, that shit feels good!" He added.

He started going back and forth doggy style as I kept on jerking off dicks with both hands while sucking two or three other guys. I could recognize Austin's taste in my mouth.

No-one never tells you how difficult it is in practice to give a blowjob while you are being severely pounded from behind. I did my best throughout the spit-roasting.

Austin held my head still and fucked my face while in my ass, I could feel Martin pulling away only for a few seconds and let someone else take his place.

No idea who the next guy was. But that dick was big.

Sure, I was no longer a virgin and I had had my fair share of experience during the last three months but this was a whole new level.

The male scent which was filling up the entire locker-room, a mixture of sweat, precum, and male testosterone, was driving me insane.

I totally lost track of what was happening but Austin seemed unstoppable now, ravaging my face while I was fucked from behind by yet another guy. I felt some of Austin's precum on my tongue, I knew him too well and could sense that he was about to cum.

I hoped he would get to fuck me before the end of the gangbang.

"Now, taste your own ass!" Martin had come back, shoving his dick in my mouth, replacing Austin's.

I went for it without thinking, licking Martin's hairy shaft. Another dick soon joined him; the guy called Rohan. At the same time, someone else was pulling my hair and fucking me.

So many juicy hard cocks, so many muscular bodies, so much sweaty flesh.

Fuck. I felt a different guy entering my ass. That time, it really hurt. I knew it before I could see it, Big boy Henry was in me!

"Woohoo! Now that's a good slut when she can take Henry's weapon entirely in her pussy!" He exclaimed.

I heard some more cheering up and one of the sophomores spat on my face.

This was so degrading.

I had become their sex toy, their slave, their thing.

But again, I felt a weird sense of pride, of power, despite my submissive position. I was the object of their filthiest desire. I had made it.

"Damn, I'm gonna cum!" The Asian guy shouted while I was still jerking off with my right hand.

I started massaging his balls, pushing him to the edge.

"Breed him!" Austin barked.

He looked at me and I nodded yes, I was trying to grab Tobias' huge cock in my left hand at the same time.

Henry got out of my ass to let the Asian guy fuck me for less than a minute until he unloaded his creamy jizz inside of me. I received my first load.

One out of twelve I thought.

As I felt my asshole being filled, someone pushed my head towards the floor so I would bend over even more. Tobias' foot was soon on my face.

Now, that was the perfect submissive position.

What the fuck is wrong with me that I loved it?

I thought of Mr Fletcher, how he got me under his foot too. I started to lick Tobias' sole.

Those guys had become animals while fucking me, but I, too, was unrecognizable. I was desperate to prove that I could be the biggest whore they got to fuck. Somehow, I needed to show that a gay guy could do it better than any other girl.

They could call me cunt, bitch, whore. I was one.

Austin checked on me and I nodded that I was fine, all the while drooling on the floor.

The guys kept on fucking me, one by one, Tobias still locking me in this position, my ass fully exposed and wide opened.

Sometimes, they were fingering me too. Some of the boys were having fun spreading my ass to help their mates out. Another guy nutted inside of my hole and I was ordered to keep the cum inside of me.

Luis fucked my ass right after a third guy had unloaded in me, he got some cum on his dick in the process. Tobias ordered me to lick it off and I was allowed to move from his foot so I could deepthroat Luis' slimy cock. 

I took good care of licking the white cum which was dripping from his shaft and balls. I swallowed it all.

Luis seemed to have lost any inhibition and was grunting with pleasure.

My knees were starting to hurt. I guess my ass was getting sore too. Although I could not stop, this was a once in a lifetime experience.

I always knew that I was into this fantasy. But right there, I realized that I was good at it, I was made for this. Made to be a submissive whore.

Tobias pushed his own humongous dick inside of my mouth.

"You were afraid that I would go first in your tight asshole? Wise choice man, but you know I have to go in there anyway! You better lube out my big fat cock."

I spat on it, jerked him off. I could not believe I would take that giant schlong in my ass. Someone else was fucking me. I did not recognize the cock. It was not as big as the other ones though so I was sure it was not Austin.

Tobias was always the roughest one.

He spat on me, slapped, and choked me while I was trying to swallow his damn cock. I pushed myself to the limit to please this insatiable sex freak.

Damn, who I am kidding? I was a freak too!

At some point, I had to beg to switch position, my knees could no longer handle the doggystyle position on the floor tiles.

