Eww (Aria and Issei)

Eww

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Commissioned by Blue Flaming Wings

Word Count: 5000 (March + April)

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Question: What do you do when a girl tells you she used to like you?

A: Cry.

B: Scream.

C: All of the above.

D: Saw “eww.”

Being a virgin, otaku college-goer, I’d say that, if your answers are now A, B, or C, you’re a filthy, freaking normie. What is a normie, you might ask? Well, in this age of augmented reality, picturesque virtual companions, and second-lives during evenings, that particular definition is more nuanced than the old days. A few decades ago, a normie is a regular, generic individual with average looks, prospects, and relations.

To an otaku, a normie is the baseline, someone to be disgusted with. The plebian who plays casual games, enjoys mainstream media, and has time for things like “socialization” and “irl friends.” However, the observant individual will ask the following question: but, no one’s a normie in that definition, anymore. Indeed, that is the case. Otaku culture has become widely accepted, due to the revolution of the second-life provided by Simulator Headsets. Eight hours of sleep becomes twenty four hours to play, watch movies, read, and enjoy one’s self. 

Well, unless you’re a weirdo who likes dreaming, or spending eight hours doing nothing. 

Disregarding those outliers, the population is now mostly otaku. The normie of the past is now the otaku of the present, and the otaku of the past are otaku^2 who are often venerated for their choice to invest everything they earn in their fandoms. Thank you, Basic Human Rights Convention #3, for passing in Japan while I was a child. I am sure that many whales would’ve died putting all their income into supporting the community, if not for the fact that basic shelter, food, and clothing is free. 

However, that leaves the question unanswered.

What is a normie in this day and age?

Otaku cannot be normies, after all. We are all different, strange, and weird. No one likes the same thing. Whole websites gather guilds and mass attacks against those who dare say that they’re similar to another website. To be exact, refer to the Trap-Loli War of 20XX. Three whole server-worlds burned over the course of an entire weekend. It had been a glorious day for some, but it was truly only an outburst of anger that shames both factions today, and has made bitter enemies amongst hundreds of thousands of forumites 

What I’m saying, basically, is that otaku are not, cannot, and never will be normal.

We’re just too damn weird, even if we make up most of the population, nowadays.

Therefore, if the bar of the normies in the past have been taken by otaku, that must meant that the new normies are… the Riajuu of the past.

What is that? Are Riajuu not good people, you say? Oh, indeed they are. But, only for the present. I must explain further, I understand that. Riajuu, nowadays, are pop stars, actors, actresses, and performers. Idols are Riajuu. They are amazing Riajuu. They deserve every bit of their popularity. All otaku want to be them, meet them, or, if they’re truly in love, own a daki of them. However, once upon a time, Riajuu are the normies of today. Popular, handsome, and socially-popular individuals, who somehow manage to be incredible no matter where they are and what they do.

Only a Riajuu, buried beneath tones of heartfelt letters, romance options, and loves will ever say “eww” to a confession of an individual of liking them beforehand. It is a phrase of indiscriminate firepower, with effects so devastating that they could be called a warcrime. A person just said to you that they used to like you… and your response is “eww!?” That’s worth an immense amount of international outrage over1 Perhaps, even an intervention by the militaries of the UN Security Coincil! 

Anyway, yesterday’s Riajuu is today’s normie, and the actual classification of Riajuu has faded into obscurity, as they’re all simply superstars and idols. 

But, I digress.

And, maybe, I might have been stalling, just a little. 

Because, after a girl just told me she used to be in love with me, I just said “eww.”

In my defense, I think of her as a sister.

And, well, I like her sister. 

But, I totally swear it’s mostly the latter!

Please, all my weirdo brothers and sisters, don’t wish for me to explode!

I don’t want to die!

…

Aria Gremory is a rare breed of an individual. Not only is she an academic genius, but she is also a star athlete. Not only does she have mastery over most languages, but she speaks Japanese better than most natives. While she can play a mean RTS game, she prefers to read books on simulated beachscapes. Yes, indeed, I’ve visited her “personal space.” It is a beach. Just a beach. With just the right temperature, and a cooler filled with refreshments. That is all that it is. Endless possibilities, with endless funds, and she decides to just read books on the beachfront. 

