Filthy Gamer in Narutoverse: 261

Title: Side: Kai Variants

So, Yosuke Kaguya may be one of the Shinobi who took more liberty in predominantly incestuous relationships between clansmen by being his Eldest Brother’s ‘sweet’ bitch. Oh, one might assume there’s a healthy bit of grooming involved. Kai assures others there isn’t. He was interested in Yosuke’s story and tweaked the [Forbidden Individual Cursed Tag] to make the man reveal everything, and it was definitely ‘colorful.’ Fruity, even—fuck! Why’d his humor have to get bent over by Sakumo?!

Still, Kai intends to enjoy Yosuke. A-Ah, no! Fuck! He meant the Kekkei Genkai, damn it! Those bones!

—Fuck! He needs to meet someone with an equally ridiculous sense of puns to cut the damage set from Sakumo.

You know, fire cuts fire and all.

Ignoring his thought-provoking thoughts, Kai had to be careful. His clone in Konoha received a package of intel from Mukai not long ago, divulging intriguing news.

Sakumo is alive and on his way to Takigakure. But that’s the extent of Mukai’s knowledge. He knows someone leads those cum-men—Zetsu, they call themselves. But they are clearly cum-men! Kai refuses to acknowledge them as anything but amalgamations of men’s urges. Jokes aside, this confirms that Mukai needs to prove himself to this budding, nameless organization. Oh, it’s an organization, alright. Those cum-men are actively looking for talented Shinobi like Mukai to join their ranks. Sakumo is one such specimen. Yet, Kai would rather not play with Sakumo’s life.

He admits he made many questionable decisions in his second life, but Kai doesn’t regret them. It’s logical thinking to locate Sakumo, change his seal, and use him as another pawn. Yet, the thought fills Kai’s mouth with bitter distaste. No. He wants to retrieve Sakumo and let him take care of his snotty brat. But of his clones, the one moving toward Kumogakure will change course. It’s acceptable. Three of his clones are nearing their destination, leaving Kumo, the odd one out. But doesn’t Taki have a Jinchuriki? It might just be as valuable to fortify.

‘That leaves those cum-men a mystery itself. Mukai stated those cum-men have a new variant—a black one. Not only that, there’s talk of the most recent member, but Ita, Rama, Ura, and Guruguru have yet to speak about him. I do know some of their abilities. Ita is the weird tall one with a hunchback and can mimic [Wood Release—Great Forest Technique]. But others are the same to travel through the floral network instead of using the Jutsu for offense. The tall one can also perform a similar technique to [Wood Release—Wood Clone,] spreading his ‘seeds’ in different crucial locations to create a network of intelligence.’

Guruguru and Rama are the ‘support’ guys. Rama’s mangled right half serves to host the new Black cum-man without any unique feature. And Guruguru is the one who gave Sakumo his new arm by ‘wearing’ Sakumo for some time and regenerating his lost limb! The weirdest part about the usually jovial Guruguru, or Tobi, is the cum-man is hollow from within.

‘But… Tobi, Ita, and Rama. Tobirama and Itama—those three sound too familiar to Hashirama’s brothers. There’s also Ura. Are they related to the Senju? If so, how? Why does this world intend to pile the mysteries? Am I a Shinobi or a detective?’ He huffs. Kai ‘Fuyuki’ is many things, but he shares the same characteristics as his fellow clones of not giving a fuck about hidden mysteries.

The devil is in the details, you say?

He is the devil!

Do you see anyone else controlling Yosuke to gain smooth entry into Kirigakure? The man led him through one of the secret passages, allowing Kai to focus on rooting out the Cum-men’s influence even without their notice! And since he entered through the covert path, he can ignore the need to incorporate himself into the Village’s system until something more ‘concrete’ is available. Until then? He must do his best to fuck Zetsu and their mysterious leader over!

---

“Hahaha! Thank you~!” Kai Retsuyuki bows politely and accepts a pat on his head from the old lady. Sure, he rocked those bandits, but the forces from Suna didn’t think of receiving him into their ranks or even recruiting him for training.

He never notices the dire straits Sunagakure is in due to Iwa’s constant interference. Unlike the ‘Fuyuki’ variant, the ‘Retsuyuki’ is stuck in the village. Sure, he knocked out the Suna chunins and planted the seals, but he could not leave with them. The chunins did not have the clearance to access the hidden paths, and they did not have the personal prestige to introduce an outsider as potential shinobi. But not all is lost.