Henry and Martin moved me around.

They lied me down on one of the benches and pulled my legs up in the air, they both held one of my legs, my asshole was once again fully exposed and I could feel cum dripping out from it.

Beside me, I could see a river of dicks ready to explode. My dick was fully out of my jockstrap at that point, dripping with cum.

"Austin, please, give us the honour!" Martin said, quite formally.

Austin placed himself between my legs, rubbed his cockhead against my pucker, and then, he started to fuck me.

He put his hand on my throat and looked at me in the eyes while he was pounding me. He had never fucked me that hard.

I was like a paper doll.

"Fuck, I need to cum too!"

That was Henry talking. I thought he would move towards my ass to breed me like the others but a few seconds later, Henry's white thick semen was covering my entire face while Austin was still fucking me.

My roommate seemed fascinating by Henry's load and drilled me even harder. 

I licked some of the jizz, smiling at the guys who were jerking off around me.

Another guy nutted on my face.

Five out of twelve loads, I counted.

I was sore and dizzy and I could feel my dick releasing some more cum from time to time. I remained hard throughout the whole thing though. It was like I was experiencing a continuous orgasm, both from my prostate and from my cock.

Austin stopped himself before cumming and the guy named Rohan, who had previously licked my ass, replaced him.

Austin put his right foot on the bench right next to my face. In this position, I could see his hairy legs, wet from the sweating, and his hole, wet also.

I started to suck on his toes while he was jerking off right above me.

The five guys who had already ejaculated moved aside to the shower section of the locker-room, still checking on the action from afar.

I could see Henry, casually chatting with the Asian guy while they were looking at me, getting gangbanged. Their wet muscular bodies and their now flaccid dicks were glistening under the water.

They were stunning.

Tobias asked.

"Now, my dear Austin, may I penetrate your whore?"

Austin looked at me, his big toe in my mouth.

"Please. Let him fuck me." I begged.

Austin smiled at Tobias.

"Be my guest."

My ass was more stretched than it had ever been.

Still, I expected this to hurt… And it did.

Tobias entered my ass and I felt like he was tearing me open. I heard a guy exclaimed in a blur: "you're going to break him!".

I could have fainted.

But it was just the tip!

When I realized that, I knew that it was too much.

"About time that this hole feels a real alpha male dick!" Tobias shouted.

His dick was not even halfway in but it already hurt.

As excited as I was, I just wanted this to stop at this point. Try again later, maybe. Get some more lube somewhere.

"Please, stop..." I mumbled.

I searched for Austin but he was no longer beside me. I started to panic as someone else shoved his balls into my mouth. I could no longer talk.

"Fuck, I love your fag hole!" Tobias barked like a maniac.

This needed to stop.

Martin and Rohan were still holding up and spreading my legs.

I could not take it anymore.

Then I remembered the safe word.

"ZYROX" I cried out pushing the other guy aside.

Those were Luis’ hairy balls against my mouth.

Immediately, I heard Austin without being able to see him.

"Stop Tobias! Pull back!"

"Fuck you!” Tobias snapped at Ausin. “That fucking fag loves having his ass destroyed. He has been begging for it!"

Martin let go of my legs, the other guys backed off a little but Tobias was still pounding me.

I was confused.

I had asked him to stop.

"You do like that, uh? Stupid whore!" He was unstoppable, like a psycho.

My ass was getting wrecked.

Austin was shouting too but I could not comprehend what he was saying, I could only hear Tobias yelling some more:

"He asked for it. He said he wanted my big fat cock inside him. I'm just doing what the fag asked for!"

I did ask for this... I thought.

"Zyrox..." I whispered once again, defeated.

“Take my juice, you bitch!”

I felt the huge dick inside of me throbbing and unloading some cum, but then, it all stopped.

Someone had stopped him.

Austin had jumped on Tobias and he had violently pushed him against the lockers. There was a huge bang.

It took me a few seconds to be able to look at what was happening.

When I was able to straighten up a bit, I could only see nude male bodies fighting on the locker-room’s floor, half of them were fully erected.

Finally, I realized that most of the guys were trying to separate Tobias and Austin.

"How dare you?! You fucking piece of shit!" Tobias barked, held back by Rohan and Henry at Austin, who was himself held by Martin.

Austin did not respond but he jumped back towards Tobias.

