Filthy Gamer in Narutoverse: 249

Title: Jashinists Are a Happy Bunch

Mikoto’s fears formed from witnessing Kiri breaking down—and for the right reasons. Her father’s condition after the raid spooked Mikoto, but Yata also never showed any fears or overly sentimental outlook on the world. But Kiri started as a spunky Uchiha Chunin with dreams of revolutionizing Uchiha’s standing in Konohagakure to a contemplative youth who lost a part of himself in the conflicts around him. And Mikoto fears she will experience the same eventually—she fears losing ‘THAT’ something. It’s hard for Mikoto to understand what Kiri lost during the invasion that Mikoto possessed. It wasn’t until Kai hugged her as tightly as she did for Kiri while promising her the world.

It didn’t matter to her if Kai failed to keep that promise. Even if they may end up being a lie, Mikoto was grateful to Kai because his words led her to realize what she possessed—and appreciate it.

Hope.

The world can be better for her, and lives can extend beyond the chaos of war.

‘I’m sorry I bummed others out during your team’s party,” Mikoto smiles, still in the clothes she wore yesterday as tear stains mark her cheeks. But it doesn’t matter to her as she isn’t alone in the bed. Kushina snores without care while spooning Mikoto from behind, the adorable redhead’s hand patting Mikoto’s disheveled head out of muscle memory despite her deep sleep. Kushina didn’t wait long to stuff her stomach full yesterday before quickly entering the bedroom and hugging Mikoto! On the other hand, Nono sleeps beside Kai on the other side of the bed with a peaceful expression.

Kai states beside Mikoto, shaking his head. “You weren’t a bother. It’s always nice to let these things out. I’m not a certified professional. But anything I do is worthwhile as long as I can make you smile.”

“Hmm,” Mikoto squints her eyes and accepts the loving peck on her forehead. It’s nice to feel spoiled every once in a while. Her smile brightens by a notch when he gently caresses her cheek, whispering, “And who knows what foolish thing your father might do if he finds out I couldn’t even keep his daughter happy. I’d hate to kick his ass the same day you’re feeling down.”

“My father could stall the Third Raikage,” Mikoto thins her lips.

“And? I still sleep with his daughter. You tell me who the superior being is?” Kai snickers as Mikoto cannot help but flash an equally mischievous smile.

“So, how about I reciprocate the favor? A couple of minutes to freshen up, and I’ll whip up something amazing in the kitchen.”

“Naked apron?” Kai questions, his tone laced with hope and wanted desires.

“No,” Mikoto hums, narrowing her eyes. “Not right now. I’d hate to make your wooden clone feel bad.”

Kai smirks. “I’m still me,” he brushes her hair behind her ear. “But I understand—it’s fine as long as it isn’t a clone.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”.

“It won’t be fun to tell you until it’s complete,” Kai pecks her lips as she winces before grumbling, “Let me brush my teeth first!”

“Too late,” Kai shrugs. Just because the girls feel weird about doing it with a wooden clone doesn’t mean they share the same thoughts about other acts of intimacy. “And Nono’s clone is already working in the kitchen. Kakashi felt bad. So, he brought your other student, Anya, along.”

“Then why did you ask me to dress in a naked apron?” A vein pops over Mikoto’s forehead.

“Shit and giggles?” Kai voices curiously as a punch scrunches his face in—Worth it.

---

T&I Department.

Interrogation Chamber 4.

“Kekeke, is it me, or is my crotch feeling the same sexual tension in this room?” Fukushu snickers as his head stays on an even table thanks to a clean and surgically straight cut on his neck. Application of various medicines, poisons, and [Mystical Palm Technique] stopped the continuous flow of blood from Fukushu’s dismembered body as Tsunade, Orochimaru, and Kai studied different parts of his body, including his organs preserved in medicinal tanks.

Ignoring the blatant verbal jab from the crazy ‘Jashinist’ the second he found out about Kai’s relationship with the two women—from Kai’s mouth since Fukushu is unironically a good listener—the trio stops after three more hours of dedicated scan. Away from Fukushu’s view, Kai uses Senjutsu in tandem with his Sharingan and Byakugan. Honestly! It’s not too weird to look at things with the combined perspective of observing chakra as ‘colors’ through a Sharingan and noticing the tiniest detail of a Tenketsu through a Byakugan if one considers the shared eyesight with his Wooden Clones.

