Filthy Gamer in Narutoverse: 263

Title: Mortal Vow; Time of Connection and Destruction

“Your Biju?” Yonbi blinks his gigantic yellow eyes before scowling. It does look like a nightmare fuel when one considers his horns, tusks, and the volcanic opening instead of a tongue. “Don’t screw with me, Kai of Konoha!”

Kai winces, not because of the splattering spit or the terrifying appearance.

“Can you not scream my name?” Kai snaps. “Who knows when another Biju like Kyubi pops in here!”

“Good!” The Monkey-Gorilla Hybrid progenitor of Red Chimps snarls, “Let the whole wide world know about another scum human! Konoha can do with some good decimation! Then it should be Iwa’s turn! You sons of devilish whores need a jet of lava up your asses!”

Is that how Kushina and Mito felt when trying to level with Kyubi? Kai almost feels sorry for them. These Bijus sure have some colorful language. Kai crosses his arms, floating upside down with his legs crossed, a sight that irritates Yonbi further. “And how the hell are you floating?”

“Experience,” Kai mutters. “This isn’t the first time I’m in a spiritual plane. So, I only need to think about flying or do stuff like this at the cost of more Chakra expenditure.”

A paper scroll snaps into existence not far from Kai’s face, revealing Yonbi’s likeness upon its surface. “See?”

“I have eyes, don’t I?” Yonbi snorts. “You’ve made your presence known. Now get out! We don’t welcome you.”

“Who’s we?” Kai smirks. “I don’t see others. At least give me a chance—”

“Never!” Yonbi hisses. “All you humans know are schemes! Our kind will never trust you.”

“Hachibi does.” The human replies, earning him Yonbi’s glare. “An exception to the rule.”

“Look,” Kai raises his hands in surrender. “Hate me all you want. But at least tell me what wrong I did.”

“Stealing orphans’ snacks and popping their balloons come to mind.” A grave huff echoes in the space as a vein pops in Kai’s forehead, “Kyubi! If you butt in again, I’ll throw out every project of mine to ensure you look human enough! You know what happens next, right?”

“See?” Yonbi derides. “Threats! Your kind is hateful.”

“And you’re just going to ignore Kyubi’s interruption, huh?” Kai rolls his eyes. “Did you think to consider that I’m respecting your wishes enough to talk things out here instead of sealing your almost recovered body?”

Yonbi frowns.

A solemn look appears on Kai’s face as he voices his opinions sincerely. “I do scheme, and I am a human. Nothing that happened in your life will change even if you trust me. But I know I can give you and your kind what you deserve the most. No, I think I have the greatest at it. And I’m willing to do it, too.”

“Hmph,” Yonbi sneers. “Do you fancy yourself as Hashirama Senju?”

“No,” Kai frowns. “I’m Kai. Hashirama Senju wanted peace—”

“By stealing our freedom? What peace is that?!” Yonbi’s outburst shakes the space itself as the distant torches flicker. “Your ‘Master’ from Konoha destroyed our lives for the peace he believed in! And look how it ended. WE are WAR machines! Had Hashirama never sealed us—”

“Other would eventually,” Kai cuts Yonbi off as his body straightens. “Sorry to burst your bubble, Yonbi. But others would eventually find ways to capture you all. That’s how it is. And you can be as angry as you like, but bitching about what happened, especially to me, won’t change a thing. I’m sorry. I just don’t care.”

Yonbi’s eyes widen as his fur bristles.

Kai suddenly feels more presence around him, who refuse to show themselves. But he is sure others are watching him and Yonbi.

“You don’t care? Why would you?” Yonbi chuckles in anger. “You are JUST here to ask me to be your Biju, right? You want me to bend over and accept such a fate. So why would you care about us?”

A massive fist latches on Kai, grasping his tiny form in a giant fist before pulling him close to Yonbi’s face. “I said you are not welcome!”

“I am sorry,” Kai smiles. “I care about many things, but strangers aren’t it. Laughably, I care about Kyubi of all creatures in the world just because of someone close to me. Her anger means something to me. Her pain gets me a teensy bit annoyed, and her past matters. I cannot say the same for you or other Biju. I’m offering myself a chance to know you by extending a hand to you. In simple terms,” Kai grins as a bijudama condenses bare centimeters from his skin, ready to eradicate him from this space. “I want to be your friend.”

The bijudama intensifies as Kai shrugs, closing his eyes. He didn’t feel the need to lie ever since Kyubi sold him out, an act she would pay for dearly. But why did he have to care about someone’s trauma to make friends with them? Kai always considers one’s dedication to the grind and the ‘cool’ factor before inviting someone to a training session—his rite of friendship.

‘I will have to do something about my name getting leaked out,’ Kai muses before frowning.