My roommate made an impressive move he could only have learnt during wrestling practice and he managed to headlock Tobias against the floor tiles.

"You, fucking maniac!" He said to Tobias between heavy breaths, struggling to lock him against the floor.

During the fight, Austin's dick was still hard pressing against Tobias' ass.

What a sight that was.

"Austin, easy, you’re gonna kill him!" Martin intervened at some point.

The lock had turned into a choke-hold and indeed, Tobias was seemingly about to faint, his head lying against an opened locker.

Henry and Luis managed to get Austin to step back.

I had never seen my roommate like this. Tears were flooding his face. He looked enraged.

Tobias coughed and managed to get up.

His dick was still semi hard, dripping with cum, only the first load had gone into my ass. The remaining of his orgasm had been spread on Austin's chest and thighs during the fight.

Tobias shook his head.

"All of you, you’re just a bunch of fucking pussies."

“I’m gonna kill you, mate!” Austin was ready to punch him in the face again.

"Austin, please… It's fine." I muttered.

I was still shaking. I had no idea if I was fine actually but the way Austin looked at Tobias was terrifying. He could have murdered him with his eyes.

"See, the fag is fine!" Tobias chuckled.

"You, asshole! I told you about the safe word. You agreed to it." Austin was still mad.

He was visibly frustrated with himself that he had not been able to control Tobias and protect me.

"What do you want me to do, man? The dude loves to be fucked hard. And he just said that he's fine, aren't you fine, Tyler?"

"It's all good." I responded, still heavily shaking.

My top priority was to avoid any bloodshed.

"All in good fun then." Tobias smiled.

“Bro, that was too much.” Martin spoke with reason.

Tobias looked at me.

"Sorry if I've been too rough, okay. I got carried on. That shit happens.”

The scene was surreal.

At this point, half of the guys had nutted, including Tobias, the other half were still holding hard-on despite of the fight.

Austin and Tobias were defying each other.

And there I was, my face covered in cum, my asshole filled, my own dick still rock-hard. I was losing my mind.

Until… Out of nowhere, I had an idea.

"Yes, all in good fun!" I spoke, repeating Tobias’ words.

"See!" Tobias grinned at Austin.

"Although, I still think you owe me one." I told Tobias whose smile faded away.

The other guys looked interested.

"What do you want, fag?" Tobias barked at me.

"I think I should be allowed to fuck you. To make things even."

The kinky thought had come into my mind when I had seen Austin's hard dick against Tobias' ass.

The biggest Alpha of the Alphas, the undisputed leader of the frat, the senior captain of the football team, being fucked by a fag like me…

It felt like the perfect way to settle this.

"That seems only fair." Austin gave me an understood nod.

Tobias paced around, his naked, muscular, and sweaty body could smash me in only a second.

I thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life.

Now that I was reflecting on it, it seemed plainly insane. What the hell had crossed my mind?!

Tobias was about to beat me off for sure, to punch Austin, or at the very least, to insult us.

But with a devilish smile, he only said:

"Okay.”

That caught us off-guard and we all remained frozen for a few seconds.

Had he just agreed to be fucked in the ass in front of the entire team? By me, geeky homo Tyler of all people?

"Okay, I said.” Tobias repeated. “You think I'm afraid of a little fag's dick?"

Austin looked at me, uncertain of what was about to happen. I was not too sure myself whether Tobias was serious or not.

Hell, I did not know if I was serious or not. 

“Tobias… Are you sure?”

Feverishly, I stood up from my bench and walked towards him.

The other guys had started jerking-off again, forming another circle around us.

“I’m the team captain, if you all think I’ve messed up, you’re right, we should make it even. You think I care? You think I haven’t done much worse?”

Maybe I had misread Tobias all along I thought.

"Fine, then. Let’s settle things this way.” Austin stated. “Tobias, you should bend over against the bench.”

Tobias gave him the middle finger and talked to the other guys.

"Only a real man is confident enough to take a dick up his ass without whining!”

On that note, Tobias got on all fours and spread his ass.

I removed my jockstrap feverishly.

Fuck.

This was really about to happen.

I had never done anything like this before, obviously in these circumstances, but aside from this, I had never even fucked another guy in the ass!

Tobias Finnigan would be my first. I could not process that thought.

"What are you waiting for?" He whistled.

I glanced at Austin, he seemed very unsure too.