Rias’ personal space was Isekai made reality. That place is great. She even has separate locations for crossovers and licensed themes. A lot are commissioned… to actual AI. Those are freaking great. We must’ve spent months together just adventuring on hundreds of different worlds, playing according to rules, or just having fun. Reading is optional, except for mystery events, or some background stuff. Everything in there is amazing. And, well, I’m sure she has a few NSFW worlds too, but those places are sacred, and I wouldn’t enter those, even with permission. That’d be super weird!

But, back to Aria.

Aria is Aria. Perfect in every way. Adherent to every rule. Spick and span, everything is by the book, and the perfect person to follow. If someone told me when I awoke one day, that she somehow conquered the whole world, I’d believe them in a heartbeat. I’d also hope her reign is fair, just, and permissible to having multiple lovers. Because, if she manages to conquer the world, it’s GG. There’ll be no escaping her. No sir. The world will be hers for all of eternity, forever.

But, she’s Aria.

The appeal is lost to me.

“Well, aren’t you a smoothtalker, Ise.” Aria, thankfully, wasn’t the kind of individual to take offense at stupidity. I doubt we’d be friends if she did. And, Rias probably wouldn’t exist, anymore. The amount of times we’ve gotten on her nerves, exclusively due to our shenanigans, is beyond my ability to count. I remember the first time we took her out to drive in the countryside… hmmm… has it been four years already? Are we allowed to drive again? I should check on that. “I suppose it’s to be expected. You do spend time around charismatic, charming individuals, like Miyakuro.”

“Hahaha… oh that hurts…” I laughed, but the words delivered true, physical pain to my body. Miyakuro’s social ability, or lack thereof, is legendary. I’ve been to a few servers he’s been to. He’s either exiled or a complete tyrant who routinely stops assassination attempts on himself. Somehow, he’s a pain in the ass for entire servers if he’s either. How he manages to topple whole countries and guilds while an exile is a mystery… no, actually, I’m sure he just pisses enough people off to collapse whole societies. Truly, I didn’t deserve being compared to him. However, I must admit that opinion is a personal one. Perhaps, justice has been rendered onto me. “…can we completely ignore what I just said? Maybe, forever? Please? So, I can sleep at night without screaming into my bed?”

“I don’t know, Ise. How would you feel if you confessed your former adoration to a girl, who is now your friend, and her reply was to voice disgust at the thought?” You know, while those words sound sad and want me to make feel guilty, that look on your face isn’t making my said at all! Please, Aria-sama, stop making that smile! It’s really scary! Please, stop! That smile looks way too Yan to be real! Yan should stay in anime! That’s where it belongs! Yan in real life is just too scary! Stop it! Stop making me both terrified and guilty! It’s a terrible feeling! “Won’t you be scarred for life, if such a thing occurred to you? Would you truly be capable of forgiving and forgetting such an action?”

“Absolutely. I am, after all, the most merciful, kind, and generous individual to ever live. The world is lucky to have me. Actually, no. The world is graced with my mere existence alone.” I praised Arai through my teeth, at the cost of my own pride. Well, I can’t really spend what doesn’t exist. So, technically, I suppose I’m going into deficit. A deep, deep deficit that outweighs civilization’s whole debt. However, I’ll be able to justify this debt to the Ise Senate of Isetopia with utter ease. Aria, after all, is a superpower to whose whims we are completely subservient to. I apologize, citizens of my soul, but we are not truly free. Nor will we ever be. “I can find it deep in my bottomless, enormous heart, which is greater than that Buddha’s, Jesus’s, and every known gods’, to forget the transgression.”

Naturally, I was lying.

If a girl did that to me, after I confessed, I’d probably go home, get on the internet, and die as many times as possible. I’m sure that I’ll get reported by a quite a few passersby for suicide watch. And, they’ll be right to do so, because just imagining having what I did happen to me is giving me ulcers. Augh, just imagining it makes me want to die! If I make confession and get shot down, it’s fine! I gathered up my courage, went through the steps, and got obliderated! That’s a clean break! I can heal from that! But, if I got over someone, became friends with them, and then got “eww” upon my casual admission of once liking them!? Just thinking about it makes me want to die! I really want to die! It’s so bad!

