Bernadetta's Rodent Problem

(Girl to Hamster)

(Fire Emblem: Three Houses)

Co-written with Hannah!

It had been an hour since she had been sold… Bernadetta von Varley, as much as she wasn’t the perfect noblewoman like her father wanted, was shocked when a shopkeeper picked her up and sold her for fifty gold… Fifty!!! The same amount as a nice snack, was that really all she was worth?!

Still, this lady, not the animal store girl, her current… ‘owner’ at least was buying the anxious hamster as a pet, the tank and other supplies she had bought, for more money than herself, made that clear… Honestly, being so close to the snakes at a size this small was terrifying enough to give her all sorts of nightmares! It had been nearly an awful afternoon’s worth of rodenthood so far, Bernadetta just wanted to go back to her shut-in lifestyle!!! And no, the constantly shaking tank in this giantess’ arms was not a suitable replacement for her peaceful dorm room at all!

“Hmm, the poor thing is still shivering… Don’t worry, me and my class will be loving you all year long~ Or two, or three, or… however long hamsters live” D-Don’t just say things like that!!! You b-blue-haired b-bimbo!!! I wanna have my normal lifespan, thank you very much! And I’m a class pet?! For whiny little kids to ‘play with’?! H-How l-long before I get e-eaten by one of their pet cats, o-or used as a toy a-against my will, o-or-?! W-Wait, is this… The monastery?!

The purple-furred critter watched as this woman went through all these familiar hallways with seemingly no care for the rodent’s squeaking, Bernie even saw Petra of all people for a moment before her former classmate turned a corner far too fast for her to even try to squeal at her, darnit! Miss Teacher, stop!!! Huh…? Actually, if she’s a teacher here, does that mean…?!

“Ah, so I have… The Black Eagles, huh? Well, hope me and you make a good first impression, right little girl~? Hmm, I think I’ll let the students name you, yep, seems like a fun bonding exercise for us! Thank the Goddess for this book!” It said ‘Teaching for Dummies’ on the cover, with a bunch of little kids on the front too. Bernadetta could only imagine it was for younger students, so it explained the class pet idea. It also will be hilarious to watch this woman treat Edelgard, and her attendant Hubert, like children~ The idea honestly made her giggle until… It clicked, she’s gonna be their pet?! Her fellow nobles, the people that the girl-turned-hamster had known her whole childhood, she’d technically belong to them?!

The next few minutes went far too quickly, as Byleth put the cage she now called home on the left side of her desk before quickly furnishing it with all the essentials - a water bottle, a hamster wheel, an empty food bowl, some odd orange and purple weaved rope, and… that’s it. C-come on, you could’ve at least you could’ve bought me a h-house to hide in, y-you cheapskate!!

Byleth only giggled while filling the feeder with some of the nicest feed her pre-salary wallet could afford… which wasn’t a whole lot, the woman unaware the cute squeaks she was laughing at were insults meant for her very self.

“Professor? What’s that?” A new voice rang out as Edelgard entered the classroom, closely followed by the rest of the female classmates, who all decided to visit the teacher early before Hubert’s dark humor and Caspar’s ear-shattering yelling made the woman reconsider her career choices. Byleth had the pleasure of meeting and talking with the princess already, but all the other people…? W-well, it was time to greet the rest of the students, all of them curious about the glass box next to the former mercenary’s figure.

“This… Is our class pet~! I picked her out myself, her purple fur stuck out to me, and I knew she just had to be ours for the school year, and this cutie will unite us unlike any other activity I could give you~!” The newbie professor looked quite pleased but… most of the Empire’s youth just looked in pure confusion, a class pet? In this distinguished academy…? At least it’s cute, yet… why is it shivering like that, is the creature really this shy…?

“Is this a lure for hunting?” One of the girls asked as she looked at the weirdly-colored rodient, her own skin a fair share darker than her peers.

L-lure!? As in like bait?! Nononononoo!! Bernie’s not for eating! I-I’ll give whatever eats me food poisoning and– W-wait, if the prey gets poisoned, that’d only make it easier to hunt!! The rodent dashed in circles to avoid potential capture, though it ran out of breath quite quickly. G-guh… guess I kept my human stamina…

“W-what? It’s not bait,  i-it’s a class pet! To teach you all responsibility! Plus she’s cute! E-erm, at least I think it’s a ‘she’, but I’m not a hamsterologist…” Byleth quickly replied, soothing Bernadetta’s fears a bit.

“Why would you instantly think of hunt–… O-oh, you must be Petra, right? The girl from Brigid?”

“That is right, professor.”

“And now it’s shivering again… poor thing must be so scared…” The only other commoner in the class, Dorothea, spoke up as she and everyone circled in on Bernadetta.

…And she was completely right. The uncertain future of living in this academy with all these other, far more outspoken people was scary enough for the noble, but this was even worse!! She was used to everyone towering over her due to her minute height, yet now everyone was so much bigger, they were all like titans, w-why wouldn’t she shiver at that?!

“Come here, girl, I won’t hurt you~ Dear Goddess, your little paws are so adorable…” The songstress’ now relatively giant hand reached into the glassy prison and…

For some reason, Bernie felt compelled to get on top of it. Was she simply looking for a way to escape? That would seem like a logical explanation but… that wasn’t it. At least, it didn’t feel like it was. Slowly, the transformed girl walked forward, her newfound instincts making her sniff the hand as if to check if it was truly safe. It was… warm. It shouldn’t too surprising, that’s how hands usually were, but… now that she was this small, this warmth felt so much bigger and nicer. Her nose also picked up some scents that she’d miss completely if she were a human - the sweet, enticing, cherry-flavored fragrance of her classmate’s perfume.