But using Byakugan finally erased all doubts in the researchers’ minds—there is no cursed seal on Fukushu’s flesh and organs. Understanding cursed seals like the [Forbidden Individual Curse Tag] inspired Kai to realize something similar is at play about Fukushu. After all, the seal naturally evades a Byakugan’s sight. And after performing the seal on many civilians, Kai notes the shared history between the [Forbidden Individual Curse Tag] and [Indra’s Tritya Panth.] Both sealing formations possess the ability to thoroughly avoid a Byakugan’s and Sharingan’s sight without leaving something ‘blank’ in space, masking itself similar to its surroundings—THAT, right there, is all the clue Kai needs to conclude the shared origins of the sealing language.

But Kai learned one sealing language by deciphering Naka Shrine’s seals safeguarding a tablet from the Big Daddy-O Rikudo himself, and he comprehended the other one by spying on one of the cum-men installing the cursed seal into Nagato, questioning the boy about the loss of Rinnegan.

The point was—Kai had another historical mystery he decided to ignore. His only interest lies in the creation of Rinnegan through ‘Indra’ and ‘Asura.’ If he can create Rinnegan, he can probably whip up a Sharingan and a Byakugan in a lab, too!

“So?” Tsunade frowns, placing Fukushu’s forearm on a clean container. “Where do you think the seal is?” She questions Kai as Orochimaru looks at him, forming a similar conclusion in her mind.

‘Using Byakugan and Sharingan WITH Senjutsu is to clear all doubts. The seal isn’t on any body part, including organs like Fukushu’s brain. Only one aspect of Fukushu remains unchecked.’

“His soul,” Kai whispers. “That’s where the seal HAS to be.”

Orochimaru narrows her eyes.

‘Soul, again.’ She wonders. ‘To think the ancient civilization of Chakra could achieve things the modern concepts barely scrape. What I wouldn’t do to be born in that era—’ Her thoughts still momentarily as she stares at Kai’s contemplative expression before chuckling.

“What?” Tsunade and Kai question in tandem as Orochi shakes her head. “Nothing. Let’s rack our brains on how to dismantle Fukushu’s soul. Maybe we will find some merit to follow Jashin’s way.”

Her words appropriately ‘stroke’ Fukushu as the ‘head’ lets out a pleased grunt. “Exactly!” He yelps joyfully. “Go on! Explore my soul as you explore my body! Jashin shall purify the world!”

Kai and Tsunade’s expressions morph with disgust while Orochimaru calmly shrugs. “It would possibly kill you, but Konoha appreciates your enthusiasm.”

They already collected as much data as they could from Fukushu. Kumogakure once used Fukushu as their prized test subject to experiment with many things on his immortal body. They eventually conceptualized and formed a formation using the Eight Gates to stimulate the Cerberus’ healing factor, allowing the creature to create as many heads as possible! It was a firm step toward utilizing the eight gates for more than an absolute physical boost boasted by Konoha’s Might Clan. The trio’s research on the Eight Gates is undoubtedly lacking. But it’s not like they lived a peaceful life, lazing around without anything else to do or prepare against an invasion, right?!

“The question is how to inspect his soul,” Kai groans. He can summon the Soul Reaper, create phantoms of his soul—spirits—to possess others, stabilize souls, extract souls, and even ‘read’ the conscious memories of a soul. But he cannot inspect and research a soul similar to flesh and blood. And Kai, as a matter of principle, doesn’t like screwing with others’ souls needlessly. That’s why he let Second Kazekage’s soul pass on without unleashing any torturous hell. In this realm of war and chakra-fueled insanity, Kai respected death as a concept. Everyone, even his enemies, deserve peace in death after a lifetime of struggle.

So, even if eager to study Fukushu’s soul, Kai wanted to achieve his objectives without creating a spiritual equivalent of an amoral experiment on living beings.

