Filthy Gamer in Narutoverse: 262

Title: Unforeseen Circumstances

It took a while for Kai to decide on a ‘tag’ for his clone headed for Kumo, but he settled for ‘Kai Kuroyuki.’ A little on the nose, perhaps. But who cares? He will shift his facial features slightly to keep others from noting he’s Kai from Konoha.

It would be a lie if Kai didn’t worry about Killer B. He fought that man, and Tailed-Beasts ARE Chakra Beasts. There’s a chance that man might identify him since a perfect Jinchuriki has enough back and forth with their tailed beast.

Kai honestly had a good impression of Killer B even when they were on the opposite side of the battlefield. Sure! That man fired Tailed Beast Bombs to eradicate Konoha, but who wouldn’t? Supeior’s orders, right? Kai felt Killer B was one of the few Shinobi who wouldn’t spam his Bijudama for fun. He could be wrong. But his intuition won’t resolve the consequences of his intentions.

How would he even approach Killer B?

—Hey, you should trust me. I’m not from Kumo, but I promise to unite the villages once I eradicate or sideline those who oppose me. Truly! I’m a chill guy!—

Killer B might as well Bijudama Kai point black.

He sighs. Who cares? It’s as he said. He will take care of those who intend to divide themselves. His thoughts, words, and actions feel ‘extreme’ even to him, but Kai knows deep down that his selfish motivation may benefit the world.

“Huff,” He snorts. “And I don’t want to hook up with escorts just because I want to meet Kunoichi from other villages!”

He will be the doomsday of the Slavery business by the time he finishes his goals! He is on point with Jiraiya about the prostitution industry—just hire the willing ones! How hard is it to not unduly exploit pure-hearted maidens?

He shakes his head while retracing his steps through the Land of Hot Waters to infiltrate Takigakure. Since Sakumo probably has a similar seal, Kai intends to get to him without any deviations to ensure his survival. Those cum-men are devious fucker with all the information in the world! They must have a plan if they let Sakumo travel to Taki without tightening their control over the wanted White Fang.

Why would Sakumo want to travel to Taki?

From what he recalls about Tsunade’s mission, the village lost its special forces despite their rumored ‘Hero Water’ keeping them formidable. The only ones to survive are the current Takikage and the Jinchuriki, Su.

Orochimaru had quite a few things to speak about Su.

‘A forbidden jutsu that makes the user almost invincible as long as they have chakra, huh? What was its name? Heaven Liberating Passion? Yeah, that’s it. Orochimaru even took samples of Su, but all she managed to recreate were threads. So, his entire body is just threads mimicking Biology.’

Kai instinctively recalls his thoughts from before. He instinctively thought of ways to kill or neutralize Su when Orochimaru described the Shinobi. The first and foremost method is to use Su’s sense of ‘kindness’ and ‘frivolity’ to seal him. Since the man believes no attack will work on him, his defenses will surely be at an all-time low, as described by Orochimaru how she and Jiraiya bombarded the man. The other method was genuinely harsher. Since Su is ‘chakra,’ Kai could use [Chakra Origin Technique] to turn everything about Su into the purest ‘language’—Chakra.

Now that he thinks about it, that seal is frightening in its own way.

But his priority is Sakumo.

‘Mukai only knew about Sakumo’s situation in the passing. It is unlikely something happened to Sakumo since there aren’t any bits about him from Guruguru’s words. That cum-man likes to drone about anything to someone who listens, so he would have spoken more about Sakumo if he knew it.’

Kai flaps his wings.

Oh, yes. Kai is using [Essence Transformation] to fly as a human-sized falcon. Not only is it more convenient than sneaking around in different villages, but it also saves more on chakra since his other flying method comes from the costlier Senjutsu.

He picks pace. No matter the reason, Sakumo’s arrival at Takigakure won’t incur him a pleasant welcome.

---

‘Where is he?’ Kai fails to find Sakumo in Takigakure. He observed Hisen and Su from a distance. The orange-eyed Jinchuriki does feel off, and Kai doesn’t mean his chakra. Konoha’s Dragon failed to sense any negative emotions within the Jinchuriki even when others refused to let him shop from various stalls. It’s amazing how blind others can be. Kushina would break them into pieces before they could complete their first insult.

He shakes his head and ignores Su for now. It’s clear Sakumo did not reach Takigakure.

Could it be he got the wrong report? It could mean many things. It could mean Guruguru was talking out of his ass. It can also mean the cum-men are testing the newest recruit and waiting to see if someone contacts Sakumo from Konoha’s side. Or, it can mean the jig is up. Maybe Ura and the rest know about Kai and converted Mukai to their side again.

‘Or,’ Kai narrows his eyes, thinking like Sakumo for once. ‘That man is taking his sweet time and enjoying the sights like usual.’

It won’t be weird. Sakumo did the same thing when leading Kai, Minato, and Tsume. The White Fang is the kind of Shinobi to visit a Hot Spring after increasing the number of Orphans in Suna by dozens!