Luis, beside him, was masturbating his cock intensely, seemingly hypnotized by this unexpected turn of event.

I was naked. My dick was hard and dripping with precum. I spread Tobias’ ass cheeks and took a good look at his pink shaved asshole.

It was not that tight. It was inviting.

I was shaking.

But I was horny.

“Just put it in, faggot!” Tobias howled.

“Okay, then.”

And just like that, without another word, I started sodomizing him. The biggest jock of our college. I was breaking inside his ass.

The other guys cheered around me.

First, I thought that they were encouraging me, but then, I realized that they were still applauding their guru.

If Tobias says this is not gay to get ass-fucked by another guy, then it is not gay, and this should be respected and supported.

Did they realize how their Alpha male’s theories were ridiculous? I could not say.

All I knew was that I was balls deep inside of Tobias asshole and he was moaning of pleasure. Even his dick which had just released a crazy amount of cum was getting hard all over again.

Two other guys jizzed in their hands while furiously stroking their cocks in a circle around Tobias and I.

I kept on fucking the frat leader, staring right as Austin who seemed so proud of me.

My necklace was bouncing on my pecs as I was pounding the football captain's asshole.

After a few minutes, I could not take it anymore and I let myself cum inside Tobias.

To be honest, at this point, my balls were almost empty since I had been constantly leaking, but still, I left my semen in Tobias Finnigan's virgin ass.

This was something to cherish.

Although, was it really a virgin ass? I had my doubts.

Afterwards, I knelt down and stuck my tongue out to receive Martin, Luis and Austin's juice.

They were the last ones who had managed not to cum until this point.

Martin burst his fresh loads inside my throat. I swallowed his milk eagerly.

Luis jizzed all over Tobias' ass with a satisfied look on his face. It must have felt good creaming his leader.

And finally, Austin finished me off by cumming on his own chest, letting me eat it all. Out of all the guys, he tasted the best.

We were all drenched and exhausted.

As if it were another casual Wednesday, Tobias stood up, looked at the mess and proposed to go shower.

"That was fun.” He spoke.

The guys chuckled awkwardly. Not Austin though. He would not forgive Tobias for not listening to the safe word immediately.

“And not a fucking word of what happened outside of here!" Tobias added.

"I don't think anyone would like this to be known. Everyone has to be discreet." Luis insisted.

He looked at me a bit worried, I thought about Janice.

What would she think of her boyfriend?

"I was mostly talking to Austin's bitch." Tobias replied, looking at me.

"I won't say a word." I responded.

Eleven naked hunks went to take a shower while Austin stayed behind with me, offering me a towel.

"Pretty crazy, uh?" He eventually said.

"Yes… You hadn’t lied, the football team is insane.”

“Are you okay?”

“Sure, I am. Tobias went a bit overboard but you intervened, it’s all good.”

“Really?”

“Yes, overall, it was great. Mind blowing I’d say!”

I wanted to reassure him.

"You literally fucked Tobias in the ass. This, I did not see coming."

Austin had a nervous laugh.

"I told you, I wanted to end the year with a bang!"

We went to take a shower once the other guys were all gone. Austin’s necklace remained around my neck.

Martin and Henry fist-bumped me before leaving as if we had just finished a good game and I had scored some goals. 

This was my very last night at Creepside college and I would for sure remember it for the rest of my life.

*

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*

Epilogue – A Different Kind of Love

The next morning, still unsure whether this had not been all a fever dream, I walked around the campus and reconsidered my choice of leaving Creepside for a moment.

My sore body, and my sore asshole in particular, reminded me that the whole thing had been very real.

I could come back for sophomore year and make this a regular thing.

The guys had promised not to say a word and had for sure enjoyed their time.

I could become the official gangbang’s bitch of the Alphas frat. I could stay with Austin. Maybe I could be happy!

Lost in my thoughts, I saw Janice and Luis holding hands in the park, saying goodbye to each other.

Janice was returning to her parents for the Summer.

Looking at them, I hated myself and I hated Luis too. 

All of these guys had girlfriends and every fortnight or so, they were fucking other girls... or guys in their sick sex club.

I knew better now.

I knew that one day or another, the truth would come out and this was just another scandal soon to be exposed.

I was tired of living with secrets.

Seeing them also reminded me of what I was missing, I had tasted the happiness of having a boyfriend for a couple of months with Steve and I wanted it, the real thing, with someone I would truly love.