Oi, what are you doing, kid? Why did I feel Juggernaut Drive nearly activate?

It’s none of your business! Go back to playing your stupid RTS game!

You only call it stupid because you’re shit at it, even with practice, while I’m working on kicking Albion off of first place.

Fuck off, already! I’m having an existential crisis! 

You still want the highlight reel, right?

Yeah.

And, now, back to internally screaming.

Come, ye spectre of death! Take me! Send me careening into the cycle of reincarnation! I’ll accept Hell! It’s a pretty nice place, after all! I’m sure I can hide out there somewhere for a few centuries without Aria finding me! Sitri and Bael both say that the Wastes are terrifying and out of sight for most of Hell! I’ll gladly suffer that place, with all its giant monsters, lakes of lava, and lack of internet, if you take me from this now! Please, please, be merciful and end my pitiful existence already!

“Oh? Hmmm, well, I’m a Devil, so I don’t suppose I can be as kind as you, Ise.” Aria laughed! Laughed! At all my pain, suffering, and sorrow… she laughed! Enough white-hot rage to power a Gundam’s secret weapons system flowed through me, but in the face of Aria’s small, tiny smile, I knew my power was all but worthless! I’ve already lost this battle! And, what’s at stake, my liberty and freedom, is now in Aria’s possession for all of eternity! I am nothing, beside what she wants to be, now! “I think, forgive you, but I’ll ponder about remembering to forget for a later date.”

That was political double-speak for “no, no, you’re fucked for perpetuity.”

“Ahahaaha…” Given my current status, I decided that the only course of appropriate action was to try and knock myself out and cause short-term memory loss. Even if she knows the truth, the truth can’t hurt me if I have no memory of it. A classic strategy. Truly, a concussion-based, temporary lobotomy is the best way forward, now. I can’t die of embarrassment, if the memories of my embarrassment didn’t exist! It’s genius! Why didn’t I think of it before!? Everyone’s done it once before, right!? “Please, don’t tell anyone about that, Aria-sama…”

“Okay, but only if you explain yourself.”

“Oh, no.” Oh, no.

“Oh, yes. After all, I can grant you leniency, if you explain your position. I might not be kind, generous, or merciful, but I am understanding.” Ah, so this is what justice is. I understand now, why it is both loved and hated. No, wait, that’s a lie. I only understand why it’s hated! This is terrible. I hate it so much. Justice can go die! Seriously, whoever made up justice can go die!  If I can travel back through time, I’d kill the person who made up justice, no matter the cost! “So, please, Ise-kun: explain “eww.””

I would pray for some measure of aid in my monumental failure, but I knew better than to do so. Wherever the Aspect of Creation is, he doesn’t have time for my shenanigans. However, the alternatives, the diet, store-brand sodas to the full-bodied, franchised cola that I required, were of no help to me. Actually, the possibility existed that I’d be worse off if I prayed to any other deity. Most of the Concepts I know would just laugh at my face. That was the best case scenario, if they happened to hear my prayer. The worst case scenario is that this situation could be construed as romantic and my prayer would be heard by Asia-cha—KUN. ASIA-KUN. YEAH, ASIA-KUN MIGHT TOTES HEAR IT. I’D DEFINITELY ONLY BE MASSIVELY EMBARRESSED IF HE HAPPENED TO HEAR ABOUT THIS. NOTHING ELSE.

Still, since divine intervention was out of the picture, mostly because Song isn’t available to show up wearing only chocolate to distract Aria, I am in a bind. Before me is my best friend, future ruler of Hell, and fresh from a timeskip training montage that’s made her a planetary-threat. Her gaze is narrow, despite the smile on her face. Wait, that is incorrect. Her smile is because of her narrow gaze. I am nothing more than prey that is being played with. I am already dead. Before my childhood best friend, whose sister I feel affection for, who liked me once upon a time… I had strapped myself up into a dissection tray to be taken apart at her leisure.

Naturally, the only thing I could say was the truth, because I couldn’t lose any more than I already have. 

Just like Miyakuro.