‘It’s already night. I should check the nearby villages to see which inn he is resting in. At this point, I won’t feel weird if I find him staying rent-free in a widow’s cottage. He won’t have ryo for inns, after all.’

---

It’s a common misconception—Bijus die. They don’t. But HE can’t fault them. Other peers of his aren’t known to tattle despite their innate distaste for each other. Who knows how they started to resent each other? It certainly WASN’T due to an arrogant, petulant, hurt fox bitching how she’s the strongest. Their anger for each other CANNOT stem from their arrogance to prove each other, right? It’s not as if they are bereft of unique properties. For instance, why does Isobu, of all, get something similar to the Space-Time Nature Release? Is that even possible?

Wait, thinking about it, that three-tailed piece of arrogant shit DOES resemble their husk of a ‘Granny.’ Hah! So he’s probably the dullest of them all! That makes HIM feel better. Well, there’s little to sense in the vast emptiness of their conscious plane. Others don’t connect to this place any longer. Ah! There were days when they would laugh about the jokes they heard from humans, clutching their stomachs till breathing hurt. Matabi would be the peppiest of them all. Well, she and that damn fox were their only ‘sisters,’ taking pride in how she was the eldest daughter.

Don’t misunderstand. The number of tails only represented their Chakra Reserves. Out of the infinite ways, their father settled for TAILS. It really drove the point their father wasn’t normal. Maybe Father was into a good tail. Who is HE to blame? Some chimps and gorillas do look delicious.

Oh, he missed the days of lazing around in the Shikkotsu Forest. Well. Aside from acting around the rock egg, he was free to do as he pleased until Father sent him to the Stone Shrine.

That’s where tragedies began, didn’t they? It all started when humans truly got close to them after stopping to worship them as natural disasters. A part of them felt happy. They were kids when Father left. But they had his legacy to interact with—humans.

Yeah, that’s when things fell—when the fox killed someone for the first time. That’s the last time she visited this space. It broke their hearts. Matatabi wanted to fight the fox to commit such a sin UNTIL they were all forced into similar situations.

They were targets of greed after the fear fell off. Did Father know this would happen?

Yes, they resented this world. Yes, they all felt the Rabbit’s return. Even in this state, he can feel her awakening at times.

But HE knows his siblings won’t say a thing. Oh, sure. Gyuki found a pleasing partner. But his elder siblings know him better. Gyuki resents this world just as much. He might even resent Father. They all had years to understand that Father must have known this would happen. And imagine the end of their freedom came in the form of their Father’s ‘other’ creation’s descendant.

Maybe they were all twisted from the very beginning, including Father. They were all victims.

In retrospect, would one consider a victim the sanest person to leave their fates with?

Perhaps their father is alive, he wonders. If they can’t die, perhaps Father isn’t truly dead. The thought makes him even more sad. For once, he wished his siblings would drop the act and return to this space. They all know HE is in a state of reset, but they are all too prideful.

It’s lonely.

He hates this—

“Woah! Mistress was right. You ARE a big monkey! Wait, you look like a Gorilla.”

“No, I’m a monkey indeed. The healthy progenitor of the Red Chimps in the Legendary Shikkotsu—” He blinks.

What?

He goggles at the strange dark-haired youth floating around him curiously. Did He miss something? Is this a prank? Did Shukaku take a human form to mess with him?

“Who’s Shukaku?” The man tilts his head.

“I’ll do you better, kid,” he snarls at the human. “Who are YOU?!”

---

“Hmm?” Su frowns as he glances away from a distant pregnant kunoichi shopping for groceries. That woman is his daughter’s surrogate mother. While it’s disheartening, Su admits that creating a mission with lucrative rewards was the most convenient method for Hisen to fulfill Su’s wish of fathering a child.

“But what is this strange feeling? It’s as if someone saw me naked.”

---

Iwagakure.

A shinobi clad in red plated armor covering him from mouth to toe sits calmly in his hut on the outskirts of the village surrounded by an artificial bamboo forest. He stares at his cup of steaming tea.

“Hmm,” he notes in a low voice. “It felt like Roshi was near me.”

He sighs softly.

“No. Roshi is no longer with us.”

---

Kirigakure.

Kai Fuyuki stops as he senses something from within the notorious ‘Kage’s Warehouse.’

“That was a Biju. Huh. They will find a suitable Jinchuriki before the war. Sanbi’s Jinchuriki is out on a mission. The main body’s intrusion into that strange space must have fallen under every Tailed-Beast’s radar.”

“KaaaaiiiiiiiiiI! Are you coming?!”—an auburn-haired girl stamps back before dragging him away.

‘For once! For once, I’d like to meet someone older. What is it about me? I’ve been down on my luck for a while now!’

---

Several individuals noticed the oddity.

Something that shouldn’t happen—Happened.