I went in the lobby of Building C and stumbled on someone I had not seen in months.

"Gary!" I shouted.

I could not believe he was there!

My favourite Ginger boy turned around and addressed me an awkward smile.

"Oh... Tyler, hi!"

"It is so freaking nice to see you. How are you doing?"

Last time I had heard about him, he had run away from college.

"I'm... I'm okay, I suppose. How are you?"

"I'm fine. You know, I've been thinking a lot about you Gary. I was worried." 

We were both in the same boat when the Fletcher's videos and pictures leaked, but probably Gary had it even worse than me.

"I needed to take some time off. I went back to my grandparents; they own a farm. I worked there for a while; it helped me revising my priorities. I was worried about you too Tyler, I heard about the accident. I'm so sorry I could not be there."

"No, that's all right. Please do not apologize. I'm just glad you're okay. Do you want to go grab a drink or something? Maybe we could talk?" I suggested.

"That sounds great but I do have other plans, I just came back to..."

At the same moment, the elevator's doors opened and my ex-boyfriend Steve appeared.

"Oh.” He said, seeing me.

"Good morning, Steve." This had become very uncomfortable. "I was just chatting with Gary." I added, as if I had to justify myself.

"We were about to go have some breakfast in town." Steve replied. "Just the two of us." He added sternly.

I could swear that Gary and Steve shared a knowing look.

Did Gary come back just to see his old roommate Steve? Was there something going on?

"Okay, then. I’ll let you go.”

“Nice to see you, Ty.” Gary told me.

I had a lump in my throat.

I had to say something.

“Steve, I… I'm leaving today and… I'm not sure I'll be back next year so I just wanted to say... well, to say goodbye."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Steve approached me awkwardly and he eventually decided to hug me.

"Goodbye then."

Gary hugged me as well and the both of them went on with their day.

When they were outside, it seemed like they were holding hands...

I was hoping for Austin and I to be the two roommates ending up together but it looked like Gary and Steve were more likely to take that spot.

I guess that it made sense.

Steve had been seriously shaken up by Gary's leaving and I had been a way to rebound from that at the time.

Back in the dorm, Austin was finishing packing as well.

Stripped from our personal stuff, the 403’s room looked pretty empty.

"This is hell, I cannot believe we will have to do the same thing in less than 3 months, unpacking everything!" Austin groaned, trying to close one of his luggage.

He was hot, even when he was grunting.

Austin was wearing a black tank top and a pair of shorts; he looked effortlessly gorgeous as always.

I had pushed back this moment for days but it was time that I had a discussion with my roommate.

"Austin, I don't think I will unpack my stuff here next September." I told him, feeling sick in the pit of my stomach.

"What do you mean? You want to switch room?"

"No... I just won't come back here next year. I’ll leave Creepside College.”

Austin looked puzzled and sat on his bed.

"I'm going to need a little more explanation than that, Ty.”

"I found another college on the west coast; I want to major in psychology."

"And you need to go on the other side of the continent to do that?! What's up with you guys and the west coast lately? Martin just told me he wanted to go live in L.A.!"

"What does he want to do there?" I asked, surprised.

"He wants to become a reality tv star or some shit!" Austin rolled his eyes. "And he is serious about it."

I smiled.

"Good for him. Well, maybe I'll join him on a television show!"

"Cut it off Ty, what the fuck are you saying? You really want to leave?"

I sat on the bed next to him.

This was the hardest part but I had to do it.

"I do, Austin. I think I have to."

"But why? I know you had a tough year with the accident and everything, but this is behind us now!"

"This is only part of it, Austin. I feel like this year had been a succession of bad decisions for me. With everything that happened, I don't think I will ever be able to be seen for who I am in here, I will always be linked to Fletcher. And..."

He cut me off.

"Come on, you know that there will be another scandal next year and everybody will have forgotten about this. Have you considered me? I thought we were in it to do our four years of college together!"

"I thought about you, a lot. That's actually one of the main reasons I have to go."

Austin stood up and he took a step back, shocked by what I had just said.

He was tearing up.

"What the hell, man? That's brutal! How could you say that?"

I felt awful.

"I'm sorry Austin. I... It's not what you think. If I stay here, with you, I know that I will never be able to move on."

"Move on from what?" 

"From us! From you, Austin!”

