Tuzi Culture and History 101

Tuzi Culture and History 101

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Commissioned by Althero

Wordcount: 1003

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Alright, kiddos, you’re all going to learn today. So, pull your worthless gazes off of your shiny metal screens and listen well, because I’m not going to repeat myself.

First, allow me to establish why I’m higher on the foodchain than the rest of you, so that your tiny peanut brains know to properly pay me attention. I am Odin. Before the miracle of any of your conceptions somehow occurred, I was crushing skulls and laying down the law, while Heaven, Hell, and the Fallen fucked each other into oblivion. I know more than you than you know about yourself, and I’ll forget more about the world than you’ll ever know.

If that’s not enough for you schmucks to listen, there’s going to be a test after class, and if there’s more than ten percent of errors in your answers, I’ll be personally tutoring you in the nearest deathworld, while something you can comprehend and understand tries to eat you.

Get it?

Got it?

Good.

Let’s get this travesty over with.

Look at this slide. It is a Tuzi. Yes, it is a bunny girl. Now, look at this next slide. Yes, it is a bunny boy. Cute, right? Wrong. You were so focused on their ears, physiques, and unfurred cuteness that you didn’t notice the most important bits. You see that bracelet on their left wrist? That means they’re blooded, veteran warriors of the Wuxia variety. Five of these simple fucks can turn a unit of mechanized infantry into bloody scrap.

Don’t believe me?

Well, here’s a picture of the last god that tried to fuck with them.

You see all those fucking impact points all over that poor dumb son of a bitch? That’s from being on the ass end of an ass whooping. And, they did this to the poor fuck in low orbit, while practically using him  like a ratty football. Sure, only one of the dozen that left survived, but it was still twelve mortals against one god. Do you hear what I’m getting at here? Are you getting why you should feel your asshole in your throat when the words “Li Song wants to remake the Tuzi?”

Well, too bad.

I’m just getting fucking started.

The Tuzi are a race of broken, stupid protagonists. Each one needs to complete a “Yimin” to be considered an adult, while the rest of the sane civilizations sets up a party or something. Oh, sure, Tuzi kids might get a party, if that party involved lots and lots of murder, trickery, and underhanded schemes. Essentially, what you need to get, is that the Tuzi is a self-sufficient society that’s only interested in crunchingon the strongest godkillers that kill gods.

You ever hear about the Hero’s journey? Well, the ending of that is every single fucking Tuzi adult. When they reach a proper age, they’re told to go out and do something great with a pack of supplies on their back, and come back only when they do. Then, they can freely do whatever the fuck they want as long as they don’t trouble the tribe and have the nerve to contribute every now and again. If they want to trouble the tribe, and not contribute, they’re expected to fucking fight to be the chieftain.

Shit’s not supposed to work that way.

Well, kiddos, look who you’re fucking talking to.

Is Tuzi culture smart? Fuck no. They have tons of kids because they’d die out otherwise. Those who don’t come back from their Yimin are practically thought of as stillborn. Hell, if they run from a battle to seek aid under a foreign power, they’re not Tuzi anymore. That’s what happened with Li Song’s tribe. Seriously, did you think a whole tribe capable of surviving the Wastes just dies after one of their number leaves? Fuck no. They’ve probably just tossed away everything and registered as normal Beastmen somewhere in this fucking Cradle.

But, that’s the thing with massive, ritualistic magic.

It has to be strict, secure, and solitary.

There’s no mote of mercy, no thought for oneself, and no concern as long as the job they want is done.

And, that job is killing gods.

Looking at the Tuzi tribe like a slice of civilization is wrong. The whole thing is a shamanistic ritual meant to team whatever faith and belief their culture might turn into minor deities, instead into a weapon that can turn the right person, in the right circumstances, and with the right traits into a godslayer one hundred percent of the time all of the time. Every god that they could’ve had to protect their people became the chance for any man, woman, and child to become someone who could alter history and fate with their own hands.

A Tuzi that lives up to the ideals of their Tribe inherits centuries of worship, faith, and hope that would’ve become gods. While Creation decided to spread Christianity and harness belief into Miracles for his church, so no more gods would be born in modernity, the Tuzi, after their freedom, decided to make a rusty, dirty shiv to shank anything and anyone who decides they look ripe for the taking.

Because, if your average citizen can fuck up a god with a fucking kick, what the fuck is going to fuck with you?

Well, that’s the gist of it. The upper layer of what you all just call “Tuzi.” Lesson 1, part 1. The utter, fucking basics of this stupid, shitty tribe upends nearly every historical, magical, and cultural trend in all of history. Everything you know is worthless. There probably needs to be several new words that need to be made. And, finally, the only one who can tell you about them is a guy who doesn’t want to fucking be here.

And, by the by, Li Song is more than a fucking Tuzi, you stupid nerds.

So, congrats!

You’re going to be learning a hundredth of a hundredth of the person you’re all shitting yourselves over!

We’re going to have so much fun together, aren’t we!?