Honestly, I Don't Know What I Expected: Divine Strength

Honestly, I Don't Know What I Expected: Divine Strength

…

Commissioned by Patreon Special

Word Count: 1701

…

Anyone with two brain cells can tell you that the hardest past typically yields the most success. Sure, there are plenty of sycophants who toot the intelligence horn, with sayings like “work smarter, not harder.” However, there’s a moon-sized hole in that particular argument: you assume that you’re smart. Therefore, you’re automatically an idiot.

There’s a reason guidelines, directions, and doing as you’re told is a thing. A ten-step, laborious process that you have to do every day might be stupid, especially if you can get it done in half the time, but that ten-step process is typically, literally adheres to the absolute minimum of requirements stipulated for someone’s safety and sanity.

If a company can make you do something in half the time, but get the same results, at your own personal risk, they’ll happily let you risk your life. That’s called business. Only the outcome matters, and if someone dies from overwork, they did so against company policy, even if the unwritten rules stipulate you need to overwork , if you want even the slightest chance to be higher up on wage-slave chain.

However, I am digressing from my point about raising child soldiers.

The fact of the matter is that I’m already squeezing every last drop of potential out of anyone I think can get me back home. Being a part of the Loki Familia, I have the assets and recruits necessary to get what I want done, via aggressive lack of care towards any and all complaints. Everyone trains with equipment twice the weight of what they’ll be using in the dungeon. Everyone is expected to learn basic knifework alongside their chosen weapon, so no one is completely useless, and every basic skill, from tent-making to luggage carrying to cooking, is something everyone adheres to.

While Landrock, Deimne, and Riveria attend to the more specialized portions of an Adventurer’s job, i.e. the easy part, I have to make sure that everyone can survive without that specialized portion, because that particular portion only works when the whole Familia is together.

I make the soldiers that’ll be the heroes.

The generalists who’ll later become specialists.

The nice, toothy noodles from wimpy flour and salt that can stand up to the carefully-made stock.

Wait, where was I going with this analogy again?

I’m hungry.

Anyway, what I’m getting at is simple: I’m already pushing Wallenstein to the very brink of her ability.

So, naturally, when she tries to go above and beyond, she fucking fails like a massive idiot.

…

Wallenstein awakens in the Loki Familia’s crude approximation of a hospital ward. Most of the facilities in the Loki Familia castle are crude approximations. Mostly because they’re relatively new and commissioned by myself, and some others if they’re willing to chip in. Most Familias go to specialized Familias for goods and services. However, that’s stupid, because we’re the Loki Familia and we can literally get our hands on everything and anything in the Dungeon. Why gather rare resources, sell them to another Familia to be made into Elixirs, and then buy the Elixirs? Seriously, just because we’re a Expedition Guild, that didn’t mean we couldn’t invest in manufacturing and providing our own basic necessities and services. Not only that, as our Blacksmiths and Brewers level up, we can compete with specialized Guilds at their own game and drive down prices.

When you have money and power, and when there’s no regulatory force capable of stopping you, there’s no point in relying on other people for things you can get down yourself. Trickle-down is a myth! All the money shall be mine! Mine! Tremble in fear, you losers, because my highschool understanding of economics trumps your own!

Anyway, back to my stupid, injured student who has just woken up.

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t have Loki kick you out of the Familia, Wallenstein.” Mercy? Hmmm? That sure is a funny sounding word. I’ll be sure to look it up later. What’s that? I need Wallenstein? You are mistaken, sir. I have no use for hot-headed fools who don’t follow my commands, risk all the time and effort I’ve put into them, and want to get themselves killed for power that they’ll eventually get in safer way. I need a protagonist, or a weapon, not an idiot. “You have five minutes to explain yourself.”

“I… I wasn’t growing stronger—

“Strike one. Two more and you’re out.” No. I do not have any mercy for this recovering young girl before me. Idiocy is a crime punishable by death in Hikigaya-land. Fortunately for Wallenstein, Hikigaya-land is condemned as a horrific dystopia that can never be allowed to exist by all the higher powers. Which is also good for me, because I have no interest in working for people who’ll never appreciate me. Wait, I’m doing that right now, without having the perks of being a super demon lord. Dammit. Obviously, my second goal after returning home is killing all who’ve wronged me, so all those higher powers are on my shitlist already. Beware, almighty beings, I am filled with spite and willing to grind until I can kill you all in one hit. Even, if I lose all my hair in process. “Choose another argument, Wallenstein.”

