Filthy Gamer in Narutoverse: 256

Title: The Unmasked Maiden

—Clan of blood purified, distant from the curse of nightmare eyes and the uniter of masses. Heed well these words, for the Uzumaki are the peaceful whirlpool of creation forged from the maelstrom of war forgotten.—

Kai quietly reads the passage on a stone tablet in a small room built from wood despite being situated undersea. His knees sit folded upon a small cushion, peacefully burning candles on their sides illuminating the room with a dance of light and shadow, enough for him to read said passage on the stone tablet much too familiar to the series of excerpts on the stone tablet within Naka Shrine. Between the tablet sits a fair maiden possessing vibrant red hair, searching and kind violet eyes, a steel-blue circular dot on her forehead, and two paper tags dangling from her two hair buns stating—Solitude, Freedom.

So, someone has stayed cooped in far longer than their good before accepting the unhealthy ways of an unsocial power maniac.

She tilts her head curiously, noting with a short hum, “You feel familiar with Rikudo’s words? That’s who wrote them. I just snatched it from Ruuji’s house since I thought it would look good in mine.”

Kai blinks, understanding she couldn’t have known his ‘thoughts’ through his body language since he adopted a poker mask—unless—

“I can sense emotions,” she adds with nerve-wracking lethargy, shrugging slightly before nursing the cup of tea in her hands. “But I will stop that. It takes away from the experience of reunion. You must understand years away from people with a single ‘rent-free’ bitch staying inside of me takes much from my social skills. But I’m still the Mito you remember.”

The Mito he remembers was an absolute smashable granny for someone of her age BY someone of her generation—

“Ehm,” Mito clears her throat, narrowing her eyes as Kai glances down at his cup of tea, finally speaking since entering her domain.

“You said you’re going to stop sensing emotions.” And with that, he takes Mito’s right to sense his emotions since his sensory skills are no worse than a prodigious Uzumaki. He learned how to translate emotions from chakra and hide them similarly through [Chakra Empath] and his experience with Kushina, who loved using that on others after bonding with Kyubi on a surface level.

“Oh?” Mito voices curiously, undoubtedly realizing what Kai did. “I don’t remember the sweet boy from years ago being so rebellious.”

Kai picks up his cup, glancing at his reflection. “Your memory fails you, Mistress Mito. I was a good student and liked massaging your legs just because. And if this bit is surprising, the rest will knock your buns off.”

And still as respectful to the woman who gave him his first break, he quirks a coy grin. “And I mean your hair buns, of course.”

“Whichever else you would mean in the first place?” Mito smiles breezily, sipping her tea.

“So,” she begins. “We established you’re a Sage through some transformation jutsu, possess a Jutsu I created somehow, and are familiar with Rikudo’s writing. I would assume you find a similar stone tablet in the Senju Clan. But I also remember my husband saying that theirs was shattered by a group of drunk Senju during the war with Uchiha to vent their anger somehow.”

Kai accepts the information divulged, feeling more certain that Indra and Asura, Rikudo’s Children, might just be the Uchiha and Senju’s ancestors. But how easier things would be if Rikudo just had the mind to tag his children’s names with their fucking surnames! Kai’s expression still doesn’t divulge a single thing, though. He sips the tea before putting it down and looking at Mito oddly.

“Did you put chili in tea?” He would have accepted poisoned tea instead of this shit!

“I’m trying different cuisines,” Mito hums, sipping the eldritch concoction. “Not much to do around here except feeling utterly frustrated during some nights. Speaking of which, who is Kushina seeing these days? You?” Her gaze assumes an unheard intensity as Kai prepares for an attack, despite knowing Mito may as well be the last person to attack him.

“We’re kind of a thing,” Kai clears his throat. “Well, me, Mikoto, Kushina, Nono, Tsunade, and—”

“There’s an ‘and’?” Mito scoffs.

“Orochimaru.”

“Excuse me? That Orochimaru? Hoh? You were right. It would have knocked my buns off were I a lesser Uzumaki. But I’m used to talented men taking their ‘talents’ in absurd… ‘caves.’”

Kai deadpans at her before scoffing. “Orochimaru’s a woman.”

“I see. Most men do seem ‘women’ to the talented when bent over with their long hair and—”

“No,” Kai resists the urge to massage his head. “She’s literally a woman.”

This makes Mito pause before the intensity of her gaze vanishes, “Huh, I see. You had me worrying that I’m cursed or something. Of course, you remember my ‘promise,’ don’t you? The last time we met before my granddaughter’s team left Uzu?”

“Not clearly,” Kai smirks, truly cocky as heck! “Between your granddaughter and others, all the past is starting to feel hazy.”

“I can imagine,” Mito smiles, and if she’s annoyed, she doesn’t let it slip her expression as her words strike Kai like a lightning jutsu. “I can feel Kushina’s and her Kyubi’s reactions all the way from wherever you are. Of course, if you haven’t done it with Kushina yet, either her fingers are magical, or you should purchase a beautiful green hat.”