“I think of you as a sibling! More like a brother than a sister! I like tomboys just fine, and you look really good, but I really just think of you as a dude! It’s almost weird that I know you like Li!” Okay, mouth. When brain said to tell the truth, brain meant a measure of the truth. What you just did wasn’t accepting our fate at the bottom of the pit, accepting what’ll come, in accordance to Miyakuro’s Manuscript to Manhood Management (i.e. give way to what you don’t care about, and stand your ground where you can.) Mouth, you did not form an orderly formation for retreat. Nor did you establish clear lines of battle to dissuade further attempts to infringe upon our pride. What you’ve done is shot us in the foot, landed us with ass towards the enemy, and with our barrel lodged up our mouth. In essence, if I can find a way to still enjoy ramen after finding a way to destroy you, I promise that I’ll act upon that path as soon as possible. “You’re… you’re like the brother I never had!”

Thus, not only was I was buried deep in a pit of my own failing, I was also not to be buried beneath soil. Instead, I was to my buried it broken, heated metal composed of all the servers that housed every failure I’ve had in existence. If you’re wondering, it’s not a modern server farm. It’s a goddamn ancient one. From like fifty years ago. Made by the military for decentralized data transfers. Yeah, those. I’d thought about just saying she’d just pour lava into the hole, but I’m sure it’ll sting me more if I knew that was being flayed and crushed by the literal evidence of my own failures. 

“Oh, well, that’s fine then.”

Neck, are you okay!? Because that was well beyond what’s expected of you! Do you need a breather!? A cup of water!? Maybe, a doctor!? Because, seriously, that sort of speed isn’t in your resume! Seriously, you decide to file a lawsuit against me for worker’s comp for onsite injuries and dangers, I’ll totally understand! I mean, I’m not stupid enough to give you full control, but I’m willing to settle! I promise, from now on, I’ll look into getting a pillow that provides proper cervical support. No matter how stupid those crescents look, I’ll get one for you! I promise! You’ve gone above and beyond the call of duty, after all!

Anyway, putting aside the valiant efforts of my frail neck for the moment, I found that my mouth was trying to get me killed.

Still.

“Nani?” 

“I’m saying that I think of you as a sibling as well. To the point where I find it odd you want to be with Rias.”

“Nani?”

“It’s rather simple, actually. I considered the prospect of kissing you, and instead of feeling butterflies afloat in my abdomen, I felt only the urge to hurl.”

“Nani?”

“Indeed, your proclivities towards teats of excess sizes, which you iterated very often in my presence, dissuaded and hurt my feelings somewhat. However, in the end, I ended up agreeing with you most of the time.”

“You’ve lost me.”

“I like large oppai, too.”

“Ah, I see you are a also a being culture as well— wait, no! This sort of thing doesn’t just happen!” The revelation that my childhood best friend was also a lover of big boobies managed to kick my brain into overdrive. No, not because my best friend confessed her bisexual nature to me, but because of the incongruity of her statements with her actions! “You’ve never let me get away with peeking in the girls locker rooms! And, you’ve always glared at me when I stared at amazing tits while we’re walking around! If you actually love boobs, don’t you have an obligation to help your fellows out!? A bond of men, forged from the love of breasts, ought to be the greatest bond imaginable!”

“It’s simple, Ise. Less for you means more for me.” The individual known as Aria Gremory ceased to exist in my mind. The individual before me, who is smiling faintly, cannot be the individual who I knew. The perfect, immaculate class president, the star athlete, and amazing friend cannot be such a vile, hateful person. To think… to think… all this time… “Yes, Ise. You were my cover all along. They never suspected me for a second. In fact, the year I began throwing you beneath the bus, I began to routinely become invented to all-natural hot springs… and it wasn’t the hot springs that are natural, my dear, dear friend.”

Blood! Tears of blood! I can feel them streaming down my face! Not only have a been betrayed, but I have also facilitated the birth of a monster! That calm on her face! The way she idly places her thumb on her chin! The contentment in her gaze! It is the countenance of a monster who has been satiated to the fullest! A fulfilled pervert without a single regret… and who has never been struck down! At the cost of someone else’s happiness, too! Mine! That makes it doubly terrible! Triply, because we ought to have been comrades in arms! 

Once again, confronted with a newfound worldview, there was only a single path forward.