Deciding not to overthink it, Bernie climbed onto the appendage and was soon raised high into the air, much to the amusement of her classmates. T-they were all looking at her…! Their eyes were so big and soul-piercing, a-and the infantilizing ‘awws’ of everyone except… Edelgard…?

Not like she was looking forward to checking it but… was that how toys felt like…? W-well, obviously they didn’t, they were objects, but… It felt like her form could’ve been replaced by that of a teddy bear, or a doll, and the reaction would remain the same, s-she was their plaything!

“Huh… She stopped shivering…? Good job… Dorothea…?” Byleth praised the student. It had to be her, right? If the other one was Petra, and… well, Edelgard was obviously Edelgard, that only left the brunette as the only other girl remaining in their class.

H-huh?! I did…? W-wait, y-you’re right, I didn’t even notice!

“Y-yes, I think she likes me~ I did meet my fair share of rodents before I became an opera singer, so I guess she just picked up on that…?” Dorothea responded, absentmindedly petting the Black Eagles’ new acquisition which… Wasn’t that bad, if Bernie had to be honest. Humiliating, sure, but also… weirdly comforting… It felt good to be treated like this… After all, that’s what her gigantic plushy collection was for, and now she was at the receiving end of cuddles, for once…

“P-professor…? I appreciate the attempt but… C-can we get a goldfish instead…?” The empire’s heir, Edelgard, spoke as she looked at the little purple creature with unease.

“You don’t like rodents, Eddie?”

Bernadetta’s eyes perked up at this. W-what!? Guh, I mean… Not like I wanna be a class pet, but that’s better than being taken back into the pet shop and bought by someone completely random, or being another class’ pet! A-at least I know some of the people from the Black Eagles!

“...I’m not a big fan of rats… A-at least hamsters don’t have those disgusting, wormy tails but… n-not sure I’d want one being in my vicinity for every single school hour…”

“That is quite a relish indeed.”

“I think you mean ‘pickle’, Petra…”

“W-well… I can go and return her, if you’d rather but… To be honest, I was… kind of looking forward to it all, have it be a little class activity to help us all know each other better…” Byleth looked down in defeat, it was her first day, and she already messed it up! What was the Archbishop thinking anyways, she was a merc, not a teacher!!

This, along with the hamster’s sad squeaks, made Edelgard reconsider. It’s not that rat-like, she thought, and… the beady eyes were pretty cute, a-and how its little nose kept twitching…!

“F-fine, f-fine, we can… keep her for now, I-I guess…” A soft blush appeared on the princess’ already rosy cheeks.

Y-you can…? That’s good! W-wait, why am I cheering?! I’m still a dumb hamster that’s gonna be owned by someone I should be equal in species to!!

“Atta girl, Eddie~” Dorothea scooped the critter she was holding up and promptly put her into Edelgard’s palm, causing both the white-haired gal and the purple-furred rodent to squeak.

“W-huh?!” Was all the empress-to-be could mutter as the tiny creature looked up at her. S-stupid Dorothea, why did she do that?! Rodents up close are even more disgusting and–

Actually…? This isn’t so bad… She’s so soft and furry, it’s like I’m holding a tiny plushie… Edelgard’s blush rather effectively betrayed her true feelings, which her fuzzy companion mirrored.

I-I’m in Edegalrd’s palm?! B-but she’s a royal, and she hates rodents, she’s going to kill me and– H-huh…? She’s not… doing anything…? In fact– w-wait, she’s flustered?! I-I’ve never seen her like this!

And just like Dorothea’s, the Hresvelg’s palm was as soft as one could hope for.

“I-I’m still not entirely convinced, y-you know…”

“Quesion, shouldn’t this… hamster… have a name?”

“Petra, raises a fine point! I was actually thinking we could name her ourselves…” Byleth took out her notebook, ready to host a whole ballot once the boys came but… it proved unnecessary.

“Bernadetta.” Edelgard simply stated, the former girl in her palms squeaking in shock.

H-huh?! You remember my name?! Please, please, tell me you remembered! I don’t wanna be an animal!

“Hmm… maybe Bernie instead? Shorter and cuter~” Dorothea suggested.

What?!

“Not that I dislike the name but… why Bernadetta in the first place…? It’s more of a name for a noblewoman, not a rodent…”

“I’m… not sure, to be entirely honest, it just feels right…” Petra and Dorothea nodded in agreement.

T-that doesn’t make a lick of sense!! How do you forget I ever existed but remember my name of all things?!

But, for better or worse, the former human had no choice in the matter, and once the boys approved, a sheet of paper with the hamster’s name written on it was attached to the cage she’d call home.

It could be worse, She thought, at least her name was… well, her name, and her former classmates-turned-owners did take better care of her than her father could ever dream of doing… It didn’t take long before Bernie the hamster became a true part of the Black Eagles' house, even being visited by students from other houses once they caught wind of the cuddle-loving rodent.

…And funnily enough, the person who ended up bonding with the squeaker most was Edelgard, and while that didn’t rid her of her fear of rats, she quite enjoyed quiet moments after classes where she’d just sit at her desk and do her homework while little Bernie munched on a strawberry or whatever else the girl had brought with her from the dining hall.

As for the former noble herself, she tried to enjoy her new life to the best of her ability. It wasn’t easy at first, and while pets and cuddles were objectively the best part of her day, a tinge of embarrassment still existed inside of her…

It was a far simpler existence than that of a human, and the girl did miss the ability to write or draw… But it wasn’t all bad, Edelgard even bought her a nice, big, wooden house to hide in! Bernadetta might’ve even called her new lot in life an improvement… if not for the fact that Byleth made her constantly use the hamster wheel because a certain Adrestian princess kept stuffing her full…