“There are some characters around us that boast unorthodox knowledge about things Shinobi consider useless,” Orochimaru hums, placing an index over her bottom lip as she reveals a genuine expression of distress. “But they are old. And their price for such knowledge may not feel worthwhile due to the generation gap.”

Tsunade clicks her teeth, realizing the entity Orochimaru is on about.

“Tch, them? One barely spends time awake, and the other is worse than you. No wonder Katsuyu’s the cutest.”

“Katsuyu also doesn’t hold a candle to them,” Orochimaru rolls her eyes. Katsuyu’s skills make her a solid contestant against Orochi’s and Jiraiya’s ‘top’ summons at best.

“Oh,” Kai blinks, realizing the oddballs Orochi and Tsunade are discussing. He heard many things about them from Katsuyu but has yet to meet them—the Sages of Mount Myoboku and Ryuchi Cave.

“Who are we talking about? You guys should keep me in a loop if you decide to discuss around me!” Fukushu complains. “Great, now my left nostril feels ticklish. Kai, be Jashin’s guiding hand and pick my nose for me.”

Kai sighs as he walks toward Fukushu before cutting off his nose and sealing the blood. “There, that should do it.”

“Thanks~!” Fukushu smiles cheerily, coming across as a group horror project with a part of his skull exposed and hollow, bloodied nostrils.

“We will have to inform Sensei if we plan to contact them,” Orochimaru shrugs. “But I think my ‘side’ will be more interested in helping us. Jiraiya’s backers are a little stubborn against unconventional means and objectives.”

“Hey! Jashinism IS the rightful orthodoxy!” Fukushu takes offense! “Future generations will write songs and books about the Great Saviour Jashin!”

“So?” Kai exhales. “Our next step is arranging a meeting while I wait for Minato to leave for my mission. Jiraiya-san said Minato will return in two days.”

“Two days aren’t enough,” Orochimaru shakes her head. “I only met ‘Her’ because she let me. The only way to contact her is by summoning someone from that location and sending a message.”

“But?” Kai feels a ‘but’ is coming.

“My summon isn’t very obedient.”

Tsunade guffaws while Kai shrugs. “Beat your summon.”

“You cannot beat obedience into someone,” Orochimaru shrugs when Tsunade cuts in. “Are you sure you’re a mother? I know my mom and grandma beat some serious obedience in me.”

“That’s why you’re addicted to booze and gambling,” Orochimaru smiles gently. “Tough love.”

A vein pops over Tsunade’s temple as a quirky voice echoes in the ‘interrogation’ chamber.

“You have a kid? Congratulations! Bring your child along sometimes. We can chat, and I can introduce Jashinism to the lost soul!” Fukushu laughs.

“Let’s chat elsewhere,” Tsunade grunts as Kai quickly grabs both cheeks without any further notice, disappearing from the lab at once. Who misses such a Rikudo-given chance to fondle top-class cheeks simultaneously?!

---

“Get them!” A loud cry breaks the quiet desert night as dozens of masked raiders rush down the even, sandy dune before charging the uneven, destitute wooden perimeters of a small desert village, startling a caravan of domesticated camels in the process as fearful shouts of children and women outperform the raider’s animalistic roars!

A raid!

The ordinary sight in the poorer, arid regions of Land of Wind does not make the experience any less painful as men grab whatever they can find to defend their homes against the group of mobile bandits.

But they feel desolate. The bandits are small in number, but the enemies have arms and experience on their side. Their blades can slice through flesh, and their knowledge makes them proficient killers! The Desert Bandits do not need prisoners of any kind. They cannot support any luxury of Bandits in other areas like Kumo and Konoha. So, even women fear for their lives. Most villagers will die come dawn.

*Crack*

A sickening crack jolts the bandit group’s second in command as she sees her lover and the captain of the group buckling before crying sharply—“MY KNEE!”

A dark figure moves swiftly—crudely. The man’s bulky frame thrashes through the murderers and looters, leaving them incapacitated with broken bones. But the figure’s ‘inexperience’ earns him shallow slashes from some of the quicker bandits. But all confrontation ends with the same conclusion—the bandit falling on the ground, clutching a body part, and crying in pain about its destruction.