Shouldn’t he be torn out of this space by now?

He opens one eye, finding Yonbi’s face staring at him thoughtfully.

“What did you just say?” Yonbi inquires.

“That I don’t give a shit?” Kai tilts his head.

“The other thing.”

“I’m going to fuck the shit out of Kyubi?”

“No. And stop talking about that petulant, hurt fox like that.”

“Hmm. Ah, Friends?”

Yonbi blinks again, leaning forward until Kai smells the fish in the former’s breath. “Lies won’t work.”

“Why do I have to lie about that?” Kai scoffs. “Only weak assholes in here,” he surprises Yonbi by pulling his hand out of the former’s clenched grip before tapping his head, “lie about these things. I can seal you guys just as effortlessly as the First Kage. If anything, I’m still on the fence about letting you inside me. I think I’ll have to crank the sharing aspect of the Jinchuriki seal since it would be weird to sleep with my fiancees while knowing a monkey is getting his rocks off.”

“W-What?! How fucking deplorable you think I am?! I had enough sense to keep to myself when Roshi visited some harlots!”

“Cool,” Kai slips his hand inside Yonbi’s grip, making the latter’s eye twitch as he continues. “But I’m not taking any chances.”

Yonbi frees Kai from his useless grip before taking a deep breath, “I apologize. This space has a special ability to convey one’s true thoughts despite their words. Of course, it only works for us Tailed Beasts. You were speaking the truth about your intentions. You truly do not care, but you also wish to know me better.”

“I don’t often meet tailed beasts,” Kai grins. “Of course, I want to get to know you. Sure. You have a scary face, but it’s all well if you mean well. Right?”

Yonbi frowns, bringing his clawed hand to his furry chin before stroking it. “My face? Scary? What rubbish! This face enamored many a plump chimp before the beginning of my progeny!”

Kai frowns, “Are fucking kidding me? Think from those poor chimps’ perspectives. What could they do when an oversized chakra beast barged into their lives? You probably beat the shit out of the male ones to make yourself look better!”

Yonbi flinches before grumbling, “I wasn’t too big at the time. But how else would a monkey show off its charm if not by beating the competition? You hapless fool! I brought food and protection to my first mates!”

“You fucked unconsenting monkeys, you freak!”

“Consent? They were monkeys AND on top of me! A brat wouldn’t understand!”

“A brat?” Kai chuckles in anger. Call him whatever you want, but he will not brook any insult in his quest of Harem after how far he has come! “This brat has two fiancees and three lovers!”

“I had 300!”

“I actually know the names of my lovers!”

“I know it, too!” Yonbi snorts, counting, “Chimp Mother #1, Chimp Mother #2, Chimp Mother #3—”

Kai deadpans. He sighs. “I guess. What else was I expecting of a monkey?”

“Hey.” Yonbi narrows his eyes. “Are you looking down on me?”

“No, that would insult my pride,” Kai’s earnest reply only furthers Yonbi’s irritation.

“Whatever, brat. Buzz off. You’re no friend of mine.”

“I see,” Kai sighs. “I was hoping we could be friends. But I cannot leave just yet. You know who I am.”

“Do you, Yonbi? He’s an interesting one. Tell me, who is he?” Another feminine and husky voice slips within their conversation as Yonbi frowns. “Fuck off! Now you show yourself? We are having a private conversation.”

“A conversation about your dead chimp harem?” A softer voice questions as a vein bulges around Yonbi’s temples.

Kai smirks as he extends his hand toward Yonbi, “Take my hand. Let’s continue our conversation elsewhere.”

The four-tailed Beast frowns, reaching out hesitatingly before touching Kai’s tiny hand as the world around him shifts.

“A genjutsu,” Yonbi grumbles as he finds himself in a familiar illusion. “This is—”

“The Shikkotsu Forest,” Kai smiles, sitting atop one of the branches. “I remember seeing Red Chimps in the forest. I didn’t know they were your progeny. But before we continue the conversation,” he smirks. “You should remember our perception isn’t in the previous space anymore. I can lie in this genjutsu. So can you.”

“Why would I lie?” Yonbi settles as he watches the familiar sky. “But it has been many moons since I returned here.”

“Why didn’t you let your Jinchuriki know about Shikkotsu Forest?” Kai questions. “They could have brought you here.”

“With that dick Onoki around?” Yonbi sighs. “Roshi was somewhat kind. But he was a Shinobi. His duty to Onoki and Iwa always meant more than mine or his own wishes. See, Brat? That’s why I cannot trust your kind. It’s because I know most of you are ‘Weapons’ for your Kage to wield.”

“What if I were to become a Kage?” Kai questions.