Be it the strange rabbit on a youth’s head, the several Shinobi with beasts sealed inside them, or a peculiar being away from the material world yet indescribably near.

“That bastard!” Mito hears a snarl.

“How dare he do that without MY permission!” Kushina blinked at the voice from her side before leveling her confused stare with the reflection in her delectable ramen broth. Ah. Who cares? She digs into the brother with a huge smile.

Meanwhile, Mito restrains the urge to check on Kai within the sealed space lest she ruin his study. She promised him private time to observe Yonbi, and he shall have it.

---

“What is this place?” Kai questions as he looks around the empty ‘Den’ with tomoes strewn across the floor in a concentric circular pattern. He glances at the enormous green-skinned, red-furred monkey with a gorilla’s build. The monkey possesses four tails with dark-tipped spikes running along its surface, matching the crown-like protruding curved horns on his forehead and two enormous fangs jutting down from his upper jaw.

“WHO ARE YOU?!” The monkey beats its chest in aggression before bringing his giant face close to Kai, allowing him to see the dome-like opening of a volcano’s entrance in his mouth instead of a tongue as he roars at his face.

“No need to get testy,” Kai shrugs as he wipes the spiritual spray of spit off his face. “I didn’t think I would actually get it right the first time.”

He dodges the giant fist and explains calmly, “I was intrigued at how Nature Energy from the Vast Sea entered the concentration of your chakra to revive you. That’s when I noticed a familiar work. Full disclosure—I saw similar work in the Uchiha’s shrine.”

Kai’s words pause the monkey. “I thought, at most, unraveling the seal would let me in on some information. Rikudo loves that Genjutsu seal, huh? Of course, it wasn’t simple. Things backed by Nature Energy and Senjutsu Chakra are hardly ever simple. Imagine my surprise when I found myself here instead of getting another poetic riddle about some Divine Ten-Tails or how incest is the driving force of population in this world.”

He frowns, crossing his arms. “I’ll have to teach my kids better. Distant cousins are acceptable. But I’ll have to break their legs if they think it’s right to bed immediate siblings.”

Calming down, the beast snarls. “Identify yourself.”

“Please,” Kai rolls his eyes. “I’m just as caught with my dick in my hand, pal. Do you think I want to show my face to Iwa’s Biju, much less tell you my name?”

“He is Kai of Konoha!”

A familiar, petty voice booms inside the space before disappearing as the corner of Kai’s eyes twitch. Now he will take joy in fucking Kushina till she can’t walk straight just to make sure the fox pays for it!

Kai’s shoulder slumps.

He did not expect this. What the fuck even is this place?

But it’s not time for questions.

He must do damage control.

“Hi,” Kai smiles politely. “I’m Kai.”

“I know.” The monkey narrows his yellow eyes. “You’re the enemy.”

“No,” Kai shakes his head. “I’m a friend. I would like to be your next host after finalizing some conditions.”

Things can work out IF he sets some ground rules about sharing stuff—right? Since Kai cares little about the world’s mystery, he could leverage it to make Yonbi feel the same.

Anyway, he either has to ensure Yonbi’s ‘allegiance’ or convince Mito against her plan to let him go because there is no way Kai is letting someone out in the ‘wild’ with the knowledge of his abilities.

---

“Hmm? Kyubi, weren’t you angry? Why are you happy so suddenly?” Kushina gulps the last of her broth as she hears Kyubi practically trill.

“How would you feel if you ate your favorite flavor of Ramen before sleeping with Kai?”

“Awesome!”

“Yeah. I feel like that.”

“Great!” Kushina smiles. “So, you’re getting used to Kai. I’m happy. Say, I’m interested in trying some butt—”

“You unrepentant slut! I meant sleeping in his arms as in your eyes fucking shut and your brain half-dead!”

“Ah. Still, I was thinking to do some butt—”

“Aaaaaghhhhh!”

Kyubi’s mood went down the drain.

***

Alternate Title: Sakumo Be Wildin’; Kai, The Falcon; Kai Wants That Kuro Pass; Kumo Avoiding Their Worst Nightmare; Average Kai Thoughts: He Seems Nice. But Let's Devise a Plan To Efficiently Kill Him For The Worst Case Scenario; The Curse of Loli; Kai To the Rest Of The Continent: Submit To The Will of Boobas!; Harem Really Does Lead To Devastating Consequences; In Another Timeline, Kai Lets The War Continue Because He Settled For Kushina; Other Girls: Babe! You Have Enough Women! *Harem Goes Brrrr*; Falling Under The Notice of The Masses; Dat Rabbit Weirding; Yonbi Roasting The Rest Without Lava Release; Kyubi The Youngest?; Sad Past; Rikudo’s A Freak!; Kyubi: I Got My Vengeance. Huh, Kushina Doesn’t Look All That Bad After All *Also Kushina—Opens Her Mouth: Anal? Maybe In His Sage Transformation?*