a guide to flaming out: the outs season 2
Added 2025-11-25 17:17:14 +0000 UTCfootage from The Outs; The Polymath, or The Life and Opinions of Samuel R. Delany, Gentleman; Fan Railer; Santorini Dave; and traveler's POV
Comments
I don’t know why this video brings this to mind, but during my Buddhist chaplaincy training we were taught to differentiate between fixing, helping and serving. Fixing behaviour is often about avoiding our own discomfort with the suffering we are watching someone go through, and rooted in a need to solve something, often when there is no solution (which is why it’s hard). Helping can come across as charity - it’s paternalistic and comes with an energy of knowing better than the other person. Serving is coming alongside a person where they are at and being present with them and things as they are. It doesn’t try to change the situation or control it. Service is being with a person in their moment of need, not making the situation about our comfort or ego or looking good, but about showing up fully for another without expectations or an agenda. The situations you describe are from that place of service, and I know how specifically different that feels in my heart and gut and mind than when I am coming from a place of fixing or helping.
Kait Hatch
2025-11-26 19:29:03 +0000 UTCWow, I’ve had this exact thought before. I see these characters authoritatively speak on someone else’s life and ask myself, are there people like this? How would I know they were correct? And god, I need someone like that in my life.
Ewin
2025-11-26 19:27:26 +0000 UTCYeah. Yeah, that's the catch-22. How do you know how to be Scruffy for yourself if you don't know if you have a real-life role model, at any point in your life, that you could trust? Finding a professional that I could trust just enough to give me a framework for answering that question is what got me out of the catch-22. "This is what trusting yourself looks like," she would explain. Or, "Remember that thing you did? That tells me you give a shit about yourself." She didn't try to convince me to trust her. She showed me how to decide for myself whether or not what I did or what someone else did to/for me could be trusted.
PC Escobar
2025-11-26 16:13:58 +0000 UTCSamuel R. Delany, now more than ever
Richard Jackson
2025-11-26 15:20:32 +0000 UTC"The people who've steered you right have said, 'It's wrong that you don't trust yourself.' And the ones who steered you wrong have said, 'It's wrong that you don't trust me.'" I need to remember this for as long as I have the capacity to remember anything.
Susan Wenger
2025-11-26 06:31:48 +0000 UTCWow, this is a BEAUTIFUL question and a fucking fantastic answer!! I think it IS the same trust, and that you can be that guy for your self. I think it's a life-long process but it gets easier. Thank you for journeying to the underworld and bringing back these gems.
Bibi
2025-11-25 23:02:38 +0000 UTCI agree. Previous videos I have been sending to friends of mine who have been struggling with depression. Trying to be there for them. Last week they asked me why I'm not taking better care of myself. This is the first video in the series that I feel like it was made for me.
Reed Buck
2025-11-25 22:14:08 +0000 UTCYour voice, your tone of voice. Heartbreaking to hear. Thank you for this.
Brian Moon
2025-11-25 21:24:48 +0000 UTCVimeo basically doesn't exist now in Europe. It's sad
Sarah H
2025-11-25 19:26:22 +0000 UTCWell, shit. They’ve all been hitting hard but this one is at a different level
Justus
2025-11-25 17:49:02 +0000 UTCThe outs was both one of the most influential pieces of art on me at a formative time in my life (it came out the same year I did) and yet also something I need to be reminded exists because I frequently forget Vimeo existed. Thanks for my reminder ❤️
Woody Sims
2025-11-25 17:41:36 +0000 UTCI don't know if you can be That Guy for yourself, but I know that you can trust yourself to find someone who is.
Zylla's Athenaeum
2025-11-25 17:40:28 +0000 UTC