“Then you would continue to wage wars. Sure, you can promise you won’t. But what about others? Eventually, someone will get greedy over something. Others won’t like that. Hence, war.”

Kai sighs. “That’s true. It doesn’t help most of us have the power to start a war based on our whims. And you’re correct in estimating my limitations. I can’t promise you a world filled with happiness. Rikudo would have ended world hunger and rid us of every disease if possible. I’m afraid it’s not possible in the world of living.”

“Indeed,” Yonbi’s gaze reveals a look of hurt. “We are the living, left in a frantic world of schemes and desires. That’s why I’m here, no? You expected me to calm down at the sight of something familiar.”

“Did it work?” Kai snickers, leaning against the bark with his legs crossed. “For what it’s worth, I did not want to enter your private space.”

“I know. Remember? I would have noticed if you lied there.” Yonbi shifts, lying on his back with his arms sprawled and his four tails acting as his mattress.

“You were also correct in stating I’m powerless in choosing my fate. Others would capture me eventually.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Kai shrugs. “There is always a choice.”

“No, there isn’t.”

Kai solemnly stares at the mighty behemoth. He could say several things that would feel meaningful but would only turn their mood for the worse. He will need to thank Sakumo for this one.

“Maybe you’re right,” Kai crosses his hands behind his head. “Those Chimp Mothers of yours certainly didn’t have a choice BUT be on top of you. And you didn’t have a choice to start your lineage, huh?”

Yonbi stares at Kai for a full minute before his grin widens and his jaws snap open into barks of laughter, his slapping claws shaking the illusionary forest!

“Not bad, brat.”

“Kai,” he corrects him. “I’m Kai, from Konoha. And Yonbi, the only thing I can promise should you choose to be my companion is that I’ll be your friend. I think that’s the only thing I’m capable of offering.”

“What about my freedom?” Yonbi inquires.

“You always had your freedom. As your buddy, I’ll be sure to insult you enough until you see that yourself.”

Yonbi grows silent before muttering, “And how can I trust you in this Genjutsu?”

“I don’t know,” Kai shrugs.

“Here,” Yonbi slowly extends his fist toward Kai. “Bump it.”

“What?” Kai blinks.

“You want to be my friend, right?” Yonbi glances at Kai. “Friends bump fists.”

Kai stares at the giant fist before standing on the branch and tapping his fist against Yonbi’s, feeling a sense of relief washing over him.

“Huh?” Kai blinks. “What was that?”

“The start of our friendship, brat. And if you expect to add some privacy to the seal, I want some free time to return to Shikkotsu Forest!”

“And what do you expect me to do while you court chimps?”

“Sucking your own dick would be a start.”

“Deal’s off,” Kai scoffs.

“Great!” Yonbi snickers. “I knew you were upto no good.”

---

“Did something happen, B?” a young blonde girl questions Killer B as she stops throwing her Kunai. Her dark eyes stare at the dark-skinned blonde man as he adjusts his shades before tipping his inked pen against his tongue and jotting something on a small notebook, murmuring as he writes.

“B?!” the girl yells louder as the man continues to write, prompting a red-haired, dark-skinned girl to tackle the former blonde into the ground before she can throw a shuriken at B.

“Don’t you mess with Sensei’s concentration!”

“Get off me,” the blonde yells back, “And he isn’t your Sensei just because you said he is!”

“What I say goes!” The redhead snaps.

‘Hmm. Partner, what is this weird feeling?’ B questions. ‘It feels like my world is sinking, and the clouds are weeping!’

“...nothing,” a deep voice replies before adding. “B, what did you think while attacking Konoha with a Bijudama?”

‘Hmm?’ B stops writing as he gazes at the lake ahead. ‘I wasn’t thinking; there was a plan which wanted Konoha sinking. Are you okay?’

“I’m well. And B, I want you to know I wasn’t thinking as well. I was too used to acting like a weapon.”

‘Cool?’ B smirks as he gets back to writing verses in his notebook without a care in the world.

---

“Su?”

Su’s eyes snap wide open as he jumps from his bed. “Is it happening?” he grins. “That’s the third time you started the conversation. The third time is usually the charm! Are we taking our relationship to the next level?”

Su waits before questioning, “Nanabi?”

He waits some more. “Come on! Nanabi, you wanted to say something! I won’t say a word. Show up. Please? Nanabi?”

Su sighs before getting back into his bed. It’s rare for him to get nights off, so he rests calmly. As he almost drifts into sleep, he hears a soft voice.

“You are a kind human, Su. I will ensure your daughter learns to look up to your legacy.”

Su doesn’t speak as his smile widens, and he hugs his pillow.