“I’ll tell them! I’ll tell them all! You… you damn villain! You’re not going to get away with this! You’re going to get what’s coming to you!” I can’t take back the past. All those days spent beaten to near-death after having my hiding places revealed… no… sold for the sake of good graces is gone. My past is nothing more than burden of pain and sorrow that turns my heart into bundle of thorns and poison. Those days are regret personified. All those oppai, all those magnificent sights, are long dead due to the machinations of someone who I thought was merely my best friend adhering to her duty and making me a better person, but was actually turning me into an evil being to be the hero. My only path here and now is vengeance. “Song will remember this! Li will bring you to righteousness, Aria!””

“Oh, no. I’m so afraid. The man I’m chasing after, who wishes to have a bevy of bodacious babes to bed, will know I admire women as he does.” Aria’s smile stoppers my heart in an instant. The roiling righteousness within my chest is quelled by a chilling realization. No, I realized that she wasn’t merely gloating. This wasn’t a shitty villain monologue. Aria has always been three steps ahead, perhaps more, than everyone else. The revelation of the sins levied against me was given because I could do nothing against her. “I am sure that he’ll hate me. My goodness, he’ll surely dislike a woman who can appreciate the appeals of beauty, fairness, and sexuality of both sexes.”

Indeed, this wasn’t a speech before the final confrontation.

Or, even any sort of confrontation.

This was a bad end monologue, delivered by the antagonist who won six hours into the VN, and I have no saves to speak of.

Without a doubt, I am being NTR’d at this very moment.

Nay, I have been NTR’d for years and years, now. 

I am just realizing it now.

I feel sick….

Oi, what’s up. Juggernaut Drive just sealed itself off forever.

I’m so sick of myself that I can’t bet my life on a better future!?

Nah, but that’d be funny, wouldn’t it?

It wouldn’t! Not at all! Not in the least!

It made way too much sense in this context! Li has always said the conviction and belief drives every battle! Knowing the truth, believing in oneself, allows for the impossible to be possible! Every virtue is born from self-conviction, from knowing what is right and wrong, and choosing to do the right thing whenever possible! If Aria has altered my world view, if she has shattered my hopes and crushed my dreams, how can I possibly continue to have my powers!? How can my Sacred Gear, a weapon that is strapped to my soul, continue to function if I were shaken and lost!?

Because, weapons based off of emotions are dumb, and the Aspect of Creation knew better than to strap superpowers that respond to extreme emotions to hormonal, furless monkeys? Seriously, weapons can only be called weapons if they can do what they’re meant to do. Not if they’re feeling up to it.

Indeed, without a doubt, even if I am beaten… I can still make Aria’s victory pyrrhic! As Miyakuro says, if you can’t win, make the other guy lose! And, in a situation like this, where I’ve been thoroughly outsmarted by a woman and am thoroughly incapable of escaping the situation, I have to rely on wisdom born of experience! Who better to follow out of this dilemma, where I am thoroughly and completely controlled and defeated by a woman, than Miyakuro!?

The guy who’s basically a housewife. Sure. That’ll go well. Anyway, my next game’s up. Don’t kill yourself, okay?

“Aria… even if no one believes me… even if I have no credibility to speak of… I will commit my entire life to making the whole world know that you’re a pervert.” This was the only path forward. The only way my clouded, bound, and imprisoned heart can go forward. No. This is the only way that the man known as Hyoudou Issei can continue to exist. If I am to be punished for being a pervert, then the same punishment must be meted out to Aria Gremory. The revelation she has rendered onto me, at the pinnacle of her victory, and her final weapons to throw me into despair… I’ll use it as fuel for my righteous crusade. This defeat of mine, which has made me shed tears of blood and further requires of me to run away and throw a quiet tantrum in deep space, shall be the impetus of my long struggle. “I won’t rest until you’ve suffered just as much as I have for being a pervert—

“Leggy. Toned. Mature. Long Black Hair.”

“Aria is the nicest person in the whole world.”

Really, I’m blessed to know her. There’s no better friend in the world to ever exist. What? NTR me? It’s all in good fun. I didn’t have any relationships in high school, lol. In fact, she probably helped me out by making sure I got caught. Sure, she benefited off of getting me caught, but them’s the breaks. I should just be glad that my best friend is getting something out of looking out for me. Man, I sure am selfish. Instead of being repressed to hell and back, maybe even literally, my best friend has managed to both look good and alleviate her desires without much harm to herself, and I’d felt jealous. Truly, if Aria wasn’t such a nice, forgiving person, I’m sure that I’d no longer be her friend. 