Even if her expression doesn’t express her annoyance, her words sure do.

Kai’s lips twitch.

“You’re saying—”

“That you’ve been fucking four different organisms almost every night without your know? Yes. That’s what I’m saying precisely. But I’m disappointed in Kushina. I would never let such a caring and attentive lover rest more than an hour. Truly, the girl doesn’t know what she lucked into—thanks to me.”

Kai works his jaw, not expecting to hear such joyful news. But the realization of him fucking two chakra beasts with the side of smashable granny dampens the indirect praise of his stellar performance.

His lips open and close as Mito helps him out.

“Truthfully,” she admits. “I care little for all the mystery. You’re a Sage, and so am I. You have read Rikudo’s words before, and so have I. You’re stellar with Fuinjutsu, good enough to know one of the oldest and rarest sets of Fuin Languages, and so do I.” Her smirk widens. “So, I don’t particularly care about these things. I’m more surprised about you working your dream out. To have a harem of beautiful kunoichi, eh? I can’t imagine handling Tsunade’s gambling addiction and Kushina’s ramen addiction. But an Uchiha Princess? Even I’m impressed.”

“Well,” Kai blushes. “Tsunade and I haven’t done it. She wants to do it after marrying me. Which should take place after the damn war.”

“Oh?” Mito narrows her eyes, “And you’re using Kushina—”

“We’re engaged.”

“...That’s better.” Mito nods. She eyes him quietly, raising an eyebrow as she observes him checking her out despite the thick white priestess outfit.

“Do you have some see-through vision jutsu or something?” She snorts in amusement as Kai perks up. “How did you know? Don’t say—You have a see-through jutsu, and so do I.”

Mito seals her lips as she stares at him blankly.

Kai possesses a See-through Jutsu—the flying fuck?!

“Why did Konoha send you here?” She cuts to the chase after understanding Konoha’s situation from Kai as he shrugs, demonstrating how far he is from Mito’s memory since she never expected him to shrug and explain with a cocktail of pride and nonchalance.

“I’m assumed to be the next Hokage unless Lord Third suddenly pulls the rug out of nowhere, and part of the deal is to bring Uzu into an alliance. I practically swore up and down to the old Daimyo that I already had the entire Uzu’s confidence, earning more funds for Konoha. So, I’m here to make true to that promise.”

Mito stares at the youth quietly. She would wonder how he looked so aged despite barely reaching his early teens by now. Tall and well-built like a man, even possessing a mind of one with how much risk he put himself into by proposing terms he never should have. The woman doesn’t need to hear the full story to fill in the blanks as she breaks into a quirky smile, no different than Kushina when she is about to say something that—Kai knows—will break his mood.

“I’m pleasantly surprised,” Mito smirks. “So, you will earn absolutely anything with this one mission, right? I suppose you take after Hiruzen more than Hashirama or Tobirama. The former tried politicking, and the latter only knew how to screw things up while sounding smart. Don’t get me wrong, Tobirama was a prodigy in Ninjutsu, even above me. But,” she clicks her tongue. “Hiruzen, despite his many mistakes, knows how to run things around and delegate to some extent. And you say Danzo is in Tsunade’s basement?”

“Waiting for his Death,” Kai shrugs without hiding a few things since he is already an implicit accomplice to things by hiding about Mito’s survival. “I empathize with Tsunade’s need for revenge, but I’m starting to wonder if she’s overdoing it. She doesn’t even care to kill him anymore. And one wrong enemy may reveal things. But she doesn’t want to kill him despite that.”

Mito hums calmly, “Did you ever find out how he received Hashirama’s cells?”

“We have some clues,” Kai nods.

“Great!” Mito smiles. “Then his sanity is of no matter.”

Kai thins his lips. Well, he tried. That’s more than most against women like Tsunade and Mito. Instead, Mito shifts the topic back on track. “Where were we? Ah, right. So, you’re the Hokage-to-be?” She smiles thickly. “And you need Uzu’s assistance for that to solidify the reason Hiruzen needs to placate any other ambitious candidate gunning for that soiled chair, right?”

“I’m planning to burn that chair,” Kai scoffs. The things he chanced upon Hiruzen’s wrinkled ass doing—ugh, he shudders! No! That chair needs to return to ashes and then be buried with the soil so nobody gets ass-ash on their faces!

Mito chuckles at that as she lets out a muffled huff. “Answer my question, dear.”

“Why else did I come here the second I sensed you instead of banging my head against the rigid steel plat that Ruuji Uzumaki is?” Kai grumbles.

“Hmm,” Mito nods. Her eyes briefly glance over him, noting slight leanness compared to his Sage Transformation.

A sage at such a young age.

Even if a product of a successful experiment, Mito has to believe the strain on one’s body using Senjutsu is considerable to the point of introducing irreversible changes to his body. She speaks from experience, of course. There’s little to do here except find new insults for her ‘partner’ and learn better to control strength, which she did not want to previously after becoming a mother.