He sat on my bed, as if I had just shot him with my words and he had lost his balance.

"Tyler, you are my best friend. Why would you want to move on from us? What does this even mean? Do you hate me that much?"

How could he not get it? After all this time!

"On the contrary, Austin. I don't need to go because I hate you. I need to go because I love you! I love you too freaking much."

I started tearing up too.

"But I love you too..." Austin whispered.

"Not the way I do."

I looked at the carpet, not being able to face him. Austin took his time before speaking again, in a soft voice, he asked:

"Are you saying that you are in love with me?"

I sighed.

"Of course, I am in love with you Austin, since the very first time I saw you! Since the first day we hung out together, wandering in the campus. I never stopped loving you, it's just become worse when we started to do things, sexual things, together. I was ready to do anything to be with you. Lie, cheat, becoming a slut."

A tear slid down his cheek. He came back on his own bed where I was still sitting and he held me in his arms.

“Tyler, please…”

"Look Austin, no need to make a drama out of this. I tried to fight against my feelings, but I just cannot. And I know that if I stay here, every time you will ask anything of me, I won't be able to help myself, I will come running to you. That’s not healthy.”

"But I won't ask anything from you! If this can help, we will stop any sexual thing we got going on! We’ll just be friends.”

"But I don't want it to stop. That's the problem! I want the sex, and I want the friendship, and I want the relationship. I want everything."

He was trembling.

"Ty, I just don't want to lose you."

"Austin, I don't want to lose you either. Telling you this is the hardest thing I have ever done. But I have to do it. It's the toughest decision but it's also the right one. I could have had a beautiful thing with Steve but because you are here, I could not..."

"But, Ty! I have never asked anything of you! You could have stayed with Steve! That's unfair to blame this on me." 

Austin was getting mad and this was exactly what I wanted to avoid.

"It's not what you were asking of me, it's just... Good Lord, Austin, I don't blame you for anything. Believe me! I cannot blame you for making me fall in love with you. But then, I cannot be stuck here either, in a hopeless relationship and ruin every potential other one."

"Is this about what I said the other day, that we could never be boyfriends?"

"Well, in a way, yes."

We both marked a moment of silence.

"Listen Austin, if you could tell me right now that there might be a slight chance, that one day, you could love me the way I love you, that one day, I could be the one for you, then I promise you, I would stay. I would do everything for that slim chance. But can you tell me that?"

He seemed to think about it. 

"I'm not gay, Ty. I'm not even sure that I'm bisexual.”

Austin was killing me with his puppy eyes.

"This was not my question. I was not asking about your sexual preferences, Austin. I was asking about me. Is there a chance, even a very slim one, that one day, maybe, you would love me the way I love you?"

"I don't think so, Ty... I am so sorry. I don’t think I’m capable of that.”

I knew he would give me that answer and this was the exact reason I had made my decision to leave.

Although, it still hurt like hell hearing it.

I fought back the tears. I tried to ignore the pain, the heartbreak.

"Okay, then. Austin, I have to give myself the best chances at life, at love. And my best chances are to start over so that I can move on, and meet someone."

Austin wiped some tears with his hand and then held my shoulders.

"If this is what you have to do, I won't try to hold you back. I'm so sorry about this whole situation. I really just want you to be happy, Tyler. I'm so sorry if I hurt you."

"Don't apologize Austin. Despite everything, I have probably lived one of the best years of my life. I have loved every moment with you. There is no regret at all from my part. I guess I just had to learn my lessons."

We leaned our foreheads against each other.

Our lips were almost touching.

Almost.

"I'm gonna miss you so much, Ty."

"I'm gonna miss you too, Austin."

We hugged each other for long minutes. Letting go of him was almost impossible. But we did let go. We had to.

We finished packing in silence.

I knew that I had to close the Austin and Tyler's chapter of my life to move on, and this is exactly what I did.

I thought about my big brother again. He had been right.

My first year in college was one of the craziest years of my life.

I came out, I lost my virginity, I got my first hook-ups and my first boyfriend, I fell in love for the first time, I got my heart broken. I sure experimented.

There is no denying that some of it was messy, some of it hurt, but I guess that I took everything such a time in life is supposed to offer.

I learned a lot about myself and others, and most importantly, I grew up.

I left the room 403 much more at peace with who I was than when I came in for the first time, ready for new exciting adventures.

[THE END]