“I thought so.” Aria took a perfect, dainty sip of her tea. Indeed, her every movement is concise and controlled. Her form is without flaw. She is a walking, living goddess in the world. We are all blessed by her physical presence. Not only that, but her spiritual presence is immense. Without a doubt, if not for mankind’s own prejudices, she’d rightfully be the benevolent idol that mankind deserves. “Really, Ise-kun, you have some fine taste. You are truly constraining yourself by narrowing your focus to half of your possibilities.”

Unfortunately, I am neither as intellectual, understanding, and culturally-adept as Aria. My mind and body is dedicated towards women. 

“Petite. Blonde—

“Aria knows best.”

“You’re damned right, I do.”

For a moment, there was only silence between the two of us. A thick, heady silence that was born between one who was thoroughly defeated and a victorious tyrant. I have lost. All of my weaknesses have been ruthlessly exploited. Not only were they known, but they were also unused. I was merely threatened into compliance via deterrence, not actually struck, yet my impetus for change has been altered completely and utterly.

I have thoroughly and completely lost. 

I am in checkmate.

I couldn’t help but break the silence by laughing my head off.

She hasn’t changed a bit. 

“I think it’s because of moments like this that made me think of you as a brother instead, Aria.” After years and years of knowing one another, the relationship between myself and Aria has remained the same. She remains that looming figure that I must chase after, but who always spends time with me a close as a sibling would. Or, well, as I imagine a sibling would. We are strangers that are infinitely close to one another. Perhaps, in another time and another place, I’d like Aria instead of Rias, but not here and now. Yet, I can’t imagine that either of us would allow for our current relations to be broken. “We get along, but… I don’t think we get along.” The word “romantically” didn’t need to be said. Aria understood. She could read between the lines with ease. “You’re really like the older brother that I’ve always wanted.”

“So, you’d say I’m your Onii-sama, Ise-kun?”

“NEVER!”

“Understood.” Aria laughed lightly. It was a deep chuckle, instead of that giggle that she practiced with other people. Besides the princess that was going to rule over Hell, there was the boyish girl who I’d been joined too at the hip for years and years. Sure, we didn’t have a romantic comedy where one of us suddenly found each other attractive, but we didn’t need that. Aria was Aria and I’m me. “I suppose I’ll have to keep being your big bro, then. My, my I thought you’d dislike being the scapegoat for all my plans, but I suppose all those beatings gave you some character. Or, maybe, you’re a bit of an M? Should I be informing Rias about this?”

“Please, don’t. I’d rather not experience righteous, female fury ever again ” Both of us are linked together in each other’s lives with a platonic relationship just as complicated as a romantic one. Actually, given both our lack of romantic relationships, wouldn’t it be better to say that our relationships with one another was the most complex we both had? Neither of us were related by blood, and only time and interaction shaped our views with one another. I can proudly say that we’re siblings born of circumstance. The blood of the covenant, instead of the waters of the womb, and all that. “But, if you think you’ll be using me to get into someone else’s good graces again, you’ve got another thing coming. As the little brother who has grown up, it’s my obligation to fight back, and not let you take advantage of my lack of experience!”

“I see, I see. That’s very good. I’m sure that I’ll appreciate the challenge, Ise-kun.” Aria and I are as close as two people can be. Yes, including even romance. Saying that she and I aren’t close, simply because we aren’t lovers, would be shameful. I’d trust her with my life without hesitation an infinite number of times. The same went for her. Without hesitation, we can be petty, nice, or any other form of emotion to one another, and our relations wouldn’t be strained in the slightest. If she ever went against me, if she ever said I was wrong, I’m sure that I wouldn’t hesitate to stop what I’m doing. The same went for her, I’m sure. Friends. Comrades. Allies. Those words weren’t enough. Aria was my brother. Nether of blood or body, but my brother nonetheless. “I look forward to exploiting you for the sake of getting into Li’s good graces. Excessively.”

“You can try, Aria. You can try.”

I wouldn’t change our relationship for anyone or anything.