But sharing similar thoughts with her granddaughter, Mito huffs, “Unfortunately, you’re much too young despite the experience you boast of. A few years more, and this reunion would have been fun. But you’re clearly mature. You experienced war even before my ‘death,’ and I know politics to be equally taxing on an ambitious mind. So? What are you prepared to offer for my cooperation?”

“My undying gratitude?” Kai cocks his head sideways, making Mito burst into giggles as she places her teacup down on the floor. “Oh, hahahah~! Don’t I have that already?” Her bright grin sends Kai momentarily into a daze as he tries to compare the grin with Mito’s usually kind and demure smile from before she left Konoha—only to fail. It’s not just her face and body that’s ‘young.’ Kai should have realized that the Smashable Grandma from before was a failed memory at this point, too.

Regaining her composure, Mito crosses her arms. “Hmm. Let’s see. Since you aren’t prepared to offer anything meaningful, it’s upto me to extract a fair exchange for my assistance.”

“Do I have your assistance?” Kai blinks, making Mito pause.

“Why won’t you, Little Dreamer?” She eyes him. “You did everything I asked for with utmost competency to the point of ‘Guarding’ your Uzumaki Princess from any other men, too.” She scoffs. “And I’ll need to have words with Tsunade! What is she thinking sleeping with a boy years younger than her younger brother?!” She narrows her eyes, knowing her Tsunade better than that, questioning, “Or is there something you’re not informing me of?”

“I did tell you we didn’t sleep together,” Kai shrugs.

“But you did other things?”

“Loads.”

“Hmph!” Mito snorts, “Well, I’ll see what is going on with Tsunade myself. As I was saying, you did everything I expected from you and more. It’s only right to return the favor somehow. And you in a Hokage’s Chair would make you the youngest Kage, no? Quite the feat, I imagine, since I know now you have the strength to back it up.”

“So return the favor without asking for anything,” Kai persists as she shakes her head with a smirk.

“I got it,” she chimes with narrowed eyes. “Do you remember what you did best?”

‘Lie?’ Kai muses before blinking, “That?”

She grins, wagging her brows, “Or am I too young for now? Hmm? I imagined you’d be more excited.”

Kai falls into a stupor before whispering, “Just that? You will tie the entire Uzumaki Clan with Konoha for THAT?”

“Can’t I?” Mito quips. “The clan is mine.”

“Well, the Uzumakis were fucked the second you changed your mind about death,” Kai breaks into mischievous chuckles as a mission about Uzumaki’s fate pops in front of his gaze. His words spur Mito to chuckle internally as she wonders what face Kai would make should he realize he’s the reason why she felt alive enough to change her destiny in the first place.

People need reasons to live, and someone’s smile can be a damn good reason!

“Yeah, right! Smile? Don’t make me laugh. A slut like you will want to live for the tiniest dick on the street, and it still won’t surprise me!” A gruff bark resounds in her thoughts as Mito ignores the poor beast’s insults against her devil’s senses.

There was always a reason why the most ‘valuable’ Uzumaki Princess was married off the second someone suitable showed and why she could contain the beast within. It’s not like others could force her. She volunteered, becoming the first known Jinchuriki in the process. Her intentions were, are, and always will remain skewed. Mito realizes she can do nothing about it except get all the power she can get her hands on and have a blast with her life!

Even wars paled to her whims!

***

Alternate Title: The Lore Expands; The Senju’s Lost Tablet; *Rikudo Be Like*: You Get Cryptic Messages! Everyone gets Cryptic Messages!; The Uzumaki Tablet; The Whirlpool of Creation Forged From Maelstrom of War; The Nightmare Eyes and The Uniter of Masses; The Reasonable Clue For Senju’s Ancestry; Mito Really Be Wilding; A Kunoichi Who Knows The Terror of Intergalactic FBI; *Mito In Her Mind*: Damn it! He Looks Like He Can Break Your Back, Mito! But Don’t Be Fooled! And Don’t Let That Sage Transformation Entice You! He’s Just a Boy!; *Also Mito*: Hmmm~! He’s a Boy Who Needs a Woman To Become a Man; Mito And Her Cursed of Bisexual Lovers; Madara Do Be Looking Caked Up With His Back Bent; Hashirama: If There’s a Hole—; The Legacy of Konoha; The Talents Compared; Tobirama Really Did Anything In The Name of Hokage; *Insert Uchiha Racism*; Tobirama In Pure World: Enough About My Racist Past—; *Mito And Tsunade Looking at Vegetable Danzo*: Serves Him Right; *Mito To Nik*: I Told You Two To Lay Your Life For Each Other! Not Lay Each Other!; Mito’s In For a Wild Surprise When She ‘Chats’ With Tsunade; Kyubi Be Like: You’re For The Streets!; The Price; Uzumaki’s Fate Hanging In Balance; *Kai After Watching GOT And Meeting With Mito Again*: Mah, Queen. I Dun Wanit!