‘His speed and strength are no worse than mine,’ the woman’s eyes widen as she decides to slip away when a stray rock impacts her shoulder.

“Khuk!” unlike her fellow bandits, the sole woman in the group does not fall on the ground like a puppet with broken strings. She swallows the pain and determines the rural threat no worse than some of the other chunins she faced during her tenure as a kunoichi before she decided to sneak away from her position.

“T-that’s Netsuyuki-kun!” A girl squeaks with joy as Kunoichi’s ears perk up.

“Ugh,” the Bandit Leader groans. “Mitsu, help me.” He begs tearfully.

‘Did he want to hit my shoulder?’ Mitsu ignores the fallen man as she observes the huffing and ‘tired’ figure glaring at her. Tanned hide, dark pupils, and shaggy black hair like any other villager but the man, ‘Netsuyuki,’ is boldly built. His frame stands out amongst most men Mitsu met.

‘And there’s chakra flowing inside him. But he cannot control it,’ the amateurish sensor notices it as plain as day. ‘A natural, eh? But his aim is dangerous. He must have enjoyed throwing stones while growing up for his skill to shatter Kolin’s knee and injure my shoulder. But he cannot utilize his chakra. Good for me. He’s tired, too. The threat of bandits possibly allowed him to tap into his reserves, but its exhaustion is showing.’

She readies her blade with her right hand, sneering, “A weak kid, eh? What are you? The Village Simpleton to face a band of bandits alone?”

“I’m Kai Netsuyuki!” Roars the youth, “And I’m no simpleton! Face me like a man!”

The cheerful villagers instantly fall silent as Kai blinks, rubbing his head awkwardly. “Eh, did I say something wrong?”

“Netsuyuki-kun, she’s a woman,” informs one of the old farmers.

“EHHHHHH! She is?” Kai stares at Mitsu. “But she’s so flat! I thought she was a boy!”

‘That’s it!’ Mitsu isn’t angry at all. Instead, she uses the chance to kill her enemy with a single strike, determined to end the rest, including the bandits, since she will reveal her strength. She calculates the distance before using the body flicker jutsu, her sword already in motion!

But her sword fails to catch the opponent as Kai suddenly bows at the exact second when her blade passes through the previous position of his neck.

“I’m sorry! But you should invest in some make-up, Bandit-chan!” His solid head smashes into her torso due to her momentum, cracking several ribs as Mitsu’s eyes roll into her skull.

*Thud*

The woman falls on the dusty ground as Kai slowly stands straight.

“Ah,” he lets out a curious noise. “I won.”

The hearts of other crying bandits fall into pits of despair as they meet their oblivious enemy—Kai Netsuyuki.

“Yay! Kai! Kai!” Others cheer loudly.

‘Well, that was simple and lucky. Who knew I’d encounter a Kunoichi so early?’ Kai snickers inwardly. ‘I hope Sunagakure is ready for Sir Netsuyuki.’

***

Alternate Title: Mikoto’s Hope; Kai About To Give Mikoto More Than Hope; The Bun in The Oven: Gugugaga!; Kushina Is Certified Hug Classic; Kushina Stuffing Her Mouth To Have Enough Energy To Pat Mikoto’s Head All-Night; Kai’s Wish: Naked Apron *Mikoto’s Remaining Team In Her Kitchen Shuddering For Some Reason*; Wooden Clones Should Use Their Woods; Similar Origins; Kai Chances Upon Fragments of Truth *Also Kai: Don’t Care Unless It’s Kushina’s Cake*; Fukushu Is Just Happy To Have Others Around Him; Source of Jashin’s Seal; A Dojutsu Certified Conclusion; Kai Trying To Create Godly Dojutsu For Shit And Giggles, Ehm, Grind!; Kai Needs Dem Cheeks!; The Odd Sages; The Source of Unorthodox Knowledge; Kai’s Barebone Morals; The Desert Village; Kai Netsuyuki: Imma Clap You Guys If You Don’t Mind; Mitsu Gets Sonic’s Balls Treatment; The Village ‘Simpleton’ Destroys Bandits Physically and Emotionally; Tough Love’s Consequences; Mitsu ISN’T Angered By Kai’s Words!