Sneak Preview, The Tolerant Ch. 10
Added 2016-03-23 06:22:35 +0000 UTCHere's an advance copy of Chapter 10 of The Tolerant. I'll be honest, I don't love it, and feel free to send me comments on your thoughts.
Comments
And they are of a nice and happy bent, by and large. :)
Ice Bear
2016-04-09 21:21:25 +0000 UTCThanks Ice Bear. Good to know things might be on a positive turn now. I'm still enjoying the story over all, and I'm always impressed that you can keep up your pace. I notice two chapters are up on the EMCSA this weekend, so I guess I have some reading :)
Dorian Alton
2016-04-09 21:13:59 +0000 UTCYou know, you're not wrong - it's even been harder to write as it goes on too. (Not hard, but harder than it was. Fret not - I'm staying the course!) I wanted to give it a little time to allow Ashley's influence to devolve the situation, and now we're over the hump. Part of the arguably too-dark tone is certainly on me for opting to insist on people reacting "realistically" to events; part of it I think is also the serial format, where it's taken months (instead of reading it as a book where a reader would be past it in half an hour, depending on distractions :P). I've gotten a few questions over time about the origin of the power, and it's one I'm not sure I'll address (at least in this story). I think the tale is largely about DJ learning to cope with his power, finding a balance, and I don't think introducing its source helps resolve that. Still, it's a very valid question, and something I may address in future stories - I've gotten requests for similar works with related/identical powers (and perhaps a protagonist who's less clueless :P), and I may well embark on those someday, with an eye towards expanding the lore.
Ice Bear
2016-04-07 05:45:56 +0000 UTCHey there Ice Bear. I do like these previews you send out. Sorry I didn't get a chance to respond to this one before it went up on the EMCSA. The writing itself seems enjoyable, but I do find Tolerence/The Tolerant a bit harder to read the longer it goes on. I think for me this is because I'm a sucker for a redeemable protagonist/mind controller, and the further this goes, the less likely it seems that DJ can be redeemed at all. Partially, it seems like the womens' various reactions to how DJ's power works that seems to keep him on an irredeemable path. It was kind of nice to see him in a funk after Emily's outburst, as well he should be. But unfortunately, the rest of the reactions seemed to drag him back to his new lifestyle. It was interesting to see how the journal Brittney had kept on DJ's orders has turned out. From the few glimpses of her as a POV character, we know she's a lot more complicated than she appears on the surface, and that she intended to placate DJ in order to keep him from harming others. In this case, the journal serves to reinforce the idea that people like what he does to them. Morgan's normal personality combined with her previous breaking and enjoying the sex pushes DJ to the point where he's going much further than she would want. Lauren's an interesting one, since the idea of trading sex for power seems perfectly in keeping with with her personality. She seems closest in that respect to Ashley, though also much less likely to abuse his power to just target anyone. I wonder if she might end up being a useful voice of reason. The drunken bender with Jody and her family was a bit hard to read, as alcohol seems to enhance DJ's worst traits. Episodes like that are what make bits of this story depressing, despite other sections that are very hot. I kind of wonder if we'll get any insight into what gave DJ his power. One would think there is some kind of purpose to granting something like the tolerance.
Dorian Alton
2016-03-31 04:10:25 +0000 UTC