“I…I haven’t been progressing, thus I was wasting your time, Sensei. I didn’t want you to leave me, because I’m not growing stronger.”

“Strike two.” This time, my admonishment is followed by one of my mightiest attacks: the Anti-Stupidity Headchop. It worked a hundred percent of the time, one percent of the time, and possibly zero percent of the time when concerned with idiots. What I’m saying is that it only relieves my stress and doesn’t actually defeat stupidity. Alas, stupidity can never be defeated. It is a final boss that can only be bricked away with knowledge, or evaded by never doing anything that requires knowledge, which is pretty easy… until someone decides to think instead of do as I say. What I’m saying is that everyone should just let me decide how they live their lives and the world will be a better place. “But, I’ll give you two more minutes for thinking about me, instead of yourself.”

Wallenstein opened her mouth to answer, but closed it.

Oh, ho.

So, after almost half a decade, you’re finally beginning to learn.

Time spent thinking is rarely wasted.

You wouldn’t be where you are now, about to be kicked out of the Familia, nearly crippled for life, and bandaged from head to toe, if you’d learned that lesson two days ago.

“Sensei, what do you want me to promise, so that Loki-sama won’t kick me out?” And, there you go. Your brain is working. I know it’s difficult to exercise something that you don’t typically use, Wallenstein-chan, but you really have to be considerate of your mental health. I’ve allowed your little vengeance streak to go unimpeded, because it helps me out in the long run as a lever to easily manipulate you, but you should really attempt to stay healthy in every other respect! If you don’t you’ll be easily manipulated, y’know? “Please, help me, Sensei.”

Hmmm? What’s that? I’m a piece of trash for doing this? Why, sir, you certainly have a good pair of eyes in that skull of yours. So, please consider looking at the situation a little closer. On the bed is no mere 14-year-old girl, but my student for four years, and the stupidest idiot to ever exist in Orario. I can confirm that if I’m not by her side during an expeditionary battle, she’d be dead in less than five minutes. What evidence can I provide for that claim? Well, how about the fact she’d intentionally forced monsters from the Thirtieth Floor to activate, so that she could train more behind my back? Sir, I accept your apology. Yes, sir, I will do the public a service by continuing to push this stupid teenager upon a path where she might actually be a benefit to society. Yes, I am the unsung hero that Orario needs, but will never deserve.

“Alright, Wallenstein, first thing’s first: you’re an idiot and you don’t know any better. Therefore, that means you now know better, and you’re not going to be doing that ever again.” At the very least, Wallenstein was an attentive listener. Hell, she followed most directions and rules, until she felt they were limiting her ability to either help herself or other people. Without a doubt, the girl in front of me had a thick skull, one that needed ideas jackhammered into it, but she learned eventually. Thankfully, she learned the lesson of leaving the talking to me years ago. “That’s the cornerstone of your argument, we’ll be sticking to it, and that’s how everything’s going to work out in your favor, so that you get to stay in the Familia, even if you’ll be punished.”

“Yes, Sensei.”

Ah, the reply I received was music to my ears.

“Alright, secondly, you’ll be accepteing whatever punishment Loki-sama gives. I don’t care if that means you dressing up, getting hugged, or cleaning the whole castle. You’re doing it.” The fact that she disobeyed one of my rules was worrying, but Wallenstein did so in the interest of not wasting my time. In truth, that was enough for me to forgive her of her mistake… if she hadn’t ended up wasting my time by now winning against the challenge she set up for herself. I would have nothing but praise for her if she managed to skip a few weeks of training, thus giving me a break, but that was not the case. She’d almost died, risking all the time I’d invested into her, and wasted my time by forcing me to look after her, instead of doing anything else for the past two days. “And, finally, you’ll be apologizing for what you’ve done. You know what that means, right, Wallenstein?”

“Yes, Sensei. I won’t do it again. Ever. I promise.”

At the very least, despite the fact Wallenstein was a handful and a half, she kept her word if a promise

“Tell it to Loki-sama, brat.”

Hmmm?

What’s that relieved smile for?

Are you hiding something from me, brat!?