Those Chunins will return to Suna and advertise Kai Retsuyuki. His persona as a village simpleton will eventually garner enough attention from other Shinobi. That’s what Kai WOULD have planned had he not mastered Hiraishin. As things are, he can enter Suna at any time. He is merely waiting. Unlike Kirigakure’s Third Mizukage, the Third Kazekage is a fine specimen. The Chunins revealed how particles of harmless chakra metal connected to the Third Kazekage at all times litter the village to weed out spies. It doesn’t mean there aren’t any spies. It only means that when Spies DO move, they are ready to sacrifice themselves with a decisive blow planned ahead of time.

Kai is starting to notice something.

The Third Generation of Kages are geniuses in their own rights, save for the Third Mizukage. He almost feels bad about the situation.

Still, it’s better to take the ‘right’ path into Suna since their weak economy does not represent any weakness in their potency as Shinobi due to Third Kazekage’s existence.

---

“How is this?”

“Lame! You can’t boil water and call it dinner!”

“I- I see,” she lowers her head with a sad look before hearing an annoyed huff. “Well, it wouldn’t hurt me to drink it.”

She glances up to see her master down the boiling water without expression. She stares at him quietly until he speaks, “What?”

“How was it?”

“Are you really asking me how the water tasted?” He blankly questions, causing her to nod earnestly and correct him, “Boiling water.”

He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath before smiling silently, “You have a weird sense of humor.”

‘B-But I wasn’t trying to be funny!’ Guren blinks as he lies on his side with a groan. “We should get lucky with a catch in a few minutes. We’ll roast it and sleep.”

“I see. Master?” Guren sits close to the fire, staring at Kai. “Why is Miss. Shiro Akane cuddling with you? She never cuddles with me unless we’re already sleeping.”

“What can I say?” Kai shrugs. “I’m an attractive man. It’s no surprise my charm transcends species’ borders.”

“But you said you aren’t that older than me,” she blinks. “Why are you a man, and I’m still a child?”

“Because Miss. Shiro Akane prefers me,” Kai smiles thinly. He’s got a better grasp of Guren’s capabilities. She did lose a few years of training compared to his trio pupils, but he can make things up by putting Guren through overtime. Yet, he will need proper infrastructure to start her training. Then there’s ‘Shiro.’ The Rabbit resting on his chest is a weird ‘thing.’ It hasn’t revealed its bloodthirsty nature since their first meeting and feels like a genuine rabbit. But Kai knows better. A plain rabbit could never create a Genjutsu strong enough to snare him with two giant rinnegan hovering in the sky.

“Master?”

“Yes?”

“When will I become a woman? I miss sleeping with Miss. Shiro Akane.”

“Guren,” Kai looks at the girl. “As you grow, you will learn that superior beings are unintentionally unfair to others. Miss. Shiro Akane chose a superior being. You have to suck it up and move on.”

“I don’t understand. Master, can’t I sleep with you?”

“Sure?” Kai shrugs.

“Hmm,” Guren smiles. “I feel bad about taking the blanket. This way, we can all share it.”

Damn, this girl is too sweet.

‘How am I ever going to get her into the Shinobi business despite her potential?’ Kai groans. ‘Do I even want to do that? Maybe I can make her one of the sturdiest defenses and leave it at that.’

Ignorant of his thoughts, Guren smiles and crawls around the fire to spread the blanket atop Kai and Shiro before snuggling in. “It feels fantastic, Master. It’s so warm.”

‘Can you not say it like that?’ Kai sighs. Maybe he is a little too spooked?

No, he isn’t. Konan has a stud under her bottom lip! Kurenai has smut! And Shizune brews aphrodisia!

He can’t make the same mistakes with Guren!

***

Alternate Title: Sus Mind; The Three Succeeding Variants; The Kaguya’s Clan Throat Champ; Brotherly Bond?; Nono’s Paradise; Smooth Entry; The Imposter Among The Third Generation Kage; The Tight Kazekage Security; A Suna Mess; Iwa’s Constant Harassment; Hashirama’s Brother; Zetsu? Nah! They’re Cum!; Sakumo’s Survival Report; The Hidden Ring Leader; Side Mission To Taki; Sakumo’s Arm; The Wood Clones; Guren’s Growth As Master Chef; Sakumo’s True Rival; The Weird Humor; Shiro’s New Resting ‘Shrine’; Kai Imparts The Wrong Wisdom; Guren Just Wants Everyone Warm; A Warm Girl; Crack In The Cold Mask; Kai Must Learn From His ‘Mistakes!’