---

*Bzzzt*

*CRASH*

A spark of lightning flickers from the earthen flooring before a stream of viscous white fluid escapes the gap of a Shinobi’s ill-repaired hut, slamming into the almost unconscious middle-aged man, revealing a muscular dark-skinned arm as the white liquid exits the assassin and covers said Shinobi into a mummified coffin of white.

“Hmph,” The behemoth of a man with wild ash-blonde hair reaching his waist snorts, glancing at the Jinchuriki. “We can take them all out with my speed and your kind’s natural Sealing ability.”

“Patience,” the ‘coffin’ giggles. “Wood Jutsu isn’t always so effective, or HE would have created an army of our kind.”

“Hashirama could,” the towering man narrows his eyes.

“I’m Tobi, not Hashirama! But yeah, you’re right. I couldn’t have ambushed an S-Ranked Shinobi even if I could sneak up on them. How are we going to escape? Some sensors picked your burst of chakra.”

A lets his gaze wander, his right eye ‘restocked’ after getting melted by Yata while a black eyepatch closes his left eye. Yet, the Third Raikage can see better than ever, credits to the Byakugan in his left eye.

“The intel was correct,” asserts the Raikage. “The Kazekage’s Jutsu covers the entire Suna. It’s an intriguing one. I would love to fight him,” he glances at the coffin. “Sadly, time isn’t on our side.”

“How are we going to escape? You’re the ‘Leader,’ remember?” Guruguru hurriedly speaks as A hangs the white coffin atop his shoulder. Lightning sparks into brilliance around him before turning pitch-black. “I did perfect my jutsu aside from some strain on my tenketsu. However, acquiring Byakugan allowed me to take it a step further.”

It’s the same lightning jutsu that injured Yata despite his Susanoo.

The figure clad in pitch-black lightning explodes past Suna’s defense, announcing his bold intrusion and swift escape.

What followed was an outcry.

Ichibi’s Jinchuriki is kidnapped!

---

“Huff,” Kai Kuroyuki glances at the sleeping white-haired middle-aged man. It’s as he suspected. Sakumo took his sweet time to get to Takigakure. The man’s intentions are still a mystery, but Kai cares little about them.

‘I undid the entire seal on him and planted a Hiraishin in various spots on his body. His right arm is weird. Mukai was right. One of the cum-man can regenerate others’ limbs and said limbs have boosting properties. Sakumo looks healthier and more powerful than before. But while the arm feels an amalgamation of Wood Nature release and flesh, I don’t think Sakumo can use Mokuton as is.’

Kai shakes away from his thoughts.

‘Chances of him returning to Konoha are still low. Even when Sakumo realizes he isn’t under control, he would want to find the culprit. Returning without anything to show will only see him in the T&I Department. That’s just how things are. But that’s what a rational man would do.’

Kai bites his lip, pondering. ‘There’s a chance Sakumo might think to fuck all the mystery and return to Konoha to be with Kakashi. I could control him, but I don’t want to steer him in any manner.’

Kai never had such issues when it came to Nagato or Biwako. The former lives near him, allowing Kai to ensure Nagato’s safety, and the latter is half the reason why Kai wants to burn the Hokage’s chair, so it’s a ‘Just’ cause. However, Kai respects individuals like Sakumo. The same is true for Jiraiya and Minato. Kai would free them of such seals but never use them. And yet, not ‘steering’ Sakumo might land the Father of one in several issues.

Kai sighs explosively.

He realized his limits long ago.

‘I did what I could, and revealing myself to Sakumo would be the epitome of stupidity since the man answers to Hiruzen first. Whatever happens, happens.’

He turns around, flickering away. How Sakumo plays the cards dealt to him, no matter how favorable, is upto him. Kai only wishes his former Team Leader would play things wisely.

***

Alternate Title: Vow To Bust Kyubi’s Back; The Nightmare Fuel; Hateful Threats; The Commenting Kyubi; Audience of Tailed Beasts; The Other Two Speakers; Yonbi Living Without a Shred of Deception; A Selfish Affection; Indifference; Victimized; One’s Peace Is Another’s Enslavement; The Cost of Peace; The Useless Grip; Point-Blank Bijudama; The Weapons of Man and Beasts; Su’s Happy Night; A Private Conversation; The OG Harem Maker Meets The Dreamer; The Original 300; B May Not Be So Different From Kai; The Revealing Conversation; The Starting Fist Bump; There’s No Consent Between Monkeys!—Frieza, Probably; Shackled Only By Mind, Not Choices; Humor Works; Kai’s Version of Talk no Jutsu?; Ichibi’s Abduction; The Beginning of Conflict; One’s Dream is Another’s Demise; The Feebleness of Biju; Guruguru Comes In a Clutch; Freeing Sakumo; Dealt Cards; Kai’s Best; Sakumo Do Be Chilling