Blasting Off! [Bonus #22](Pokemon)(Team Rocket OC)

A/N: And now a word from our sponsor...

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Heh, all’s well that ends well, right?

…

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What, you all want to know the ‘real story’? Everything has been answered to your satisfaction, has it not? Mm, no, I suppose there is that one last tidbit. Why did Red become Cam? What happened there? Well, would you believe it was all an accident?

…

I suppose I should backtrack for a second and introduce myself properly. I’m known by many names. Cambrian, for one. Omni-Me. Or Omni-Cambrian, whatever floats your boat. There are a lot of ROBs out there. Random Omnipotent Beings, or Random Omnipotent Bastards if you’re feeling less generous. But there’s never been anything random whatsoever about me.

I’m definitely a bastard, don’t get me wrong, but I’m far too self-centered to bother with anyone save for myself. It helps that I’m infinitely amusing to myself. All those less-than-omnipotent versions of me, running around the multiverse. So many different opportunities for fun. So what if I’m the one who nudges the opportunity into being once in a while? So what if I see a chance to start something new?

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Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. Omnipotent, remember? You’re thinking, ‘Hang on, that doesn’t make any sense. How could you possibly be Omnipotent, AND it be an accident what happened with Red becoming Cam?’. It’s a pertinent enough question, I suppose. Let me answer it with a question of my own.

What IS Omnipotence? Unlimited Power? Sounds nice, doesn’t it? A quaint way of pointing at the God of most Monotheistic Religions and being able to say “well, MY God is All Powerful and All Knowing, so nyah!”. Yeah, guess what? Doesn’t really work like that.

The very existence of ROBs precludes such a thing from being possible. There wouldn’t BE Random Omnipotent Bastards if any of us were actually truly ALL-Powerful. There would just be one Omnipotent Bastard. And hell, maybe there is.

I posit to you this. Omnipotence, truly, is having so much power that your puny mortal minds can’t even begun to comprehend the vastness of my reach. There. Simple enough, isn’t it? I’m Omnipotent as far as YOU all are concerned. But that doesn’t mean I’m not infallible. I can make mistakes. Or rather… I can get lazy.

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That’s what happened here. I got a little lazy. And hey, it resulted in quite the fun story, didn’t it? So maybe I’ll get even lazier in the future, who the fuck knows? But yes… I didn’t cross all my T’s and dot all my I’s. So sue me.

Normally, when I insert one of my mortal selves into any given universe, I take precautions. Use some of my unfathomable cosmic power to make sure they’re nice and safe from any of the deities or ‘omnipotent’ creatures that exist within that universe. It’s not something I HAVE to do, just a courtesy of sorts that I tend to extend.

And just this once, I didn’t bother. I didn’t take any of my usual precautions when I attempted to insert a normal copy of myself into the Pokemon Universe. That’s my bad. But to be fair… Arceus really overreacted.

…

Turns out the Pokemon God didn’t appreciate not being consulted beforehand. He caught my little attempt at backdooring his universe, and while he has no way of striking back at me, that didn’t mean he had to take my mortal self and pimp slap poor Cambrian’s raw, mortal essence before it could reach its intended destination.

Which… wasn’t even the original Red, by the by. Hell! My mortal self wasn’t even destined for what you know as the ‘Rocket Edition’ universe, originally! Originally, he was just going to… well, doesn’t matter now, does it? No, no it does not. Even though I know some of you will ask, you’re never going to get an answer. Hah!

…

Regardless, Arceus’ godly backhand did a number on poor Cambrian. More than a number, he splattered Cambrian across the windshield of the Pokemon Universe, and then some. But… what was left did manage to slip through. Some small droplets, drip-dropping down onto the original Red right before he was going to join Team Rocket and begin his attempt at destroying the world.

Good that it did, too! It was all quite the mess, but even Arceus agrees with me that everything turned out for the best. We chatted, he and I, after all was said and done. Wouldn’t call us friends… more acquaintances then anything, but after we watched it all play out, Arceus wasn’t too upset. After all, my original plan was completely derailed. Meanwhile…

Well, Arceus might not have always been happy what the humans got up to in his universe at times, but he had no desire to see them all wiped out by the original Red’s madness. Instead of having to intervene more directly in some way, he had gotten to sit back and watch as my… influence over the situation prompted an entirely different story then what we would have gotten.

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Yes, all is well that end’s well. Even if ‘Cam’ can barely be considered a Cambrian. Honestly, he’s not even that much of a horndog! Luckily, I’m a sneaky fucker. While Arceus was busy cleaning up the metaphysical egg yolk that was my mortal self’s destroyed essence, I snuck in a couple of, hm, changes. Made the world a bit more… fun, if you know what I’m saying.

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Shh, don’t tell Arceus. We just got on speaking terms.

…

Regardless, the attempted insert was a failure on practically every level, save for the most important one of all. The story it resulted in was a good one, ultimately. A very good story indeed. And really, in the end, wasn’t that what was most important?

Hm? No, you say? You have more questions? You want to see more story? Well, tough luck. The End.

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A/N: That's all he wrote, folks. This snippet is something that you can consider canon or not to the overall story. It wraps up the last 'unsolved mystery' of exactly why Red became Cam. It was never a Self-Insert... just the fragments of a Failed Self-Insert dripping down.

But it can also be ignored and I think the rest of the story is just fine on its own.

Anyways, thanks for reading my story. Blasting Off! was a lot of fun to write, and I appreciate each and every one of you who stuck around all the way to this final chapter.

If you're up to it, leave me one last comment letting me know your feelings on the fic. If not, that's okay too. Thanks <3